AUTHOR'S NOTE: Two things, dear Reader. First, screenplay slang is easy enough to understand. Stephen King once wrote that it is simple (which is true) and that it exists mainly, in his opinion, to make the people who write screenplays feel like lodge-brothers (which is equally true). My use of it differs only marginally from the standard; you should be aware, however, that CU means "close-up", ECU means "extreme close-up", O.S. means "off-screen", V.O. means "voice-over", a TITLE CARD is a text on the screen, PRELUDE is a big word to say "teaser", and SLAM CUT is another lodge-brothers thing, but essentially it's the same as a cut. Easy, right !
Second, I'd like to apologise immediately for what is surely going to be a rather lengthy introduction, but rest assured that I deem it inevitable to present it like that, inasmuch as the following script would be more or less incomprehensible without a supplementary context. Thank you.

INTRODUCTION: It is 1994, a little more than two years after (the real) Season 8 of WTB ended. Things are somewhat different, now that events in "Savour the Veal" are an item of the past. For one, Sam's marriage with Hank didn't work out the way fairy-tale inventors favour such things to. A constant subject underlying the end of (the virtual) Season 9 and the first half of (the equally virtual) Season 10 was Sam's struggle to keep their love alive, which, for various reasons, came to nothing. Ultimately, in the final episode before the Christmas break of Season 10, they split up. Sam moved out, not sure whether to file for divorce or not. The family's reaction to her breaking up with Hank didn't really help matters, and especially Tony proved unable to get level with his daughter. Angela showed goodwill, but even with her "experience" in this matter was unequipped to relieve Sam of her heavy burden. After the Christmas break, something previously unimaginable happened. In this inauspicious situation, it was Jonathan who became Sam's Father Confessor and indispensable source of consolation. Some really nice episodes of Season 10 showed them getting closer, but apparently something was wrong about it. Sam seemed to have developed strong feelings for Jonathan; he, on the other hand, kept a certain distance.
(Hey, wait a minute. What about The Story of Tony and Angela ?) Okay, cut in T & A. After "Savour the Veal" our two favourites quite quickly concluded that another go for marriage best be kept for a time way into the future. So they're living as an unmarried couple, and it's great fun to watch Catholic Tony and Wasp Angela clash over this matter time and again. Tony himself has seen another teaching job come and go, and is currently "enjoying" his traditional housekeeping duties. Angela's agency, meanwhile, has done well and thanks to CEO Bower keeps growing into a highly profitable ad company in the environment of the boom years that were those of the Clinton/Gore-administration. (Alright, good to know they're alive and well...)
Cut back to Sam and Jonathan. Best friends, in the meantime, but Jonathan seemed unable to cross the bridge. Poor Sam, who started to feel rebuffed by Jonathan and put the blame on herself. She's a mess, and currently hides in her old lodgings at the Bower residence. In the final episode of Season 10, Jonathan leaves. He has decided to pay his father a visit and heads for California. He explained to Sam and Mona, but not to either Tony or Angela, his mother.

Now, Season 11 opens with this episode:

---

WHO'S THE BOSS – created by Blake Hunter and Martin Cohan

Episode #245 – THINE OWN SELF, JONATHAN

story and teleplay by causeway-bay

Cast:
Tony Danza as Tony Micelli
Judith Light as Angela Bower
Alyssa Milano as Samantha Micelli
Danny Pintauro as Jonathan Bower
and Katherine Helmond as Mona Robinson

Guest starring:
James Naughton as Michael Bower
Jeroen Krabbé as Vincent Decraene

---

PRELUDE
INT. THE BOWER LIVING ROOM, BACKSIDE OF TV, ECU

The TV is running.

SOUND: TELEVISION NOISE

TITLE CARD: THE DEATH OF DOGMA IS THE BIRTH OF REALITY (Immanuel Kant)

We ZOOM OUT until we can see that SAM is lying on the couch in front of the TV. She's watching the latest episode of "The X-Files", eating walnuts. The lights are off and the gleamy TV screen is the only source of light in the room. As the end credits of the show audibly run, SAM, with a grimace of mixed cynicism and disgust, says:

SAM
(mocking voice, getting angry)
The truth is out there...yeah, right. And I've found it out there. Men are scum.
On all planets. That's why all the Aliens are probably girls running from their macho worlds,
only to find the same lousy story here.

Her voice does not hide her anger, nor does the walnut shell she now throws at the TV screen. She grabs the remote and turns off the TV, still fuming. The room is now quiet and in darkness.

SAM
(quietly, to herself)
Jonathan...

CUT TO THE DOOR. A key is being turned and the door opens up. A person stands on the threshold, merely a frame in the dark. CUT BACK TO SAM. She flinches in surprise.

VOICE (O.S.)
Anybody home ?

We see SAM's face lighten up as she recognizes the voice. So do we. The person steps in and switches on the light. It's JONATHAN BOWER. SAM jumps up from the couch, beaming. We hear the door close.

SAM
Jonathan...!

