Ima Lurff Choo

By: Sandy Wanda Pantsu & her dearest friend, Bubba Lubbin' for Three

Commentary: Story makes no sense, but it s'all good. Go ahead and flame, we don't care. :D

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"OMG YOU KIDS, GET OUT OF THE FOREST!"

Kagome ran, just a wee-bit intoxicated, towards the forest where she could have sworn that she saw some little kids stepping into, wearing their hellish costumes of the lawn gnomes.

Picking her way through brambles and bushes, she found herself in a clearing – a ring of trees, with the night sky seen above. The full moon shone down brightly on a pedestal, where she could distinguish a lumpy shape.

"OH MY, WHAT IS THAT LUMPY SHAPE?" she said, all too loudly to no one in particular except for the ravenous pack of wolves frolicking inside a cave some three miles away. She staggered over to the stone pedestal, running a hand over the smooth marble. "Ohhhh, so smooth!" she remarked, impressed by the FINE CRAFTSMANSHIP.

Curious, she climbed the pedestal, finding hand holds in the FINE CRAFTSMANSHIP. Upon reaching the top, she smiled goofily down at the lump, noticing that it was not just a random lump of stuff, but a man who was drunk and comatose.

"DUDE, YOU'RE TOTALLY WASTED," she remarked obnoxiously loud, totally proud that she could handle her drink better than a man. "Okay big fella, you need to wake up, I think I hear some wolves frolicking."

She shook his shoulders GENTLY, and then she shook it NOT SO GENTLY, and then she SLAPPED him in the face. "BABY, WAKE UP, BABY! Total awareness is good for you!"

Seeing as how he didn't want to wake up, Kagome got the bright idea of pulling out a Tootsie Roll, for no one could resist the power of Tootsie.

"Mmmm, mmm! C'mon mister, wake up and I'll give you a tootsie roll!"

He still didn't respond to her bribe, and Kagome was getting kinda PO'ed. Deciding to scramble onto his stomach, she straddled his waist and firmly placed her hands on his shoulders. Gathering all her strength, she was just about to shake him awake when she suddenly heard a rustling underneath the masses of dead leaves on the ground, which just totally freaked her out.

"SWEET JESUS, WAKE UP!" she started to shout, grabbing fistfuls of his clothes and shaking him ROUGHLY, his head unceremoniously hitting the SMOOTH CRAFTSMANSHIP of the marble. Still, when the guy didn't wake up and the rustling became even freakier and just a tad ominous, she racked her brain for a solution, finally drawing upon old memories of Disney movies for one.

Scrunching up her eyes, she bent down and made a kissy noise in the man's general vicinity, closely followed by a drunken kiss.

"PPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! YOU SMELL LIKE CHEAP LIQUOUR! OH DEAR LORD THERE'S A MONSTER COMING AT US, AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHH! IT HAS FANGS, OM-effing-G, AHHHHHHHHHH!" the man shouted, instantly awake.

Before Kagome knew what was happening, a big thingy-lump jumped out of the leaves in a flurry of FOLIAGE and headed Straight Towards Them.

"FOLIAGE, AHHHHHHHHH!" she shouted, grabbing the guy and scrambling back onto her feet, quickly falling down again with the noncompliance of the man. "WHY AREN'T YOU SCREAMING AND STANDING UP????? WHY?????? SWEET JEEBUS, WHY?????"

"It's my...my legs! They're ASLEEP! RUB THEM! RUB THEM FOR ME, PLEASE!"

Turning towards his legs, Kagome started to rub them, only to no avail. "I can't rub your legs," she screamed frantically, turning towards him with much frantic-ness.

"WHY NOT????" he screamed back, his eyes opening all cartoon-like at the sight of the oncoming lumpy thing.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING A SILKY WHITE KIMONO, AND I CAN'T GET ANY FRICTION!"

"Pull up my kimono! PULL IT UP!"

"Up????"

"Up!"

"Okay!" Kagome pulled up his kimono, screaming in frustration as she realized he was wearing silk pants underneath. "You're wearing really impractical silk pants, too!"

"Well pull THOSE up then!"

So, she pulled up his pants, but they would only go to mid-calf, so she instead stuck her hands up his pant legs, rubbing half-crazily. "Hasn't your mother ever taught you to wear practical pants on Halloween and to avoid wooded areas of spooky seclusion?"

"Don't bring my mother into this," he said with a snarl, suddenly very defensive.

"OH GOD, RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!" Kagome shouted, jumping back and pulling him with her.

"Where to?" he asked, looking at her as he stood on wobbly legs.

"TO MEXICO! For tortillas!"

At that moment, the lump thing which turned out to be a giraffe AMBLED towards them in a fit of RAGE, gnashing its teeth at him.

(some stuff happens)

FIVE BAJILLION PAGES OF POINTLESS STORYLINE GOES BY...

Kagome: Sesshoumaru, will I ever see you again?

Sesshoumaru: Someday, baby, when they figure out how to defrost my frozen body, we'll be back together in Zimbabwe.

Kagome: I'll wait for U!

Sesshoumaru: LOL, Kagome! I :heart: U!

With that, Kagome lost her telekinetic powers, losing all verbal contact with the Man She Loved.

Kagome: Someday, Sesshoumaru, we'll be together again...drinking chibuku, in sweet Zimbabwe.

The End.

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Author Note: Happy Halloween. El-oh-el. :heart: