Author: Pikachumaniac PM
Yamajyou it's always nice to be in love, but sometimes it isn't to everyone's taste. And the consequences of one person's actions, no matter how wellintentioned they may be, sometimes end up hurting even more.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance - Words: 11,412 - Reviews: 24 - Updated: 04-11-01 - Published: 02-21-01 - Status: Complete - id: 213440
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: Once upon a time, there was a show called Digimon. It belonged to Bandai, Saban, and Fox. It did not belong to the 14 year old who is currently writing this crap and promises no copyright infringement. The End.
Haha, now I have to change the introduction lest I confuse two million souls. This won't be my only yaoi fanfic because I plan on writing more. *whines back to anybody whining*
Anyway, according to my friend, who understand this a hell of a lot better than me, she says that one has to be the "girl" while the other is the "guy". Personally, at the time I wrote this, I agreed with most people who say just leave them alone. Still do, in fact, but I'm not changing the whole story. Editing one scene was hard enough! So if you must know, neither is the "more feminine" one, but if you must have one be the feminine, choose whichever one you want to be the "feminine" one cause I have no say when it comes to this. At least in this story. In my more recent stories (of which none have been posted or finished), I do it that way, but for this one, they're both on an equal standing.
Also, Michelle is NOT a Digidestined in this story. *mutters something about why I'm such a freak about Michelle being and not being a Digidestined…*
Yamato795: If it wasn't for your encouragement and wonderful ideas (not to mention writing part of the story for me…), I never would have been able to finish this. Thank you s-o-o-o much.
Erika & Jenny: I'm still *note the emphasis on STILL* pissed off at you two, but oh well. You did help me in a way (AKA pissing me off enough to write the rest and beg Yamato795, thanks again, Yamato795!!).
Dark: *points and whines loudly* See? See, I editied it! Hope it's now 'suspenseful' enough for you! *continues to whine loudly while everybody sweatdrops* Oh well, I wouldn't have edited it if you hadn't told me, and NO, I don't have any idea why I'm whining… Maybe I just like to whine. Either way, you're probably not reading this. ^^
~ Dedicated to Cloud Ishida. If it wasn't for you, I probably never would have accepted yaoi stories, but your stories proved that it's
RATED R FOR LANGUAGE, YAOI RELATIONSHIP, VIOLENCE, AND CHARACTER DEATH.
I've heard them all, no need to continue. I've experienced the hate, no need to continue that either. And although I must admit that it hurts sometimes, I also have to admit that sometimes, I truly cannot give a damn. I am what I am, and that's all I can really say. I can't… will not… fight against the emotions I have because no matter what happens, I'll lose. I'll always give in to the love I feel.
Of course, that doesn't stop the people who are determined to make my life miserable. They too, can not, will not, ever accept my behavior, my wants, my love choices. No matter how much we preach against prejudice, against accepting others, against all that nice sounding stuff, there will always be those assholes out there that will immediately freak out when they see two guys kissing, two guys holding hands, two guys getting married. They're the ones who make my life a living nightmare, because they simply cannot accept that sometimes, people are different. And what is so idiotic is sometimes, those are the people that are preaching against racial prejudice. Don't prejudice yourself against people who are of a different ethnic background, of a different race. But yet after spending an hour explaining that people's different colored skin doesn't make somebody cruel, they turn around and start discriminating us.
The gay community. The fags. The fairies. The homosexuals.
Suddenly, the phone rings. It's midnight.
I wonder what it is.
Some asshole hypocritical 'all gay people must die' fanatic who wants to issue death threats to me?
I pick up the phone, and the voice on the other end is soft.
But it's enough to make me smile.
* * * *
We'd decided a while ago to get married. Nothing too fancy. Relatives, Digidestined, and one some close friends. Still, he doesn't have any close friends that know he's homosexual while I only have one. So it's still going to be a pretty small 'wedding'.
Wedding. Jeez, it sounds kinda crappy.
Anyhow, we decided to throw a party to announce what we were going to do. Get married, I mean. Hey, don't give me that crap about us both being guys cause I sincerely DON'T care. We invited the other Digidestined and Michelle, my best friend who is studying to be a psychologist.
I suppose it will be odd. I mean, nobody else is gay. And sometimes, I just can't help but feel that they don't accept it. Why? Hmm… probably those odd looks they give us, especially the ones that are already married. Ha, the only people who DON'T give us funny looks are Michelle and Sora, both who either have amazing patience (Sora) or just couldn't give a damn (Michelle).
I mean, seriously… if we love each other, why must they argue?
* * * *
I suppose that the party went well. As expected, only Sora and Michelle went along quietly with our decision, while the others gasped and asked questions about if we were making the right decision. Yeah. We were. We loved each other, we were willing to make the commitment… so that's why we wanted to get married.
But the questions stopped about half an hour later. I guess the other Digidestined finally accepted that even though both of us were guys, Yamato and I loved each other. They probably figured out that they couldn't change our minds so they gave up.
I turn to look at Michelle.
"Yamato wanted me to tell you that he got dragged off by someone who wants to talk to him for a while, and it might take a while, so you might want to hold off telling the other's the wedding date."
"Yeah… well, congratulations, Jyou. I know you'll be happy with Yamato."
* * * * Yamato
I think he was desperate, practically dragging me away from the others. I have always known that he wasn't all smiles and nods with Jyou and my relationship, but his behavior was beginning to scare me. We've been friends for quite a while, and I could tell that our announcement was making him tense and probably very angry.
He finally stopped, and I let out a quick sigh of relief at a chance to just take a break.
"All right, what did you want to talk about," I sighed… knowing what was going to come up.
"Yamato. You know I respect you, man, but how could you get married to another guy?"
"I love him, and he loves me back. Isn't that enough? Love is love! It's no different from the so called 'normal' love!" I snapped. Damn, I hated this argument… unfortunately, it was a frequent one.