She positively runs into him, hugging him like a long lost friend (which he probably is). It looks somewhat like the scene from the pilot where Angela jumps into Tony's arms.

JONATHAN
You. I should've known...

He smiles, hugs her, too.

JONATHAN
Where're Mum and Tony ?

SAM
Went out. 10th anniversary, remember ?

JONATHAN
Man, I really was outta town.

SAM
How was California ? What about your father ? And Europe ? What...

JONATHAN
(cutting her short)
Sam. I'm beginning to feel like a prime suspect.

SAM
Well, you are.

She loosens the hug, mocking him with:

SAM
The strange case of the disappearing son. Wanna hear the verdict ?

JONATHAN
No need. Guilty as charged, I confess.

SAM
Come on, let's hear the whole story.

She takes him by the arm and pulls him towards the couch. JONATHAN reluctantly follows. They sit down.

JONATHAN
Sam, I...

He seems reluctant whether to say something that's on his mind.

JONATHAN
What were you doing, anyway ? Yoga in darkness ?

SAM
Just watching "The X-Files".

JONATHAN
Spooky Sam looking for a guy from
outer space. You must be really desperate...

(beat)

JONATHAN
Sam, could we talk ?

SAM
Aren't we already ?

JONATHAN
Sort of, I suppose. No, I mean, could we really talk ?

She smiles. JONATHAN is still hesitant. SAM continues.

SAM
Hey, cockroach, we're grown-ups now. Well, I am. You are...Jonathan!

She hugs him again, beaming, then continues more seriously.

SAM
Hey, now. We're educated adults, both of us. Get it ?
We should behave accordingly.

JONATHAN
Alright, then. Sam...have you ever been in love with a married person ?

CUT TO SAM. Her smiling face starts contorting, until it is a grimace of disbelief. She sinks down into the cushions.

SAM
I want my daddy...

END OF PRELUDE
DISSOLVE TO MAIN TITLE SEQUENCE

MAIN TITLES

ACT I / SCENE I
FADE IN TO
INT. THE LIVING-ROOM AREA OF MONA'S PLACE

We see MONA on her couch, conducting a call on her latest acquisition: a cell phone.

MONA
Oh, Marty...we've known each other for only two weeks, you know...
What, three weeks ? How time flies when you're young and in love.

She laughs. Some things will never change.

MONA
Tomorrow ? Marty, I'm not that kinda girl. How about tonight ?
(Really never change!)
MONA
Okay, Tiger, you'd better not miss out on your prey.
The sooner you're here, the fresher the meat will be.

She ends the call by pushing a button on her cell phone. The very next second, someone knocks on the door. MONA's sweet smile drops in surprise. She frowns.

MONA
If I remember correctly, nothing's supposed to move faster than the speed of light.
Pity Mr Einstein never met Mona Robinson.

Smiling again, she gets up and heads for the door. MONA opens it, and there's indeed a man standing on her threshold. A rather young man, for that matter.

MONA
(disbelieving first, then excited)
Jonathan! Our man in Amsterdam!

She flings her arms around him, hugging him tightly, like a truly loving grandmother. For the first time tonight we see Jonathan with a real smile on his face.

JONATHAN
Hi, Gramma. So good to see you again.

MONA
(loosening the hug)
Come on in, dear.

She closes the door behind him. JONATHAN walks over to the couch and sits down. MONA stops halfway between door and couch, still beaming.

MONA
Can I get you something ? Food ? A drink ? The latest gossip on Tony's and Angela's sex life ?

JONATHAN
Something to drink will do fine, thank you.

MONA
(matter-of-factly)
Wise decision. A glass of orange juice is more interesting, anyway.

She starts towards the kitchenette where she pours him some o.j.

MONA
Thanks for your letters.

JONATHAN
I promised I'd write.
(concerned)
You really didn't show them to Mum ? Or Tony ?

MONA
(coming back with the glass of o.j. and sitting down next to JON)
No, I didn't. I never break promises I give a man.
And I have a whole lotta witnesses for that.

JONATHAN drinks some of the o.j. The smile has gone. He looks troubled. MONA senses it clearly. As JONATHAN starts speaking again, he avoids eye contact with MONA.

JONATHAN
Gramma, something...happened. Something that's not in my letters.
I...I was with someone in Amsterdam.

MONA
(seriously, Texas accent)
Alright, Grandson Number One. Gimme the gory details.

JONATHAN
I don't know where to begin.

MONA
Try Amsterdam.

JONATHAN recognizes the cell phone on MONA's couch table.

JONATHAN
Gramma, are you expecting someone ?

MONA
Not anymore.

She moves closer to him, puts her hand on his arm.

MONA
Come on, spit it out, whatever there may be...See, I heard the strangest stories at a time when
your mother was still liquid. Yes, okay, right now I'm in the middle of something with a wonderful person...

She looks away, smiling. JONATHAN immediately cuts in.

JONATHAN
So am I.

CUT TO MONA, CU. We see the smile collapsing. Her eyes turn slowly, very slowly, towards her grandson. CUT BACK. JONATHAN wears a look of desperation.

