Happy Thanksgiving

A/N: Kudos to Vikki Kelly for helping me out a lot! This fic would be horrible without your assistance.

“Hello?” Roxie had a faint idea of who had phoned her. Who else would call at this hour?

“Rox? It’s me,” said Velma, proving Roxie right. “Could you help me with something?”

“What?” said Roxie suspiciously. “Did your guy of the week finally have some ‘bad luck’?”

“No, he’s still alive,” said Velma. “This is much worse. I really need your help.”

“It depends what you need me to help you with,” Roxie grumbled. “I am not going to jump off anything into the cardboard factory again, you hear?” Roxie still had clear memories of that incident, something she would never want to repeat.

“Don’t worry, Roxie, you won’t have to do that.”

“Are you sure?” asked Roxie, examining her fingernails and calculating how much pressure would be needed to scratch Velma’s face if necessary.

“Yes.”

“Okay, then, what is it?” Roxie mentally prepared herself for yet another crazy scheme.

“Oh, thank you Roxie, you’re an angel! My brother’s going to be in Chicago from Boston with his family, our mom and our sister. D’you think you could help me out?” Velma actually pleading with Roxie? That was a first.

Well, actually it wasn’t, but Roxie still fell for it. “Sure, but. . .”

“Great! Come over here and help me plan everything!”

“All right,” said Roxie resignedly. She hung up, and with a sigh, grabbed her coat and left the apartment.

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

“Hi, Roxie,” Velma chirped. “Thank you so much! By the way, I’m sorry about last time with the tomatoes and all.”

“Don’t worry, my hair grew back rather quickly,” Roxie mumbled. She stroked her bleached locks, hoping against hope that this time she would leave Velma’s apartment unaccompanied by an ambulance.

“Anyway,” Velma ploughed on, “I got a letter from my brother Daniel. He, his wife Carrie, their two little boys, my mother, and my sister Victoria will be in Chicago next week, which happens to be the week of Thanksgiving.”

“So you want to invite them for dinner,” Roxie concluded. “And you want me to help you,” she added with a sinking feeling of dread.

“Exactly!” said Velma. “I haven’t seen any of them in ten years! I’ve never even met my nephews, you know.”

“There’s a catch,” Roxie guessed.

“Well, yes,” Velma admitted. “They know nothing about Veronica’s death. If they ask, she got married and moved to Bolivia, all right?”

“Bolivia? Velma, I thought I told you never to see a Western again.”

“Come on, Roxie. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“No.” What had happened to cynical Velma? When had she been replaced by this hyperactive creature?

“Roxie, this means a lot to me. Please?”

Roxie sighed. “I guess so.”

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

“Now remember,” said Velma, adjusting the top of her dress so that it wouldn’t reveal too much, “she’s in Bolivia. Charlie never existed. We are good, kind souls, not romantically involved in any way. We do not say anything worse than ‘darn’. We did not lead lives that would be inappropriate in any way for children under ten to hear about.”

“What?” Roxie protested. “Velma, my neighbour’s kid is barely three and he knows everything about my lifestyle!”

“Isn’t your neighbour a call-girl?”

“Yes,” said Roxie, “But that’s beside the-”

“Shut up!” said Velma. “We need to practice being nice!”

“Velma, don’t you think you’re taking this a bit too far?”

Velma looked at her oddly. “What makes you think that?”

Luckily, someone knocked on the door right at that moment.

“They’re here!” Velma squealed, jumping into the air.

“They’re here,” Roxie groaned.

“We’re here!” shouted someone from outside.

Velma squealed again and rushed to open the door. Before she did, however, she mouthed to Roxie something that looked like ‘free rice’. Roxie decoded it to ‘be nice’.

“Come in!” Velma called genially.

Daniel came in first, followed closely by two little boys. “Velma! What happened to my kid sister?”

“Dan, it’s so great to see you,” said Velma.

“Boys, come meet your aunt,” ordered Daniel. “Velma, these are Jack and Tim. Jack’s five, Tim’s eight. Boys, this is your Aunt Velma.”

“Hi, Aunt Velma,” said the boys flatly.

“Velma!” Carrie Kelly shrieked.

“Carrie!” Velma exclaimed. The two hugged.

“Gosh, it’s been a while,” said Carrie fondly. “The last time I saw you, Daniel and I had just gotten married.”