I watched as he breathed in deeply, and I could practically see his mind racing. The problem was that for him, my love for Jyou WAS different for his love to his girlfriend. And Jyou's love for me was also different from his girlfriend's love to him. But it wasn't, and no matter how much I tried to convince him, he wouldn't change his mind.
"Damn it, Yamato! It IS different! It's not natural! A guy girl relationship is natural and therefore normal. But a guy and a guy relationship isn't natural! People aren't meant to be in love with somebody from their own gender! Come on! Why can't you just find somebody else? There are girls… you've certainly got plenty of them… you don't need Jyou!" he continued to argue.
"Yeah, I do need him. Why? Because I love him, and he loves me back. You know that we've been together since the Digiworld. So why can't you just accept it?"
He stared at me.
"Oh my god… he's corrupted you, hasn't he?"
What the heck???
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Love between two guys isn't normal. It shouldn't have happened. I don't blame you, Yamato. It's not your fault."
Okay… he was seriously beginning to scare me.
"Get rid of the problem and then you'll have a solution, right? So all I got to do is get rid of the problem. But you're not the problem. Don't worry, Yamato. Soon you'll be normal again and then you can find a nice NORMAL girl…"
All I could do was just gawk at him. I knew that he had always been a little weird since Jyou and I had started dating, but this was seriously freaking me out. He was just about ready to jump off the deep end.
He continued to talk about how it wasn't my fault… how the 'problem' just had to be corrected.
"Um… I think there's something wrong. You want me to get one of the others?" I asked, hoping that he would hear me.
"No! All I have to do is correct the problem!"
"Man, don't you get it? There is not problem!"
"That's what you think! Because he's corrupted you! That's the problem!"
"I'm telling you, read my lips. There is no problem," I practically hissed.
"There is a problem. Jyou is the problem."
My mind began to scream a warning.
If Jyou is the problem… and he wants to get rid of the problem…
He couldn't be serious, could he?
"Listen," I started in my 'talking to idiots' voice, "loving Jyou is not a problem. Him loving me is not a problem. He is not a problem. You do not need to get rid of him."
He shook his head.
"It is a problem."
"Stop it! You're losing your mind! I'll go get one of the others… maybe they can talk some sense into you," I turned to walk back into the apartment building, but before I could, he grabbed my arm.
"Yamato… I know you might not think so, but this really is for your own good."
"Damn it, you're wrong! Why won't you understand that two guys loving each other is all right?"
He didn't reply, and his grip was too strong. I sincerely began to regret joining a band… maybe sumo wrestling would have been better or something. I hated this feeling of being so damn helpless!
He turned away and looked into the dark, and after about a minute, it began to dawn on me that something not right was going on.
"Look, this isn't funny. I've tried talking to you, I've tried convincing you, and it's obviously not working, is it? So if you have some lame hairbrained scheme, forget it! I'm not going to be a part of it!"
His expression didn't even change. I opened my mouth to start yelling again in hope of getting SOME sense into him (well… chances are that it wouldn't work… not with him), but instead of getting what I wanted known said, I found myself breathing in some odd smelling substance. Immediately, I began to feel doozy as I realized what had just happened.
My friend had just drugged me.
And all I could think was why?
* * * * Jyou
I couldn't help but feel a bit of apprehension as Taichi and Koushiro approached me.
"Jyou… Yamato had to leave… said he wasn't feeling too good."
Oh great. I could practically feel the panicking coming up. Oh great. This just had to happen, didn't it?
"Where is he? Should I go find him? Does he need me? Will he be all right?" I started to babble.
"He's fine. He said not to worry about it… he'll see you later," Taichi replied, coldness in his voice. I really didn't take the time to think about it. After all, Taichi had never approved of our relationship, and he had said so when we first announced we were dating.
But… it's not like he would do anything, right? Even though he never approved, he wouldn't endanger us, right? Didn't he still look at us as his friends? I knew for a fact that Yamato was his best friend… and he always promised that he wouldn't endanger that friendship.
"Look, it's nothing, all right? He'll be all right," Koushiro replied (snapped). He had never been too comfortable either.
I guess I looked stunned.
"Well… sorry guys. I was just worried about him…" I tried to explain, but before I could, they walked off.
I guess I looked shaken cause next thing I knew, Michelle was there.
"Jyou? You okay?"
I sighed and nodded quickly.
"We better get going and tell the others that the party's over…" I sighed.
This was not turning out to be a good day.
* * * *
After the party broke up, I tried looking for him. Called his apartment, his band members, Taichi, Takeru, the hospital, his doctor… even his parents! Nobody knew where he was.
It was getting to be enough to give me an ulcer.
Those disappearing acts had dissapeared a long time ago, so I knew it couldn't have anything to do with blowing off steam. But then… where could he be? I know that he's a big boy and can take care of himself, but I can't help but feel a bit apprehensive. Maybe it's just my paranoia coming through for me… I don't know.
I mean, he never does this. Disappears, I mean.
* * * *
LONG LOUD AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS SECTION WAS WRITTEN BY YAMATO795… SO LET ME TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, I OWE HER SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT… I WAS MORE OR LESS IN DEEP $H!+ AT THIS PART, BUT AFTER I ASKED HER TO DO THIS SECTION FOR ME, SHE SAID YES, AND SHE FINISHED IT FOR ME! SO I OWE HER A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU AGAIN YAMATO795! I HATE THIS CAPSLOCK KEY…) BTW, now with a little editing by me… ^^'
This was getting so it really wasn't funny. After calling everyone I could think of, I realized that all I had done was sit on my butt when deep down I was sure my boyfriend needed me. And if calling people wasn't going to get me any answers, I'd go look for him myself.