END OF ACT I / SCENE I

ACT I / SCENE II
DISSOLVE TO
INT. THE BOWER LIVING-ROOM

The room is in darkness again. We hear familiar voices approaching from outside. The door opens up, and someone switches on the light. We recognize TONY MICELLI and ANGELA BOWER, obviously back from their anniversary celebrations. They hang up their overcoats.

TONY
(exhausted)
Oh, what a night. Thank God it's over and done. Any more of Ken and Karen's stories
and I'd've spent the next three days in a lunatic asylum.

He practically falls down onto the couch.

ANGELA
They'll never change. But, honestly, that's the price you pay for being best friends with a psychiatrists couple.

She sits down next to Tony. He puts his arm around her.

TONY
Yeah, I wouldn't trade places with their kids if you paid me a fortune.

ANGELA
You think their kids would like to live our life ?

They look at each other, then say simultaneously:

TONY/ANGELA
Nooo...

They laugh and kiss.

ANGELA
Tony ?

TONY
Yeah ?

ANGELA
Do you think we could extent our anniversary celebrations ?

Smiles seducingly at him.

ANGELA
If you know what I mean.

TONY
Hey-oh. I can dig that, uptown girl. That's why I decided to
study in the first place: To be able to catch up with your Harvard talk.

They laugh. But as everybody knows, moments of pure happiness don't last, painful as it may be. And really, we now hear muffled sobbing. The sound comes from the kitchen. TONY and ANGELA immediately stop and listen. Both of them realize what's going on in an instant. TONY reacts first.

TONY
My little girl !

He jumps up and heads for the kitchen.

ANGELA
Harvard 0, Brooklyn 1. Welcome home.

She gets up and follows Tony. We retain the impression that a scene like this has occurred more than once recently.

END OF ACT I / SCENE II

ACT I / SCENE III
SLAM CUT TO
INT. THE KITCHEN

We see SAM sitting at the kitchen table. She's been crying, obviously, as there's a considerable collection of used paper tissue in front of her. ENTER TONY from the living-room door, ANGELA in his wake. A truly concerned father, TONY approaches SAM and says:

TONY
Sam. Sam, are you alright ? What happened ?

ANGELA
(looking at the mass of used paper tissue)
If I didn't know better, I'd say it's the first flu wave of the season.

SAM
Dad...I've lost him...

TONY
(now less concerned, more to himself)
Oh. That's what happened...

SAM
(not listening)
He...he came back...

ANGELA sits down at SAM's other side, surprised.

TONY/ANGELA
Hank...?

SAM
(still not listening)
...and I've lost him forever.

TONY/ANGELA
Hank...?

SAM
(noticing)
No ! Jonathan.

ANGELA
Jonathan ?

ANGELA, as if she'd just jerked awake from a temporary state of trance, realizes first. She grabs SAM, all but shaking her, a woman on the verge.

ANGELA
Jonathan ? Oh my God, Sam, he's here ? Where is he, where ?
What have you done to my baby ?

SAM looks at her, scandalized.

SAM
Angela, what has your baby done to me ?

TONY
Yeah, what has your baby done to my baby ?
What are you doing to my baby ?

SAM is obviously frustrated. She gets up.

SAM
Could we stop that baby talk ? There are no babies here, and there won't be any !
Nobody's ever gonna call you "Gramma" or "Grandpa". And it's both your fault !

TONY looks completely at sea. ANGELA looks confused, to say the least.

TONY
Sam...

SAM
(cutting him short)
Yes, Dad, it's your fault. You freaked out on every nice guy I've met, now look where it got me !
I'm 22, as good as divorced, and turned down by the man I thought I knew after ten years of growing up together.

ANGELA
Sam...

SAM
(cutting her short)
And, yes, it's your fault, too, Angela. You brought Jonathan up like a governess, now look
where it got him ! He's 18, and he's through with women after the first real one approached him - me !

ANGELA doesn't get the message; not yet. She manages a desperate question. ANGELA
Sam, what are you talking about ?

SAM
(earnestly)
Angela. Your son defected to the enemy. After three weeks in San Francisco and three months in Europe
he's come to the conclusion that women can't give him what he needs. He's taken a look at the gay side of life
and now he intends to stay there a while.

A ringing silence falls. After a moment, SAM continues.

SAM
Ask him, if you don't believe me. He's at Mona's place right now. Good night.

She storms out of the kitchen. TONY and ANGELA look at each other, then run off in opposite directions: ANGELA out the door, heading for Mona's place, TONY tries to catch up with his daughter.

ANGELA
Jonathan !

TONY
Sam !

ANGELA (O.S.)
Jonathan ! Oh, my God !

TONY (O.S.)
Sam ! Madonna mia !

END OF ACT I / SCENE III

ACT I / SCENE IV
SLAM CUT TO
INT. THE HALLWAY ON THE UPPER FLOOR

ENTER TONY from the stairs. He rapidly crosses the hallway and stops in front of SAM's bedroom door. He knocks softly.

