This fic will be very long, with a part posted a day for quite some time. It's set in real time - ie, the part posted on November 1st 2004 is set on November 1st 2004, and your imagination will definitely have to be at least a little suspended. It'll be in different forms - one day emails, the next prose, the next a phonecall. Today, obviously, is emails in the workplace.

This fic comes to you from both myself and my account-less friend. We don't own the characters, and this isn't the final version of the fic - we'll be editing it for the rest of forever ;)

Perpetual Impetuity

(November 1st 2004)

09:53

MJFitz

Hey, Dan-O! What's up down your end?

Martin

09:56

AgentT

Eh, not much. Checking out credit card details is never the best of tasks. What about you?

-D. x

10:00

MJFitz

You think looking through every single phone number that called the guy in the last three months is a piece of cake? Try trading. I'm so goddamn bored, help me!

Martin

10:08

AgentT

I'll stick with the cards, thanks. Hey, a sex-toy shop.

Uh, okay. Take time out to answer Three Intrusive Questions.

1) Who would you most like to sleep with? (NOT SAM.)

2) What colour boxers are you wearing?

3) Ever liked a guy in That Way?

Have a blast.

-D. x

10:20

MJFitz

Oh, how much did he spend?

1) Sam. Oh, sorry… uh… Gwyneth Paltrow.

2) White.

3) Uh… no.

Same questions to you!

Martin

10:24

AgentT

Sixty bucks. Ew. Too much information.

1) Couldn't cut it down.

2) Black.

3) I think every guy does at some point. I don't believe you – of course you have. Go on, admit it.

-D. x

10:29

MJFitz

Seriously, I didn't! I hero-worshipped men when I was younger; my father, my uncle, my English teacher, but I never actually liked them in 'that way'.

Martin

10:33

AgentT

Uh huh.

So, tell me about your idolised English teacher.

-D. x

10:42

MJFitz

No need to sound so trusting!

Uh, well, I guess I was about 12 years old. He was called Mr Derby. You know the drill. Fantastic, inspirational teacher, good looking, engaged. I just wanted to be him. He was a cool guy.

Martin

10:43

AgentT

Good looking?

Aha. I think we have discovered something. You know, Fitzy, there's a big difference between wanting someone and wanting to be them. Which was it? Confess, please.

-D. x

10:44

MJFitz

Taylor, what is this? I don't know which it was… I'm sure I just wanted to be him. I never thought about him in any other way – at least, I don't think so.

Martin

10:45

AgentT

Okay. Sure.

It's no big deal if you like guys, Martin. Just admit it. I can take it. At least I'll know why you've never had a girlfriend.

-D. x

10:47

MJFitz

What? I have had girlfriends! I've been ENGAGED! I'm not gay!

Martin

10:54

AgentT

It's fine, Fitzy. I'm very accepting.

-D. x

10:58

MJFitz

That's good. I'll bear that in mind if I ever discover that I've accidentally had a personality transplant and am suddenly gay. You may not have noticed, but I am attracted to women.

Martin

11:00

AgentT

Uh huh. Of course you are.

There was a reason that engagement broke off. Also, why didn't you tell me about it before?

-D. x

11:12

MJFitz

Because I wasn't the one who broke it off. And the reason was because she was sleeping with someone who wasn't me. Not something I talk about often.

Martin

11:14

AgentT

Wow, that… sucks.

Sorry.

-D. x

11:18

MJFitz

Hey, it's OK. She smoked, anyway. I never wanted kids with lung complaints.

Martin

11:23

AgentT

Ah, you have a point.

If I ever had kids I bet they'd have lung complaints. How much do you have to smoke to make your kids sick?

-D. x

11:24

MJFitz

I don't know. And I didn't know you smoked, either. Remind me not to have kids with you.

Martin

11:30

AgentT

How did you not know? Can't you smell it? Anyway, only when I'm out, and in the mornings to wake me up. And sometimes in the evenings. Okay, maybe quite a lot.

And yeah, next time you say, "Danny, can I have your babies?" I'll say "Oh but Fitzy, I smoke!"

I get it, bitch.

-D. x

11:33

MJFitz

No, I can't smell it. Ew, Danny, you're killing your lungs. And it can make you infertile. And turn your teeth yellow, pretty boy.

The crushing disappointment! I cannot have Danny's children. I'm really hurt, now.

Martin

11:37

AgentT

Nah, I don't smoke much. I'm sure my lungs are just fine. And I never really wanted kids anyway – yet another reason why you should not embark on the voyage of Having Danny's Children.

I use whitening toothpaste, smartass.

-D. x

11:41

MJFitz

It stops working after a while. Sorry to burst your bubble, Dan-O. Why don't you want kids?

Martin

11:52

AgentT

When it stops working I'll stop smoking. Happy?

Because they bug me, they're great for a short time but after that I get homicidal. Also, I don't like the idea of that kind of relationship. You know, all… parental. I don't want to get tied down with a kid.

-D. x

11:53

MJFitz

Don't believe you. You're weird, Danny. You don't want to settle down one day?

Martin

12:01

AgentT

Well, yeah. Maybe. Not yet, though, I'm too young.

-D. x

12:20

MJFitz

Glad someone is.

12:30

AgentT

You're not old, Fitzy. You're what, thirty? I'm 31.

-D. x

12:40

MJFitz

I'm getting older by the minute, and for some reason, Sam won't go out with me again.

Martin

12:44

AgentT

That's not because of your age. It's because you have a defect personality.

Well, not really, but she likes Jack.

-D. x

12:45

MJFitz

For God's sake, Taylor, she does not like that lardass. He's putting on weight again.

Martin

12:47

AgentT

So are you.

She used to like him, at least. I think she still does.

-D. x

12:48

MJFitz

I am not! You bastard! I'm not putting on any weight at all! I'm perfectly toned – God knows why. Not exactly good for your health, this job.

Martin

13:00

AgentT

Well, when there's a case we run around a lot.

Perfectly toned? Pah. I can see at least three chins from here.

-D. x

13:06

MJFitz

Liar. If there's one thing good about me, it's my metabolism.

Martin

13:14

AgentT

Speaking of your good metabolism, I'm hungry. I feel like Chinese – want to go out for lunch?

-D. x

13:19

MJFitz

Oh, great, I'm starving. Yeah, let's grab something decent for a change. Doing nothing all morning makes me hungry.

13:22

AgentT

Everything makes you hungry.

Chinese it is then. I want egg fried rice and seaweed.

-D. x

13:24

MJFitz

Sounds good. Let's get going!

Over and out!

Martin