Author: Miriae PM
- The sad thing about choices is that you'll never know whether they are good or bad until you've actually made them... - A certain girl learns this the hard way... KxKRated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Words: 4,142 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 12 - Published: 10-16-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2096740
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
After my Physics/Chemistry teacher lectured us of how great love is (yep, the topic is so far from his subject -) the plot for this one-shot fic came to my mind.
I know I can't write a very good angst/romance fic. But I needed to write one. You see, I need to balance myself – not only focusing on humor, that is.
If you want to criticize my work, please be gentle enough. I still sacrificed a lot for this.
Disclaimer: I don't own GTO. -
"I'm planning to take that exclusive scholarship in America. What do you think?"
Chocolate brown orbs surveyed a pair of mismatched eyes: one blue and one brown. Sharp and emotionless, they revealed nothing but the unnatural intelligence a human could posses.
The dim light that came from the nearby light post illuminated a wall full of graffiti and two teenagers: the boy leaned while the girl sat on the wall.
Blonde tresses swayed with the wind as the latter matched the boy's keen gaze with her own. "An opportunity not to be missed," her response came with a cold tone.
"I think so too. I'm glad that I have met you. You are the only one who can understand how great this opportunity is." His eyes darted to his side, waiting for the girl's reaction.
Pink lips formed a smirk, as the latter understood what he meant. "We can't do anything about it. People are ruled by their emotions."
The mellow rhythm created by the swishing leaves became music to their ears. Both geniuses competed in a staring match of will- a habit they have developed since they met each other.
They were good friends- just friends that will only be friends.
Time passed and the boy gave up. He stopped leaning, arranged his school uniform and turned his gaze to his companion. "I must be going now, my flight is scheduled early tomorrow."
The girl followed the boy's movement as a soft thud was heard. "Good bye then. I wish you luck," she said in her usual cold tone.
The boy smirked before nodding, "I thought geniuses don't believe in luck? Tsk, tsk. You've been around Onizuka too much."
The girl smirked back. "Maybe. Onizuka does have the power to influence people."
With one last nod, the boy took off into the cold night.
The nearby clock chimed twelve times as she watched him cruise the cold sidewalk, the sound of his heels hitting the pavement echoed louder than usual.
Poker face was still intact but then, it couldn't stop a lone tear from escaping from the depths of the calm sea.
Four cold walls shielded her from the harsh reality of the world outside. White was definitely the color used as its motif- like all the rooms in this building. A bed with white linen sheet will immediately call your attention as you open the door. The table that stood beside the bed was ladled with fruits, flowers and get-well cards that dated ages ago.
There was no air-condition on this room, rather, a welcoming veranda supplied the cool air.
Droplets of water fell from the sky like tears from heaven, then, it became harder. Irony indeed, for the occupant of this room - a lady sitting on the chair on the veranda, had the same gloomy aura as the rain.
The lady's face was to rival Aphrodite herself. Long blonde tresses the reached her waist pooled down her back. Her mismatched eyes: one blue and one brown were enough to catch anyone's attention. But looking at her closely would tell you a different story.
Lips that once were pink were now pale. Paler than usual. Her eyes lacked the twinkle expected from a lady of her age- in the twenties where a person was at his peak. Her eyes were cold- blank. They were staring into distance, never wanting to go back to reality.
But then, the lady was different. Yes, she was different ever since she was born.
This is the name given to me by my parents.
"Mommy, where is my daddy?" the innocent voice of a little girl of two echoed through the small apartment.
Unexpected stern eyes from a mother met the girl. "You don't have one. Now, just shut up."
I never met my father. Actually, I don't even know my father. Mom hated it when I ask her. She told me that he left us. He left us to ourselves.
Simple, isn't it?
He left us because he never wanted to have a family of his own. He is a coward. He never wanted a child. Yes, all he wanted from my mother was pleasure. And my mother was at the wrong place at the wrong time back then. She fell in love and gave him everything he wanted. She let her desire, her hormones to rule over her. And then, after he got what he wanted, he left. He left- never looked back to the child that had been formed with that single act that caused fertilization.
So, what did my mother get?
A child that she hated with all her heart. The child that took away all her dreams. The child that made her life miserable. The child who bore the DNA structure of the man who destroyed her.
What did my mother get?
Me. A genius.
"Hi! What are you reading? Do you mind if you join us in our game?"
The five-year-old girl looked at the latter, puzzled. "Is that delicious?"
