Disclaimer: It's been a while since I wrote this and my style has changed quite a bit, you have been warned.

Been A While

Marcus had been a Death Eater in Voldemort's service since his third year of Hogwarts. First by reporting any bit of information he came across and later as a soldier in his master's army. It had been glorious, yet it had all crashed down shortly after he'd left school when the Potter brat had managed to end the fun. He hadn't joined out of concern for the muggle encroach on wizarding culture, what did he care about some old customs. No, Marcus had joined because he loved the sense of power it gave him. Where else could a man rape, murder, and loot, without fear of punishment? What other profession gave such a sense of power?

The Dark Lord had granted Marcus a great honor, an honor that Marcus had been waiting for for years. The honor of leading a small group of Death Eaters in a raid against enemies of the pure, granted they were only muggles but Marcus never had been too picky when it came to his victims. Little did anyone know that their mission, their unimportant raid would sow the seeds of their master's destruction.

IIIIIIIIII

Ron was having his second meal of the day when a large augury flew in and landed on the table. The bird glared at him for a few moments before presenting the message on its leg.

“What do you have for me?” Ron asked the bird. “Hermione's birthday? Tell them I accept.”

“What was that about Mr. Weasley?” One of the Professors asked calmly.

“Invitation to one of my best friend's birthday parties,” Ron replied, “I'm going to need time off from class to get her something and I don't think I'll be back for a day or two depending on how long the party takes.”

“I see . . . and why should we agree to your request?” The Professor asked. “You are doing well in your classes but I'm not sure why you should be excused to go to a simple party.”

“Read this,” Ron said as he presented his invitation.

“The Lord of Azkaban?” The Professor murmured in surprise. “This changes things . . . you are excused Mr. Weasley. In fact, I think this would be an excellent chance to network.”

“Yes Professor,” Ron agreed.

“Be sure to take the time to make some connections,” the Professor ordered, “I expect you to give me a short report on how things went and what important connections you think you've made when you return. Nothing big, just a short oral report.”

“Yes Professor,” Ron sighed.

“You're excused from classes and homework until then,” the Professor added as they turned to leave.

“Yes Professor,” Ron said cheerfully, “I'll do that.”

IIIIIIIIII

Fortress Azkaban was in preparation to celebrate the birth of the woman that they hoped would some day become the First Lady of Azkaban.

“More flowers,” Becky ordered, “I want this day to be perfect.” She stocked up to another group of workers and watched their progress with a frown. “Adequate,” she said grudgingly.

“Calm down Becky,” Hermione said as she walked up to her friend. A delegation from the guilds responsible for the decoration had approached her and begged her to distract their Lord's assistant. “Everything will be fine.”

“It had better be,” the girl growled at the nearest workers.

“It will be,” Hermione said firmly, “now come on.”

“Where are we going Hermione?” Becky asked as she allowed her friend to drag her away.

“Our chambers,” Hermione replied, “there are some things I want you to help me with.”

“What things?” Becky asked curiously.

“You'll see,” Hermione said with a smirk. She really hoped she could think of an answer to that question and a way to keep her friend occupied until the workers had had a chance to finish. Honestly, all she'd wanted was a quiet little get together, why did everything have to become so complicated?

IIIIIIIIII

Marcus and his team arrived in a quaint little town on the Irish sea with murder in their hearts . . . that murder quickly changed to confusion as they walked through the streets without finding another soul.

“Where is everyone?” One of the Death Eaters asked.

“Be silent,” Marcus snapped. His wand nervously tracked from building to building as he sought a target. “You know how muggles are . . .”

IIIIIIIIII

“Kissing practice?” Becky asked dryly. The two girls were sitting on the floor of Hermione's large bedroom.

“I'm sure it's like everything else,” Hermione said firmly. Why oh why couldn't she have thought of something better. “You have to practice to get good. You do want to please Harry right?”

“Yes,” Becky said intently, “how do we do this.”

“Mum says that she and her friends used to use the backs of their hands,” Hermione offered.

“And this works?”

“Dad never seemed to complain,” Hermione replied with a shrug. “And we can also braid each other's hair,” she continued. “It'll be like a slumber party.” So she thought anyway, she'd never actually had one so she wasn't sure about all the details. “And it'll make the time pass faster so it seems like we don't have to wait so long for the party.”

“Yes . . . well . . .”

“Come on Becky,” Hermione pleaded. “You're the only one I can do this with.”

“Very well then,” Becky agreed with a happy smile, “one thing first?”

“Yes?”

“How does one braid hair?”

