Pokemon Master, Sasuke

Beta read by: Wowie ::glomps:: Have I told you how much I adore you? Because I do. I really do.

Note: This is AU. Don't bitch at me saying this and that didn't happen in the manga/anime or never would. You're in my fic now and I am the all mighty and powerful fic authoress! Bow before my evil, sick, perverted and raunchy idea of humor. ::insert insane, psychotic laugh, here:: You should also know, everything after chapter 244 in the manga does not exist for this story - although now some characters that do appear will be making an appearance since I like them... more or less. So watch out for potential spoilers in terms of character names and roles - like Sai, Sasori, Deidara, etc...

Pairings: SasuNaruSasu, KakaIru (soon, so soon...) and whatever other pairing suddenly strikes the fancy of my sick mind. Like ItaNaru, NejiNaru and GaarNaru. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Pokemon. Suing me would be a pointless waste of time since I'm still unemployed and have nothing anyone would really want. If I owned Naruto... ah, the joy it would brings to the hearts of fangirls everywhere.

Warning!

This fic has:

- yaoi goodness – but not in this chapter because it's a catch up / check in chapter with Sakura and Lee.

- semi-angst – in other words, Sasuke is a big poopie-head; but he's not in this chapter.

- stupid humor and OOC behavior... of course you SHOULD know this by now. Yeah, I'm talking to you!

- language – because a certain someone is back and he's a hateful son of a bitch who calls people not so nice names.

Chris: If you don't know what yaoi is, then you probably haven't been paying attention all through this fic; yet another thing you SHOULD know by now. Don't come crying to me if I pollute your virgin mind for your lack of self control. If you flame me for it, you will be mocked incessantly by me in my webpage unless your flame is lame. And don't come telling me that so and so would never do that or so and so isn't gay, blah, blah, blah. It's AU, my fic and if I want to make them hump trees, I can... although I'd prefer that they screw each other senseless instead. So, nyah! XP

Because so much is going on, this chapter is going to be in 3rd person…

Updated 12/13/06 - noticed some boo-boo's I missed - like the ramen guy's name (I had decided to change Carl to Kichiro and didn't catch all of them) and the superscript that didn't covert from my original (put them into brackets now). Also changed Shadow Bind to Kagemane since that appears to be the right name right now.

Also, I turned off PM's because I don't like the way they work currently. There's no way to reference pervious conversations and you can't reply from the email you get, so I tend to forget what was said, etc. However, my email is still up so feel free to contact me that way - just let me know your pen name.

Chapter 18: Home Is Where Insanity Lives

February 13th: Evening

The gates to Konoha loomed largely before the two leaf nins. While strong and imposing in appearance, it was a warm and comforting sight. They had pushed on for four hours instead of setting up camp for the night. It had been four bizarre months since they last laid eyes on it. It was good to finally be home.

"Wow." The pink haired one began to speak, "It seems like forever and a half since we've been here…" (1)

"Yeah… Welcome home, Sakura-san." The black haired boy flashed her a warm and bright smile.

Sakura smiled gently as she responded, "Welcome home, Lee-kun."

"What do you think we should do first? Go home or report to Tsunade-sama? It's pretty late…"

"We should probably see Hokage-sama, first. I know once I get home, I'm not going to want to move for a while. The sooner we get this over with, the better." Sakura sighed heavily.

The two trudged wearily to the Hokage tower to deliver the good and the bad news. Sakura idly wondered what their leader would do. Would she demand that Kakashi drag Sasuke and Naruto home? Would she send the Anbu out to get them? Or would she just let them continue on their merry little way? It surprised her that they had been allowed to wander for so long. Didn't the village have to make money? Sure they were only 4 ninjas- 6 with Naruto and Iruka; but the village needed every able bodied person they had to take on jobs.

They finally reached the tower and were stopped by the two Anbu on duty.

"It's a bit late to be coming here and visit Godaime-sama. You should come back in the morning." The first Anbu ordered.

"I'm sorry, but we really need to see her now. We just got back into the village." Lee answered.

"Trust us, it can wait until morning. Now go home." The second Anbu ordered.

"We've been gone for four months. We have a letter from Kakashi and information about Naruto." Sakura added.

"Hell… I suppose we have to let them in." The first spoke to the second.

"Yeah, but she's still not going to be happy about being disturbed." The second responded.

"Alright, follow me." The first Anbu signaled to Sakura and Lee to follow him.

The three climbed the stairs and walked down the long halls to Tsunade's quarters. With a steady and firm hand, the Anbu knocked on the thick oak door.

"Go away." Tsunade shouted from behind the door.

"Tsunade-sama, there are two ninja's here that are requesting to report to you."

"Tell them to come back in the morning! It's too late for this crap!" Tsunade shouted belligerently through the door.

"Hokage-sama, they have a letter from Kakashi and information about Naruto."

"I don't care what they- Wait. What?" Tsunade yelled as she swung open the door. "Sakura. Lee. Why are you back alone? And what's this about Naruto?"

Sakura handed the letter to Tsunade and said, "You may want to sit down for this."

"Of course. Please come in." Tsunade stepped aside and invited the two teenagers in. "You can return to your post." She ordered to the Anbu.

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." The Anbu bowed before poofing away to his post.

Tsunade closed the door and walked to a large chair.

"So what is this about Naruto?" She asked as she sat down.

"We found him." Sakura answered. "It would probably be more efficient to read Kakashi-sensei's letter first. We should be able to fill in any details you may want."

Tsunade sighed as she opened the letter.

Dear Tsunade-sama,

How are you? We're fine… all things considering. As I'm sure Sakura-chan and Lee-kun have told you we've found Naruto! Sasuke is convinced he's a pokemon and has named him Kitsunemon. Isn't that cute? Naruto was, and still is not pleased. We've managed to convince him into staying with us for now… well actually Sasuke convinced him and I reminded him. As for returning to Konoha, I doubt he will right now.

He feels that his leaving would have made everyone happy. Lee-kun gave a very heartwarming 'speech' about how not everyone hated him and so forth. He's very wise for someone so young and is truly kind. When I get back, I think I'll buy him the new Icha Icha Paradise box set. It has volumes 1-4! It's quite handy and the art on the box is gorgeous!

Did ya hear that volume 5 came out? I got it last week and it's really great! Please tell Jiraiya-sama that I think it's his best work yet! You should read it, there's one story I think would really interest you. It's about two childhood friends who after 30 years apart, come together and well… I won't spoil it for you. But even though the main characters in the story were old and not exactly sexy, it was a very nice story. So you should really check it out! You might just get hooked on them too.

All of his stories are really inspiring. I plan to use a couple of the plots from volumes 3, 4 and 5 to try and get Naruto and Sasuke to come clean about how they feel. Once Sasuke does that, I'm sure he'll be back to his old self… hopefully with Naruto by his side. Oh, the tears the fangirls will shed… not to mention the blood should they get their hands on Naruto.

