Author: DragonRaiderX9 PM
WA3 With Virginia's birthday only a day away, her ill-prepared friends scramble to find suitable gifts. oneshotRated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 1,723 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11-08-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2127400
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is yet another fic that I have written.
Flt. Sk.: Floating Skull wonders if it will ever end?!!
Not likely. Have you seen the list of future stories in my bio? And there are more to come!
Ivan: Just write one in which I don't look stupid.
Don't worry, Ivan. I have fics in mind that make you look good.
Ivan: What are you waiting for!? Get to it! Chop-chop!
Uhh...yeah. Anyway, here's the fic. It takes place after the game ends, but I personally only made it to Tiamat in the Nightmare Castle before my data got deleted. I have no idea what happened at the Ark of Destiny, so please don't tell me. Oh yeah, I don't own Wild ARMS 3. I'd like to, but I don't.
Flt. Sk.: Floating Skuuuuuuuuuuuuuull!!!
It was a calm, peaceful day in the small town of Boot Hill. There, a girl named Virginia Maxwell happily anticipated her 19th birthday, which would take place tomorrow. Her friends had rushed off early in the morning to run errands, which she suspected included last minute present buying. Virginia grinned inwardly as she thought about the party. Her aunt and uncle had always made her birthdays special. But now, she had three wonderful friends to share it with. She could hardly wait.
Meanwhile, in Little Twister, a boy with an unknown age ran from store to store, frantically looking for something to give his friend for her birthday. His name was Jet Enduro. He cared little for anyone, and would do whatever he had to in order to survive. One may ask why such a boy would bother buying a present for anyone. The reason was simple: he'd made Virginia mad once before, and he didn't want to do it again.
"Man...," thought Jet. "I don't know the first thing about birthdays, let alone how to buy presents. Whose stupid idea was this damn party business anyway?" He spotted a clothing store, and stepped inside.
"Hello, young sir," said the sales clerk. "What can I do for you?"
"I have a friend whose stupid birthday is tomorrow," said Jet bitterly. "I don't know what to get her, so I figured I'd just buy her a dress or something."
"Ahhhh," said the clerk. "I have just the thing." He went into the back room for a few minutes. He came back out carrying an interesting outfit. Jet found himself blushing at the thought of Virginia wearing it.
"Uhhh..." said Jet. "Are you sure she'd like it?"
"Positive," replied the sales clerk. "I guarantee that this present will create heightened emotions."
Jet sighed. "Ok, fine, I'll take it." He took the outfit and turned to leave.
"Would you like it gift wrapped?"
Jet turned around. "What for?"
"Well, usually presents for a birthday are wrapped. It keeps the recipient from knowing what their gift is until it's opened."
We now join an older man, who also searched for an ideal party gift. His search had taken him all the way to the Leyline Observatory. He had come here in desperation, as his search of the towns yielded nothing.
The man, named Gallows Caradine, sighed as he stalked the abandoned hallways.
"What was I thinking? We've already explored this place to the core. What can I possibly expect to find here?" He sighed again. "Except for monsters, that is," he said as he blasted living books out of the way.
Now, Gallows was not a smart man. And despite what he thought, he was not a ladies' man either. So when he spotted something peculiar sitting on one of the bookcases, a grin spread across his face as he grabbed something he knew full well Virginia would not like.
Moving on, we join a promising young researcher in the Ark of Destiny. He decided that the best way to go was to make a gift, rather than buy one.
Clive Winslett sweated as he balled up another piece of paper and threw it in the trash. "Arrgghh, I will never be able to design a gift for Virginia. I don't want to make her mad like Jet did." He shuddered at unpleasant memories.
The obvious answer was to make jewelry. But, as he was happily married with a daughter, he thought that making jewelry for another girl, even a girl twelve years younger than himself, would not be a good idea.
"Hmm..." mused Clive. "Perhaps a device to help her shave her legs? No, she did a number on Gallows when he mentioned that she had neglected to shave in months. Better not go there. Or, maybe an upgrade for her ARMs? No, the last thing I want to do is to give her more firepower."
Clive went on like this for two more hours when he decided that he had better just buy something. He turned to leave when something on the shelf caught his eye. "Perfect!"
-The Next Day-
Jet, Gallows, and Clive had gathered at Virginia's house for the party. Jet still didn't want to go, but knew that if he didn't, he'd never be allowed to ride Lombardia again. He probably wouldn't be in any physical condition to do so either, but that's beside the point.
