|Queer Eye for Hiei
Author: Lil DragonLex PM
Its a Queer Eye for the Striaght Guy meets Hiei! But how long can the Fab Five last without getting themselves killed and can they get Hiei to confess his love for a certain deity? Some HieixBotan.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Hiei & Botan - Chapters: 8 - Words: 29,852 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 12-08-04 - Published: 10-18-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2100409
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: Warning: major OOC. Funny parts are not in the beginning. I upload this story last week and when I came to check on it, I couldn't find it anymore. I was like "Oh my god!! Where's my fic?!" so now it's back now again and this time I'm monitoring it carefully. Plus I fixed some stuff in it.
Chapter 1: How it began
"You should get an apartment," Yusuke said suddenly.
"Who?" Kurama asked the detective.
"What?!" Hiei choked out.
They, including Kuwabara, were currently lodging around Kurama's room with his mom out for that afternoon. Yusuke lying on Kurama's bed, Kurama sitting on a sit by his desk, Kuwabara on the floor, and Hiei leaning on the wall next to the window. They were bored and the girls were out shopping. They didn't go and told the girls that they had better things to do. For the past hour they had done nothing but talk some small talk at Kurama's house. Oh yeah, better things to do.
Then, out of no where, Yusuke makes the comment that Hiei should get an apartment.
"I think that you should get an apartment," Yusuke repeated himself.
"Why?" Hiei said recovering from his shock.
Yusuke sat up from the bed. "Trees weren't very comfortable to sleep in. I don't know how you do it every day. Besides, since you practically live in the human world now, you should an apartment."
"That is the most stupid idea that you have ever come up with," was the tart reply from the fire demon.
"Well I don't think so. Do you think that it's a stupid idea Kuwabara?"
"You sleep in tress?" Kuwabara looked at Hiei with confusion and wonder.
"Okay. Wrong person to ask. What do you think Kurama?" Yusuke turned to the other demon in the room.
Kurama looked in Hiei's direction to see him glaring at him. Then he looked in Yusuke's direction only to find a hopeful one. "I think that Hiei should do whatever he wants."
Hiei smirked in approval of his best friend's reply. Yusuke pouted. Then his expression changed. He was determined. He pointed to the small demon. "Hiei get an apartment!"
"I don't want to."
"Darn it Hiei, get an apartment!"
"Why should I listen to you?"
"Because I'm the leader of this team and as leader I say get an apartment!"
"You're a moron if you think that I'm going to do what you tell me."
"Hiei, you will get an apartment even if I have to go all the way to Konema and demand an apartment for you!"
"Geez, Urameshi. Why are you so bent on Hiei getting an apartment?" Kuwabara asked.
"I just think that he should get an apartment. Somewhere that we could actually visit him that's indoors. Besides, I just want him to have one," Yusuke said.
"Not good enough reasons," Hiei said.
"Well I don't care if it is a good enough reason or not. I just want you to get an apartment!"
"Well I have to admit, if you do get an apartment, you wouldn't have to take shelter here when it rains or gets too cold," Kurama pointed out. Yusuke smirked in satisfaction.
"Just whose side are you on fox?!"
"My side if you haven't notice."
"Actually I-" but Kurama was cut off by Hiei.
"Well I don't care what you say, I'm not getting a house."
"I never said anything about getting a house. I just said that you should get an apartment."
"House. Apartment. Who cares? They're the same thing."
"Actually they are not-" but Kurama was cut off again.
"Just get an apartment!" Yusuke yelled.
"I don't like humans. Getting a house here would only signify that I am staying here for a long time. I'm only here because of Yukina."
"What?! You leave my Yukina alone!" Kuwabara perked up after hearing his beloved Yukina's name.
"Shut up Kuwabara! He wasn't talking about Yukina in that way!" Yusuke said.
"Then in what way does he mean?"
"Yukina is not yours!" Hiei yelled.
"Well she sure isn't yours!"
Hiei growled. His hands itched to get take out his katana.
"Hiei, get an apartment or else," Yusuke said breaking Hiei out of his murderous thoughts.
"Or else what?" Hiei said calling his bluff. He had nothing on him. There was nothing that Yusuke could use against him.
"Or else I'll tell Botan that you like her."
"Shorty likes Botan?!"
"You like Botan! And you never told me? I thought we were best friends!" Kurama pouted.
"I do not like Botan!" Hiei defended himself. The tiniest hint of blush was on his cheeks to which Kurama did not miss. His pout only deepened.
"You said her name! But you're right, you don't like Botan," Yusuke paused for the briefest of seconds before adding loudly. "You love her!"
"Shorty loves Botan?!"
"First you didn't tell me that you liked her. Now I find out that you love her! Hiei, why didn't you tell me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends!" Kurama whined. He was mainly teasing Hiei but was still hurt that he didn't tell him any of this and had to find out from Yusuke.
"I do not love the onna!" now there was a very visible blush on Hiei's cheeks.
