|It's a Girl Thing
Author: Candyland PM
[One-shot] Very mild content warning. Poor Shinichi. Some things, men just aren't meant to overhear. Period.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 2,388 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11-02-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2119740
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
AN: I actually am doing this. Holy muskrats, Batman…! I haven't been watching this show for very long, but I'm totally hooked, and when this little bunny-fic popped into my head, I couldn't resist the urge to write it down and post it for your viewing pleasure.
As I said, I'm new to the show, and new to the fandom. If this kind of thing has been done before, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Please don't hurt me—don't even touch me. I bruise easily :-)
Oh yeah, and the only honorific I'm gonna use in this story is 'onee-chan' for Ran, which is what Conan calls her. Otherwise, I'm just not gonna mess with it. Okay? Okay. Onwards! I don't own Detective Conan/Case Closed. But I own one DVD and one volume of the manga, and that's gotta count for something, doesn't it? Right? Right?
It's a Girl Thing
Something was very, very wrong.
It wasn't the usual kind of 'wrong' that tended to follow Shinichi Kudo, aka Conan Edogawa, around. That kind of 'wrong' was more along the lines of blackmail, murder, and Kogorou Mouri, bearer of the perpetual hangover. This was more the kind of 'wrong' that meant if he wasn't careful, he would never see his real body again because he would be dead and buried.
The source of the wrong-ness?
It had started early that morning. It was a Sunday, so there was no school, but for the first time, Conan found himself desperately wishing he could go to class. Granted, the first grade work was provided him with no challenge whatsoever. AND he was certain that his brain was disintegrating and that his I.Q. was slowly dropping with every moment he spent re-learning how to spell cat and rat and mouse. But it had to be better than this!
He had known something was wrong from the moment he had set foot into the kitchen, and seen Ran taking out some unknown frustration on the poor scrambled eggs sizzling in the pan. At the rate she was going, the majority of the runny egg…stuff was going to follow the example of much that had gone before it, and find itself splattered all over the walls and stove.
The old guy was sitting at the table with a wary look on his face. Conan actually found himself somewhat impressed—he hadn't given the man credit for enough intelligence to notice when the teenage girl was pissed off. Granted, not even someone as dim-witted as Kogorou could have missed that.
But now, sitting at the table, staring at the decidedly small portion of eggs in front of him (the poor wall was now a lovely yellow color), Conan decided that he would escape as soon as the opportunity provided itself. Out of sight, out of mind.
Kogorou was ignoring his food, and staring at his daughter questioningly.
She saw the glance, and retaliated with all the ferocity of a striking rattlesnake. "WHAT?!?"
It was yet another credit to the detective that he could move that fast. Before Conan could blink, the fork was in Kogorou's hand and had shovelled away a mouthful of egg. For the rest of the meal, the man's eyes did not leave his plate. Conan simply ate as quickly as possible without being too suspicious (he hoped), and Ran simply glowered at them both through the whole meal, and stared at him as he took his plate to the sink and exited the room.
Since then, it had only gotten worse. Ran was on the rampage, and anyone and anything in her way proved no match for her temper. She was biting the head off anything that moved and some things that didn't. Unfortunately, she managed to keep herself quite effectively between Conan and the door, so escape was a pretty bare chance.
He pitied all the poor, defenseless inanimate objects out there in her way. So far, the wall was sporting more than a few new dents, and there was at least one chair that was desperately in need of repairs. And from the way she was stomping around, the neighbors were probably calling the police to report that elephants had burst into the Mouri Detective Agency and most likely trampled all of the inhabitants.
At least, that was what it sounded like, with all the thundering footsteps parading around.
It was amazing that the building was still standing, really.
Thus, Conan had kept himself barricaded in his room, the thin wooden door his only protection from the rampaging girl outside. Okay, he thought, so Ran's pissed off about something. What could it be…if it was something Conan did, she would have told me. If it was Shinichi…um, me, then she would have told me. She always tells Conan when she's mad about me being gone. So what could it be?
The room was getting stifling, though, and the ceiling was very boring—he'd been staring at it for nearly an hour, and it hadn't done a single trick or anything. He was contemplating exactly how risky it would be to go out the window when suddenly the tempest quieted, and it all went silent.
Deciding it was worth the risk, he cracked the door open and peered out. Ran was scurrying around, apparently getting ready to leave, and…humming? Yes, she was humming. Perhaps her mood had improved. Again going against most better judgement and sanity, Conan tiptoed out and said hesitantly, "Ran-nee-chan?"
She turned around, and for a moment he was certain that the wrath of whatever was bothering her would fall upon him. But to his amazement, she smiled broadly. "Oh, Conan. I'm going out for a little while. I need to run a quick errand."
Conan blinked owlishly behind his glasses, then stepped around the corner and grinned, that cute little smile that rarely failed to sucker adults into doing what he wanted. Okay, Kudo, time to lay on the charm. "Can I go with you, Ran-nee-chan?"
She looked a little taken aback, but brushed it off and smiled again. "Oh, I don't think you'll want to go along for this. It'll be pretty boring for you…"
"But I want to go!" he pouted. "Please? I'll be good, I promise."
"Well…" she visibly waivered.
"Oh, okay," she acquiesed, caving before the power of Sad Puppy-Dog Eyes.
Score one for me! Shinichi thought gleefully, pulling his sneakers on and scampering after Ran as she opened the door and the two left. But Shinichi kept one close eye on his longtime best friend. Her sudden change of mood had really left him wondering. Girls were one thing he hadn't quite figured out yet.
