“This can’t be good,” muttered Shikamaru to Neji.

In front of them, Temari squared off with three confidently smirking girls. Without further ado, each of the three bit down on their respective thumbs and simultaneously dropped to the ground.

“Kuchiyose no jutsu!”

Poof.

Neji stared.

Shikamaru gaped.

Temari scowled.

The huge white tiger, seated midway between its three summoners, glanced around himself and promptly covered his head with his paws. “Oh, fuck no, not again.”

The trio of squeals sounded as if he’d never spoken.

“Go get that blonde meanie, Ookami!”

“Yeah!” The second girl pointed at Temari. “You’d better look out! I personally raised Arimella Necci de Valerian from a lost starving tiger cub, so she listens to everything I say!”

“Aieeee!” screeched the last. “I didn’t know the thumb thing was gonna hurt!”

“I’m not sure who’s in more trouble,” Neji muttered back.

“Screw this,” grumbled the tiger. “I’m going home.” The shrieks of dismay directed at his departing furry hindquarters served only to speed him on.

“Well,” grinned Temari, as she hefted her fan. “Let’s try something else. Kamaitachi no jutsu!”

The blast of wind from her fan was to be expected. The sudden materialization, however, wasn’t. Suddenly catapulted towards the three, the eldest remaining Uchiha gave a screech of his own before he hit the ground at their feet.

“Um... What just happened here?” Neji asked.

“Mistranslation,” Shikamaru replied.

“How can you mistranslate that?” The Hyuuga scowled and shook his head. “It’s two distinct words.”

“I know, right?” Shikamaru snorted in return. “Next thing you know we’ll have holiday-specific techniques.”

Meters away, the girls blinked confusedly as their new adversary struggled to his feet. Then one spoke: “Ohmigawd kawaii bishy Itachi-chan?”

“Oh my god, no,” gasped the Uchiha prodigy.

“Aww,” snorted Neji. “It looks like he’s too shaken up to stare them down! The Akatsuki evil eye can’t save you now, Itachi!”

Temari glanced over her shoulder, arching an eyebrow. “The Akatsuki has an evil eye technique?”

“Who else would willingly have one with that sucky a name?”

“Hey!” Itachi yelled to Neji. The missing-nin had only managed to back up a few paces before being landed on. “I didn’t mean it earlier! Aren’t you going to help me?”

Neji ignored him. “Someone with the bad fashion sense to willingly paint their toenails purple but that still claims to be a badass might think it’s a good name.”

Temari laughed. “What’s left, Itachi? Body glitter? A belly button ring?”

“Actually, he’s got that already,” Neji muttered under his breath.

“Seems about right,” Shikamaru sighed. Then he blinked at his companions’ blank looks. “You didn’t know? Itachi’s always been about that kind of stuff. It’s why he killed the Uchiha clan, after all – they found out that he was a weekend transvestite and tried to make him give up his heels and lipstick.”

Itachi paused with his struggles for long enough to turn incredulously. “My what?” Unfortunately, his opponents took the opportunity given, and he went down under a squealing tangle of arms and legs.

“Whatever works for him,” shrugged Temari. Turning away from the spectacle of Itachi’s wrestling match, she smiled at the two Leaf-nins. “Let’s get out of here. And hey, have any of you seen Ino?”