Disclaimer: pouts I dun own Gundam Wing. I dun own "Hit the Floor" by Linkin Park. I dun own much so dun sue me – I'm poor.

Author's notes: Recent events sparked this one and I'm going to thank Linkin Park (who I just saw in the Projekt Revolution tour) for the inspiration. They are really awesome. I edited the lyrics a bit – just cut out the chorus. Otherwise, this would be a long one-shot.
Heh, and to those on ff .net, sorry I slacked off big time on posting this there. See...ya gotta check my site.
Also, I respect Relena, I really do – just not early on in Gundam Wing...she's so asking for it. Granted, I have set this long after Endless Waltz – figure the guys are in their early 20s.

Warnings: some angst...seemingly OOC, but Heero's had time to change and grow on his own.

Enough

by JeiC
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"Relena..." I sigh in frustration. The older she gets, the more difficult she gets. "Don't you think you're being a little childish going on about that."

She turns around to look at me in horror. "Wha...what did you just say? Ugh...you sound like that street-trash friend of yours. You must've spoken to him recently so I'll forgive that. Just don't let it happen again, Heero. Oh, and don't forget to take care of preparations for my vacation next week." Finishing with her hair, she turns and leaves quickly – another day full of boring political negotiations.

Thankfully I'm not on her personal guard duty for awhile. Taking my own leave of her room, which she had called me into this morning to go on and on about this politician and that one, I make my way back to my own. I honestly don't need to know them. All I need to know are the security measures in place to protect her.

There are just too many times that people have tried to look inside of me
Wondering what I think of you and I protect you out of courtesy

Relena was right though...I had spoken with Duo early this morning. He's been an incredible source of information and support as I try to learn to live as a human being in this time of peace so maybe some of his personality has rubbed off on me. The street-trash person in question happens to be my best friend and I've given up trying to convince her to respect him better.

He asked me...Duo asked me if I was happy protecting Relena. I'm not – I'm not even content. She used to be a good friend of mine as well, but she changed. We used to get together outside of work and "hang out." I'm still not quite sure on that term though.

Nodding to a few of the estate employees as I pass, my thoughts shift to the pattern that has been growing out of control.

Relena began forgetting and ignoring me – once here, twice there until it grew to every time. I began wondering if maybe there was something wrong with what I was doing. So I worked on changing myself to fit into "normal" society better.

Too many times that I've held on when I needed to push away
Afraid to say what was on my mind afraid to say what I need to say

Unlocking the door to my room, I put my keys down in their usual spot and sit down in front of my computer to take care of something that I had not forgotten and therefore hadn't needed reminding of.

Until last night, I didn't realize that I didn't need to change – she did. Relena is so wrapped up in herself that she can't even remember an outing I had planned with her a few months ago. Even when I remind her everyday for two weeks before the scheduled date.

I had tickets to a concert that I thought she would've wanted to see. Lately, Relena's been extremely stressed with her job so I thought this would be a nice break in routine. I had gone to her office and physically handed her the ticket since she had a meeting that was going to run into the beginning of the show. She promised me she would show up later.

Her meeting let out at 15:00 – the concert let out at 23:00. She never showed.

Too many things that you've said about me when I'm not around
You think having the upper hand means you gotta keep putting me down

We've managed to figure out reasonable security measures so that she can still lead a relatively normal life without a couple of bodyguards hovering over her all the time. Relena's appearance changes quite a bit when she dresses down so we use that to our advantage.

Security detail is scheduled as well as the pilot and co-pilot. Relena might be upset that I'm not putting myself on the list, but I want to do some upgrades while she's gone, but she has never approved of my means of testing new systems. Especially if that means using funds from the security department to fly the best thief I know all the way from L2 to the estate. Interesting how things change over time.

Relena used to be in love with the fact that I went out of my way to protect her to the best of my abilities. Lately, rumors have spread about me even for my ears to hear. Most of the other security staff respects me, but gossip apparently isn't subject to if someone is respected or not.

But I've had too many standoffs with you it's about as much as I can stand
And I'm waiting until the upper hand is mine

Relena brushes me off when I confront her about them. She brushes me off for a lot of different things – work related included.