Yamato didn't like to go far from home by himself, and that's what I assumed he was doing, going around by himself since no one else could tell me where he was. I decided to talk to the woman in the apartment next to his to see if she'd seen him at all today. Guess what she told me.
" I'm sorry, Jyou, but I haven't seen him since he left for that party the two of you were throwing. " and when I asked her if she'd thought he looked sick or upset when he left, she told me this, " Actually, he looked fine, almost excited. "
So that was a wash. If she hadn't seen him since this morning that meant that he'd probably hadn't been home since. But where would he have gone? I decided to try the places he liked to go. A few nights clubs. The beach, he's a really good swimmer, even taught me a few things in case I ever need those skills again. I went to the mall, the building where his band practiced, even the hospital, but no one had seen Yamato. Frustrated and tired, I sat down on a park bench, wondering why I hadn't taken my car instead of walking everywhere. Looking around, I realized where I was. This was where I had spent half a day, figuring out how to propose to my blonde boyfriend. The strange thing was is that he caught me off guard by finding me here minutes after I made my decision.
I could remember taking his hand, leading him down to by the man made lake, and having him sit down next to me. No one else was around, so I had wrapped my arms around him, made him close his eyes as I asked him to marry me. Deep down I still couldn't believe he'd said yes.
I suddenly heard a familiar noise. Turning my head I saw a very familiar car come tearing down the street, going past a red light, but then stopping at the next. It was a familiar beat up piece of junk, and the driver looked like he or she was in a hurry, but they was going the wrong way if they was going home, cause in the direction they was going in, whoever it was was heading for the old warehouse district.
I quickly called a cab, and said something you'd only thing to hear in movies, or some strange cop show on TV. "Follow that car!"
"Yes sir." And he did, getting of to a shocking start that made my face slam into the back of his seat. I couldn't find a seatbelt back here with me either. I had to wonder if his other passengers survived to their destinations or not.
It wasn't long before they finally stopped in front of a huge, run down building. It kinda matched the car. I got out of the cab at the other end of the parking lot, tipping the guy big, hoping then he could afford better driving lessons, or at the least, a seatbelt. I watched as the driver took his time getting out of his car, but they kept looking all around them, and I was certain a line of thick green bushes was obstructing their view of me, so they probably didn't know I was there. But the problem was that it was also obstructing MY view of them. They finally started into the ugly warehouse tapping something in his back pocket almost fondly, and I wasn't sure why but it sent a shiver down my spine. Why would the person be here of all places? This place was way across town from where anybody lived!
That's when it hit me, it was pretty close to where Yamato and I had held the engagement party! What if that was where my boyfriend had gone? He obviously had been feeling fine, if he hadn't, I would've known about it first. And he wouldn't have gone off somewhere without telling me. He knows how paranoid I get.
But what if I was just being that way now? What if thie absolutely familiar person being here had nothing to do with Yamato being missing? Or more of misplaced if you asked me. I was probably being irrational, but could you blame me? I loved him. I'd do anything for him. I leaned against the nearest light post, wondering just what I was going to do now. Didn't want to just go charging in there thinking that I knew everything, including that Yama had to be in there and that maybe one of our friends was behind it all.
I wanted to be sure, so I went over the facts. Yama hadn't gone home, or someone would've seen him, and he would have told me had he not been feeling well. Not everyone out of the Digidestined approve of our engagement, namely, Taichi and Koushiro. Could one of the Digidestined, any one of them, be behind this? Why would they suddenly want Yamato to disappear?
None of this was making sense. If I wanted to check it out, I'd have to face the fact that it could be dangerous, but it had to be where Yamato was. I decided I would go home first, think this through before I do anything drastic. I wanted to be sure I could do what my heart was telling me had to be done.
* * * *
Author note #2: Heh… wasn't that great??? *pauses and glares at people who say no* Well, back to me… *death music plays… glares at the people controlling music… what is that supposed to mean?????????*
I don't know why, but as soon as I got home, I found myself picking up the phone and dialing a number I had dialed over a million times.
"Hello, Michelle Woo speaking, can I help you?"
I couldn't help but smirk at that formal introduction. Michelle isn't exactly the kind who is out to impress somebody.
"Michelle? It's me, Jyou. What's up with that how can I help you stuff?"
"Oh, that crap? Somebody 'important' is supposed to call, and I gotta sound official and polite and all that other stuff. So, what are you calling about, Jyou?"
I had to get serious quickly.
"Listen. Michelle, I know this seems weird, but I have to ask you to do something for me."
"Okay. You remember who Yamato is, right?"
"Duh, Jyou, I was at your party, remember?"
I couldn't help but gulp slightly.
"Michelle. If anything… should happen to me… I want you to somehow get through to him."
"Jyou… are you in trouble? Do you want me to come over? Have you broken up or something… is he dead… are you being… Jyou, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, Michelle."
"Don't concern yourself, Michelle."
"So, I'm supposed to sit here and let you do… whatever you're about to do?"
"Michelle, trust me, okay?"
"Jyou… that trust of mine might get you killed."
"I don't care," I replied harshly, "I have to do this."
There was another long pause.
"All right, Jyou. I'll do what you ask. But… try to be careful, okay?" her voice sounded choked up, "I've lost too many people lately. I don't want to lose you too. But I have a feeling I'm going to, and I know you do to. But sure, sure, I'll help Yamato if something happens to you. Which it probably will, huh?"
Her words were like a message to me that something bad was going to happen. Not that I really needed her to tell me that, though.
"I'll be careful."
"I hope so, Jyou. Not only for my sake, but for Yamato's sake."
* * * *
Slowly, I let out my breath. This entire thing seemed like some over done movie plot. Kidnapped fiancée… gang of thugs… mystery… an abandoned warehouse. My life could be a soap opera.