TONY
Sam ? Sam, are you in there ?

SAM (O.S.)
No.

TONY
Then who's talking to me right now ?

SAM (O.S.)
I don't know. Maybe the ghost of my dead twin sister you never told me about.

TONY
You've been watching "The X-Files" again, hm ?

SAM (O.S.)
Go away.

TONY
Sam, I know you're grown up and all that, but please don't dismiss me just like that.
What's this gay stuff all about ? What...why...I mean...Jonathan ?

He stops. Frowns. Still can't make head nor tail of it.

TONY
(more to himself)
Jonathan ? No way.

The door opens up, and SAM stands there, fuming. She positively barks at her father.

SAM
Listen, Dad. This is not about me, it's about Mr Gay Pride. He's at Mona's right now,
so would you please move in that direction for answers. I'm through, I'm finished, I lost my husband to another
woman, I lost my best friend to another man, and I lost my faith in this world to an irresistible death wish.

TONY
But you'll never lose the love of your father.

SAM
(still irritable)
Dad! I made a move on Jonathan, now look what happened. First he ran to California,
then to Europe, and now that he's gay he thinks it's safe to return here. And it's all my fault.

TONY
No, it's not. Oh, my poor little girl...

He takes a step forward, clearly intending to hug his daughter for consolation. But SAM keeps him at a distance.

SAM
Don't touch me, unless you wanna find yourself in the morning wearing
Angela's clothes and singing "I am what I am" on the kitchen table !

She slams the door in his face. CUT TO TONY, who stands there, lost for words.

FADE TO BLACK
END OF ACT I

ACT II / SCENE I
FADE IN TO
INT. THE KITCHEN

TONY is preparing breakfast. He's humming some indistinguishable melody as he walks over to the fridge.

TONY
(humming quietly)
I am what I am...

In the middle of his movements he stops. Realizes what he's just done. All but panicking he looks down his body, checking his clothes. They're his usual stuff. He sighs in relief.

TONY
Did I touch her when I rushed in ?

He dismisses the thought and resumes his movements. ENTER ANGELA from the living-room door. She wears a dressing gown. It's one of TONY's. As soon as he's aware of ANGELA's presence he realizes and freezes again. ANGELA, who looks like she's had very little sleep, if any, doesn't understand why TONY is gaping at her.

ANGELA
Morning, Tony.

CUT TO TONY. He's still gaping immovably. CUT BACK.

ANGELA
It's me. Angela. I know that's hard to believe. Do you trust me or are you gonna take my prints ?

She walks over to the coffee-machine like any given morning, and pours herself some.

TONY
Angela. That's one of my gowns you're wearing.

He approaches ANGELA.

ANGELA
(irritably)
Well spotted. So what ? I wasn't really very selective about that.
Want it back ? Then say so but do it quickly.

TONY's face expresses apprehension, as it does so often when ANGELA gets hard on him.

TONY
Angela...you touched Sam yesterday, didn't you ! You grabbed her, right !

ANGELA doesn't understand. Why would she...

ANGELA
(voice rising)
Tony, I know I'm not her mother, and she's of age, but she knew something about Jonathan, my son, remember ?
The young man I brought forth in sorrow, and whose name I feared would soon have been the subject of a letter captioned "Missing In Action".

She walks over to the table and sits down. TONY joins her.

TONY
Still worried ?

ANGELA
Mother wouldn't let me in. She refused to let me see my son.
She said Jonathan had asked her for that and that he'd stay at her's the night.

ANGELA, leaning on her elbows, hides her face in her hands. TONY leans over, kisses her on the head, strokes her hair. He senses that she's close to tears.

TONY
Oh...don't cry, la mia bellissima. Tony's here. No reason to be upset.

ANGELA
(desperately)
No reason to be upset ? I lost my husband to another woman, I lost my son to my mother,
and I lost my faith in this world to the irresistible wish to drown myself in an ocean of hot chocolate.

She drinks some of the coffee. TONY, meanwhile, looks away, and says:

TONY
And I lost my daughter to "The X-Files", my gown to my long-term relationship, and I'm about to lose my mind.

He gets up to resume his breakfast preparations. CUT TO THE LIVING-ROOM DOOR. ENTER SAM. Equally dressed in a gown, like ANGELA. Equally short of sleep, like ANGELA.

SAM
Morning, Angela. Morning, Dad.

She sits down at the table.

TONY
Morning, Sam. Pancakes for breakfast ?

SAM
Yeah, I guess so.

ANGELA believes SAM's defences are down, and decides to give it another go.

ANGELA
Hey, Sam. Tony told me last night what you told him. I...

TONY, standing behind SAM, serving her pancakes, senses that trouble is about to enter the arena and is silently gesticulating at ANGELA not to push the subject. She notices, yet seems unconvinced.

ANGELA
I didn't quite understand the "dead twin sister" part...

Tony is making small gestures of embarrassment.

ANGELA
However, I was wondering if Jonathan hadn't told you more than you were willing to give us yesterday.