The blonde girl started to be annoyed. "Don't you know about the Greek Mythology? Zeus? Aphrodite? The Quest of the Golden Fleece? The Trojan War? Hercules? Theseus? Odysseus? Achilles? Helen?"
The latter backed away. "Wha-what are you talking about? Is that bad?"
"Hey! Mika! Don't go near that witch! She says things that are bad!" a group of little girls of their age came. They dragged the poor five-year-old girl.
"That girl, I think her name is Urumi, she tend to say things that are meaningless. I advise you not to come near her."
The blonde girl just watched them as they walked away. It's always like that. Always.
My childhood wasn't what you call normal. Instead of playing with girls of my age, I busied myself with reading books. Books provide better company than those girls that only cared about their dolls. No. I'm not like them- pathetic little weaklings that tend to cry with the smallest thing. I'm a genius.
Perhaps it is part of the human complexity- that children tend to act like that. But no, I don't have time to analyze the wonders of the brain that is yet to be discovered. I only have eyes for facts.
My past teachers also hated me. They knew I knew more than the books we were required. They knew that I could spot the smallest mistake in their teachings. They knew that if I did spot one, I would ask them to correct it at once.
And they hated it.
They hated it because they had a student that is better than them.
They have a student that knows more than all of them combined.
I don't know why they hated my knowledge. They said it was insulting. But at that time, I didn't understand why. Of course, I knew what the meaning of insulting is, I just don't know how to apply it.
And that's where my Grade 4 teacher comes in.
She was pretty, nice and she cherished me- she accepted me and taught me things that are not meant for an elementary student. College Physics have been the best thing she taught me.
But no, she was also one of them.
One of those teachers that got insulted with my knowledge.
She had been the reason why I started bullying my teachers. She was a living proof of how weak teachers are.
And then, he came.
The teacher who changed my life completely.
At first glance, you wouldn't expect he's a teacher. He looked like a drunken bastard that got lost at school.
But no, he captured the hearts of his students.
He was responsible for my total change. Of course, I'm still that bitchy girl who has an eye for pranks but he extinguished my flare for teacher bullying.
He proved that teachers are not weak- they are also humans that can get hurt. Those teachers do care about their students.
It is quite surprising how anyone such as Onizuka could have brought a genius like me to realization.
The best thing that Onizuka taught me is to value the people around you. And that's when I realized the existence of that special someone...
"Class, we have a new student," the teacher announced as a little girl of 10 entered the classroom.
"Her name is Kanzaki Urumi," the teacher continued, gesturing the little girl, "I hope you'll all be kind to her."
The little girl surveyed the room with her sharp eyes. She didn't even bother to greet her 'new classmates'.
As her eyes were about to rest, she saw someone of interest.
He was a boy; silver-rimmed glasses lined his chocolate brown eyes. His hair, the same color as his eyes, gently swayed in the wind. A sakura petal fell on his desk from the window and he just stared at it.
He was reading a book- The Iliad. The girl continued to survey the boy- normal boys of their age don't read books like that. Definitely, this child is different.
He could have noticed the girl staring at him for he tilted his book to match the girl's piercing gaze. Mismatched eyes bored into brown orbs as the two continued to stare at each other.
"Kanzaki, you may sit beside...," the teacher's voice echoed and that woke Kanzaki out of her trance, "beside... Kikuchi." She pointed the desk beside the mysterious boy.
Kanzaki nodded in response and quietly made her way to her 'new desk'. The boy followed her every movement with a surveying gaze.
She knew, since then, that the boy by the name of Kikuchi Yoshito is different from others.
I knew from the first time I saw him that he was different- different from those pathetic children I have encountered. The aura that vibrated off him matched even my own. His eyes always seem to see through my soul - as if I was an open book that he could read without breaking a seat. Somehow, he could also predict my moves.
He was the only one who could understand my flare for advance stuffs. He was the only one worth talking with. He was the only one who could understand my antics. He was the only one who could understand my logic.
He was really different.
"I'm planning to take that exclusive scholarship in America. What do you think?"
The feeling of humans that could either make or destroy them.
It is just part of the human complexity to love- the feeling of attachment to that special person.
I never thought I could ever fall in love with a man. My pride couldn't just allow the same fate my mother had befall on me. No, I am not a weakling that will allow her self to fall for a man that would just use her for his raging desire. I am not a woman that will allow a man to take control over.
No, I will not allow love to destroy my life like it destroyed my mother's.
But then, fate can play hard.
It made me fall for a guy I never expected.
I know it sounds pathetic- me, a genius, falling in love? It sounds almost scary. But then, it is the truth.