Flight plans filed with the respective airports. Now about hotel accommodations... Relena isn't going to be happy about that, but I do need to house the staff that will be on duty with her during her vacation. If I'm not there, she requires more security people and I cannot be everywhere.

Duo's suggestion is getting more and more tempting especially after yesterday – quit working as Relena's security advisor. I think I might just do that since it's getting harder and harder to say no to either working for the Preventers or helping Duo at the scrap yard on L2.

I have to admit, the latter would definitely be a nice change of pace. The Preventers would be fine for me, but I think it might be too much like work on Relena's personal security.

Sometimes I wonder if my efforts are really worth it for one Foreign Minister. Her ideals of peace I still think are clouded. Humans have an inborn tendency to fight – fight to live.

So many people like me put so much trust in all your lies
So concerned with what you think to just say what we feel inside

When you break it down to the very basics, there isn't much difference between myself and Relena. She fights her battles with words and that affects human lives. I fought with weapons which also affected human lives. The only difference is that I directly killed my opponents.

Hotel accommodations taken care of and I'll leave the rest to my staff since I do not know what Relena has in mind to do while she's on vacation. Of course while I don't want to kill anyone anymore, my means of fighting meant that my opponent wouldn't come back to try and kill me again. That's from one of my odd conversations with Duo about military and total pacifism.

Total pacifism is a nice thing to dream about, but you cannot completely change human nature. Relena herself doesn't even follow by her ideals. If she did, then she wouldn't be so aggressive in her political negotiations or her personal life.

Once upon a time, I used to be able to talk to her freely about things if I had so desired. Now, I watch every word that I speak. If I said something in disgruntlement against Relena, as the rumors reach me, they would reach her as well. Though I'd think they'd get back to her faster.

Then I would have to sit through a lecture about how I should directly go to her if I have a problem. Wish Relena would do me the same favor.

So many people like me walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want is to feel like I'm not stepped on

However, Relena has gotten herself into such a high position that she can't come down to mingle with the common people. Her demands are getting ever increasingly more difficult and people are surprised that I have not yet snapped.

Duo says that all that seems to be holding me together right now is duck tape and some adhesive that we used when making certain repairs to the Gundams. Although that adhesive is stronger than cement, I believe that I get the gist of what he is saying.

My best friend also believes that I shouldn't have to tip-toe the way I do around "her highness" – as he calls her. Duo can be a little rough around the edges when he gets upset over something, but I suppose it's the thought that counts.

There are so many things you say that make me feel you've crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall and I'm counting down the time

Lately, I can't even force myself to begin to try and contradict his words.

Going through my notes about Relena's vacation request, I make sure that I haven't missed anything else and switch to make arrangements for transportation while there and also to and from the airport here.

I tried asking Relena about why she didn't come last night, but she ignored me and started in on her rants about the people she was going to be meeting with. So I bit my tongue, but I do want to know what her excuse will be. Probably nothing excusable again.

My shoulders slump as I contemplate what about next time and I realize that I don't have the energy to try a next time. I've lost count how many times she's done this to me.

Cause I've had so many standoffs with you it's about as much as I can stand
And I'm waiting until the upper hand is mine

And every time I always tell her that I understand. While I understand logically, emotionally, I don't. Some people think that I don't have any emotions – I do, I just don't show them well.

It's just...Relena could have at least called me – then I wouldn't have been worrying. It would have been better, but true to tradition, she never calls.

Flipping through a few screens to double check everything one last time, I find myself looking at what it would take to go to L2. Maybe I should take a vacation – it isn't like I don't have the time stacked up.

I know I'll never trust a single thing you say
You knew your lies would divide us but you lied anyway
And all the lies have got you floating up above us all
But what goes up has got to fall

To be honest, I am a man who understands and believes actions. Relena is a woman of words so I adapted myself to that concept a long time ago. Now I understand that all her words are empty and hold no meaning.

Sad thing is that I had an instinctual feeling that she was going to pull something like that. Duo's right, I can't keep doing this to myself.

Grabbing a piece of paper, I scribble down a quick note to leave on her desk next time I pass by her office. I quickly make a few stops online before I pack my laptop and my other meager belongs away and dial a number that I know by heart. Closing the door to my now empty room, the person on the other end finally answers.

"Hey, Duo...is your offer still good?"

Fin
July 2004
by JeiC