IIIIIIIIII

The guards watched as the small group of Death Eaters walked past them and into the town square. It hadn't been too difficult to find out what the next target would be and after that it was child's play to arrange an evacuation of the town. The team leader held up a hand with five fingers and slowly counted down.

“In the name of my Lord Azkaban I swear that I will kill you if you move,” a uniformed guard ordered, “drop your wands and reach for the sky.”

IIIIIIIIII

Harry was waiting in the entrance for the first guests to arrive and a smile bloomed on his face when Minerva McGonagall walked up the steps.

“I'm glad you could come Professor,” Harry greeted her, “it will mean a lot to Hermione to have you here.”

“I'm sure,” Minerva agreed, “though I must admit that I don't normally receive invitations to my student's birthday parties.”

“I'm afraid that this is more of a state function then a birthday party,” Harry said with a wince, “not that we wouldn't have invited you if it were. Just that . . .”

“I understand Mr. Potter,” Minerva said with a good natured smile, “where is the birthday girl anyway?”

“Distracting my assistant,” Harry replied, “Becky wants things to be perfect and I'm afraid that things get difficult for the workers when Becky is too enthusiastic about something.”

“I understand,” Minerva assured him, “and I know the type well. Why, there was once . . .”

“Excuse me for one minute Professor,” Harry interrupted to Minerva. “I'm afraid that there is an issue that requires my immediate attention.” He walked across the room to the guard that had waved to him and commenced a hurried conversation in whispers. With one last nod, Harry returned to his former Head of House. “Sorry about that, matters of state you understand.

“Of course,” Minerva agreed, “I understand very well what it's like to have responsibilities.”

“Thank you for your understanding Professor.”

IIIIIIIIII

Only hours after they'd triumphantly embarked on their raid, the battered remains of Marcus's once mighty team of Death Eaters limped into their master's hiding place to report their failure.

“What has happened?” Voldemort growled.

“Azkaban was waiting for us master,” Marcus said in a voice devoid of emotion, “and the town was empty of muggles.”

“How dare you fail me,” Voldemort screamed, “CRUCIO.”

Marcus endured his master's displeasure with uncharacteristic stoicism. On every other occasion that Marcus had suffered for his master's amusement, he'd writhed and screamed his throat raw, this time he simply grit his teeth and taken the punishment in silence.

“You will not fail me again,” Voldemort growled, “do you understand me? This failure shall not be forgiven again.”

IIIIIIIIII

Becky rose from the bed and used a couple quick charms to fix Hermione's make up and to smooth the girl's dress.

“Time to start then?” Hermione asked as she used her wand to freshen up the other girl.

“It's time,” Becky agreed. She escorted Hermione out of the room and where Harry stood waiting.

“Ready to do this?” Harry asked as he offered his arm to Hermione.

“I guess,” Hermione agreed nervously.

“Be sure to leave time for something more private after this Becky,” Harry ordered, “just the three of us.”

“Thy will be done my Lord,” Becky agreed. With a deep breath, she threw open the doors to the ball room and walked in. “Presenting my Lord Azkaban and Hermione Granger our guest of honor,” she announced.

Hermione's grip on Harry's arm tightened as every eye in the room turned to look at her and she nearly fainted when the Azkaban citizens in the crowd began cheering the woman they hoped would continue the island's royal line.

IIIIIIIIII

Marcus dragged himself away from the Dark Lord's throne to the corner where the survivors of his ill fated raid had gathered themselves.

“You okay?” One of them asked thickly.

“We knew the score when we joined,” Marcus replied, “help me up.”

“Just rest a bit.”

“I said help me up,” Marcus growled, “the meeting is breaking up and we need to get out of this room.”

“Right, come on then.”

IIIIIIIIII

“Some party eh' mate?” Ron asked with a grin.

“Yeah,” Ron agreed, “uh . . .”

“What is it Mate?”

"Ron . . ." Harry began, "there's something I have to tell you."

"You and Hermione are dating aren't you?" Ron asked with a grin.

"How'd you know?" Harry asked, "we just talked about it."

"It's the only reason I could think of for you to be so nervous," Ron said smugly. "We've known each other a long time mate and I can read you like a book, how else do you think I can beat you at chess?"

"I . . . well . . . there's something else I need to tell you," Harry said nervously.

"What is it mate?" Ron asked with a grin.

"I'm the Lord of Caer Azkaban," Harry said quickly. "I'm descended from the last Lord from my mum's side."

"Better you then me mate," Ron said with a laugh. "I can't imagine how much work it must be."

"Huh?" Harry was dumbfounded.