“Hey, Velma,” said Victoria Kelly, called Kit for very odd reasons. “Got time for your sister?”

“Kit!” Velma shrieked.

“I’ve missed you, Vel,” said Victoria. “Even though you didn’t even have the decency to visit,” she added accusingly. “Or even phone.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Velma laughed.

Mrs Kelly, leaning heavily on a cane, hobbled into the room. “Velma? Is that you?”

“Yes, Mom, it’s me,” said Velma joyfully. “This is my friend, Roxie Hart.”

Everyone greeted each other, then moved into the living room.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Mrs Kelly remarked. “Pity Veronica isn’t here, though. Is she ill?”

“Actually, she married this rich guy and moved to his ranch in Argentina,” Velma lied.

“Wasn’t it Bolivia?” Roxie whispered sarcastically.

“Play along,” Velma whispered back.

“Pity,” said Mrs Kelly again. “And what about you, Velma?”

“Yeah, Vel, is there anyone in your life?” Daniel winked.

Roxie and Velma exchanged uneasy looks.

“There was,” Roxie piped up. “But he’s dead.”

Carrie gasped. “That’s horrible!”

“How did he die?” asked Victoria, eyes wide.

“He was murdered,” said Velma.

“Did they get him?” Daniel demanded. Jack and Tim had turned away from their boredom and were gaping at their aunt.

“They caught her,” said Velma, “But she got off.”

“She won her freedom by testifying against me,” said Roxie off-handedly. Her hand flew to her mouth as she realized what she’d said. “Oops.”

There was a shocked silence.

“Daddy, is Aunt Velma’s friend a bad guy?” Jack asked timidly.

Daniel couldn’t answer, for he was also thinking something along those lines.

“Roxie, come help me in the kitchen,” Velma growled.

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

Once they were safely out of earshot, Velma began to shake Roxie by the shoulders. “Stupid, stupid, stupid! What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry!” said Roxie. “It just slipped, like my finger on the gun!”

Velma rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll forgive you. But I’m warning you, Hart, one more mistake. . .”

Roxie nodded meekly. “I understand.”

Velma patted her on the head like you might an obedient dog, then checked on the turkey. “Dammit, it’s still not done.”

“How long’s it been in the oven?”

“All day.”

Roxie looked closer at the oven. “Velma, you’ve been cooking it at a hundred degrees.”

“And?”

“It needs to be cooked at three hundred and twenty-five. Do you want to poison your whole family?”

“But it’s been in all day!”

“It’s supposed to be cooked seven hours,” Roxie explained. “That is, at the right temperature.”

Velma scowled. “Since when are you the turkey expert?”

“I helped my mother during holidays, and then I cooked for Amos. It doesn’t take a genius.”

“Are you implying something?”

“Velma, as much as I love you, you always fail to figure out the simplest things,” said Roxie. She set the oven. “It’s getting hot in here, don’t you think?”

“Now you’re talking,” Velma chuckled. “Ouch!” she shouted suddenly, rubbing the back of her head.

“What?” said Roxie, pulling her hands out of Velma’s shirt.

Another rock flew through the window and landed in the cranberry sauce.

“Oh, no, it’s Billy and his harem,” Velma groaned. “Why tonight?”

“Gosh, it’s been months since we stopped coming to their orgies,” Roxie commented. “You’d think they’d have given up by now.”

Sure enough, Billy Flynn and several scantily-clad girls smirked up at them.

“Get out of here!” Velma shouted.

“You owe him big!” one of the girls shouted back in a British accent.

“Now, Iran, be nice,” Billy reprimanded. “Come along, girls.” And so they left.

“That was a close one,” said Roxie.

“Why can’t Billy be less- less male?” Velma sighed.

“Who needs men?” said Roxie in a seductive tone.

Velma laughed. “I sure don’t.” She grabbed Roxie and kissed her passionately.

“Velma, what on earth?”

Roxie and Velma whirled around. Standing in the doorway were Victoria and Mrs Kelly.

“Kit, I-I can explain,” Velma stuttered.

“I can’t believe you,” Kit snapped. “My sister’s been replaced by some tramp.”

“Mother?” Velma tried desperately.

“Your father would be horrified, God rest his soul,” said Mrs Kelly, tears in her eyes. “If she were a nice girl, maybe then I could forgive. But she’s a criminal.”