SAM furiously slams her fist on the table, jumping erect from the chair. She wears a look of mixed anger, frustration, and exhaustion. ANGELA flinches.

SAM
(furiously)
Adesso basta !

We see that TONY has taken a step back, obviously shocked. After a few seconds, he regains some of his control.

TONY
Sam! You're speaking Italian !

SAM
I am Italian, remember ? My blood is usually hot, but right now it's boiling, so everybody
intending to celebrate their next birthday with all body parts in place should keep at a distance.

She sits back down. TONY walks around the table and quietly talks to ANGELA, who keeps staring insecurely at SAM.

TONY
Angela. When Sam's Italian roots gain the upper hand, it's women and children first, so you'd better...

SAM looks up from her breakfast. Her voice is cynical as she cuts in.

SAM
Right-O, Dad. Women and children. Don't tell Angela about that - tell Jonathan, who has abandoned
the path of the righteous man for the tyranny of evil men and is shepherding the weak no more.

She minds her breakfast again. Tony and Angela look irritated, to say the least. TONY speaks very quietly now.

TONY
Angela. She quotes the Bible. That means red alert. Last time she did that was in elementary school.
A little rascal by the name of Silvio Abbandando cheated her at rat flinging.

ANGELA, disgusted, turns her head slowly towards TONY.

ANGELA
What happened ?

TONY
Nobody really knows. Word around the campfire is, it's got something to do
with the fact that Silvio's an expert in alternative fertilization now.

ANGELA comprehends, looks shocked. Then the garden door opens. ENTER MONA. Quite unlike her daughter, she looks impeccable. More, her mood seems to be nothing short of brilliant.

MONA
Good morning, crew. What a wonderful day, isn't it !

She smiles at the family, receives incredulous stares for reply.

MONA
Is it just my imagination, or are you really trying to let me know that you disagree ?

They keep staring.

MONA
See, I've had enough sleepless nights in my life, so trust me:
They usually make you feel better...if you know how to spend them.

MONA walks over to the coffee-machine, pours herself some. ANGELA is the first "crew member" to regain some control over herself, and gets up.

ANGELA
Mother, you're acting like nothing happened last night.

MONA
Well, nothing did. Otherwise Tony wouldn't look like fresh milk while you're looking like old cheese.

ANGELA is obviously frustrated. Small wonder. MONA walks over to the table to take her daughter's place there. She sits down.

ANGELA
Mother, where's Jonathan ? I want to see my son. It's my right to demand you let me see him.

MONA
(earnestly)
No, darling. It's not. It's Jonathan's right to demand you leave him alone whenever he wants to. Just in case you forgot:
Your son is now legally of age. It is up to him to make the decisions he deems necessary for his very own pursuit of happiness.
Don't take my word for it; go to Washington and visit the National Archives there. Ask for Mr Jefferson.

MONA attacks some of ANGELA's breakfast. MONA has done it for the umpteenth time. Strike. ANGELA looks paralysed. TONY speaks up, convinced he's up for an in-fight with MONA.

TONY
Mona, Angela's worried. We all are. Jonathan's come back from a long journey and all we know is what he told Sam,
which practically means we don't know anything. Anything that would make sense, that is...

MONA
Tony, is it really too much to ask of you to leave him alone until such time he feels ready to tell you everything ?
Isn't that what you would've done in his place ? Or are you seriously trying to tell me that you would've preferred
to appear before the Grand Jury of Micelli County under the presidency of the Honourable Governess Bower ?

She resumes her breakfast.

SAM
Governess. See, Angela ? Makes two. You should really start asking yourself some questions.

ANGELA
That's it, Sam. And I'll do it right away.
(cynically, to MONA)
Mother, I wonder if I should push you any further on this matter or if it wouldn't be
more appropriate to immediately dispense with the questionable honour of your presence.

MONA gets up, looks her daughter straight in the eyes and deals her the final blow.

MONA
(dead serious)
Angela. I wish you could listen to yourself. You don't seem to have taken in a single word I said. If you're seriously considering to "dispense" with your mother's presence, you shouldn't be too surprised that your son is currently thinking along the same lines.

JONATHAN (O.S.)
Quid pro quo, that's what the Romans would've called it.

The family turns in the direction of the voice. We see JONATHAN standing in the frame of the garden door.

JONATHAN
Just something I picked up in Amsterdam. Thank you, Gramma, you're the best lawyer I could wish for.

He smiles. ANGELA reacts first, again. She throws her arms around JONATHAN, and it's not clear whether he's ever going to regain freedom. ANGELA sheds tears, all the frustration and fear for her son's well-being falling off her.

ANGELA
Jonathan ! Oh, my baby !

She strokes him, kisses him. A mother's love at work.

ANGELA
Where have you been, darling ?

JONATHAN
Europe.

ANGELA
(desperate, uncomprehending)
What's in Europe ?

JONATHAN
(matter-of-factly)
Europeans.

ANGELA
Why did you go away ? Why didn't you tell me ? What's going on ? Don't you love me anymore ?

