Are these author's notes still really necessary? Ah, well, enjoy the chapter.

----------

Ch. 3 The Brave Knights of the Square Ottoman

I spent ten days on the back of Sain’s horse. Do you have any idea what that’s like?

Sain: That’s not fair! Why does Kent get to have Lyn ride with him?

I hit him with my shovel.

Emerald: And is there something WRONG with me!

Sain: Umm…no it’s just…

Emerald: Don’t even say it.

-----

We spent the entirety of it bored out of our minds.

Sain: White punch pony! No punch back!

Kent: What’s a punch pony?

Lyn: Don’t even ask him.

Emerald: Double threes on a license plate! No punch back!

Sain: I saw a deer! No punch back!

Basically, the time was spent punching each other. Yeah.

Emerald: I’m thinking of a vegetable.

Sain: Avocado?

Emerald: Wrong! No punch back!

Sain: Ohh! Deer! 75 points for me!

Emerald: There isn’t any deer!

Sain: You just didn’t see it!

Emerald: Tyrannosaurus Rex! 480 points for me!

Sain: Where!

Emerald: You missed it.

Sain: Unicorn! 900 points for me!

Emerald: There isn’t a unicorn!

Sain: Yes there was!

Emerald: That means you’re over a thousand poi- dang.

Sain: 1000 points! No punch back!

Kent: Will you two cut it out!

Sain, Emerald: No.

Lyn: How many points are wyverns worth?
Sain: You didn’t see a wyvern!

Lyn: Did too! It went over the mountain!

Emerald: Five.

Lyn: What do you mean “five”! Deer are worth 75 and we’ve seen at least eight of those!

Sain: There are tons of wyverns in Bern!

Kent: How would you know! You’ve never seen one!

Sain: Have too!

Kent: Have not!

Sain: Have too!

Kent: Have not!

Sain: Have too!

Lyn: Let’s just play a new game!

That was just about all the excitement over those ten days. Except for when I punched Sain so hard he fell off his horse, and Kent told us we couldn’t punch each other any more.

-----

Sain: What the hell happened here?

Lyn: Rated E game!
Sain: Sorry. Where’s the mar, mar, mar-q-word?

Kent: The marquess?

Sain: That’s it! Where’s he at?

Lyn: Ummm…there isn’t one. This is your best example of anarchy. It’s mostly run by bandits.

Emerald: Wouldn’t that make it a military government?
Sain: I wouldn’t know. I never paid attention during Social Studies.

Kent: Sain, you never paid attention during anything…

Lyn: This particular area was run by the Taliver bandits. They’re the ones who owe me money! After this is done with, I’m going to go and destroy them all!

Sain: OHH! I WANNA GO!

Lyn: No. You’ll get killed.

Kent: Don’t forget me!

Lyn: I might take you.

Emerald: Me too!
If I’d boarded a sinking ship, I might as well go down with it.

Lyn: I guess you could come.

Sain: We’re knights!

Emerald: Or close enough to them!

But our fun, not to mention our ten-day no battle streak, ended right there.

Kent: There’s someone else here!

-----

: Lyn!

Lyn: Florina! What on earth!

Florina: These bandits they-

Random bandit: She owes us!

Lyn: What happened?

Florina: I heard you left, so I went to follow you. When I came here, I didn’t see them and well…

Boss Bandit: She landed right on me!

Emerald: Awesome!

Lyn: Did you apologize?

Florina: Yes, but they said it wasn’t enough and waaahh!

Lyn: Stop crying, stop crying…

Kent: Lyn, who is this?

Lyn: Her name’s Florina she’s a friend of mine. Look, could you step that way a little bit. She’s afraid of men, and you’re making her nervous.

Boss Bandit: She hasta pay us back!

Emerald: You look absolutely fine. Get lost.

Random Bandit: I’d watch it if I were you. You’re not armed.

Sain: Trust me, she’s armed.

He had a huge bump from where I’d hit him a few days ago.

Boss Bandit: Anyway, she’s coming with us, whether you like it or not.

He ran over to the other side of the wreaked village.

Boss: Get out here you goons! Kill everyone but the girls! NOW!

Oh joy. Another battle.

-----

Florina: I, umm…

Emerald: You, Florina. You can fight, can’t you?

Florina: Yes, um…

Emerald: Good. We could use more help. Let’s go!

Lyn: We should check out the remaining houses and see if anyone’s left!