Velma’s blood boiled. “Her name is Roxie!” she raged. “Roxie is not a criminal!”

Mrs Kelly shook her head sadly and turned to leave. With incredibly bad timing, the turkey exploded, setting the kitchen on fire.

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

True to her fears, Roxie did leave the apartment accompanied by ambulance attendants. Luckily, she hadn’t been hurt badly, though all her hair had burned off. Again.

Roxie’s biggest concern was Velma. Victoria, Daniel, Carrie and Mrs Kelly were all making a point of ignoring her. Roxie figured it would make things look worse if she comforted Velma herself. Finally, she went up to Velma and put her arm around her. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Velma smiled half-heartedly. “You weren’t the one who stuffed the turkey with corn.”

“I know, but I’m still sorry,” said Roxie. “I shouldn’t have kissed you where your family could find us.”

“I should never have invited them here in the first place. What was I thinking?” A few tears finally escaped Velma’s eyes. For several minutes, the two said nothing, only watching the fire. Then, as usual, the moment was interrupted.

“Velma!” Billy yelled. “Roxie!”

Velma scowled at him. “Can’t you see I’m a bit preoccupied?”

“You owe me for getting you out of Murderess Row,” Billy pointed out. “If it weren’t for me, you’d’ve swung. And Roxie, too.”

Unfortunately, Tim and Jack happened to hear this.

“Are you a bad guy, too?” Tim asked eagerly.

“We won’t tell,” Jack promised.

But Tim had already run up to his father. “Dad, Dad, guess what? Aunt Velma killed people!”

Jack promptly forgot his promise. “On purpose, too!”

Daniel turned to Velma. “Is this true?” he asked, almost too calmly.

Velma stared at him, too surprised to speak.

“Tell me!” Daniel cried.

“You mean you didn’t know?” one of Billy’s harem taunted. “It was all over the papers. ‘Kelly Sister Kills Other Kelly Sister’-”

“Quiet, Vivi Yen,” said Billy. “I want to enjoy this.”

Daniel turned pale. “You. . . you killed. . .”

“I killed Veronica,” Velma admitted.

“And?” said Billy unhelpfully.

“I killed my husband, too.”

“Then washed the blood off her hands and performed in a sleazy nightclub!” Billy concluded triumphantly. Velma slapped him across the face.

“Take your prostitutes and leave,” she snapped.

“We’re not prostitutes!” exclaimed one, known as Raquel. “We’re the Triple B- Billy’s Beautiful Bitches!”

“Especially the last word,” Roxie grumbled.

Velma slapped Billy again. “Get out of here, or I’ll call the police.”

“Fine, I’ll go,” said Billy. He and the Triple B left.

“And don’t come back!” Roxie yelled after him.

Daniel was still staring at his sister, shocked beyond words.

“Say something,” Velma begged. “Please, Dan.”

Daniel glared at her, then turned around and joined the rest of the Kellys. They shot cautious glances in Velma’s direction and whispered to each other.

“I could kill him,” Velma muttered.

“He’s upset,” Roxie reasoned.

“Not Dan, Billy.”

“Oh,” said Roxie. “I agree with you on that one.”

Finally, Kit came up to them, glaring daggers at her sister. “Dan told us about Veronica. I could accept you liking women, but this is too much.”

“Did he tell you why?” Velma snapped.

“No,” said Kit sardonically. “I wasn’t aware that you had a reason to kill her.”

“Look,” said Velma, “I might have killed them, but I didn’t do it senselessly.”

“You could’ve fooled me,” said Kit.

“You want to know the full story?” Velma demanded. “Fine. Veronica and I were famous. . .at least we were here in Chicago.”

“For what?” Kit taunted.

“For our vaudeville act,” said Velma. “You should’ve seen it, Kit- everybody loved us. Everything was going perfectly. But then one night, I caught Veronica with my husband.”

Kit was still unsympathetic. “This is your idea of a sob story? I’m not buying it.”

“Look,” Velma insisted, “I’d had too much to drink. I was angry- you know my temper tends to get the best of me. The gun was right there. What else could I do?”

“Believe me, it’s true,” said Roxie. “I was in jail with her.”

Kit shifted her gaze to Roxie. “You. . . you tramp!”

“Live with it, sis,” said Velma. “Calling us names isn’t going to change anything.”