She looks him straight in the eyes, strokes his cheeks. JONATHAN looks awkward.

SAM
Cross-examination. Mona, won't you object ?

MONA
What good would it do ? I'd be overruled before I could finish the first word.

JONATHAN
Mum, of course I love you. Don't worry, I'm alright. I'm gonna tell you everything.

TONY gets up, joins ANGELA and JONATHAN.

TONY
Hey, champ. Come in, have some breakfast and we'll talk it all over.

JONATHAN
I've had some at Gramma's. Now, if you don't mind, I've gotta take care of some business in my room.

ANGELA seems reluctant to let him go.

JONATHAN
Mum, it's alright. I'll keep you informed on my whereabouts.

She manages a weak smile, strokes him one more time. JONATHAN walks over to the living-room door, stopping only to exchange a non-committing glance with SAM.

JONATHAN
Did you tell them ?

SAM
Some of it. I didn't mention the outside cruising in Monterey, though, so relax.

TONY
Outside cruising ? What's outside cruising ?

JONATHAN
(angry)
That wasn't about me, Sam. You got it all wrong, I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have told you at all. I bet you fed them
with your very own version of what I said. I wouldn't be surprised if you made them believe that I'm gay.

He leaves the kitchen. The others are all looking at each other, at a loss. Except for MONA. She simply finishes her breakfast. Obviously, JONATHAN told her a lot more than he told SAM, and MONA didn't get it all wrong.

END OF ACT II / SCENE I

ACT II / SCENE II
DISSOLVE TO
INT. THE BOWER LIVING-ROOM

The family is sitting around the table, SAM on the armchair to the left, MONA on the one to the right, while TONY and ANGELA have planted themselves on the couch. We hear footsteps from the stairs. We see JONATHAN coming down, stopping halfway as he recognizes the full crew waiting for him. His look takes on a somewhat doubtful expression. ANGELA gets up, but says nothing. She couldn't, anyway, because MONA cuts in with a comment on ANGELA's behaviour.

MONA
Hear ye, hear ye.

Jonathan is now standing next to SAM. He doesn't look at her, but puts his hand onto her shoulder. She touches it briefly, looks up at him. Neither of them is smiling. One of those strange moments.

JONATHAN
Alright.

He takes a deep breath, wears a defiant look. He sits down between ANGELA and TONY.

ANGELA
Jonathan, please tell me everything. Everything, you hear me ?

MONA
Jonathan, you have the right to remain silent.

ANGELA looks murderously at her mother; JONATHAN, however, manages a little smile.

JONATHAN
Gramma, I waive that right. And, honestly, I don't think the Miranda warning really applies here.
But thanks, anyway.

He pauses for a second, then begins his story. CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS IN.

JONATHAN
Okay. Well, I went to see Dad first, because I felt that I needed to talk to someone who's close to me, but who,
at the same time, has enough distance to give me a neutral opinion. So I made contact with him and then left for California.

DISSOLVE TO
EXT. A CITY STREET OF DOWNTOWN SAN FRANCISCO, DAY

We see JONATHAN walking down the street, then entering a building.

JONATHAN (V.O.)
Dad really hit the jackpot with his documentary stuff. He's associated with with every big player in the field,
from National Geographic to the Discovery Channel. Money's nothing he'd have to worry about, it's something he just has.
Quite like you, Mum.

ANGELA (V.O.)
Yes, but only opposites attract.

SLAM CUT TO
INT. A HALLWAY INSIDE THE BUILDING

JONATHAN approaches one of the doors. A brazen plate on it says "Michael Bower". JONATHAN knocks. After a moment the door opens. We recognize JONATHAN's father.

MICHAEL
I've been waiting for the moment that you'd come through my door.

JONATHAN steps forward, and the two men embrace. They're smiling.

JONATHAN
Dad.

MICHAEL
Jonathan. My son.

DISSOLVE TO
INT. MICHAEL BOWER'S OFFICE

JONATHAN and MICHAEL are sitting on a modern couch arrangement in a corner of the room. They're apparently in conversation, but we only hear JONATHAN's voice from the off.

JONATHAN (V.O.)
We talked a lot about him first. He explained a great deal, answered all my questions. Then I told him about me,
told him about what had happened between Mum and Tony, and what had happened between me and Sam.

SAM (V.O.)
What happened between me and you ? There is no me and you.

JONATHAN (V.O.)
Sam...

MONA (V.O.)
Yeah, and what happened between Angela and Tony ?

ANGELA / TONY (V.O.)
(simultaneously)
Mother ! Mona!

JONATHAN (V.O.)
Well, anyway. Dad listened to what I had to say and he showed real understanding.

JONATHAN
...so I really don't know what to do anymore.

MICHAEL
Well, Jonathan. I know I've been an absentee father for many years now, but let me tell you from my
own experience that you'll never know yourself, know what you want in life, who's right for you and who isn't,
unless you try it out. You are your own man now, but you are still very young. See, I tried marriage.
Good for you, I might add. I loved your Mum and I still do, but marriage didn't work for me.