Naruto mentioned that someone had told a shopkeeper that they were looking for someone fitting his description. Have you sent more Anbu out looking for him? I just hope it's not the Akatsuki. Naruto said no one has bothered him, so I guess they haven't heard yet or just don't care; which would be a huge surprise. With any luck, it was Iruka and we'll find him soon as well. Naruto says he's been training and doing odd jobs the whole time. He looks well and appears to be healthy and is just as short fused as he's always been. Seeing him and Sasuke argue was like old times. Like nothing had changed in the world and they were still firmly in their original roles. It felt like all was right with world again. Meh, I sound like a sentimental old man, don't I?

Sasuke is still firm in his delusion that he is a pokemon trainer. Maybe now with Naruto here, he'll snap out of it soon. He does seem very drawn to Naruto and doesn't want to leave his side. I'm sure Lee-kun will give you the full detail of what he did when Naruto said he was leaving. And while you're at it, ask him to tell you about the Pandamon incident at the Sand Village. It's really funny! But he doesn't like to be reminded about it so he might not tell you. Oh well, I'll just have to tell you myself when I get back and all about the fun things I did to have fun when I wasn't reading Icha Icha Paradise! With any luck, we'll be back in a month, scratch-free, with Iruka in tow.

Your favorite pervert,

Hatake Kakashi

Tsunade's brow twitched in annoyance. That stupid pervert. Why the hell was he telling her about Jiraiya's smut? It had no place in a report or letter to her.

"He told me you would fill me in about what Sasuke did when Naruto tried leave, Lee."

"He kind of… panicked. He actually begged Naruto to stay and promised not to call him Kitsunemon anymore."

"He begged? The same boy would rather die than ask for help or pity, begged?" Tsunade asked, clearly shocked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"And Sasuke is still resolute in his delusion?"

"Yes ma'am."

Sigh. "Kakashi only gave the high points and a bunch of prattle. Why don't you tell me how you found Naruto and what happened."

For the next 53 minutes Lee and Sakura told Tsunade every detail, even Sakura's shameful behavior. Sakura had looked at her feet shamefully as she told Tsunade what she had done and admitted that she regretted doing it.

"Alright. You can go now. I know you're tired." The two weary teens made their way to the door when Tsunade spoke again. "Sakura."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama."

"While I'm disappointed in how you behaved towards Naruto, I won't force you to apologize to him. However, I do hope you will. He is still your teammate."

"I already planned to do so as soon as I see him, Tsunade-sama."

"Excellent. Get some rest for now. Come back tomorrow evening and you can fill me in on what you've been doing for the past 4 months. Kakashi mentioned something about a Pandamon incident?"

Lee's slumped in mortification and Sakura answered for them both, "Yes, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade sighed when the door closed.

"Do you even know how to use a door?" Tsunade asked the seemingly empty room.

"Do you really want people to see me coming in here so late at night?" A male voice answered her.

"What the hell do you want, Jiraiya?"

"I was thinking of putting a poker game together tomorrow night and thought you might like to come. I can always use the extra money." Jiraiya grinned cheekily.

"Asshole. That couldn't wait until morning?"

"I get my best research material in the morning!"

Tsunade glared at her former teammate with a baleful look. "Don't you ever get tired of acting like a damn pervert?"

"You say pervert like it's a bad thing."

"So, how much did you hear?"

"I heard enough."

"Sigh. So what do you think?"

"Sasuke has it bad for Naruto." Jiraiya shrugged, "Big deal; like it wasn't obvious before."

"Obviously. But what are we going to do?"

"Why should we have to do anything? It's none of our business what they do, so long as Sasuke doesn't force himself onto Naruto." Jiraiya shrugged again.

"From the sound of it, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He's still drawn to Naruto even though he doesn't know why. The attraction is stronger than the delusion. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing." Tsunade frowned slightly.

"I imagine it's a good thing. It shows that the delusion isn't so powerful with Naruto around."

"But the delusion is still there… The avenger, Uchiha Sasuke cannot have someone to love or care about in his life. However, the same cannot be said for the pokemon trainer, Uchiha Sasuke."

"He wants Naruto, but he can't him any other way. He's trapped. That's pathetic. So what are you going to do?"

"Call them back. There's nothing more that can be done now. Letting them wander will accomplish nothing. He won't change unless he's forced to change."

"Ah. So who are you going to send?"

"Haven't decided yet. I'll do it tomorrow. Oh, and Kakashi wanted me to tell you that he thinks vol.5 is your best work yet."

"Really? Well yes, I did get some excellent research material for that one…"

"He said I should check it out, " Tsunade stared at the pervert suspiciously with her arms folded across her chest. "That there was one story that might interest me. About 2 childhood friends who are separated for 30 years before coming together. Care to tell me what it's about?"

"Uh… well, look at the time! I really must be going. I have to be up early for research. BYE!" Jiraiya talked quickly as he practically ran for the window before jumping out.

"Moron." Tsunade mumbled as she made her way towards the bed.

February 14th: Afternoon

After lounging around in bed most of the morning, Sakura finally dragged herself out of the warm comfort of her favorite blanket. After a leisurely shower and late lunch she finally left the house to visit the village she had missed. It wasn't long before she ran into Ino… or rather, Ino tracked her down like some sort of animal.

"Hey! I heard you were back big forehead girl; I've been looking all over for you!" Ino teased.

"Oh really, Ino-pig? All I had to do was follow your oinking to find you." Sakura shot back.

"Oh so funny." Ino looked at Sakura with a baleful look. "So what happened? Why didn't Sasuke come back? Kiba said something about finding Naruto?"

"How the hell did he find out?" Sakura asked, clearly confused.

"Well, Lee reported back to Gai and his team; and Neji is on that team. Neji told Hinata, Hinata told Kiba and I guess Shino, and Kiba told me, Shikamaru and Chouji." Ino grinned, clearly pleased with herself. "All Kiba knew was that you and Lee were back without Sasuke and Kakashi and that you had found Naruto. So what happened?"

Sakura wondered just how much Lee had told Gai and his team. Was it just the basics or in full detail? She scolded herself for not working out what they were going to tell people. Sure they wouldn't tell that Sasuke clearly had a thing for Naruto, even if he did think Naruto was a pokemon. But how much should they tell? Do they tell how Naruto tried to leave and Sasuke pleaded with him to stay? Damn. She should have worked this out with Lee ahead of time. The last thing she needed to do was contradict whatever Lee had already said. If they didn't keep their stories consistent., people would get suspicious and start asking questions. It would only be a matter of time before they found out about Sasuke's little attraction to a certain boy. If that happened, things wouldn't end well for Naruto, specifically at the hands of Sasuke's fangirls and the homophobes.

"Well… we came across Naruto in the forest," she began, deciding to just give the basics and run. "He was setting up camp and Sasuke decided he was a pokemon. Sasuke had Lee knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi made sure Naruto wouldn't run off and the next morning sent Lee and I to report back to Tsunade-sama that we found him."

"And? That's it? Why did he leave?"