"A lot of the students in my school are planning to work for the government," Ron explained. "So there are a lot of classes on administration . . . mandatory classes on administration. Like I said, better you then me. I barely got through those damn classes, I can't imagine having to do your job."

"So tell me about your school," Harry suggested. "How do you like it?"

"I love it," Ron said. "There are only three other people on campus that can regularly win against me and I can always be guaranteed a good game."

"Tell me about them," Harry prompted.

"There's Boris," Ron began. "I'm up by thirty but he's still very good, just has problems with the way I play. There's Natasha, she's Boris's girlfriend and I'm only up by ten with her. She's very good, keeps me on my toes when I play her."

"The third?"

"Her name is Anastasia," Ron said with a dreamy smile. "I'm up by two and that's only because I got lucky, she's very very good."

"Oh?"

"I've never met a girl that could play like her," Ron said. "She can focus on the game with one part of her brain and do something else with the other half, I've seen her study for a test during a game, win the game and score high on the test."

"Sounds like Hermione," Harry said slowly.

"Nah," Ron dismissed Harry's observation. "She's not a bookworm, she just doesn't believe in wasting time. She says that she does it so that she can have more time to herself later in the day."

"You asked her out yet?" Harry asked with a sly grin.

"Not sure how to mate," Ron admitted. "Any ideas?"

"Well . . . I wouldn't recommend having your mistress get tired of waiting and take it upon herself to ask her," Harry said after a moment of thought. "It worked but it was awkward."

"Mistress?"

"Best just to ask," Harry said after another moment. "Worse that can happen is that she'll say no."

"And the best that can happen is that she'll say yes," Ron agreed.

"Might also be a good idea to set things up first so that she's in a good mood," Harry said quickly. "What would happen if you let her win a game?"

"She'd cut my bullocks off if she knew," Ron said with a shake of his head. "But maybe if I kept her on the defensive, made it so she had to keep all of her focus on the game."

"Uh . . . could work," Harry ventured cautiously.

"I gotta go practice," Ron said in a daze.

"Use the library," Harry suggested. "Lots of books on chess there too I'd bet."

"Thanks Harry," Ron said as he wandered off.

"Becky," Harry called out.

"Yes my Lord?"

"Have someone take him to the library," Harry ordered. "And see if you can round up some of the island's chess masters. I want to get him as much practice as we can give him before he goes back to Russia."

"I'll see to it my Lord."

AN: Goes Here

Omake by TheWraith1

Somewhere deep underground in Dark Lord's lair
"WORMTAIL! Where are you, you miserable rodent" screamed Voldermort in apparent fury. Wormtail gulped in dread and fear as he ran to the doors leading into Voldermort's inner chambers

"Hey man you better get in there quick... he's wearing THE OUTFIT just so you know" Mumbled Random DE 2960. At this Wormtail's pale face took on a color more suited to the undead then the living as he opened the doors into the dark mage's chambers

"Ahh Wormtail so good of you to join me I've already laid out your costume and skates over there" Voldemort who was behind a changing screen motioned with an exposed arm to a pile of garish looking clothes under a pair of what appeared to be ice skates

"Not to question your most evilness's genius but why did you get me a costume and ice skates?" questioned the trembling Wormtail.

"Why I would think it obvious even to you Wormtail, I'm practcing for the nationals" Stated Voldemort as he stepped from behind the screen in an outfit that can only be described as scary beyond all reason

in the distantance all fashion conscious people of both sexes wail and shriek "ANYTHING BUT THAT"

"What was that? No matter Wormtail get dressed and put on those skates immediately" Wormtail rushed to obey his master's command suffice to say I will not describe Wormtail's clothes changing (I want to keep this under NC-17 thank you) as a common courtesy

"But master I thought they had banned you from figure skating because you killed all your competitors for showing you up in your last competition?" Wormtail cringed in expectation of the oncoming Cruaticus(Spelling?) when no curse came Wormtail dared to look at his masters face only to go cold with fear at the postively grinning look at the dark lord's face

"Ahh for once you're right Wormtail, but they only banned me from singles figure skating not pairs and guess who my partner is going to be" Said the grinning dark lord Wormtail somehow turned paler "And you better not drop me when I do my triple axels or there'll be hell to pay" Voldemort declared in a sing-song voice

I knew I should have followed my mother's advice and become a cauldron bottom thickness inspector but no I had to be a evil henchmen "Conquer the world "they said "Pick up up hot girls they said" HA! last time I listen to a recruiter that looks like he's missing more then just his teeth Thought Wormtail to himself

Omake by Ed Becerra

Those two Chief Inspectors from around, what, chapter 18? I saw them sitting around, chewing the fat, comparing various annoyances from their respective careers.