"Admit that you love Botan or get an apartment," Yusuke said with a victory smile.
"I don't have to listen to you fools," Hiei went out the window with Yusuke running to it.
"Hiei, I'm going to make you get an apartment whether you like it or not!" he yelled out. This caused Kurama's mother, who was just about to open the front door, to look at her son's window and questioning whether or not her son's friends were sane.
---------- one week later ----------
"Get an apartment!"
"I said get an apartment!"
"And I said NO!"
"Yusuke, maybe you should just drop the idea. It's been a week and you still haven't convinced him to get one," Kurama said trying to calm Yusuke down.
They were in the park standing below the tree that Hiei usually slept in. Yusuke had been going there every single day since his crazy idea took form trying to convince Hiei to get an apartment. So far nothing had work. Not even Yusuke's threat to tell a certain deity that he loved her.
"Urameshi, this is boring. Let's do something else," Kuwabara whined.
"No! Hiei's going to get an apartment. And I know just how to make him get one!" Yusuke took out a chainsaw that only God knows where he had been hiding it. Kurama and Kuwabara took a step back from him.
"Yusuke, what are you doing?" Kurama nervously asked.
"I'm going to cut down Hiei's tree. Without a tree to sleep in, Hiei has to get an apartment," Yusuke said simply and turned the chainsaw to on.
"Are you sure that this is legal?" Kuwabara asked. He nervously looked around, hoping that an officer wouldn't come their way.
"Who knows? Who cares?" Yusuke began to cut the tree.
"What is that noise? And what are you doing to my tree?!" Hiei called from above. He didn't see what Yusuke was doing but he felt Yusuke doing something to his tree.
"I'm making you get an apartment!" Yusuke yelled out his answer to Hiei because the sound of the chainsaw was loud. Especially when it was cutting down trees.
When Yusuke was finally done, Hiei felt the tree move and he jumped down from it before it could fall. The tree made a loud noise when it hit the ground. Hiei stared at Yusuke's chainsaw with hatred. It just cut down his favorite tree! And just as when Hiei was about to take out his katana to cut the traitorous thing to pieces, a police office called out.
"Hey! What do you kids think you're doing?!"
"Nothing! Nothing at all," Yusuke quickly hid the chainsaw behind his back.
Kuwabara ran off at the sight of the police and Kurama with him.
"Did you just cut down that tree?" the police asked suspiciously when he got near him.
"No. Why would you think that officer?" Yusuke said, putting on his best innocent face.
"Oh. Well, you better be careful than. Don't want the trees to start falling on ya," and with that the police officer turned around and left.
Yusuke gave a sigh of relief and turned to where Hiei was standing.. "Now you have to get- What! Hiei, where did you go?!"
"Yusuke, you really are a moron."
Yusuke looked up to a nearby tree and saw Hiei laying on one of its thick branches.
"Hiei!" Yusuke half growled and mostly yelled. He ran up to the tree and started to cut it down as well. Hiei merely jumped off the tree and jumped on another one when the tree he was previously at fell to at Yusuke's chainsaw. Yusuke gave another yell and started to cut that one down as well. Hiei jumped off, unbeknownst to Yusuke, and ran off to the other side of the park.
"Die tree! DIE!"
"Hey! I thought you said that you were cutting down trees!" the same officer from before said from behind Yusuke.
Yusuke, who was half away down from cutting down his third tree, hide the chainsaw behind his back again. He gave a sheepish laugh.
"Actually officer, I said that I didn't cut down that tree," he pointed to the first tree that he cut down.
"And did you cut down that tree as well as the other one?" the police officer asked with a very stern face.
Yusuke gave another sheepish laugh and took off, away from the park as fast as he could. The officer was left in the dust, confused.
The next day, Yusuke, Kurama and Kuwabara were at the park again only in the opposite direction from the place they were yesterday. As far away from that place as they could get. And Hiei was once again lying on his new favorite tree,
"Hiei. I'm giving you one last chance," Yusuke said to Hiei. Hiei only closed his eyes as if he was sleeping. Yusuke growled. "Alright. But you asked for it!"
Yusuke lifted the thing that was in his hands.
"Urameshi, I don't think that this is legal," Kuwabara said nervously and was scared at what Yusuke had in his hands.
"Yusuke, perhaps you should just forget about this whole thing," Kurama said just as nervous.
"Not until Hiei gets an apartment," he turned the thing in his arms to on.
"Hiei?" Kurama asked with hope in his voice. Hoping that Hiei would just agree to it so Yusuke wouldn't do what he's about to do.
He obviously didn't know what Yusuke had nor did he care.
Minutes later, smoke could be smelled coming from where the four males were currently standing. Well, three were just standing and staring at the fourth one, questioning he's sanity, and the fourth one, on the other hand, was laughing like a maniac.
"MWHAHAHA!" Yusuke laughed. He brought his blow torch to another poor tree and watched it burn for a moment before going to another tree and setting it on fire as well. This process repeated for a while.