"I'm sorry Ino, I really have to get to Tsunade-sama's and finish my report. I'll see you later!" Sakura shouted back as she ran as fast as she could to the tower, leaving Ino speechless and confused in her dust.

"Okay…" Ino said to the air that Sakura had occupied only seconds ago. "Damn, that was weird."

As Sakura ran she spotted Lee chatting away with his teacher. She ran over and quickly came up with an excuse.

"Lee, we still need to finish our report to Tsunade-sama. You will excuse us, won't you?"

Without waiting for an answer she pulled Lee behind her as she ran quickly. Gai stood there with a completely dumbfounded expression.

"Of course…" He muttered to the empty air, "Damn, that was weird. No… wait. Springtime must have finally come for them! How beautiful!" Gai cried as manly tears of joy ran down his face.

"Sakura-san, please slow down! You're going to rip my arm off!" Lee cried from behind her.

Stopping and ducking into a small alley she interrogated him.

"I need to know what you told your team! Ino came looking for me to get details."

"Ino? I never told Ino…"

"No, but Neji told Hinata, and Hinata told her team, and Kiba told Ino's team! We need to get our story straight or people are going to find out about Sasuke and Naruto."

"Well, I only told them the basics like we said we would; Naruto-san's fine, Sasuke-san's still delusional, Kakashi-san's having way too much fun and we were sent back to update Godaime-sama. I also delivered Kakashi-san's letter to Gai-sensei. What did you tell Ino?"

"We found Naruto and Sasuke had you knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi sent us back to report to Tsunade after he made sure Naruto wasn't going to run away."

"And she didn't ask for details?" Lee asked, surprised.

"Yeah, but I told her I was late for a meeting with Tsunade-sama and ran."

"I guess we should finish reporting to her now and see what she wants to do about Sasuke being attracted to Naruto."

And with that the two left the alley to the tower. Neji stepped out of his hiding spot, clearly annoyed and slightly worried. He knew Lee was holding back something when he came and saw them this morning. He may not know the whole story, but Sasuke being openly attracted to Naruto was not acceptable. Naruto was his. That stupid asshole didn't deserve the kitsune's affection!

He knew deep down that it was probably Sasuke's fault that Naruto left. All he ever seemed to do was hurt Naruto. He had known for a long time that Sasuke was attracted to Naruto but never did anything about it… just as he did. And even though neither ever said anything about it to the other, the two were in a silent competition for Naruto's favor. If Sasuke was being openly attracted to Naruto and Naruto had done nothing to stop it… then he might win Naruto over. Sasuke had the advantage now and it gnawed at Neji's pride. He had to find a way to stop this now. But how the hell was he going to get out of the village and not get caught or called a missing nin? Maybe he would get sent on a mission outside the village and he could run into him. Alright, maybe not. Damn it all the hell.

As he stepped out of the alley he heard Gai-sensei scream from not too far away. Wondering what in hell could make the lunatic scream in such a way, he rushed to find his insane sensei. He finally found him sprawled under a tree, foaming at the mouth. On his chest was a letter. Figuring it was the letter from Kakashi and the source of Gai's trauma, he picked it up and read it.

Yo, Gai!

Just wanted to let you know what an excellent student Lee is... Not to mention helpful.

I taught him how to spy on the women's baths. Once he even got an eyeful of Sakura's front side! He lost half of his blood to that nosebleed... He's well on his way to becoming a man. You should be very proud; I know I am!

He was especially helpful when I couldn't make out some words in Icha Icha Paradise. He was also kind enough to read to me when I was too drunk to see straight.

I guess you know by now we found Naruto. I've already told Tsunade about the rousing, touching, heart to heart Lee had with Naruto. You'd be proud to see how wise and compassionate he is. As a reward, since he's practically a man; I'm going to buy him the Icha Icha Paradise box set and volume 5! He deserves a great reward for putting up with Sasuke if nothing else. But I think he may have helped Naruto feel a little better. I'll let Lee fill in the other blanks for me. See if you can get him to tell you about our adventure at Sand Village. Keep an eye on Sakura for me. She was pretty upset at having to leave even though it was for the best. She might do something foolish, like leave the village on her own. So, I'm counting on you Gai.

Your favorite pervert,

Hatake Kakashi

Neji calmly placed the letter back on his still twitching teacher and walked away muttering to himself, "What in the hell is wrong with these people. And who the hell would put Kakashi in charge of the welfare of minors? The people in this village are fucking nuts."

-x-x-x-

Sakura and Lee entered the Hokage's Tower, heading to Tsunade's office. The door was open so they walked in unannounced. Tsunade looked up at them over a random document with painfully small print.

"Yes?" She asked, "You're earlier than I expected. Is there something you need?"

"Well, yes… It's about Naruto." Sakura began in a faltering tone.

"Close the door then." Tsunade instructed the Anbu on guard, "And wait outside."

Motioning them to take a seat, they sat down in the large chairs in front of her desk.

"Now, what is it you want to talk about?" Tsunade asked the two nervous nins.

"Well, we were wondering…" Sakura began again. "What are we going to tell people about Naruto?"

"You mean Naruto and Sasuke." Tsunade said, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

"Yes. Naruto and… Sasuke." Sakura agreed. It was still hard to completely accept the two boys as a couple. For so many years it had been Naruto vs. Sasuke. Now it was Sasuke and Naruto… together. She would be able to accept it in time, but right now it was just so strange.

"It occurred to us that Sasuke's fangirls might not be too happy with Sasuke's…" Lee attempted to help, but it was strange to him as well. After all, who would've guessed Sasuke would've been attracted to Naruto? But looking back, it all made sense.

"Attraction." Tsunade assisted. "Look you two, why don't you just say that Sasuke has a thing for Naruto. It has been obvious for quite sometime. Why are you having such a hard time saying it?"

"It just seems so unlikely. They're just so different; they fight a lot…" Lee explained.

"Opposites attract, Lee. As unlikely as it may seem to you, it's still a fact."

"Sasuke's fangirls aren't going to be too happy about his choice. True none of them would be happy with any choice he made, but it's a guy and Naruto no less. They're going to go on the war path once it gets out." Sakura pointed out.

Tsunade sighed heavily, "Well its really no one's business what goes on between Sasuke and Naruto. But you're right, once they find out it won't be safe for Naruto. In the meantime people are going to talk and wonder why Sasuke didn't come back with you. We can give them the basics but… I guess we can release information slowly to soften the shock, provided they are in fact together at that point. I was going to call them back immediately, but I guess I can let them stay out for a week or two while the information sinks in."

"So what are we going to say exactly?" Lee asked.

"Answer their questions short of Sasuke's attraction to Naruto. Put out the suggestion or idea that Sasuke's gay. People will reject it, but give it time and it'll eat at them and play out in their minds. And if they come back arm in arm, it won't be such a huge shock… probably."

"But… even if it isn't a shock, he's going to be on the hit list of every fangirl in the village. His life will be made miserable." Lee pointed out.