I never thought that the feeling I had for him would develop into something deeper. I never thought that I could actually love him.
But no, this is the truth.
They say that you would only know how important a person is to you when he leaves.
But then, it happened to me.
When Kikuchi told me he'd leave to take that scholarship in America, I supported him. I helped him explain to the gang how important the scholarship was. I was happy for him. Very happy.
Or so, I thought.
Deep inside, it hurts.
A part of me wanted to beg him to stay- never to leave me. I knew he could never return my feelings, but I would rather have that than to have him away from me - there in a far away country.
At least we could be together- even just as friends.
But no, thanks to my logical mind that considered the scholarship as an opportunity, I allowed him to leave me.
'If you love somebody, set him free. If he comes back, then, he's yours.'
That's the philosophy that comforted me. I had full confidence that I could bury these feelings.
But after he left, I realized a major flaw in my plan.
I forgot myself.
I forgot that I am also human- I could also experience the complexity of humans.
At first, I thought I could handle it. I thought I could sort it out like how a computer does: you could delete unwanted files.
But no, I am not a computer.
I am a human.
A human who is vulnerable to his emotions.
And so, I became weak.
So what did I get?
My life reaching its end.
"You are Kanzaki Urumi, right? My name is Kikuchi Yoshito."
Every thought of him is torture. His soul-piercing gaze haunted my dreams for years. His calm, deep voice seemed to echo everywhere I go.
It hurts so much to think about him.
It hurts to think that he may have forgotten me already.
I had lost contact with him for a year now. He seemed quite preoccupied those days that I didn't try bothering him - geniuses don't like to be disturb in such a crucial time to think.
I never thought that he'll never contact me again.
No phone calls, no letters, and no greeting cards, not even a single text message!
It hurts... really hurts.
What if he already has a girlfriend?
The thought scared me to the point that I shivered involuntarily. I just can't seem to think about that... it hurts. I just can't accept that he'll leave me.
But, then again, who am I to be cherished by someone like him?
Here I go again, dreaming of impossible things.
"Is there something wrong with me, doctor?" The blonde lady asked as she surveyed the doctor.
The doctor took deep breaths, twisted his fingers in a way that showed nervousness. His eyes were transfixed on the floor, not wanting to meet the lady's eyes. Finally, with a deep breath he managed to lift his gaze.
"Miss Kanzaki, this is the first time in my career so please forgive my nervousness," he clutched the lady's hands. "Miss Kanzaki, you have Leukemia."
Yes. I have Leukemia.
When I was younger, I always dreamed of dying. I wanted to end my pathetic life as soon as possible. I wanted to stop the synthesis of proteins so my stupid life would end.
That's why I am not afraid of death.
I have been waiting for it.
I have been diagnosed with Leukemia December of last year. We were having a simple Christmas party back then, courtesy of Onizuka, when suddenly, I fell unconscious. I just remembered being wheeled into the emergency room then all sorts of apparatuses all around me.
A few weeks later, the results of the tests said that I have Leukemia.
I was not afraid, rather, I was excited.
My thought was I'm going to die. At last.
I asked the doctor not to tell it to my friends - I don't want them to worry. The doctor agreed and told me that I still have a chance to survive the disease. With the persuasion of my aunt who cared for me since I was young, I agreed to undergo treatment.
My mother didn't have any reaction when my aunt told her about my disease. She just said that it was up to my aunt if she wanted me to undergo treatment.
Indeed, that's my mother.
So, I told Onizuka and the gang that I'll be going with my aunt in the states to avoid too much stress that caused my sudden unconsciousness. I never had the nerve to tell them that I had Leukemia.
I don't wan them to be sad.
I don't want them to pity me.
While everyone thought that I was in the states, I was really in the hospital of the next city - undergoing treatment.
It has been 4 months now since I was admitted to this room. This room that knew all my sorrows and pains. This room that separated me from the world I lived.
But, I want to rest now.
I want to finish all this pains and sufferings.
Having a Leukemia isn't that easy. You have to endure endless pains - alone. Injections with long needles are injected to your delicate skin night and day. Chemicals that try to save you could actually kill you with their unbearable pain. You have nothing to do but wait for the big day of your death.
And that's what I have been doing.
The doctors said that there was nothing they could do. My body won't cooperate anymore. I'm so tired with all this pains and sufferings.
I am now weak.
Weak with the absence of my mother.
Weak with the absence of Onizuka and the others.
Weak with the absence of my father.
Weak with the absence of the man I have ever loved.