Slamming the door to my car, I wandered into the warehouse. Part of my mind… the rational part… wanted me to get out of there as quickly as possible, but unfortunately, my irrational part of my mind shut it off.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Truly, they are anything but calm right now. I'm just waiting for somebody (preferably not a serial killer) to jump out and kill me. Still… if this is where Yamato is, I got to try, right?
But I still feel weird. This all feels weird. The fact that he's here in the first place, that conversation with Michelle… words more like an omen… I just don't know if this is the right thing to do! What would Yamato do if he was in my place? Would he call the police, the other Digidestined…
I shook my head. Ridiculous thought. After all, one of the Digidestined are waiting for me in that building!
My tired mind is annoyed. Can't understand why I would do this dangerous thing. Leave it to the police. Leave it to the police.
But I CAN'T! I don't know why, I just can't, I know that a Digidestined is waiting for me in there, and I'm scared to find out who, and I'm scared to find out why.
More or less, I am currently scared shitless.
I let out my breath for what seemed like the twentieth time since getting here, and I will my legs to move. Even then, it seems like there are twenty pound weights on them as I literally have to drag myself to the door. I mean, I know it's for a good cause. This is my fiancée's life we're talking about! But I can't help but be scared. It's only human.
I wander quietly into the building. There's nothing. Nobody.
I can't help but sigh. Great. I drag myself out here, and there's no clue. All my worrying was for a waste.
Suddenly, movement. I turn to see the Digidestined, smirking.
My throat goes dry as I recognize who it is.
* * * * Taichi
"Taichi…" Jyou's voice came out like a croak, and I did nothing but watch him silently.
"You figured it out, huh?" I asked dryly.
In seconds, the shocked look left his face and a look of anger crossed over.
"Why'd you do it, Taichi? I thought we were friends… or at least, I thought Yamato was your friend."
I shrugged. Sometimes, Jyou can just be s-o-o-o-o-o-o dense.
"He is my friend. Which is precisely why I am doing this."
"Well… don't you think it would have been easier to send a card or something? Last time I checked, kidnapping wasn't one of the top fifty ways to show friendship," he replied sarcastically.
"Shut up, damn it!" I snapped back.
"Why?" he shot back.
"Cause I'm telling you to, you freak!" I watched with amusement as he abruptly shut his mouth. Freak… it's about time he got his nose rubbed in it. It was about time he learned that freak was definitely what he was.
"All right… Taichi… want to explain what you're doing?"
I felt my jaw twitch as I resisted the urge to punch him. I didn't need to give him an explanation! He sounded like he was above me, all high and mighty! Well, I had a news flash for him! He wasn't above me… he was beneath me! He had no right to demand things out of him.
"Are you sure you want to here?" I finally asked, smirking.
"Yeah. I do," Jyou replied firmly, but his expression showed less.
"Cause you were corrupting him. Twisting his mind. Making him think that you loved him, and he loved you back."
He blinked, shocked. Perhaps he didn't know that somebody had finally figured him out.
"What on earth are you talking about?" he whispered, voice dry.
"Don't play innocent with me, Kido! I know what you were up to! Trying to corrupt and bend normal people's minds to satisfy your sick hunger!" I continued on angrily, watching as his face became paler.
"Tai… you have no idea what you're talking about," he spat after a minute of silence.
"Hell… I know what I'm talking about," I answered, taking the gun from my pocket and pointing it at him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I made a mistake, letting you get to him. I should have stopped it when I first learned about it. So now I'm going to correct my mistake," I answered, my heart beating faster from the anticipation.
"You have no idea what you're doing!" he snapped back.
His expression was a mix of anger and fear, which made me smile.
"Keep talking, Kido. It makes it more entertaining," I encouraged.
"Well… nothing's low enough to do to please the hypocrite," Jyou growled.
My smile widened as I faced him.
"You're boring me, Jyou. And I get rid of the things that bore me," I hissed, pulling at the trigger.
* * * * Jyou
As the gun went off, it was as if everything was in slow motion. My mind screamed for me to run, but my legs were frozen. The bullet seemed to slow down, until it entered my chest, too close to my heart. I felt a searing pain as it began to lodge itself within. When I looked up to see Tai, who was watching me silently, my vision was clouded over by red, as if somebody had dipped red paint all over my glasses. But this wasn't paint. I knew what it was. Blood.
Every breath I took seemed to aggravate the wound, and soon the redness was taking over, so I could no longer see anything but the color of red. And as I literally felt my mind shut down, my heart stop beating, my breathing stop, all I could think was one thing.
So what if I loved Yamato?
"So what?" I heard myself ask softly as my mind completely died.
* * * * Taichi
I stood there silently, watching the man I had just shot fall to the ground. Dead. There was no doubt about that. Part of my mind was ecstatic. I had just rid the world of another gay ass fairy, another freak of nature. No longer would the world be plagued by the lust for other men by Jyou Kido.
But the other part of my mind. The one that was hurting me. It was screaming. And I don't know why.
He was a Homo. He was evil. He had to die. It didn't matter that I knew him, respected him… well, had respected him… before I found out he was a faggot. Didn't matter that he had saved my life a couple times in the Digiworld. It… it just didn't, right?
And yet, I can't help but want to break down. But I can't. The world is depending on me to get rid of freaks like him.
I used to have to save the world from greater threats. Like evil Digimon. But now, I suppose I still have to save the world, and the most potential threat are freaks like Jyou.
I turned to the other men. All of them… we were just trying to help humanity. Gay people were different. Therefore they were dangerous and had to be brought down. It wasn't like racial hate, where it was only somebody's color. This was somebody's emotions, something that had made him much more dangerous.
Jerry, my best friend (after Yamato), pulled the blindfold off of Yamato's face. His expression was angry, but his eyes told a different story, so filled with pain and regret. And as amazing as it sounds, I am beginning to feel sorry for what I have just done.
I don't know why.
I just did.