"He's always had a hard time. From the moment the Kyuubi was sealed inside him, he has been fated for a hard life. But despite everything, he has persevered. He never gave up… well, it seems until he left. But he has always been a survivor and a persistent little punk. Sakura, you've been awfully quiet…"

"I'm sorry. Its just, even though he's always found a way to survive… it doesn't seem fair that he's going to suffer even more now. It's true that he has gained some acceptance, but this is probably not going to end well. Sasuke-kun… people will leave him alone; but for Naruto, its just one more reason for people to give him a hard time." Sakura sighed heavily as she unburdened her concerns.

"That's true, but so long as he has someone to stand with him I'm sure he'll be fine."

"If you say so…" Sakura trailed off, unsure and worried.

"I do. You can go now, unless there something else you want to discuss?" Tsunade asked.

"No. That was all."

"Then you can go. I'll let you have a few days off and then you can start going out on missions again."

"But, my team isn't-" Sakura began.

"Don't worry, we'll find something for you to do. Konohamaru could use some help with his chakra skills… For now, just enjoy being back and visiting and of course subtly suggesting Sasuke's 'preferences'."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." The two answered and walked out the door.

Once outside the tower, Lee began to speak nervously, "So… Sakura-san…"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go get something to eat?" Lee blushed slightly.

Sakura stared at the blushing boy, slightly perplexed. "It's a little early for dinner, isn't it? It's barely 5 o'clock."

"Ah, yes…" Lee stared nervously at the ground for several moments before pulling out a small and nicely wrapped box of chocolates. "I know girls are supposed to give chocolates on Valentines Day, but I still wanted to get you something…" Lee held the box out in front of him to Sakura.

Surprised, Sakura took the box from Lee's nervous hands. "Arigato, Lee-kun. It was very thoughtful of you." Sakura smiled sweetly, "It's still pretty early, but we can sit and visit with the passersby. It would be also more efficient to help spread the news and make sure our story stays consistent, don't you agree?"

"You mean…?" Lee blinked at her, hardly believing his ears.

"Let's go get something to eat. Ichiraku is always busy, so lets go there. I'm sure Kichiro-san will be glad to hear his best customer will be returning soon."

Lee started jumping up and down, whooping and hollering, "Yes! Sakura-san's going on a date with me!" Lee hadn't been this excited since Gai taught him the Lotus. "Yeah! Wahoo!"

"Rock Lee, if you don't stop I'm not going anywhere with you!" Sakura shouted, "And it's not a date; it's dinner with a friend!"

Lee stopped jumping and grinned bashfully, "Sorry, I just got so excited…"

Sigh. "C'mon, let's go and please try to keep your enthusiasm down to a dull roar." Sakura sighed heavily.

The two headed to Ichiraku's, walking at an easy pace. When they got there, they told Kichiro (2) about Naruto's imminent return.

"Heh, I guess I should start stocking up now, huh?" The old man laughed and shouted to him wife in the back, "Karin, Naruto's coming back so start getting the suppliers ready tomorrow."

"Good, now maybe we can afford send Hiroshi to college and have a nice dowry for Hinako." Karin laughed from the back.

"Does he really eat that much?" Lee asked, eyes wide.

"Just about. He eats a lot and he eats fast. I'm surprised he isn't as fat as your friend Chouji!" he laughed heartily.

"Hey, I'm not fat!" Chouji shouted angrily as he walked through the entryway. "I'm pleasantly plump! Besides, is that anyway to talk about your best customer?"

"Sorry, sorry. What will it be today?" Kichiro grinned cheekily.

"Seafood ramen." Chouji answered grumpily as he sat down next to Lee and next to him sat Shikamaru.

"I'll have beef." Shikamaru drawled lazily.

Kichiro turned and began working on the two orders.

"So, what's the deal with Naruto?" Chouji asked Sakura and Lee.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked cautiously.

"Kiba said you guys found Naruto but you didn't bring him back. How come?"

"Well… we came across Naruto in the forest." Sakura began, deciding to tell them what she told Ino earlier. "He was setting up camp and Sasuke decided he was a pokemon. Sasuke had Lee knock him out so he could catch him. Kakashi made sure Naruto wouldn't run off and the next morning sent Lee and I to report back to Tsunade-sama that we found him."

"And? That's it? Why did he leave?"

'This is eerily familiar.' Sakura muttered to herself.

Lee looked to Sakura, unsure if he should say why. Seeing no real harm, he decided to answer anyway. "He thought it would make people happy."

"What? What the hell kinda reason is that?" Chouji shouted.

"One that makes sense," Shikamaru interrupted. "Lets face it, he gets a lot of grief from most of the villagers because of what's inside him. Of course all those years pulling pranks to get attention didn't help matters either." Sigh. "He's so troublesome and such a moron. Still it's hard to believe that that would be the only reason. Naruto's never been one to just give up…" Shikamaru rubbed his chin, deep in thought.

Warning bells went off in Sakura's head and panic began to fill her. If anyone could figure it out, it was Shikamaru. He was too smart for his own good. They would have to get his train of thought off the track before their secret was exposed.

"So, Shikamaru… what have you guys been up to all these months?" Sakura asked, desperate to change the subject. "Have you finally asked Ino out?"

Chouji's back went stiff and his cheeks blushed lightly as Shikamaru looked at Sakura with a horrified expression. "Are you insane? As if I'd ever take up with that mad woman! Just the idea gives me chills… Apparently Sasuke's insanity is contagious." Shikamaru glared at the pink haired girl slightly.

"No it's not. But you spend 4 months with Kakashi non-stop and see if you can retain your sanity." Lee threw in, attempting to be helpful.

"So he's really that bad?"

"He's worse." Lee gave Shikamaru a tired look.

Four months with the perverted copy-nin had been exhausting. It wasn't that he was a bad person. He just seemed to get bored fairly easily and boredom meant entertaining himself. Given how he liked to read perverted books in his free time, it was no surprise he'd do something perverted to keep himself entertained. Not that Lee was complaining; he'd gotten to see Sakura naked and have his face land between her lovely bosoms. While the price was high, it made putting up with Kakashi a little bit easier.

"Really? What did he do?" Chouji asked as he slurped up his noodles.

Sakura blushed as the memories of all the times Lee had been pushed onto her and of course the time he saw her naked was still mortifyingly clear in her memory.

"Damn it, Chouji! Don't talk with your mouth full!" Shikamaru scolded.

"Well…" Lee squirmed nervously in his seat as Sakura glared and sent a silent but clear message that if he told about being pushed into her breasts, on to her and seeing her naked she would hurt him badly.

"Well?" Chouji prompted.

"Lots of stuff. But once in a while he'd get so drunk he couldn't see straight and make me read to him from Icha Icha Paradise."

"Whoa…" Chouji and Shikamaru muttered at the same time with wide eyes.

"What was in it? Is it as dirty as they say?" Chouji asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru scolded, "There is no reason you need to know what's in those books."

