|I’ll Fluff an’ I’ll Puff and I’ll Laugh Your Ass
Author: Kitish Veldgryr PM
I have officially lost my mind… No I have no idea about what is going to happen in this… Just enjoy the ride is all I can say… :PRated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Words: 1,512 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 09-26-04 - id: 2072529
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Title: I'll Fluff an' I'll Puff and I'll Laugh Your Ass Off!!
Disclaimer: The Gundam Wing guys (and anyone else I take from somewhere else, like Yu Yu Hakusho, Witch Hunter Robin, Wolf's Rain, Gundam Seed, or Ceres etc.) aren't mine; they belong to higher forces than I can command. However I can play with 'em for a while. The story and any OCs are mine so if ya wanna use 'em, just ask. K-ness!
Warning: There is going to be at least some shounen ai. Maybe more, I don't know yet… If you don't know what shounen ai is… you probably are not interested. If you're still curious, shounen ai is boy-love as in male-male affection that is not strictly platonic. More than that would be yaoi, which is considerably more explicit than shounen ai. So there is your warning, I am still not certain where this is going.
Note: Fluff - Humor - AU (alternate universe). I had the idea for this first paragraph for a while now and have been trying to start a story that will fit with it. My works all tend to be too serious/real for the wild humor I wanted with this intro, which was deeply influenced by Fear and Loathing in Los Angeles. So onward with the madness!
I'll fluff an' I'll puff and I'll laugh your ass off!!
It t'were a dark and stormy night, errr...well it t'weren't all that dark…and it uh… wasn't really all that stormy, either… Come to think of it, i..it wasn't even night… it was more like a… bright and sunny afternoon and there were… bunnies, lots of fuzzy pink bunnies… damn bunnies. Anywho! Here's how it all went down and 'member, bright sunny afternoon. Bunnies.
"Where in hell are my fucking keys, people!? Ro-man, dude you had them last night right?! Didn't ya??!" Duo's frantic gaze fell upon the brooding youth at his precious VAIO. Heero Yui was rarely seen out of the company of that laptop, it was almost an extension of his fingertips. Today he was typing away as per usual when the frenzied Duo Maxwell began his theatrical search for his lost keys. He was dressed in black jeans with a white button-down collared shirt, which had only three buttons done around the mid-drift. The buttons were not lined up properly; he seemingly was in a rush and miss buttoned it. His braid looked to still be damp from the shower he must have taken not long before. His harried stare was fixed on Heero Yui, malicious intent nakedly apparent in his eyes.
"Damn it Heero! Where'd ya put my fucking keys, I've gotta be there in an hour. Hey! You listening to me or not?! Aww… Fuck!"
"…alright take a deep cleansing breath… Okay. Heero, I'll be civil. What. Did you. Do. With my. Fuckinggodsbedamnedholyfucking KEYS!!!! Erhem."
Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton stepped into the perilous atmosphere and peered at the fuming Duo. In an attempt to ascertain the cause of Duo's temperament, Quatre did the unthinkable. He entered the conversation.
"Uh, Duo is there… something wrong. You appear… somewhat distressed." Quatre smiled one of his most inviting smiles to the menacing teen.
"Oh. Me I'm fine. Just fine. Really. I don't need the keys to my car, the car that Stupid Soldier Asshole here used last night to go into town to get those parts he and Fei-Chang needed for their motorcycles. No. I don't need those keys that Mr. Lunk-head here failed to put back on my dresser like I asked him to do. Nope. Nothing wrong here. Except… maybe the fact that if he doesn't get off that thrice be damned junk-machine of his, I may… no, I am, going to Fucking Kill The Bastard!" Duo stood staring daggers at the back of the oblivious Japanese head that refused to acknowledge his presence.
"If the resident raging lunatic will shut his face up for half a second and listen to those who are better and wiser than he, then said lunatic would be enlightened to learn that the one to whom he refers to as the quote, 'Stupid Soldier Asshole,' returned his 'god's be damned holy fucking keys' to his dresser when afore mentioned 'Soldier Asshole' returned with the car last night. The 'Asshole' also has proof of his actions, in the fact that Chang was with him when he put the keys where he always puts them, on top of the lunatic's dresser. So will the resident lunatic take his annoying theatrics into another room, perhaps to go in search of the keys which he lost?" Heero's alibi Chang Wufei walked into the room just as he began his tirade.
"Hrumph, that has got to be the longest non-mission related paragraph that I have ever heard him say. Interesting that it was all in third person though… Wonder what that could mean? Oh, by the way Maxwell, I took you car up to the store this morning to get those groceries on the list you put on the refrigerator last night. I needed to pick up some more oil for the bikes, so I got the groceries on my way back. Your keys are on your dresser." Wufei sauntered over to Heero and began discussing the finer points of motorcycle maintenance.
"Oh." Duo had the honesty to look embarrassed. "Right, um... sorry bout that Heero. I'll uh... I gotta go or I'll be late. Right.. umm.. Bye all."
Quatre stood blinking at how the seeming crisis fell out. "Duo, you do know that if you didn't find you keys you could have used my car, right?"
"Yeah Q, but I needed the keys, not just the car. Sheesh, people. I'm out, bye!" Duo leaped to the stairs and rushed to his room to grab his keys and his black leather jacket. He was out the back door in a flash and the car was heard cranking up, swiftly followed by squealing wheels on gravel as he sped of into the late morning light.
"He is going to destroy that car if he isn't careful, Yui."
"Hrumph. Yeah, we've already had to replace that…" Heero and Wufei's conversation faded into quiet murmurs as they fell into a discussion on a topic they both thrived on, vehicle maintenance.
Quatre shook his head and turned to Trowa, "What on earth is Duo up to? Do you have any idea, Trowa?"
"No. He does seem very excited about something… but what I don't know."
At an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of Mallun Towne, the small city in which the safe house was located, a black car pulled up squealing its wheels. A handsome youth with a long braid and a black leather jacket stepped out of the roughly used vehicle. Duo Maxwell walked quickly to the door, which opened upon his approach.
"You're late." A tall menacing young man with close cropped white hair and wearing snug black leather pants approached Duo seemingly from nowhere.
"Fuck you Tsume, I live on the other side of town and I still have five minutes before I'm officially late." Duo rolled his eyes and sauntered past the threatening figure and peered into the room beyond the door. "Toboe here?"
The dangerous doorman grunted and tossed his head, indicating further inside the room. "He's in The Room."
"Oh." Duo looked almost apprehensively at the door within.
"Do you have your key?"
"Yeah. Course I do. Fucktard." Duo glared at Tsume's smug appearance.
"What was that you prepubescent dick."
"Boys, please. Keep the pissing contest to a minimum if it's not too much trouble." Tsume and Duo look away from each other to see the new comer. The new arrival was in fact new arrivals, consisting of a tall young red head with a pleasant countenance, a short temperamental figure with a shock of black hair and the tall dark haired youth with a green school uniform who addressed them.
"Uremeshi, Kurama …Hiei. What a surprise to see that you are almost late as well." Tsume's distaste was evident.
"Yuusuke pay him no mind. He is just jumped up mutt who thinks he's somebody."
"Hiei, there is no need to join in their jockeying. It is apparent that they enjoy it far too much for you to spoil their fun. Let them entertain themselves, Yuusuke included. Think of it this way, at least Kuwabara will not be here." Kurama the gentle looking red head sought to ease the fiery Hiei.
"Harumph. True, that dumb lug won't be here will he?" A smug triumphant smirk eked across his sharp face.
Yuusuke and Tsume glared daggers at each other. Duo laughed and eased himself past the visually dueling pair.