I can't help but wince as his gaze comes across me, and his crystal blue eyes narrow, although no tears fall.
"Taichi," he hissed softly.
"Yamato," I reply back simply, trying to keep my face emotionless as I face my best friend since the Digiworld.
He took a quick look at the corpse… his… boyfriend.
"Why did you do it, Taichi?" he asked softly, his voice cracking as he looked at Jyou, who was undoubtfully dead.
"To save you."
He shook his head, his eyes still filled with pain.
"You weren't saving me, Taichi. You are destroying me," he whispered back softly.
"No. I was saving you. You're my best friend, Yamato. I couldn't stand to see you corrupted by that… freak. You deserve a second chance. To be somebody NORMAL. He was just a freak… and I saw no reason why you should also be one."
"Freak? Taichi, Jyou was your friend! I don't know how much your hate for people who are different has corrupted your mind, but you can't forget. Jyou was your friend. He wasn't somebody who just happened to propose to me. He was a Digidestined. Somebody who saved the world. Somebody you knew, somebody who helped save your fucking ass a couple times, and you have just killed him. What are you trying to accomplish, Taichi? What? You haven't done anything!" he snapped back, trying to wrench out of Jerry's grip and almost succeeding. I guess I've forgotten how when angry or frustrated, he has a lot of strength.
"Don't you understand? I did it all for you. I can't do nothing as you become a freak as well. Now you can go find a girlfriend… and be normal."
"Do you honestly listen to yourself, Taichi? Has your hate completely blocked off your senses? Why can't you get it through your thick skull, the one that still is as hateful as ever? He wasn't a freak. I'm not a freak. We're human. Just because we love somebody most consider odd, it doesn't mean we're animals. You can't just go shooting people because you think they're different! We're living, thinking, sentient beings! With feelings! Something you will never understand."
I just stared at him, and again, I felt guilt. But why? WHY? Because I hurt him? Because I killed Jyou? But both were reasons that made me think. I killed Jyou because he was corrupt and harmful to all. His death meant some salvation for the world. And how could I have hurt Yamato when I was simply trying to help him be normal? Not… a freak like Jyou.
Finally, I forced myself to turn away from the piercing blue eyes and motioned for the others to leave. As soon as they were gone, I found myself face to face with Yamato again.
"Why can't you understand, Yamato?" I asked softly as I walked over to him, taking out my pocket knife and cutting away the rope that had bound his wrists together.
He stood there, watching me silently as he gingerly massaged his wrists, trying to get the blood circulating again.
"Why can't you?" he finally answered.
We stood there, eye to eye, and I didn't know what to do.
I mean, I was confused. There were two conflicting emotions in my brain. As said before, one was ecstatic. I had helped the world, Yamato, and we could go on with our lives without one more weirdo using up our oxygen, clogging the world, or passing down their freak ideas.
But the second. The painful one. I had hurt Yamato more than helped him, at least in his opinion. Why? It's not that I don't understand love… I would do anything for Sora. But how can he feel the same way for Jyou? How could they have the same love that I have with Sora, or Koushiro and Mimi, Takeru and Hikari, or Ken and Miyako? They were normal. They were straight. And that was okay. They could love. But it wasn't normal for two guys to fall in love, so their love certainly couldn't be as deep, right?
And of course, I still… still couldn't help but feel guilty for killing one of my… team members. It's different when you can hate the person you killed. But although I tried to find a reason to hate Jyou, I couldn't. Couldn't help but remember he had probably saved my life more times than I could remember. Couldn't help but remember he had been the one we had looked up to for a logical idea.
The pain from my mind, the two contrasting emotions, was traveling down my body, making me feel numb. And Yamato was still glaring at me, something that made me feel very uncomfortable.
I finally turned away.
As I started to walk away, I suddenly felt him grip my arm, which caused me to look at him.
"One day, Taichi, I'll pay you back for what you've done," he hissed acidly, and I knew from the way he said it, he didn't mean that in a good way.
I wrenched my arm out of his firm grip, glaring at him coolly.
"Then I'll be forced to kill you, Yamato. You know I don't want to, but you know that I will."
"If you can. Only if you can," he replied simply, and turned away to face Jyou.
Who was dead.
I shook my head. I still couldn't understand what Yamato was doing. Why he was still caring about this monstrosity when I had finally cleansed him of potential danger and given him safety? Why couldn't he just accept that I had indeed done him a favor?
Slowly, I made my way towards the others. I was confused. They looked at me with worried expressions.
"You okay, Taichi?" Jerry asked.
I smiled weakly, but I knew that I wasn't okay. Because I didn't understand what was going on.
Why didn't he understand? Why couldn't he understand that I didn't want him to be a freak of nature? Why? Couldn't he just accept that I was trying to help him? If it meant the death of Jyou… I had been willing to make that sacrifice. So I could help Yamato. Why? Because he was my friend. I was doing him a favor in killing Jyou.
* * * * Yamato
Betrayed by my best friend.
Who just shot my boyfriend.
I drop to my knees, and take Jyou's cold hand. At least that now I'm alone, I can let the tears slip, allow the pain to make itself known.
All I can do is look at his body in disbelief. I couldn't believe that he was dead. By a fellow Digidestined, no less. By someone we both considered a friend, somebody who understood what we went through. And after everything we went through… after all the adventures together in the Digiworld where we faced monsters that nobody else can dream of standing up to… he gets killed by a stinking bullet.
The tears are falling more quickly now, but I make no effort to brush them away. I have to face the truth.
This isn't some Pokemon movie, where Pikachu's tears will bring his best friend back to life. This isn't some TV show, where he can immediately get up, brush off his clothes, and smile at me, telling me that it was just an act. There was no way he would ever get up, no way he could ever breath, no way he could ever again tell me that he loved me… and no way for him to hear me when I tell him that I loved him too.