"Aw c'mon, Shika. Don't tell me you aren't at least a little bit curious what it is that makes Kakashi so addicted to them?"

"No, I'm not."

"Well I am. So what's in it Lee?"

"Mostly it contains short stories. A lot of them are really… explicit." Lee blushed, "But there were a few that weren't. Like there was one about a girl and her first kiss. But volume 4…"

"Yeah?" Chouji asked, practically on the edge of his seat.

"It was all… yaoi and shounen-ai stories. Like the other volumes, there were tame and explicit stories… It was educational if nothing else." Lee had a dazed look in his eyes.

When he was coerced into reading, Sakura would shout and scream before surrendering to plugging her ears up. Sasuke on the other hand, just glared and rolled his eyes before going to his sleeping bag and sleeping with his back turned to them. Lee suspected that even though Sasuke feigned disgust and disinterest, he was listening in. After all, it was educational.

Before, Lee had had no idea how gay men and women had… 'relations'. Of course, he had never thought about it before since he was more interested in girls. But even though the characters in the stories seemed to enjoy 'relations' a great deal, it sounded very painful. After all, that particular orifice wasn't exactly intended to be used that way. Shoving a thick, hard cock into such a small place had to painful. But then again, why was there a particular spot deep inside - unreachable by women that brought such pleasure? It made no sense unless nature had purposely supplied an alternative. It had to be worth it to endure that sort of pain; after all why would gay men even bother if it brought no pleasure to both parties? And according to the stories, it was mind numbingly pleasurable once they worked past the initial pain. While Lee was curious what it could possibly feel like, he was in no hurry to try it out – even as a lark.

"How explicit? What happened?" Chouji asked.

"Chouji!" Shikamaru shouted, "You don't need to know that!" Shikamaru sent a silent message that if he didn't stop, people would get curious as to why he wanted to know. And the last thing he wanted was someone prying into their business.

Chouji blushed and muttered, "Sorry."

The rest of the night was spent telling friends about finding Naruto and how Sasuke was still stuck on being a Pokemon Trainer. The reactions varied. Some rolled their eyes at Naruto's reasoning while others nodded in apparent understanding. The Sasuke fangirls however could care less about Naruto – although most made cracks that it was fitting he be treated like an animal. Those who did however were sent flying out by Sakura. But all the fangirls could do was morn that the Uchiha had not returned. Most people merely laughed at Sasuke's delusions and called him pathetic. Those people faced the wrath of the fangirls who threatened death and mutilation to the offenders of their object of desire.

Seeing their behavior from a new perspective, she suddenly felt a great deal of embarrassment. She had acted like that. She was as obsessed as they were. She was that pathetic. Sakura was tempted to slap herself for being so stupid. Even if Sasuke was straight, why would he be interested in girls who acted this way? She was glad Sasuke was gay. It forced her to take a good look at herself and present the chance to change. She would change for the better. She would move on with her life. She would be a better person and more importantly a better friend to her two team mates. She would protect them both – although it was probably Naruto who was going to need protection from Sasuke's fangirls. She knew he wouldn't hit a girl ever unless she was a ninja and even then he wouldn't do it out of malice. She however would have no problem smacking a few around.

In the end they had to leave because Lee threw out the suggestion that with Sasuke's lack of interest in girls he might be gay. That of course got him pummeled by all present fangirls, leaving Sakura to throw him over her shoulder and carry him home.

February 15th: Noon-ish

Sakura and Lee were sitting again at Ichiraku since they both decided that it would be the best place to spread news. A fair portion of the village ate there often for lunch and so the news would continue to filter through to the masses without having to run all over town and announcing it. It was also decided if they stuck together they could make sure that their story was consistent and the other would know what was said. So there the two sat eating their ramen when Ino walked in with Shikamaru and Chouji for a quick lunch.

"Why Sakura, I didn't know you and Lee were dating. What a cute couple you make." Ino taunted Sakura as Shikamaru rolled his eyes. He knew from past experience that things would not be pretty. Chouji took a tentative step back, pulling Shikamaru with him by the arm.

A vein in Sakura's forehead pulsed as she retorted through gritted teeth, "We are not on a date. And if we were, at least I could get a date unlike you." Sakura and Ino laughed their usual fake and 'polite' laugh.

"Well unlike you, I have standards. After all, Sasuke is worth waiting for."

"Well you're going to have a long and lonely wait since I know for a fact that Sasuke-kun isn't interested in you." Sakura laughed once again as Lee grew increasingly nervous.

"Uh, Sakura-san… maybe you should stop before you say something you'll regret."

"Forget it, Lee. Once those two start there's nothing short of Sasuke that can stop them. It's best just to let them go at it and hope no one gets killed in the process." Shikamaru sighed heavily.

Hinata walked in with Shino and Kiba and stared at the two girls fighting. She really hated when they fought. It was just so… mean.

"Is that so? Well the way I see it, you're going to have an even longer wait. Because if he ever did show any interest, it'd take a week for the news to make it past your forehead." Ino smiled smugly as Sakura merely laughed.

Kiba took a seat next to Shikamaru. "Let me guess. It's about Sasuke."

"Was there ever any doubt?" Shikamaru sighed heavily.

"Ino, who says I'll wait. After all it is pretty pathetic to be obsessed over a boy who won't return your affection. You'll die old and alone while I have moved on."

Hinata inwardly cringed at that. It reminded her of Naruto and how he didn't think of her that way. Of course he didn't know how she felt, but the comment still hit home.

"Oh really?"

"Really. I mean, not even Shikamaru will date you."

"Why you!" Ino threw a punch only to be stopped by Lee's hand.

"I know that I shouldn't interfere but I really can't let you act like this. You two in your own twisted way are friends…"

Before Lee could continue, an unfamiliar face entered the store and roared, "I'm looking for Tsunade! I demand to speak to her now!"

"What the hell…?" The small group of nin's muttered together while whispers filled the air.

"Excuse me, but why do you want so see Tsunade-sama?"

"I was told I needed to get permission from that bitch!" The man shouted angrily.

"Watch your tongue, sir." Sakura said in an icy tone, "That's our Hokage you're talking about. I suggest you show some respect."

"Hmph, a woman in charge? Women should be kept in a kitchen barefoot and pregnant. Now take me to her little girl."

Sakura held back the desire to punch the man into the next village and asked, "And exactly why do you need to see Hokage-sama."

Sakura noticed a several Anbu and Jounin, including Asuma waiting in the shadows to hear his answer.

"I don't need to tell a little girl like you." The man said snidely.

"That 'little girl' can knock you into the next village. I suggest you answer her." Ino stepped up next to Sakura, crossing her arms across her chest as she glared coldly. "Do you think we'd let an obvious lunatic like you near our Hokage, much less have you waste her time?"

"Now, who are you and why do you want to see Tsunade-sama?" Sakura glared coldly.

The Anbu stepped out of the shadows sending an obvious message that if he did not answer, something would happen to him.