JONATHAN
For Mum, either. You should've seen her and Tony over the years.
Don't know whether to call it pathetic or ridiculous.

MICHAEL
Call it love. That's what it's all about. But you'll have to find yourself first before you can find the way to other people's hearts.
If you're still unsure about your own orientation, you should explore your options before you open yourself to Samantha.

JONATHAN
"Explore your options"...Mum talks like that all the time.

FREEZE FRAME.

ANGELA (V.O.)
I don't !

TONY (V.O.)
Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

RESUME.

MICHAEL
Well, she's right, too. See, one of my best friends is gay and he once told me that
outside cruising in Monterey pulled the trigger for him. If you know what I mean.

JONATHAN
I do. I've looked into the matter.

MICHAEL
I'm not saying that this is what you ought to do. All I'm saying is go for it.

JONATHAN
"Go for it"...Tony talks like that all the time.

FREEZE FRAME.

TONY (V.O.)
I don't !

ANGELA (V.O.)
Oh yes, you do. The memory is still vivid.

SAM (V.O.)
Truer words were never spoken...Joe !

RESUME.

MICHAEL
He's also right. Maybe you'll have to go far, far away to find yourself. You wouldn't be the first one, either.
Just take a look at me. I'm divorced twice, now living single, and loving it.

DISSOLVE TO
INT. THE BOWER LIVING-ROOM

We see JONATHAN's face in CU. CAMERA SLOWLY ZOOMS OUT.

JONATHAN
We talked a while. Then we went to a great restaurant for some lunch. He said I could stay at his place
for as long as I wanted. I accepted. Had a great time, really. Wouldn't wanna miss a single minute of it.

He smiles to himself. So does TONY.

TONY
See, Angela ? Told you, a man will always retain a special relationship with his father, no matter what happens.

ANGELA
"No matter what happens" ? Tony, your father is dead.

TONY
Yeah, but I'm a man. And so is Jonathan. Right, champ ?

JONATHAN
Right.

TONY claps him jovially on the back. JONATHAN smiles, then continues.

JONATHAN
Well, a few weeks later I went to Europe. Dad had made special arrangements with that friend of his who lives in Amsterdam,
Vincent Decraene. Dad provided me with what he called "all the necessary monetary equipment". He insisted I take the money,
said I should consider it as some kind of compensation for ten years of absence from his paternal duties.

JONATHAN turns to his mother.

JONATHAN
Mum, did he infect you with that upper-crust vernacular, or was it the other way round ?

ANGELA looks rather undecided as to an appropriate answer. The others are grinning. JONATHAN continues.

JONATHAN
Anyway, I did accept the money and flew over to Amsterdam.

MONA
Yeah, tell 'em about Amsterdam. Hash is legal there, right ?

TONY
Mona !

JONATHAN
(laughing)
Yes, it is.

ANGELA
Jonathan !

SAM is trying hard not to laugh out loud, as JON continues.

JONATHAN
Don't worry, folks. That's not why I went there. Though you could argue that some of our own laws are pretty weird, too.
Dad told me that in Alabama a man is allowed to beat up his wife with a stick, as long as the stick isn't thicker than his thumb.

TONY
(singing quietly)
Sweet home, Alabama...

ANGELA
(scandalized)
Tony !

TONY
That what you call weird ? In New York it's illegal to wash a donkey in your bathtub.

SAM
So that's why the apartment in Brooklyn had a shower stall but no bathtub.

TONY
(to SAM)
And that's why the toy stores in New York don't sell plush donkeys.

JONATHAN
Really, Amsterdam is a great place. Gramma, you'd think it the most.

MONA
I do. I've been there.

ANGELA
Mother. We don't want to hear about it. Not now. Not ever.

JONATHAN
No, really. I mean Vincent and I travelled Europe for two months.
I saw Paris, Rome, Cologne, Brussels, London and other cities,
but Amsterdam really hit the spot. It's like Europe at its best,
great people, great nightlife. Definitely gets you.
Vincent really didn't have to sell me his hometown.

ANGELA
What kind of a man is he ?

JONATHAN
Oh, you'd love him, Mum. He's educated, smart, great-looking. About Dad's age. Lived in the States for twelve years.
Made a fortune as a distributor of exclusive designers fashion. Dad loves his suits, he wears them all the time.

ANGELA
Michael in a designer's suit ? I'll believe that when I see it.

JONATHAN
I learned so much from Vincent. We talked a lot, and we've become really good friends. I remember the evening before I departed.
We'd had dinner in this nice restaurant called "Caruso", and then we walked over to this cozy café "Piet de Leeuw".

DISSOLVE TO
INT. A CAFE IN AMSTERDAM

JONATHAN and VINCENT are sitting at a table next to the wall.

SOUND, BG: SOFT ELECTRONIC TUNE, INSTRUMENTAL, LIKE "CAN YOU FEEL IT" BY FINGERS INC.

VINCENT
So what do you expect is going to happen once you're back home ?