I can't help myself as I hug his limp body, praying that there was some slight chance that he was still alive. That he could defy all medical knowledge. That he could perform a miracle. That he could just take that one last breath, give me that one last smile, utter those words "I love you" to me one last time, and see me smile and tell him the same thing.
That we could live happily ever after.
But like I said, this wasn't a movie. This was real life. And he was dead. Gone. Kaput.
Slowly, I get back up and carefully picked up Jyou's body. The sad thing was that he didn't look dead. Except for the fact that he wasn't breathing, his skin was ice cold, and there was a hole in his chest. I adjusted his glasses, which had been bent, trying to make them look normal. I also slipped off the tag and crest from around his neck, putting them in my pocket, and the Digivice that he still had tucked in his shirt pocket.
And I slowly walked away from that horrid place with all its terrible memories.
* * * *
No matter what, I'll never understand the WHY behind this all. Why couldn't Taichi see that I loved Jyou, and he loved me back? That I miss him, even now? That every little thing reminds me of him… the first date we went on, the day we decided to get married…
Oh god… why do I still cry? Why? I can't let Jyou go… but I don't really want to at the same time. But every time I think about him, everything just hurts, and my eyes water.
Damn it, it's not fair. We could have had the perfect life together. We loved each other! But why… just why couldn't Taichi see it?
So what if we were both guys? So what? That question just continues to pound, repeating itself over and over again. So what? So what? So what?
Angrily, I slammed my fist onto the table, feeling the pain and relishing it. I wasn't getting suicidal, but I was beginning to enjoy having any emotion besides pleasure… and pain was the best. Pleasure was just a reminder of what Jyou could be experiencing right now… and I had no right to enjoy it. After all, if it wasn't for me, he would probably be alive right now, telling me it would be all right, that I would be all right. But he wasn't telling me anything, and it was killing me.
These thoughts… damn it, they are killing me. Every day, every passing minute, these memories come back to me. Of Jyou. Of Taichi. Of everything.
Jeez… I hate it. Sometimes, I just want to break down, but I CAN'T. I can't show the whole world that I'm so emotional. For too long, I've been macho man Yamato Ishida… no autographs please… don't touch the hair. Even before the Digiworld, I refused to allow myself to show emotion. And now, when I want to… no… have to… show my emotions, I CAN'T.
But… I have to let it out. Somehow.
How did I use to let out my pain?
In a song, of course.
So that's what I'm going to do.
Mind made up, I reached for a clean sheet of paper and started writing.
* * * * Next month
Excited band members.
Well… used to be excited. I had talked to them earlier. We had reached an agreement… and after tonight, I wouldn't have to worry anymore.
Our band walked out onto stage, into the view of the excited fans.
We made our way through the songs, but the songs that used to come so easily to me now had a distinct similarity to the feeling of wading through mud.
Finally, it was our closing number.
My last number.
I slowly walked up to the microphone.
"Hey, Odaiba! How are things going?"
A scream of approval from the audience.
I couldn't help but smile sadly at the fans. Would they miss me? Or would they be glad to be rid of me? Especially after I tell them the truth about me.
"I know this is supposed to be a happy day, but it's time I stop getting marriage proposals, and the reason why they annoy me is related to this."
I took in a deep breath as a wave of silence enveloped the fans
I could just see the tabloids and newspapers tomorrow. "TEEN HEART-THROB YAMATO ISHIDA ADMITS TO BE GAY… DETAILS ON PAGE B5!!" And the news.
"Today a historical moment when Yamato Ishida admitted to being gay and that it was his last performance… details at 11:00 PM tonight."
"A month ago from today, my boyfriend… yes, my boyfriend, was shot and killed by anti-gay fanatics. He was shot by my best friend, who believed he was doing both me and humanity a favor by killing another… freak. Perhaps you know the "freak". His name is Jyou Kido… and he was studying to be a doctor. That is, until his studies were rudely stopped by his death. I know that now many of you are surprised. Because your "dream boat" is homosexual. Yes. I'm not denying it. But before you all decide to ditch this band, this is my last performance. I'm quitting the band. I'm not going to hold these great guys down anymore. Because they deserve the chance to shine, and I just want some time alone.
"So the next… my last… song, which I wrote myself, if dedicated to Jyou Kido. I don't know if any of you knew my boyfriend, but… he was a great guy, and I don't think the world will ever see another person like him. I don't know if any of you care… who he is… perhaps some of you are happy he's gone, dead, deceased. But I'm not. Because I loved him, and I don't think I'll ever love anybody else as much as I did him.
The audience was silent. Completely silent. It was as silent as a tombstone as I strummed the strings to my guitar and leaned forward towards the microphone.
Once upon a time,
Not too long ago,
Two guys fell in love,
Yes, in love,
For all of eternity,
Vowing never to leave each other,
To grow up together,
To love each other.
I know it's strange,
But I don't care,
Because it's who I am,
And I'm not changing,
So what if I'm this way?
I am what I am.
Just as life seemed so perfect,
It all comes crashing down,
Because for so long,
We've been considered freaks,
And somebody finally decided,
To put one down,
And I was lucky,
But he wasn't.
I know it's strange,
But I don't care,
Because that's who I am,
And I'm not changing,
So what if I'm this way?
I am what I am.
The only reason why I'm here,
Is because of him,
But now he's gone,
I don't know what to do,
Just get up here,
Praise his memory,
Keep it alive
That's about all I can do.
I know it's strange,
But I don't care,
Because that's who I am,
And I'm not changing,
So what if I'm this way?
I am what I am.
There's no happy ending,
He's gone and I'm not,
And although I can wish all my life,
That he can come back,
He never will.
And thus ends the story,
Hate and fear triumphing over love,
Pathetic ending, huh?
So what if I'm this way?
I am who I am.
I have no reason to change.