"Fine." The man sighed, knowing there was no way he could take on so many armed people. "My name is Giovanni Barrone. I was told by a freak with grayish hair and a face mask that I needed to come her to get her permission before Naruto could marry my daughter."

Hinata's eye's widened in shock and small yelp left her chest. Was Naruto really involved with a girl?

"I'm sorry but, did you say you wanted Naruto to marry your daughter?" Sakura asked wide eyed.

"Yes, Uzumaki Naruto. Do you know him?" Giovanni asked.

Sakura sighed, "Yes, he's my friend. Why on earth do you want him to marry your daughter?"

"Because he's dishonored her twice!"

Whispers filled the air as people asked each other what exactly what Naruto could have possibly done. Had he dishonored her in 'that' way? Could the girl be pregnant? What else could it possibly be? And he had done it twice! Some people were bewildered while others had no doubt since he had Kyuubi sealed in him. No good could ever come from someone like that.

Hinata knew better. He was one of the most honorable people she'd ever known. He would never dishonor anyone. There had to be a mistake… but then why did Kakashi send him here?

"Dishonored her how? I know Naruto and he would never dishonor anyone intentionally; much less twice." Sakura was now confused. Had she read the situation wrong? Was Sasuke's affection one sided? And what had Naruto done?

"He left her at the altar 3 months ago and then he showed up back in town a week ago and made out with his faggot lover in front of her!" Giovanni howled.

"What?" everyone in the restaurant shouted in unison soon followed by hushed whispers about Naruto and his sexual preferences. A few said that they couldn't believe it, some said that it was no surprise and the majority were rather disgusted.

Hinata found herself increasingly growing light headed.

Sakura and Lee glanced nervously at each other. There was only one person it could possibly be, right? But why the hell would they do it in public and for that matter so soon? And now the whole village was going to know; this would not end well. Still, Sakura had to be sure.

"And what was the boys name?"

"The man who sent me here said that faggot's name was Sasuke." Giovanni growled, "Now take me to Tsunade so I can go kill that faggot and make Naruto marry my Sophia! I demand satisfaction!"

Shikamaru grinned slightly as it all clicked into his head. It all made perfect sense now. The careful lack of detailed information about Sasuke and Naruto. Lee's suggestion last night about Sasuke possibly being gay. Why Sasuke had reacted so badly when Naruto left. And he was willing to bet money that Naruto's leaving had to do with his own feelings for Sasuke. The two were such idiots, for years he had been suspecting Sasuke had a thing for Naruto; in hindsight it was now blatantly obvious. However, being the pro at hiding his own inner turmoil, Shikamaru hadn't been entirely sure where Naruto stood. For a while the boy had followed Sakura around asking for dates. But now that he thought about it, Naruto hadn't shown any real interest in Sakura or any other girl in years. It was pretty clear now where the boy stood.

Hinata couldn't take it anymore. Naruto was gay and with Sasuke? Her head spun and the poor girl fainted. Fortunately, Kiba caught her before she hit the ground.

The rest of the restaurant sat in shocked silence. Sasuke was gay? After a few moments, the fangirls –except for Ino snapped out of their stupor.

"Sasuke is not GAY! You take that back!" They shouted as present ninja's tried to hold the crazed women back.

"Look, if he's making out with Sasuke that means he's gay too. Do you really want her to marry him? And I doubt very much he would ever agree to marry your daughter. If he had, he would have kept his word. Naruto would never break a promise."

"His lips touched hers! Honor demands he marry her! It also demands that his faggot lover die at my hands!" Giovanni growled.

"So it was going to be a shotgun wedding?" Chouji asked to no one in particular.

"That's enough!" Ino shouted as she snapped out of her shocked state. "You will not call Sasuke a faggot and you will not threaten to kill him. Do it again, and I will kill you myself."

"Hmph. I seriously doubt that, little girl."

Ino's eye twitched and she began to cast the hand seals for tenshinten no jutsu. Realizing too late what she was going to do to cast his own jutsu, Shikamaru lunged at her and tackled her to the floor before she had a chance to finish.

"Ino, stop! Let Tsunade-sama and the Anbu take care of it. Besides he's not worth getting into trouble for!" Shikamaru tried to reason as he struggled to keep her down.

"Get off of me! I wasn't going to hurt him… much. And he called Sasuke a faggot! That's a horrible name to call somebody! He deserves it, damn it! And did you hear the way he's talking to us just because we're women? Even if he wasn't a homophobe, he's still a sexist pig! Let me at him!" Ino screeched at she struggled against Shikamaru.

"A little help here?" Shikamaru shouted. "I can't keep her down forever you know!"

Chouji and Asuma moved over quickly and to hold her down while Shikamaru used his Kage Mane no Jutsu. (3) When he finished, he forced her to sit on the floor while she shouted belligerently.

"Nara Shikamaru, you release me this instant or I'll make you sorry!"

"Ino, this is for your own good." Asuma sighed heavily. "This might be a good time to take him to Tsunade-sama before this turns into a riot."

Agreeing, the Anbu took Giovanni not so gently to the Hokage Tower.

When they left and most of the crowd left to spread the sinfully sensational news, Ino finally spoke again in a small voice.

"You knew didn't you? You knew the truth about Sasuke didn't you, Sakura? That's why you said you weren't going to wait forever and how you knew he would never be interested in me… For how long? How long have you known the truth?"

"Since we found Naruto; but we didn't know for sure. His behavior did make us very suspicious… it's not like he ever came out and said it." Sakura answered her in a gentle and sympathetic voice. She knew what Ino was feeling. She had felt the same; it was blow to ego and dreams. She hadn't wanted to believe it either.

"I've been such an idiot…" Ino whispered.

"I think we've all acted foolishly… C'mon, let's go to Yoshi Dango and get some tea and dango. I'll tell you everything I know, alright?"

"Just promise you won't leave the village to try and track them down or hurt Naruto." Asuma added to be sure.

Ino sigh and relented, "Fine. I won't leave the village or kill Naruto."

"No, promise you won't hurt him." Asuma stared.

"Fine. I won't hurt him, kill him or leave the village. Happy?" Ino glared at her sensei grumpily.

"Very. Shikamaru, let her go."

Shikamaru released the jutsu and the two girls left. Looking to his right he noticed Kiba and Shino trying to rouse Hinata.

"She fainted, huh?"

"Yeah, hearing about Naruto and Sasuke was just too much for her." Kiba sighed.

Hokage Tower

Before letting Giovanni speaking to Tsunade, an Anbu went into her office to tell her what had transpired at Ichiraku while a few Anbu kept Giovanni 'company' outside the doors. Tsunade could feel the ulcer forming as he told her everything Giovanni had said and the near riot that had transpired. When he finished, she felt an overwhelming need to smash her head into the wall over and over in the hope that she could forget everything. Of all the annoying things that could have happened, this was no where on the list.