"Hey Kurama," Kuwabara said staring at his best friend.
"Yes?" Kurama asked with half of his attention. He was also staring at the crazy Yusuke.
"Shouldn't Yusuke burning down trees and grass and other flowers upset you?"
"It does, but I'm not about to go within firing range next to Yusuke. At this point there is no telling what he would do."
"MWAHAHA!!" Yusuke laughed at burning down his 23 tree. He was counting.
"And this is our leader?" Hiei incredulously asked.
"Yes. Hard to believe isn't it?" Kurama said.
"All the trees are going to burn! All the trees are going down! Ashes! Ashes! They all fall down!" Yusuke sang in the Ring around the rosy beat and did a stupid dance while burning down more trees.
"It's that kid again!" a police officer, same as yesterday, yelled out to his partner. They were sent to find out who was making the park fire and possibly stop them.
"You mean the one who was cutting down trees with a chainsaw?" his partner asked.
"Yes! Let's get him!" they ran up to Yusuke.
"Stop right there!"
"Hold it right there!"
Yusuke stop burning down trees to see the police officers running up to him and yelling at him to stop. Yusuke just turned the blow torch at them.
"AAHHHHH!" The officers screamed and ran away with fires on their backs. Yusuke only laughed with madness.
All around them, trees were burning and Kurama was sure that the whole park was about to go down to ashes as well. Then something in inside him snapped. He took Hiei by his collar and stared to shake him.
"Look, I don't mind all that much when you didn't tell me that you loved Botan. That I could understand. But now, I mind very, VERY much. So you better just agree to Yusuke's stupid idea about getting an apartment so he could stop burning down all these plants! Or I will kill you," he gave Hiei an evil eye.
Hiei looked to where a lunatic Yusuke was burning down the park and then back to Kurama who was threatening to go all Yoko Kurama on him.
"Hn," he pried Kurama's fingers off his collar and walked to where Yusuke was.
"Baka," he called when he was about five feet away. This caught Yusuke's attention and he turned off his blow torch. Hiei took a beep breathe and looked back to where Kurama was. He still had that evil look. "Hn. I decided to get an apartment."
A pause. Kurama glared. "Yes."
"Alright!" Yusuke threw away the blow torch and ran up to Kuwabara. "See, I told you that I could make him cave in less than two weeks!"
"Aww man!" Kuwabara took out a wad of cash and gave a little over half of it to Yusuke who eagerly took it.
Hiei twitched and walked to where Yusuke was happily counting his money. He tapped on the taller boy's shudder, who turned around, and punched him.
Yusuke went down in a dead heap.
---------- one month later ----------
"There is nothing here!" Yusuke exclaimed as he ran around the whole apartment for the third time.
"Hiei, I know that you really didn't want to get an apartment in the first place, but really. The least you could do is get some chairs," Kurama said and took a sit in the only couch in the living room. It was also a bit too small for him. Then the chair broke and Kurama's behind fell flat onto the floor.
There was basically nothing in the whole apartment except for the bed room and kitchen. The bed room contained a futon, small lamp, and several katanas. The kitchen had a stove (which was never used) and other kitchen stuff without the appliances. The refrigerator's bottom was empty and the freezer was packed with 'sweet snow'. The cabinets held only a few spoons. The living had only one single person couch.
"There's nothing here!" Yusuke exclaimed running out from the bathroom.
"So?" Hiei snorted.
"So?! What do you mean so? There is nothing here! Not even dust! How can you live here?!"
"I wouldn't last a week here," Kuwabara said.
"You wouldn't last a week anywhere," Hiei muttered.
"I heard that!"
"You had this apartment for three months now, you need to decorate it," Yusuke interrupted before Hiei could snort out another remark to Kuwabara.
"I already got an apartment. Now you want me to decorate it?" Hiei raised one of his eye brows.
Kuwabara took a step back from the two and Kurama moved the couch back as well. They both looked at Yusuke nervously, wondering what he was going to do to convince Hiei this time. To their surprise, Yusuke only smiled mischievously.
"Alright. Have it your way. But I warn you now, I will send someone here to make you decorate it," Yusuke left and Kurama and Kuwabara followed suit. Kurama gave a sympathetic glance at Hiei before closing the door.
Hiei merely, "Hn."
The next day, there was a knock at the door. Hiei ignored it.
The knocked grew persistent and louder. Again Hiei ignored it. Then Yusuke's voce could be heard from the other side of the door.
"Hiei! Open up!"
With a grumble, Hiei reluctantly stood up and opened the door. When he opened it, he expected to find Yusuke. Instead, five men practically ran him over and went inside his apartment letting out a whoop and saying "Finally!" and "About time you let us in!"
"Who are you?" Hiei asked the five men in his apartment while getting up from the floor and hands going to his katana.
"You don't know?" one of them asked with a thick Japanese accent. "We're the Fab Five. Here to make your life fabulous!"