So don't criticize me for what I am,
Because all I can ask is,
As the final chords of the song faded, I opened my eyes to face the audience again.
"Those were the last words I ever heard him say."
There was still no sound.
And I walked away.
* * * *
It was pouring.
And I didn't have an umbrella.
Isn't life just peachy?
As I stood there, huddled underneath the small protection against the rain, I suddenly noticed as a figure came closer. Somebody I had seen before.
"Hello Yamato," the person greeted as she stopped in front of me, the rain streaming onto her umbrella.
"Remember me? Jyou introduced us… a while ago."
I blinked. I did know her… I knew that, but who was she? I had forgotten! My mind raced. Finally, I latched onto a name.
"Yeah. We met twice."
"So… you going to stand there all night?"
"What else do I have to do?"
"You could come underneath my umbrella."
* * * *
I don't think either of us had any idea where we were going. We just kept walking forward. Michelle was silent, her stunning purple eyes expressionless as I walked beside her.
Why was she doing this? Why? What was her motive?
"All right, Michelle. What is it that you want? Do you want me to apologize for Jyou's death? What? Why are you doing this?" I finally questioned.
She took in a deep breath.
"I don't know if you remember this… but I was Jyou's best friend."
"Then why didn't he talk about you too much?"
"Perhaps he was afraid you would be jealous."
"Ask yourself. If he said he had met a girl, would you be jealous?"
"Of course not!" I snapped back, lying between my teeth.
She looked at me oddly.
"All right… maybe. But I trusted Jyou… why wouldn't he trust me?"
"He didn't want to hurt you."
"Okay, so now that I know you're Jyou's best friend, what do you want?"
"Jyou… he called me. About an hour before he got killed."
"Yeah. And he asked me to do something for him."
I scowled at her.
"So what now? You going to blame me for his death? That if it wasn't for me, he would still be alive? Maybe married… to you?"
"You don't know how strong my urge to leave you in this rain is," she hissed back, "I saw Jyou as a friend. Nothing more. And I thought you would understand how much it hurt to lose somebody I admired and loved as a friend. Somebody I looked up to as a role model. Somebody who I could always rely on. I thought you could relate. Are you trying to prove me wrong and keep accusing me of these things? I'm not doing this for myself. I'm doing this because Jyou asked me to. But if he meant that I was going to have to sit through this crap, then I might as well leave you standing in the rain," she hissed angrily.
I felt very awkward as I saw a lone tear slip down her face through her angry tirade.
"Sorry," I muttered.
She sighed and brushed a strand of hair off her face.
"No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up like that. It's just that the pain of his death is really getting to me. Too much. I've never had a good temper, but it's like his death has shortened the fuse some more. And recently, people have been asking me if I knew he was gay. Who cares if he was? He's dead, and we should be worrying about honoring his life then pointing out his faults."
I blinked at her. Perhaps she was a mind reader. Perhaps she knew everything I was thinking and could put them out nicely and say them to me.
"All right. I'm hearing you. But what do you want from me?"
She breathed in.
"When Jyou called, he asked me to do something. I… I think he knew he was going to die. Because when he called me… he was strange. He seemed to know that something was going to happen, so he asked me to do something for him.
"He asked me… that if something should happen to him… that I get together with you. Or something like that. He wants us to help each other through, I guess. That was just the kind of guy he was, right? Always worried about us.
"I have… extra space. In my apartment. But I don't have a roommate. I'm not suggesting we get married, or we start dating, but just share rent, cook, clean, and do some other things together. And we can also keep Jyou's memory… alive. I don't want to forget him. I don't want you to forget him. I don't want anybody to forget him. I know that right now, we might say that we will never forget him… and it's likely that's true. But what if we fail? What if we one day forget? I can't be like that. I need to make sure his memory stays alive. And I figured that the best way was to find the person who was closest to him… you. Not to mention living together would be easier on our wallets… you don't have your band anymore, and you don't have your job anymore. I've just started being a psychologist. So… that's my proposition. I know it's corny, I know it's stupid, but I think it'll be easier on both of us. Besides… that's what Jyou had wanted us to do, and I'm willing to at least try."
I couldn't help but look at her suspiciously.
"So… no hidden motives, right?"
"If you mean that I harbor secret dreams of marrying you, I don't. I have no interest in a love life. I want to keep Jyou's memory alive. I want to do what he asked me to. And so do you, right?"
"Yes. Yes, I do. All right, Michelle. You've got yourself a deal."
She smiled, and for a crazy moment, I thought I saw Joe's smile on her face.
Maybe I was just grief stricken.
Or maybe I was just desperate.
But for one moment, one beautiful moment, Jyou was smiling and telling me that he loved me once more.
I feel the tears slip as I run my hand softly over the tombstone. Yamato had kept the inscription simple, a question that everybody must have asked at least once. A question that nobody could answer.
I had known Jyou for a while. About nine years. I was studying to be a psychologist, and he was studying to be a doctor. I was one of the first people he had confided his love to Yamato, and the first person he told when the two started dating.
He was always a nice guy. I can't understand why that bastard Taichi would even think of killing him.
So what if he was gay? He was still human. He still had emotions. So what if he loved men? At least he loved.
These questions pounding, these tears falling, I take a step back.
"So, Jyou. Even though I'm pretty sure that Yamato will be talking to you about these things, I suppose I just want to tell you it first.
"Takeru and Hikari are still happily married. Daisuke is no longer trying to break them up, but he's found somebody of his own. Well, that's good news, isn't it? Koushiro and Mimi are married too, but you knew that already, didn't you? And they just had twins a couple months ago. A boy and girl, very sweet kids. Ken and Yolei are engaged to be married… and they're living in the same apartment right now. Cody is pretty happy too… course he does miss you, but I guess he doesn't have as much time to dwell upon it as Yamato and I do. But we all miss you, nevertheless.