"Alright, tighten security on the gates; no one leaves unless it's for business. Last thing we need is crazed fangirls roaming the countryside for Naruto's blood… and send Shikamaru to my office. I'm sending him and a team for the rest of Team 7."

"Hai, Hokage-sama… what about Giovanni?"

"Send him in. I'll see if I can defuse the situation."

The Anbu bowed in respect and moved to let the belligerent man in.

"It's about time! You got a lot of nerve making me wait!" He shouted.

"You've got a lot of nerve causing so much trouble in our village." Tsunade retorted. "Now what's this about Naruto marrying your daughter?"

"He dishonored her twice! I demand he marry her!"

"And what makes you think I'll force him to marry her?"

"Look, I'm not asking you to do anything; I'm telling you to make him."

Tsunade's brow twitched in annoyance as she tried to reign her temper in. "Is that so? Well, I'm telling you that I take orders from no one; I give them. Naruto is not going to marry your daughter, so I suggest you go home and learn to live with that fact."

"Just who do you think you are?" Giovanni growled as he raised his hand to slap her.

Tsunade glared and grabbed his wrist when his hand was mere centimeters from her face. "And just who do you think you are to slap any woman?" Tsunade glared as her grip tightened. Giovanni howled in pain as he felt the bones in his wrist cracking and breaking.

"Fucking bitch. A woman should know her place!" Giovanni said through gritted teeth.

"And you really should know when to shut the fuck up." Tsunade's glare intensified, "Naruto is not marrying your daughter. If you ever come near him again, send someone after him or come to this country again, there won't be enough of you left to identify much less put in a doggy bag. Are we clear?"

"Bitch." He spat.

With that, Tsunade lost all patience and punched him through the wall and somewhere onto the streets outside. She turned to her Anbu, "Find him. Escort him to the border. If he gives you trouble, do what you have to do. Make sure he understands that if comes back or near Naruto, he's a dead man."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." The team answered before leaving.

"Sigh. I think I'm going to name my ulcer SasuNaru…" Tsunade muttered as she laid her head down on her folded arms.

Yoshi Dango

Ino stared down into her tea as Sakura finished telling her everything from beginning to end. "So I guess there's no doubt then. Sasuke really is gay." Ino murmured.

"It would seem so, yes."

"I feel like an idiot."

"I know. I felt the same way too. Are you going to be okay?"

"I guess… it's just so weird. I mean, who would have ever thought that Sasuke and Naruto would be…" Ino trailed off.

"I know. I've had a few days for it to soak in and it's still a bit bizarre to me. But what can we do? He loves who he loves. It's not our place to tell him he can't."

Ino snorted, "As if he would listen to us in the first place. He never listens to anybody; he does what he wants… is he really happy?"

"I think so. His eyes haven't looked so alive since Naruto left…"

"Then I guess we have no choice…" Ino started.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked nervously wondering if Ino was going to break her promise or try to break the two apart.

"No choice left but to let him go and be happy for him." Ino smiled sadly.

"Yeah." Sakura smiled softly at her friend.

"Think Naruto will tell us how good of a kisser Sasuke is?" Ino smirked wickedly.

"Ino!" Sakura cried in shock.

"What? I can't at least know what I'm missing out on?" Ino asked innocently. "Ya know, the other fangirls are going to murder Naruto if they get their hands on him."

Sakura heaved a heavy sigh. "Yeah. We were hoping to keep it under wraps and put out the idea of Sasuke being gay in the hope of keeping it from turning out like this."

"Well, that's blown all to hell. Sigh. It's so troublesome but I guess we're going to have to lookout for him. He'd never hit a regular girl back… or a kunoichi for that matter outside of a mission."

"Fortunately you and I don't have that problem." Sakura smirked.

"So… you gonna start dating Lee?" Ino smirked as she took a sip of tea.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I don't know; you gonna try and convince Shikamaru to date you? He seemed pretty against it yesterday."

Ino snorted, "Yeah right, as if I'd try that." Ino lowered her head, leaning forward and whispered, "He's gay."

"What? Are you serious?" Sakura shouted back in a hushed whisper, wide-eyed.

"Yup." Ino smirked like cat who had swallowed a canary.

"How long?"

"He and Chouji have been seeing each other for about a year." Ino leaned into whisper again. "They've been sneaking around and don't know that I know so this is between you and me. Okay?"

"Of course… wow… not as surprising as Sasuke and Naruto though."

"Of course. After all, they've always been close whereas Sasuke and Naruto have always tried to knock the snot out of each other."

"I wonder who else is gay?"

Ino smirked again, "You really wanna know?"

Sakura stared wide-eyed again. "You know?"

"I know most of them. I am after all a yaoi fangirl. C'mon, let's go to my house and I'll tell you." Ino got up and motioned to Sakura to follow. Within minutes they were at Ino's. "Kasaan, I'm home! Sakura and I are going to be in my room."

"Okay, dear." Her mother answered from the back.

Ino went into her room and Sakura closed the door behind them. Ino pulled out a large scrapbook looking thing and grinned widely. "Okay, let's start with couples."

"C-couples?" Sakura stuttered. "Is everyone in that book gay?"

"Yup! Let's see, first up are Genma and Raidou-"

"Those two?"

"Yeah. They've been an item for a while, even though Genma is a huge flirt who likes to fool around. I honestly don't know why Raidou puts up with it. Then there's Chouji and Shikamaru, Kotetsu and Izumo, and now Sasuke and Naruto."

"That's all the couples there are? I thought there'd be more."

"There would be if they would just pay attention to each other. There are tons of gay guys here. There's Kakashi who has a thing for Iruka; and Iruka has a crush of Kakashi but Iruka doesn't know Kakashi likes him. Shino's gay – I think he's trying to wear Kiba down but Kiba has a small crush on Hinata. Neji… come to think of it he has a thing for Naruto too; so does Gaara and Sasuke's brother Itachi. He's pretty popular with the pretty boys, huh?" Ino stroked her chin thoughtfully.

Sakura felt very dizzy. "Yeah, I guess so…" All this information was almost too much. Well, at least Sasuke and Naruto would be in good company.

Ichiraku's

Hinata awoke to find herself in Kiba's lap and several people standing over her, looking down in concern. She immediately recognized her own teammates along with Shikamaru, Chouji and Lee.

"Hinata-san, are you alright?" Shino asked, his voice full of subtle concern.

"Yes. I can't believe I fainted…" She blushed in embarrassment. "I had the strangest dream."

"Oh?" the bug boy asked.

"Yes. I dreamt Sasuke and Naruto… were gay and a couple. And some loud man came in demanding the Naruto marry his daughter because Naruto had dishonored her." Hinata blushed.

"Uh, Hinata-chan…" Kiba began nervously.

"That really did happen. You passed out when you heard about Sasuke and Naruto." Shikamaru cut in bluntly.

"Oh." Hinata said simply.

"Are you going to be okay?" Kiba asked.

"I still feel a little dizzy. I think I should go home and rest for a while."

"Of course." Shino helped Hinata to her feet and led her out with Kiba.