She went into one house, but was not exactly welcomed warmly.

: Leave us alone! There’s no more gold left!

Lyn: We’re not the bandits! We’re fighting them.

For god only knows what reason. They didn’t look too fast. We could’ve just ran for it.

: Really? Could I help! PLEASE.

He started bouncing up and down in a way popular with five year olds.

Lyn: Sure, I guess. Who are you?

: My name is Wil! I’m an archer! What can I do?

Emerald: Go… shoot something…

Wil: Yeah!
He went off and shot at a mercenary. Nice hit, too. Just not enough to kill it. I wonder if it would be enough to kill Sain…

Florina: Umm… what can I do…?

Emerald: Err… go hit the mercenary. Kent, Sain, do something about that archer. He’s making me nervous.

Wil: I am?
Emerald: Not you, the enemy one.

-----

Florina: AHHH! ARCHER!
Lyn: Calm down Florina. He’s on our side.

Florina: HE IS!

Lyn: Yeah, why?

Florina: HE JUST TRIED TO SHOOT ME!
Wil: Ohhh… she’s on our team… oops.

Blank stare.

Lyn: Pegasus knights and arrows don’t mix very well. At all.

Emerald: Okay. Florina, see if the other house is okay!

-----

She went off to deal with the other house, while I went over to break up a fight between Kent and Sain.

Sain: I can name my sword Bill if I want to!
Kent: Yes you can! But that is a stupid name for a sword if you ask me!

Sain: I didn’t!

Emerald: Stop acting like idiots and kill the other archer!

Archer: Ahhh! Don’t hit me!
Kent: Too bad!

He sung his sword around like he was practicing a dance move. Then he killed the archer in one shot.

Emerald: What the…?

Kent: …Wow, I didn’t know I could do that.

I didn’t either.
Sain: Lucky shot…

Florina: HEY! The house just gave me money! YEAH!
Emerald: Fork it over...

Florina: MINE!
Emerald: IT’S ALL OF OURS!

Lyn: BREAK IT UP!

Emerald: Fine…

-----

Boss: Draw your swords! We won’t listen to your apologies!
Sain: TAKE THAT!
Pity a lance does NOTHING against an axe user.

Kent: Sain, why aren’t you using Bill!

Sain: I thought I give Fred some use.

Emerald: This is going nowhere! Wil, SHOOT IT!
Wil: YEAH!

Only that wasn’t enough to kill either of them. Dang.

Emerald: Florina, you hit it.

Florina: Umm… I umm…

Boss: What, you want to come with us?
Florina: I umm… YAHHH!
And she flipped her lance around and stabbed it. I really don’t think my jaw would go any lower.

Boss: My brothers will hate you for this…

…So?

Florina: I AM FLORINA! DESTROYER OF EVIL!

Lyn: Relax, he’s dead.

Florina: …Right…

-----

Lyn: Why did you follow me? It’s dangerous.

And yet you force me to tail you everywhere.

Florina: I ran away from Fiora. She was getting on my nerves and all, so I thought I’d go find Farina and well, then I couldn’t so I went to find you and got lost, and…

Lyn: Calm down.

Florina: Plus I have to do some mercenary training for becoming a knight, so I was trying to find Farina. Because she’s a mercenary, and…well...

Sain: Lovely Florina! You can travel with us!

Kent: Sain…

Sain: We’re a group of mercenaries! With Wil, we’re complete!

Wil: Umm… was I just included?

Kent: Sain, stop thinking before it hurts you.

Sain: We’re brave knights!
Lyn: Brave knights? Anyway, Florina, will you travel with us?

Florina: SURE! I can practice so I can be a destroyer of evil!

For some reason, thunder cracked and everything went dark for a second.

Wil: That was weird…

Sain: Oh beautiful Florina, I’m Sain, a knight of Caelin!

Florina: Ahh!
Emerald: Just hit him with something. He’ll eventually shut up…
To my surprise, she whacked him with her lance.

Sain: Owww… that hurt…

Emerald: At least someone listens to me.

Kent: Come on Sain. I’ll get you a vulnerary…

Wil: Can I really travel with you!
Lyn: Why not? Like Sain said, we’re brave knights…

Wil: …Of the square ottoman!

Everybody: What!

Wil: Well, round table is taken…

Lyn: Why not?

This army keeps getting weirder.

-----

Obligatory-end-of-chapter-plea-for-feedback.