|Maidens of Old
Author: Noldo PM
Hast thou heard the lay of inimitable, horrifying Mary-Sue? Settle down, and I shall tell it to thee...Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Parody - Words: 526 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Published: 09-30-04 - id: 2076741
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Author's Note: Noldo's first Mary-Sue parody! Latin students might groan over it, people who love archaisms will enjoy it.
A Mary-Sue, for the uninitiated, is an impossibly beautiful, skilled and perfect original female character. She usually marries one of the Fellowship - and it's obviously Legolas, mostly. She's worshipped by all canon characters, and twists the book's plot BADLY. These stories are usually very sappy, and Tolkien purists hate them like the plague.
Maidens of Old
Hark, my son!
Surely thou hast heard the tales of old, of demons, and dragons, and fair maidens and their brave champions.
But now I shall spin a tale, a tale which shall have thee entranced, for I speak not of dragons, but of an evil far, far greater, and older, and I know not wherefore Eru hath chosen to thus plague Arda.
The mother of this great Evil was a Valie, and she went by many names, all being most long and hard upon the tongue. She was indeed the most powerful of that kindred, in Eru's thought the sister of Manwë, and great and terrible in her potency.
None say wherefore she fell into darkness, before even the Marring of Arda, but she did, and took up her abode in a place beyond the reach of Mortal Men, and will abide then unto the breaking of the world.
Her children were many, and indeed many were they, and they issued indeed from her hidden abode to plague the world.
Women they were all, and all beauteous beyond the reaches of mere thought; they appeared as the Eldar, but the wise and keen-sighted could perceive in them a marring, and a loathsomeness of soul and spirit; yet many they corrupted, and far they spread.
They were known by many names in many countries – indeed, in a strange, far-off land, the name of one was 'Maleficos', and from her sprung the saying 'Maleficos non patieris vivere' that was later to be quoted far and wide, though none could say whence it came. Another was named 'Mary', and a third 'Susan', thus creating the term 'Mary-Sue' to describe these horrific fiends.
Much dread and evil they wrought, often breaking marriages that were fated to bring joy and hope, and thus changing the fate Eru had wrought for Arda. The throne of Gondor they claimed, and the king's place in Mirkwood, and so altered the state of Rivendell that it too became a Kingdom, and its lord a king, albeit one who was senile and decadent, a wastrel and profligate.
Hark! Let this be a lesson for thee, my son, that lest thou art noble, and strong of sinew, and are steadfast in abiding by thy ideals, the daughters of Evil will be quick to claim thee, and thou, thou too wilt be but another shadow of a spirit, meek at one of Their heels.
'Maleficos non patieris vivere' – Latin, 'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live'.