"Sigh. So troublesome."

Moments later, Neji walked in. He had heard what had happened and came to find out for himself. He walked up to Shikamaru and asked, "Is it true what they're saying about Sasuke and Naruto?"

Shikamaru sighed, "Yeah. It's so troublesome. You'd think the way these people act, there was nothing else important in the world."

Neji nodded calmly in agreement, eyes emotionless while a tornado of emotions swirled inside. This simply wouldn't do! This was worse than last year when Itachi came to town and nearly deflowered his sweet Naruto! Neji wanted to pull his hair out in frustration. He had to get out of this village and stop Sasuke before he took Naruto away from him forever! But how? Neji saw his opportunity when the Anbu that Tsunade sent for Shikamaru arrived.

"Shikamaru-kun, Tsunade wants to see you in her office."

"What's it about?"

"She's sending you and a team to bring back the rest of Team 7."

Neji almost broke out into a song. Could it be? Was fate actually cutting him a break for once? He had to get on that team, no matter what!

"So troublesome." Shikamaru sighed as he headed to the Hokage's tower.

Hokage Tower

Shikamaru knocked on Tsunade's door and entered when she said to come in.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, I'm sending you out to bring back Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto. I want at least one Anbu with you, so I'm assigning Sai to you."

A muscle in Shikamaru's eye twitched. He really didn't like, or for that matter, trust Sai. He seemed to switch sides too easily and seemed to be obsessed with penises.

"Is that such a good idea? He was in Root…"

"Yes, but his jutsu may prove very handy. I'm still concerned that Giovanni fellow may try something. Also…"

"Also?"

"I find it hard to believe Akatsuki haven't made a move for Naruto. His luck can't last forever and so I want an Anbu with you. Think what you may of Sai but he's still very good at his job. You can pick two others for your team, but I would like to recommend you take Genma with you."

"But he's a special Jounin…"

"Yes, but he'd also be able to keep Sai somewhat in line. I'm sure you've heard from Naruto about Sai's apparent obsession with penises? Well, Genma's a bigger pervert than him and should keep him subdued."

"Fighting fire with fire?"

"Exactly. Have your team ready to leave in the morning."

"Shouldn't we wait? I mean it's not too safe for Naruto right now."

"I was going to wait but now… it'll take a little while to find them. Tell them what's happened and have them stay away for at least a month – things should be calm by then. When you find them, send a message and keep in touch. Now go."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Shikamaru turned and left the building, wondering who else he'd bring on this mission. He could bring Chouji, but that could arouse suspicion or appear to be favoritism. Of course there was no good reason to leave him behind either.

Outside Hokage Tower

"I'm guessing Tsunade-sama is letting you choose your team?" Neji's voice broke Shikamaru out of his thoughts.

"Part of the team, yes."

"I want to be on the team."

"And why would you want to go?" Shikamaru asked already knowing the answer.

"Why ask questions you already know the answers to?"

"It'll be too troublesome if you come. It's pretty obvious what Naruto has chosen."

"I want to be sure for myself."

"And if you don't like the answer, are you going to break them up?" Shikamaru sighed, "Why should I let you come anyway?"

"I think of you somewhat as a friend so I don't want to resort to threats and blackmail. But I will if I have to."

"Oh? And what you possibly threaten me with?" Shikamaru asked, a sick suspicion sinking in his stomach.

"I know about your relationship with Chouji. I'm guessing since you haven't made it public knowledge, that you want to keep it private."

"So? If you tell, it won't matter to me what others think. It's just simply no one's business but mine and Chouji's. You're going to have to do better than that."

"Can you say the same for Chouji? Or rather, his parents? I know for a fact that his mother tries to fix him up on dates and wants him to find 'a nice girl'."

"Asshole."

"Don't misunderstand me. I don't want to do this, but my reason is no different from yours. You want to protect Chouji, and I was to protect Naruto. I honestly don't think Sasuke deserves him."

"And you deserve Naruto?"

"Probably not. But Naruto deserves a choice."

"And if he doesn't choose you?"

"Then so be it."

"Fine. But I'm only doing this to protect Chouji." Shikamaru glared. "How did you find out anyway?"

"A few months ago, I was training in the forest with my Byakugan… I saw you two trying to lick each other's tonsils."

He had wanted to bring Genma as Tsunade had suggested, but now he was worried about leaving Chouji behind – especially for more than a month. Sigh. It couldn't be helped. Genma was the best one to keep Sai's perversion in line and if the latter decided to switch sides again, he was also better skilled to do so. Besides, Chouji wasn't going to cheat on him or be lured away by some girl. Shikamaru turned around to tell Tsunade of his decision so it could be passed onto Genma. He was sure he was fooling around with Raidou just about now and had no desire to interrupt or walk in on that… again.

February 16th: Dawn

"All right, we're all here. Everyone should have everything they need." Shikamaru spoke as he stifled a yawn. "If not, too bad."

He was exhausted. He'd spent half the night with Chouji, trying to calm the boy down. He was none too pleased when he found out that Shikamaru was going to be gone for at least a month and he couldn't come. And he was even less pleased when he found out why Neji was going. It had taken a lot of placating words and kisses to calm him down.

"Ah, I can't wait to see Naruto's penis again. It's been so long since I've seen it… it was so long and nicely proportioned." Sai sniffed.

Neji grit his teeth.

"Mine's bigger." Genma grinned.

"Knock it off and let's go already." Shikamaru groaned as he started walking. It was going to be a long month.

-x-x-x-x-

(1) This particular phrase gave Wowie some trouble since she didn't understand it. Basically it breaks down into longer than forever; like infinity plus 1. Any questions, just ask.

(2) I named the ramen guy and gave him a family.

(3) Wowie and I couldn't recall the name of the jutsu and could find no reference for it. However, Totally-Out-Of-It and inu382 are of the opinion that Kagemane no Jutsu is the correct name so I'm going with that. Blame them if it's wrong...

-x-x-x-x-

Okay, there it is… and it only took me a year! Please don't kill me – I wrote 10,508 words for you; more than 11k with the notes and stuff! I thought I would have it out last year but then I lost my focus and had a bit of personal drama and depression – hard to be funny when you're depressed… not that it's much of an excuse. I've decided though to go back to my spiral method since I seem to get distracted when I try to do it only on the computer. I've also decided not list everyone who reviewed (there's so many of you) and to not do the little thank you skits anymore - at least not every chapter! Thinking about coming up with something is as hard – if not harder than trying to write a chapter. I hope you all understand and know that I love you all, your reviews and encouragement more than words can say.

I've started the next chapter. I can't say when it will be done since it always leads to disappointment. I'm going to be at my sisters' for the next 2-3 days (company she works for needs someone for about 2 days) so I hope to get some writing in at some point and maybe look for other employment in the area. Also, I have a new email addy so I'll be sending fic update info from it. If you want to be added, let me know. If you're on Gaia, you can find me as Maliciously Creative.

Read and review! Show me you still care!