"Of course, not all the stories are happy. Sora… well, you probably know that after she learned about what had happened with Taichi, she immediately broke off the engagement. But it didn't make a difference because Taichi was declared missing soon after your death. So… Sora's still heartbroken about what happened to Taichi… and I don't know if she can move on.
"We… we all miss you, Jyou. And personally, I think that Taichi does too. Because after all you've been through together, I doubt that he's lost all his respect and admiration. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he still thinks he's done the world a favor. I don't know. I just don't know…"
A sudden sound catches my attention, and I turn to see Yamato coming towards me, his beautiful blue eyes filled distinctly with tears. I moved back and watched as he silently stared at the grave stone, and I know he must be feeling like hell right now.
I had never loved, not like Yamato and Jyou. I still don't. But Jyou was one of my closest friends, and he taught me so much. To look beyond the fact if somebody is gay or straight. To look beyond a person's love.
But if there's one thing his death hasn't taught me, it is to forgive. Because I know that after this, how can I forgive somebody who has caused so much pain? Because they believed in something so wrong.
I can't stand it, watching as Yamato talks softly to the gravestone, as if Jyou can still hear. I can't stand the pain that his death has caused, and I can't stand that I've lost one of my best friends.
Yamato. After living with him as my roommate for the past seven years, he's still an enigma to me. I can't figure him out. Not that I don't want to, I've tried to many times. Yet from all my studies, I can't figure him out. Perhaps it's the shock of having his best friend kill his boyfriend. Perhaps it's the fact that Jyou is dead, and now he's stuck living with me because we're both too lazy to go find somebody to be our soul mates.
It's funny, now that I think of it. Yamato lost his true love, and has sworn off love. I lost somebody who died because of love, and I've sworn off love too. Odd how these things work out, huh?
Slowly, I turn away to walk back to the apartment.
* * * *
I almost never cook. That's usually Yamato's job, especially since I set the kitchen ablaze once. Let's face it. Cooking and Michelle Woo simply do not go together well. But this was the once a year exception when Yamato was too grief stricken to cook.
"Aw… DAMN IT!!" I cursed angrily as I found that one side of the meat was raw while the other was burnt.
Now I know why microwave dinners were made.
Suddenly, the light shines on a shelf that Yamato and I had set up above the fireplace. On it, we placed nothing but a picture, a gray Digivice, a tag with the silver crest of reliability within, and two vases with fresh flowers.
I turned to look at the picture on the mantel. This was the only picture we had with Jyou, Yamato, and me together. It was that time Jyou had wanted me to meet Yamato, and we took a picture together. It wasn't a great picture… we were all acting pretty silly. Jyou and Yamato had their arms around each other while I was standing behind them, my face between them and we were all laughing when the person took the picture. Not to mention that the two were soaking wet because I had just pushed both of them into the lake, due to some joke they played on me. This picture was taken soon after they attempted to pull me in, but I… declined. We were all just having a great time.
It's sad. Everybody… and I mean everybody… has one memory of pure joy. And this is mine. Because even being with two guys loving each other, I still felt comfortable. I still felt like I was a part of the group.
Even though some people… many people… may feel that Jyou and Yamato were freaks… I can never be one of them. Because one of those freaks was my best friend, and now one of them is.
There is no such thing as a freak. Unless you count they hypocritical people that attempt to save the world from freaks.
I sighed and turned away from the picture, tears welling up in my eyes. My best friend had died because of one of those people… somebody he had considered a friend.
The phone suddenly rings.
"Hello?" I asked as I picked it up.
"Yamato?" a soft voice on the other line asks.
"He isn't here right now. Would you like to leave a message?" Obviously, this person doesn't know us too well because he would have known that Yamato wouldn't be at home this day.
The voice pauses, and finally the speaker continues.
"Yes. Yes, I would like to leave a message. Tell… tell Yamato that he was right. I wasn't. That I've been thinking about what he said seven years ago. That I've been wrong all along, and he was always right. That I did something I never should have considered doing. That I wasn't helping anybody when… I did what I did. Tell him that… that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did, I'm sorry that I never understood, and I'm sorry that I didn't understand sooner. I'm… I'm just sorry."
Jeez… what a weirdo. I wonder how the weirdoes always found Yamato… and therefore me.
I paused as I wrote it all down.
"Did you get all of that?" the speaker asked hesitantly.
"Wait! Who should I say this message is from?" I asked, thinking vaguely that I recognized this voice. From a long time ago.
There was another long pause, and just when I think he has hung up on me, the voice replies very softly.
"Tai. Taichi Kamiya."
I'll have you know I like the ending. I chose Joe and Matt because they're my favorite characters, and now I really support them as a romance, At the beginning, I figured that since I was going to be writing such an odd story, I might as well find some way to enjoy myself and slap in my favorite characters, and if it's because they're in love, so be it. Now it's like "This coupling is cute…" and I'm hunting down more Jyoutos and Yamajyous. I don't know why I threw Michelle in at the end, but I did. I guess it just worked out that way. And it definitely isn't meant to be Taito at the end. Or Michelle and Matt coupling. And I'm sorry that I made Taichi seem like the villain… or even Koushiro. *sniffs sadly* Sorry…
I have an idea for a sequel, but if I do, I'll be begging Yamato795 and Child of the Faeries to work on it with me, being the lazy bum I am (that's what happens when you open a folder in the computer and see about forty unfinished fanfics staring at you in the face… well, it might be more, now that I think of it…)
I hope you enjoyed, (I certainly enjoyed writing it) and please, please, please, please, PLEASE REVIEW!!!! This story took me several monthes to write (well, might have something to do with the ever evil writer's block…), so I'll REALLY appreciate a nice review!!! ^^'
Jyou: Have you no dignity?
PM: Not when it comes to reviews…