"We spend a lot of our time dealing with idiots who think a wand

makes them almighty, and that pranking the rest of England is funny."

"How's that make them any different from the football rowdies?"

"Well, we had ONE bright lad who began charming toilet seats to bite the people who used them. We simply couldn't have that, and we made certain that the punishment would fit the crime."

"I have to ask. What did you do to him?"

"He wasn't allowed to use indoor plumbing for a year. If he had to move his bowels, he had to go outdoors, dig a cathole in his back yard with a garden trowel, squat, do his business, then cover it up. While the world watched him. Not that anyone cared to."

"Heh. He learned to appreciate the glories of water closets, I'll wager."

"That he did, Inspector, that he did."

Omake by dogbertcarroll

Harry waited patiently, if confusedly, for Hermione's timer spell to go off. He was dressed all in black, naturally, and for some reason had a pair of muggle pantyhose over his head to disguise his features.

'I could have just changed my looks, Tonks is a great teacher, but Hermione insists I wear these things.'

The timing spell turned red and Harry rushed into the room.

"Panty Raid!" He yelled grabbing the girls' undergarments from the bed where they had piled them while changing and rushed out.

'Why did Hermione insist I do this? Oh, Yeah. Muggle tradition.'

Omake by David Brown

Molly and Ginny Weasley were sitting down to Tea one quiet afternoon a few days before the end of August, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. Molly opened the door to reveal an Azkaban solder.

"Pardon the intrusion, Madam, but may I have a word with Miss Weasley?"

"It's about that bird, isn't it. Please come in." They walked to the kitchen, where Ginny was sipping her tea, while happily hand feeding her augury a bit of blueberry scone.

"Ginny, I'm afraid that one of Lord Azkaban's men is here for his bird." Ginny stopped smiling, a frown appearing on her face.

"Mrs. Weasley, I'm afraid we have a bit of a misunderstanding. Lord Azkaban has already given permission for your daughter to keep this augury, and I dare she he wouldn't be happy anywhere else. Miss Weasley, with my Lord's compliments." The young enlisted man handed a
wrapped package to Ginny.

Ginny opened the package to uncover a book entitled, "The Care and Feeding of Auguries, by Aengus McRavaen"

"Thank you very much, and please thank Lord Azkaban for me."

"Of course, Miss Weasley. Excuse me, Madam, Miss. I must return to my duties." The soldier left.

Half an hour later, Ginny approached her mother, carrying a very sharp hatchet. "Mum, would you mind if I were to harvest one of the garden gnomes? It seems that my cutie pie here has a taste for gnome liver, yes he does, and we have plenty of gnomes. Please, mum?"

Omake by tgravests

"Oh, really?" Becky smiled slyly. "Then let me read you all the reports."

Harry groaned.

Fifteen minutes later he was slowly falling asleep.

"...the next is new prisoners list. The names are Rob Tuboring, Anna Zebozer, Rupert Green, Tom Riddle, Sam..."

Becky stopped after Hermione had fallen from the chair followed by several books.

"WHAT?" Harry was not asleep anymore. Not a little bit.

"What is it Harry?" asked Becky.

"Rrrr... R-riddle?" Hermione forced herself to speak.

Harry was simply staring at Becky.

"Yes. Someone you know?"

"Yyyess," Hermione slowly hissed.

"He was arrested among eighteen others during yesterday's ambush," said Becky looking at the list. "Heavily burned, healers are thinking he won't live for long, so he was given veritaserum. His name was the only thing he said before he lost consciousness."

IIIIIIIIII

Harry was pacing near the door of the cell.

"Azkaban Military is being effective? Just that?"

"Yes, My Lord" Maxwell answered calmly.

"You don't have to kill him," said Hermione. "He may die himself."

"Either must die at the hand of the other... Does Azkaban Military count as my hand?" Harry wondered.

"Well..." clearly Hermione was not sure.

"Damn! Always bloody riddles with that Riddle! Damn!" Harry hit the wall with hist fist. The wall shaked and several bricks fell out of it. One of them hit Voldemort's head.

"I don't know about Military. But this certainly counts as 'at your hand'," said Becky after she checked obviously dead body.

"We are sorry, My Lord. The wall is recent, it was built two days ago to immure one of the Dementors. It takes a week for brickwork to harden. The prisoner was almost dead so we thought it was not dangerous to put him in the cell with fresh wall. Do you want to punish guilty guards yourself, My Lord?"

"Punish?" Harry asked with incredible intonation.