They had just finished singing the birthday song to Virginia, though Jet was forced to do it at gunpoint. Gallows had started to sing the secondary verse, the one about smelling like a monkey, but Clive swiftly elbowed him in the ribs.
Virginia giggled as the first present was passed her way. "Let's see, who is this from. Ah, it's from Jet. I wonder what the sulky Drifter got me." Gallows and Clive leaned forward as the present was unwrapped. As Virginia opened the box, she gasped, then narrowed her eyes. She took from the box a strange garment that looked mighty revealing. It was black, and almost certainly skin tight. With it came a whip.
"You..." whispered Virginia. "Got...me...a Dominatrix outfit?!!!"
"Yeah, is there a problem?" said Jet, oblivious to the danger he was in. "The store guy said it would create heightened emotions, or something like that."
"Yeah, heightened emotions, LIKE RAGE!!!" Virginia stood up to kill Jet, when Clive shouted.
"Wait, you promised the ghost of your father that you wouldn't try and kill people like this anymore!"
"Right," agreed Virginia. She slowly sat down, though her eye was twitching. "It's not you fault your present sucks. After all, you couldn't possibly understand what the outfit is used for."
Jet looked confused. "What is it used for anyway?" This comment provoked more eye twitching from Virginia, a pitiful look from Clive, and a burst of laughter from Gallows.
Jet glared at him. "Oh, like you could do better you big oaf!?"
Gallows smirked. "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I did. How do ya like them apples, punk?"
For the first time that the Drifters could remember, Jet smiled. "Yeah, this otta be real good."
Gallows looked proud as he presented his gift to Virginia. She eagerly ripped it open, only to get that look of rage again.
Now like I said, Gallows was not a smart man. He picked a gift that he would love, though most people would know better than to give it to a woman.
Virginia slowly raised her head and looked around, almost like she thought it was a joke and that the real present was hidden somewhere.
Clive frowned while Jet laughed out loud. "HA! So much for doing better. I have an excuse, I've never shopped for anyone other than me before. But even I know better than to get her that!"
"Why...?" asked Virginia, speaking every word softly. "...did you get me...A PORNO MAG!!!!???" She leapt up to lunge at Gallows, but Clive shouted.
"Wait! Your father!"
Virginia stopped, and slowly sat down. "Well, we all know that Gallows is stupid," she said with great effort, her eye twitching more violently than ever.
"I'll say," replied Jet. "Remember when he got drunk and started hitting on Janus? That was priceless!"
"Well..." said Virginia. "At least I know that my intelligent, experienced friend Clive would get me something good."
"But of course!" said Clive proudly. "I know what a woman your age really needs."
Virginia readied herself and slowly opened Clive's present. But of course, the rage soon returned.
Gallows and Jet looked confused. "What are those things?" they asked in unison.
Clive looked smug, completely missing the fury on Virginia's face. "That's a box of contraceptives, or birth control. Women her age start to listen to their hormones. I just wanted to make sure that Virginia doesn't change her life until her she's ready."
"YOU THINK I'M A SKANK?!! THAT I'M JUST GONNA GET IT ON WITH THE NEXT GUY I SEE?!! I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Virginia. She pulled out her ARMs. The others started to back away.
"Now Virginia," said Gallows soothingly. "Just put down the guns."
"Yes," agreed Clive. "What would your father say?"
"SCREW MY FATHER!!!!!!!!!" and with that, she started firing as rapidly as she could. The details of this conflict shall not be told, because that would make this fic rated R.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Virginia composed herself and answered it. Outside stood Malik Benedict, Melody Vilente, Leehalt Alcaste, Siegfried, Beatrice, Janus Cascade, Remero, Dario, Lucio (who was apparently back from the dead), Lombardia, Nega Filgaia, the Gunner's Heaven monsters, the aliens, Kraken, Ragu O Ragla, Bad News, Lolithia, Maya, Alfred, Todd, Shady, John Dee, Bombur, Nidhogg, Fengalon, Grudiev, Schturdark, Moor Gault, Justine, Zephyr, Luceid, Raftina, the Disasters, Tiamat, the four wierd knight dudes from Sand Canal, and every other boss they had ever faced.
"Are we too late for the party?"
Ivan: I have to admit, it had its good points.
Flt. Sk.: Yes, the pointless violence and insensitivity pleased Floating Skull.
Wow, both my muses liked it. That's a first. What did everyone else think? Just hit the Review button.