Team America belongs to Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Paramount. As does the puppet versions of celebrities in the film's universe. Any and all real persons in this and later chapters may not be in the actual movie but in some semblance of it. It's simply not a Real Person fic. Disney/Pixar reference at the end that's gotten 2 ticket purchases from me, possibly more in the future. All I own are seven ticket stubs just for Team America and the soundtrack on my iPod, which ran me $40 or so. 8th time? Hopefully before it hits DVD in March next year but unless it's playing in NYC later this month…

"TEAM AMERICA VERSUS B.U.G.G.E.R." PART 7

"Ah, welcome Mr. Depp. Excuse the mess," Rake Matelot buzzed as a disguised Gary stepped over the bullet-ridden carcass of Hugh Jackman. In the process, blood squirted on the faces of Martin Sheen's two sons. "Gosh, Emilio! Who the fuck can clean my face?" "Well, my tongue can do that, Charlie, but what about mine?" "Oh, sorry," Gary murmured. "Oh, please. Those two sluts quite enjoy any chance they get to act like incestuous harlots," Matelot whispered as he motioned Gary to follow him.

"I do apologize that you had to see such licentious behavior on such a wholesome wedding day," Matelot began. Gary stopped dead in his tracks, "W-wedding?" "Yes, tonight my darling Christopher and I will be man and husband… Are you unwell, Mr. Depp?" Gary quickly shook his head and fumbled about for a recovery, "Oh, I am quite fine. I just never pictured you meeting the right guy and actually settling down." Rake Matelot narrowed his eyes suspiciously, taking in Gary. Luckily, Gary had college training and Broadway experience in acting and was able to convince Matelot he was indeed Johnny Depp. "Well, my Christopher is special…" Inside, Gary was ready to kill this bastard.

"Are you done getting dressed?" Martin Sheen asked lazily. "Um, my zipper is stuck. Yeah. Come and help me," Chris answered. As Martin Sheen headed towards the dressing screen, Chris (still in his Team uniform and not the ugly kitty shirt-pants set) kicked it down and it fell on the last survivor of F.A.G. Chris got out of the room stealthily, his ears listening for any other B.U.G.G.E. . As soon as he heard footsteps on the other end of the hall, he hid behind a giant porcelain Beckoning Cat.

Rake Matelot knocked on the door, "Christopher darling, I want to introduce my best man to you." No answer. Gary kicked down the door. Martin Sheen was struggling to get out from under the dressing screen. Rake Matelot looked furious. Quickly, Gary clapped his hands; "I got this on my wedding day too. Cold feet- perfectly normal!" Rake Matelot laughed, "That's what I like about you, Johnny. Always looking on the bright side. Anyway, he won't get far. I just paged Emilio and Charlie and with the two of us as well…" "He won't get past the front door!" Gary chirped as he looked over the Beckoning Cat and pointed his head towards the window. Rake and Gary headed downstairs. "Would someone help me?" Martin Sheen called out. He was ignored.

Chris snuck over to the window and looked down. "Come on down, the entrance is set to blow any minute," Carson called out. Chris just flicked a used cigarette down, "I'm not leaving without Gary." Carson, Lisa, Joe and Sarah looked at each other. "How'd he know Gary's inside?" Lisa wondered. "I sense he has feelings for him," Sarah mused. Chris just walked away from the window, scrambling for another cigarette and his lighter. Joe looked at the tumbledown casino, "So we gonna blow the rest of it up now?" "Team, we give Gary and Chris seventy-three seconds," Spottswoode said over the communicator.

Rake and Gary were on the third floor walking down the light pink plaster staircase when the explosives went off, destroying the lederhosen-clad Sheen boys in their moment of carnal pleasure. The two stumbled, and Rake grabbed Gary's arm fiercely. "You're not Johnny Depp, are you? You're that stupid pathetic little Team America actor… or should I say you were," he hissed as he pulled a gun against. "Go ahead. There's more explosives set to go off and I'm just fine knowing Chris is safe from a twisted fuck like you!" Gary shouted, closing his eyes tight. BANG!! Rake Matelot's grip on Gary's arm fell limp and the evil shithead collapsed onto the ground, quickly tumbling down the stairs. Chris stood further up the stairs, still clutching Martin Sheen's gun. "He's dead. You hit him square in the temples," Gary said. Chris looked at him uncertainly and began to tremble, "You sure he's gone? I don't want the nightmares to start again!" Slowly, Gary walked up towards Chris, "He's gone. And I'm still here, thanks to you." Chris looked away and murmured, "Just not the way I… I…" Gary smiled and stood right in front of Chris, gently taking the gun out of his shaky hands. "What makes you so sure?" he asked playfully as he pulled Chris in tight and kissed him. Chris just stared at him in amazement. "Now, come on. We have about ten seconds before the place blows," Gary added.

Two weeks later, Lisa and Carson got married. Sarah predicted they'd be happy and have children. Gary was getting refills on his and Chris' drinks when he turned around and caught the bouquet.

Spottswoode sat towards the back, with Baxter yet again below the table showing his dedication, as it were. A man sat down next to Spottswoode. "Ah, Rick. I didn't think you were invited." "I wasn't but you haven't been answering my calls. Read the papers lately?" the man asked. Spottswoode glared at Rick Dicker, "I know the Supers can fight crime in the open again. I don't see why this concerns me or the team." Rick chuckled, "Spottswoode, Spottswoode, Spottswoode… Don't you remember why we started Team America fifteen years ago? There's really no need to continue it now. In fact, the government may shut it down." Spottswoode looked away, "You've said what you wanted to say, now get the fuck away from here." Rick stood up, sighing, "Alright, S. I was just trying to tip you guys off. I mean, there's really no reason for the team anymo-" "Just fuck off, dickhead," Spottswoode growled. "Oh no, not you, Baxter… yes… keep going…"

THE END... of this story. Is it over? Fuck no! Something incredible is on its way… starting in a little town called Broadway!