But he skipped along, keeping up the façade of childish cheeriness, one hand tightly holding onto Ran's…okay, so there was a definite plus side to being like this. He got to hold her hand, sit in her lap, and on occasion sleep in her bed. All definite positives, though they would be a lot more fun if they could happen when he was his normal self…
All in good time.
He let Ran lead him into a little convenience store not too far from the Mouri Detective Agency; the automatic doors slid open with a slight hissing sound to let them by. She seemed to know exactly where they were going, though, and so he just followed.
It was when she stopped that he realized exactly what this little errand was for—and it also explained a lot of what had happened that morning. But oh, good God, this was unbelievable.
Shinichi found himself staring at a wall of…things. Shelves and shelves full of…things. It wasn't like he had never seen such items before—he'd caught glimpses of those things poking out of Ran's purse, or even in hand as a girl made a run for the bathroom. But he had never before seen so many, all in one place. The wall, the shelves were lined with dozens and dozens of brightly colored boxes and packages.
He suddenly felt very faint.
Ran, though, seemed to have absolutely no qualms, and released his hand to walk right up to the shelves, where she started perusing the wide variety of items. He heard her mutter to herself, but he couldn't hear the words, nor did he try to.
Shinichi had the sudden, overwhelming urge to go hide under the bed.
In the most remote building available.
Far, far away.
It couldn't get worse…it couldn't get worse…
It got worse.
Sonoko appeared by Ran's shoulder. "Oh, Ran, you too?"
Shinichi choked. Yup, definitely worse. And it wasn't over yet.
"Yeah, I'm cramping up bad," Ran replied, not ceasing her search for the perfect product.
Oh…my…God… Shinichi thought, feeling heat rise in Conan's cheeks.
"I know what you mean. And my stomach's been killing me," Sonoko huffed in agreement. "I really thought I was gonna be sick earlier. I couldn't even move, it was so bad!"
I'm not hearing this…
"I always feel like I'm gonna burst, though," Sonoko commented. "I always have to go to the bathroom when it's that time of the month. It's a constant thing!"
"I know! It drives me nuts!"
La la la…not listening…
"I nearly killed Dad and Conan earlier this morning. Massive mood swings. You know what I mean," Ran commented, throwing a glance and a smile over her shoulder at her adopted younger brother. She picked up a box of those…things…and read over the label. "It hurt earlier when I put in a tampon."
"Maybe you scratched something. They can do that, ya know," Sonoko said, joining her friend in digging through the wide variety of selections. "So you were PMS-ing today?"
"It was bad—right, Conan?"
I can't believe they're discussing this in public!
"I like this brand. They're really small," Ran finally picked up a light blue box with yellow, green, and purple stripes on it. "I prefer tampons, though. They're more comfortable."
"Yeah, and there's none of that painful stickage, if you know what I mean," Sonoko laughed, picking up an identical box and scanning it. "But okay, I think I've got what I need. Kind of funny, running into you here, though."
Ran tucked the box under one arm and reached down with her free hand and took Conan's. He was completely unresisting, too stunned to do anything but let himself be dragged towards the check-out line. Inside Conan's body, Shinichi couldn't remember ever being that…freaked.
I don't get girls…this is wrong on soooooo many levels…
Five minutes later, they were back on the sidewalk, purchases tucked away into discrete plastic bags. "Well, I'd better get home and assure Dad that I'm not going crazy and I won't murder him in his sleep," Ran giggled; Conan dangled limply from her hand. "He seemed a little freaked out when I left."
Sonoko let out a very unladylike snort. "Dads. Men. They don't get it."
"But Conan's okay, aren't you?" Ran turned and smiled down at the seven-year-old beside her.
"Y-yeah!" he laughed. Did that sound as stupid as he thought it did? Probably.
"Oh, stop teasing him. He probably doesn't understand what this stuff is yet," Sonoko giggled.
Shinichi had to fight to keep the smirk away. Oh, yea of little faith…
"I wonder what Kudo would say if we dragged him along on a shopping trip like this," Sonoko continued, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Or into Victoria's Secret or something!"
The young man in question gulped nervously, though he was carefully not to show it. Ya know, a vow of celibacy is starting to sound pretty good right now…
"Maybe we'll have to do that sometime," Ran cackled.
Move to a monastary…
"I'd love to see the look on his face!"
Take a vow of silence, something Sonoko is absolutely incapable of doing…
"But anyway, I need to go," Ran went on. She waved as the two parted ways, and Ran and Conan headed back towards the agency. "You didn't understand any of this, did you, Conan?"
"N-not really…" he was proud that he didn't stammer much.
"Don't worry. It's a girl thing," she laughed, patting him on the head. "Sorry I was kind of snappy this morning. It was nothing you did. I was just in a bad mood."
He laughed nervously.
I've gone to my happy place…I'm in my happy place…please don't bother me.
AN: Wow…that ended up really, really weird. Even more bizarre than I had envisioned it. But I found it amusing. Writing Shinichi's reactions was a lot of fun! I hope you found it at least a little humorous. I think it came out okay for my first attempt at a CC/DC fic.
Oh yeah, and the discussion between Ran and Sonoko is based on actual conversations my friends and I have had. Yes, we talk about things like this with fair regularity. No, we are not weird. And yes, we have gotten that in-depth before. Even moreso, actually. Like Ran-chan says, it's a girl thing!
Thanks for reading. Laters!