JONATHAN
Honestly ? I don't have the slightest idea. With my folks, you have to be prepared for the worst.
I'd better start thinking the unthinkable.

VINCENT
Which is ?

JONATHAN
That I've lost all my Fairfield privileges. Disinheritance. Dishonour. Worse: They haven't noticed my absence at all.

VINCENT laughs.

JONATHAN
It's not a laughing matter. Two years ago, they forgot me at a gas station.
Took them hours to figure out someone's missing.

VINCENT laughs even more.

VINCENT
Well, as long as Samantha hasn't forgotten about you, everything should be fine, right !

JONATHAN
Guess so.

He looks troubled.

VINCENT
Come on, Jon. It's not as if you had disappeared without a trace. You've kept contact with your grandmother, after all.
And everything you told me about her tells me she's the right person to handle matters at your place.

JONATHAN
She is. I'm sure she did a great job, so it should be safe to return.

VINCENT
But that's not what's calling you back, is it ?

JONATHAN
No. I came here to find myself. I'm not sure I have, but I've learned an awful lot about myself.
For example that I'm not someone to leave loved ones behind when they need me.

VINCENT
It wasn't selfish of you to take a time off. I did it years ago, when I went to America. I'd never want to miss those years.
I came back with very few definite answers, but I had gained a lot of new insights about myself. And that's what makes it
such a valuable experience to this day for me. I think you're going to find, when a certain amount of time has passed,
that this is exactly what has remained from your visit here. That it was worth the while.

JONATHAN smiles.

JONATHAN
That, and the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Here's to you, Vincent.

Both men raise their glasses.

DISSOLVE TO
INT. THE BOWER LIVING-ROOM

JONATHAN looks around, sees his folks in thought. Except MONA, she smiles at him. He smiles back. Eventually, ANGELA looks at her son, smiles, strokes him, kisses him on the cheek.

JONATHAN
I guess that means you still love me, Mum.

ANGELA
Of course I still love you. You're my son. I'm always there for you, darling, always. No matter what happens.

JONATHAN
Okay. I love you too, Mum.

Mother and son embrace tightly. Then JONATHAN gets up.

JONATHAN
If you'll excuse me now, I'm still terribly jetlagged.

He leaves for his room. CUT TO TONY/ANGELA.

TONY
And I still don't know what outside cruising is.

CUT BACK. They all laugh. Sometimes ignorance is strength, indeed.

FADE TO BLACK
END OF ACT II

EPILOGUE
FADE IN TO
INT. THE BOWER LIVING-ROOM

SAM is sitting in front of the TV again. She appears to be only mildly interested in the programme. ENTER JONATHAN from the back door. SAM recognizes him and turns off the TV. Not looking at him, she says:

SAM
Hi, Jonathan.

JONATHAN
Hi, Sam.

He approaches her and leans over the couch. Their looks meet.

JONATHAN
Still mad at me ?

His voice is hopeful and he manages a smile. SAM'S uncomfortable expression relaxes.

SAM
Put it that way: I don't want your head on a plate anymore.

She gives him her famous smile that can melt steel.

JONATHAN
Nor any other part of my body ?

SAM laughs.

SAM
No. You don't have to worry about your physical integrity when you go to sleep.

JONATHAN
I wasn't thinking about going to sleep, actually. What about...

He walks over to the stereo and starts the CD-Player.

JONATHAN
What about dancing ?

SAM looks a little confused. She turns around.

SAM
Dancing ?

SOUND, BG: "LET'S STAY TOGETHER" BY AL GREEN

JONATHAN walks back to the couch.

SAM
You can dance ?

JONATHAN
Can you ? 'Cause right now I'm in the mood and I feel like dancing with a beautiful Brooklyn girl.

He makes an inviting gesture with his arms.

SAM
(using her refined Brooklyn accent)
Jonathan. You sure you know what ya doin' ? I mean I ain't much of a biologist, but I got a hunch I lack some Y-chromosomes 'n stuff.

Despite her mocking, she gets up and joins JONATHAN. They start dancing to the old tune. They're quite good at it. As JONATHAN is considerably taller than SAM, she has her head on his upper chest and her hands around his neck. SAM looks really happy for the first time in this episode. (And for quite a while, actually.)

SAM
Jonathan, you told me when you came back that you were in love with a married person.

JONATHAN
Did I ? I think I remember asking you if you ever were.

SAM
I never answered that question.

JONATHAN
I never expected you to. Besides, Sam...any news about your getting divorced ?

SAM smiles, got the message.

SAM
Jonathan ?

JONATHAN
Yeah ?

SAM
I love you.

JONATHAN smiles like a sphinx.

JONATHAN
I know. That's what made me come back in the first place.

SAM
Really ?

JONATHAN
Of course. Why would I want a quest for my own self halfway around the world
when all the happiness I could wish for is right in front of me ?

SAM
Jonathan, you've finally grown up.

They laugh and continue dancing. We hear Al Green singing over the final moments of this episode:

Let's stay together
Loving you whether
Times are good or bad
Happy or sad...

FADE TO BLACK
THE END