“You’re not my sister,” Kit snarled. She hit Velma several times and began to sob. “You’re. . .not. . .my. . .sister.”

“Face it, Kit-Kat, I am your sister, and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.”

The familiar nickname somehow brought her back to her senses. “I’m sorry, Vel. It’s just. . .you know. . .a bit of a shock.”

Velma grinned. “If I’d found out that you’d murdered Veronica, I would’ve strangled you with my bare hands.”

“I’m not violent like you,” Kit joked. The sisters laughed nervously.

“Velma!” Roxie called to her. “I think the fire’s out!”

Sure enough, all the firefighters were leaving the building and looking around for the tenant of the burned apartment.

Velma ran up to them. “Well? Is my apartment ruined?”

“No,” said one of the firefighters.

“Only the kitchen burned,” said another one. “However, Miss. . .”

“Kelly,” Velma supplied.

“Kelly, I would suggest moving out for a while, as there is a lot of smoke damage.”

“You can stay with me,” said Roxie brightly.

“Dinner’s probably ruined,” Velma sighed. “Oh, well, I guess we could all eat out.”

“I’ll convince Daniel and Mom and Carrie to come along,” Kit offered.

“There’s a decent diner a couple of blocks away,” Roxie suggested.

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

It took some time to persuade Carrie, Dan and Mrs Kelly, but they didn’t have a leg to stand on when Tim and Jack immediately leapt in. On the way there, Carrie and Dan still ignored Velma, but Mrs Kelly seemed to be slowly relenting. Finally, she turned to her eldest daughter and apologized.

“I shouldn’t have judged you,” Mrs Kelly admitted. “I’m sorry I was cruel to you. You’ve obviously been through a lot.”

“I’m sorry about Veronica,” said Velma solemnly.

“Well,” said Mrs Kelly hesitantly, “Kit told me why, and I can accept this- maybe not forgive you, but I can definitely accept it. Even the best of us are ruled by circumstance.”

“I missed you more than I thought,” was all Velma had to say.

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

Once they had ordered, there was an awkward silence. Then Kit, to her credit, brightly suggested “Vel, you and Roxie should come to Boston for Christmas!”

Dan choked on his coffee. Roxie and Velma exchanged surprised looks. Carrie raised an eyebrow. Mrs Kelly and Victoria beamed, while Tim and Jack cheered.

“Real, live bad guys!” said Tim in awe.

Everyone laughed. Tim’s comment seemed to break the ice, and for hours the table was filled with idle chatter.

Finally, the evening came to an end. “It’s past midnight,” Daniel observed. “I’d better get these hooligans to bed.”

“It was great to see you all,” Velma proclaimed. “If you’re ever in town again-”

“Of course we’ll call, sis,” said Kit. “But you’d better keep in touch too.”

“And don’t forget about Christmas,” Mrs Kelly added.

“It was nice to meet you, Roxie,” said Carrie, trying to forget what she’d heard about her. “Maybe we could meet again sometime soon.”

“I sure hope so,” said Roxie sincerely.

“This was the best Thanksgiving ever!” cried Jack.

“I liked the fire best,” said Tim. “Bye, Aunt Velma!”

Roxie and Velma both visibly relaxed when the Kellys drove off.

“It’s over,” said Roxie. “I can’t believe it’s over.”

“D’you think it went well?” Velma asked anxiously.

“Of course it did,” said Roxie. “Now, how about going back to my place?”

Velma grinned. “Of course.”

(O)-(O)-(O)-(O)

“So, what do you think about visiting my family in Boston over Christmas?” Velma asked, half-asleep. The two of them were lying on the floor in Roxie’s room, having just had the best hour of their lives.

“Didn’t I tell you?” Roxie giggled, rubbing Velma’s shoulders. “My folks are gonna be in town then.”

Velma sat up abruptly. “What?!”

Roxie giggled again and kissed her. “Only joking.”

“Rox?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, Velma.” Roxie reached up and turned off the light.

THE END

Hi, Kit, what do you think this should be rated? I was thinking PG-13, but if you think it should be R, then I’ll make it R. Second, are you OOC at all? If so, please tell me about it. Third, does this give enough detail? Does it move too fast? Last, should I do a sequel later on? I was thinking of doing one about Christmas dinner, this one involving Roxie’s family and possibly Velma’s again. Thank you sooooo much!

-Rach