If only I never allowed him to leave me...
If only I could have one last wish... I want to see him before I leave forever.
Blood gushed out of her mouth as she coughed.
The young lady started coughing uncontrollably. All colors faded from her face in an instant.
Lowering herself into the bed, she smiled to herself.
"Urumi! I bought some-" Nakagawa Yume, Kanzaki's aunt, came into the room and saw the lady's condition. Her eyes widened and the fruits she held fell on to the floor.
"Nurse! Doctor! Anyone! Please!" she immediately rushed out of the room. In an instant 2 nurses and a doctor came.
The doctor, a middle aged man, checked the lady's pulse. He faced the nurses and instructed them to bring the patient into the emergency room.
"Doctor! Is she alright? What is happening?! Doctor! Please! Answer me!" Salty tears began gushing out of Yume's eyes as she watched Kanzaki being wheeled into the emergency room.
The doctor tried to calm the lady down. "We are not yet sure of her condition but..." He hesitated for a while but continued. "Be ready if anything happens." He rushed into the emergency room.
"No... it can't be..." Yume collapsed crying on the floor.
She didn't notice a man running to her.
It seems my time has come. At last, I could have some peace.
I watched the doctor take my pulse and the nurses preparing to wheel me into the emergency room. I watched my aunt crying so hard.
Please don't cry - I will now be happy. Please..
Please... don't cry. I am not sad.
I was now being wheeled into the emergency room. It is so hard to breath. I'm becoming numb every second. My eyelids were so heavy that they want to close any moment.
But I won't allow them. I want to see the world until my last breath.
Round the corner was the emergency room. Just a little more and I will leave.
I don't have any intention to continue living. I want to rest. My wish will never come true - that is the truth. I'll never see him again...
Or so I thought.
As we round to the corner, I saw a man with chocolate brown hair. He turned when he heard my aunt crying.
And I knew it was he.
Those chocolate brown orbs beneath the silver-rimmed glasses... I knew them very well.
I don't know why he is here. But is doesn't matter! I don't know how he came here. But it doesn't matter! What matters is that he is here.
His eyes widened as he saw me. He seemed too shock to react. It was as if time stopped. For the last time, we had a staring match - a match we've thirsted for all these years.
His eyes held confused emotions in them: happiness, gratefulness, longing, sadness - name it! I can't help but cry out as memories flooded back to me.
But I am now going to die. I can't let him see me crying!
I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to tell him all my feelings but my voice failed me. I wanted to have another mind-brewing game with him.
But I am now going to die.
Mustering all the strength left, I smiled at him - a true smile that rarely appeared on my lips.
I wish we could just stay like that - locked in each other's gaze. But time had to continue. I was wheeled into the emergency room.
He followed me with his gaze - and then, the doors of the ER closed on us forever.
I could now rest forever - my wish had... come true.
Rays of the great sun showered over the earth particularly on this earth. Tombstones carved with numerous names littered all over the place. Flowers and candles lay on some of them.
On this newly covered grave, a young man stood. His chocolate brown hair swayed into the wind. He stood motionless, holding a bunch of flowers - Cherry Blossoms - in one hand. His brown orbs fixed themselves on the writing on the tombstone.
His eyes were emotionless, not a single tear present. But anyone would know that such eyes were found on someone who suffered a lot that he was immune to pain.
"You must be Kikuchi Yoshito." A lady with blonde hair and matching blue eyes stood beside the young man. The latter didn't answer nor looked at the lady.
The lady dropped the flowers she brought and knelt down, praying. After she was finish, she stood and followed the man's gaze.
"She was such a strong girl. All those years of suffering..." a lone tear escaped from the lady's eyes. She wiped it hastily. "I shouldn't be crying. She hated anyone who cried."
"She waited for you all those years..." the lady got a letter from her bag and handed it to the man. "She told me to give this to you - if she died."
Kikuchi finally looked at the lady and accepted the letter. The lady smiled and left without any word.
A slight breeze made its way to the cemetery. Kikuchi placed the flowers down and opened the letter. Written unmistakably by Kanzaki's, he read it silently.
The sad thing about choices is you never really know if they're good or bad until you've actually made them. Even then you never see the consequences of the choices you did not take, so how would you know. Hence, our regrets, the "what ifs" that we find ourselves thinking every now and then are pointless.
Dropping the letter to the ground, he knelt down and cried silently.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what do you think? Please review!!!
I... finished it! A miracle!
Okay... I know this is badly made. Could you blame me? Oh well... at least I tried.