Uncanny Madrox

Chapter 7: Say Hello to my Little Friend!

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Unknown Legacy- To be fair, Kane has never really been a good guy He's always been a villain in my opinion.

Agent-G- Oh yeah, Hammerhead is the big bad between this gang war. Wackiness and lots of old gangster movie references may very well ensue.

Mutant Town wasn't the safest of places. As well as having the highest the highest unemployment rate in the United States, Mutant Town had the highest crime rates for narcotics, prostitution, vehicular theft and burglary. The whole place was a wannabe gangster's wet dream. It seemed that there was a drive by shooting every other week as well. Mutant Town wasn't on the top of most people's vacation destinations but the mutants that lived there felt relatively safe from the prejudice that they would experience elsewhere.

One mutant however, wasn't so safe. He ran for his life through the maze of back alleys. This mutant was an underling for a local mutant gangster called Slade. Slade had been Mutant Town's very own Kingpin of Crime until recently. The attacks on Slade's businesses began two weeks ago. Gangs of thugs dressed as gangsters from the Twenties barged into a meeting between Slade and some Columbian drug dealers, mercilessly mowing anybody and everybody down with tommy guns. Slade barely made it out alive.

Slade didn't let that attack go without payback as he hired a gang of super-powered mercenaries to give the gangsters a taste of their own medicine. Then the gangsters sent their own super-powered mercenaries after Slade. Unfortunately for one of their mercenaries, the former Weapon-X member Kane, Jamie Madrox and his XXX Detective Agency took him down before he could make his point to Slade.

The mutant running for his life in question, Mattie Cage, tripped and fell to the ground.

'Aww crap!' Mattie hissed. 'I gotta get outta here before they get me.'

'Too late.'

Mattie cursed to himself as he felt the cold steel of a shotgun pressed against the back of his head.

'Any last words?' The assassin known as Shotgun, an African-American guy whose speciality was well… shotguns, growled.

'Go to he…'

BLAM!

It was a time of change for the XXX Agency as Jamie had decided that the agency needed a name change. The name 'XXX' sounded like they sold porn or something. The name on the door now read 'X-Factor Detective Agency.'

'There…' Jamie smiled proudly as he stood back from the door to admire his work. 'What do you guys think? A little too clichéd?'

'I think X-Factor fits.' Guido Carosella, aka Strong Guy, nodded. 'It don't sound like an adult book store anymore.'

'I liked the old name.' Sarah shrugged. 'It sounded dirty. I like dirty.'

'Yeah, I know.' Guido grumbled. 'I can hear you guys from my apartment.'

'Man, these walls really are thin.' Jamie chuckled nervously. 'Better have a word with the land lord…'

Sarah cocked her head as she heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

'Looks like X-Factor's gonna get it's first customer.' She commented. 'Oh. It's you, Phil.'

Phil, Jamie's contact within the criminal underworld, rested against the wall, his breath ragged.

'You gotta help me, Madrox!' Phil pleaded. 'I got a hit on me! They just took out Mattie Cage and Frankie Blade.'

'Get in the office.' Jamie ordered as he ushered Phil inside. 'Hide yourself somewhere safe. We'll go sort these guys out.'

'Just who's after you, by the way?' Sarah asked.

'Shotgun and Constrictor.' Phil answered. 'S-somebody musta found out that I work for Slade…'

'Slade?' Sarah asked. 'Doesn't ring a bell.'

'Local Kingpin wannabe.' Guido explained. 'Controlled most of the crime in Mutant Town until somebody decided to take a piece for themselves.'

'They must have a lot of cash to employ Shotgun and Constrictor.' Sarah noted. 'Those guys don't come cheap.'

'Could be the Kingpin or the Owl trying out new territory.' Guido suggested.

'No, it's not them.' Jamie shook his head. 'They're both safe and snug in Ryker's.'

'Well, I say we go kick some bad guy butt.' Sarah smirked as she cracked her knuckles. 'There's nothing better than whuppin' a loada nancy-boy mercenaries.'

'What about sex?' Jamie asked.

'Okay…' Sarah sighed. 'There's nothing better than whuppin' a loada nancy-boy mercenaries and sex.'

'Don't forget the original Star Wars trilogy.' Guido added.

'A nice cold beer on a warm day.' Phil piped up. 'You gotta love that.'

'All those things are great.' Sarah sighed. 'Now, can we please go kick some ass?'

'Ladies first.'

Jamie, Guido and Sarah wandered the streets of Mutant Town to try and find the mercs that were after Phil. Their usual sources had all but dried up, not wanting to end up with a price on their heads too.

Disappointed with the night's progress, the trio wandered over to Wannabes, a nightclub that enabled mutants and baseline humans to mix without trouble. Hopefully Shotgun and Constrictor would be in there.

Jamie, Guido and Sarah nursed their drinks as they tried to decide on their next plan of action.

'Well, I'm all outta ideas.' Sarah said. 'We've tried all the stoolies in town and came up with nothing.'

'Perhaps we should stop beating them up and start paying them.' Guido suggested.

'Nah.' Jamie and Sarah both replied at once.

'Don't look now…' Sarah said. 'But looks who just wondered in.'

'Pay dirt.' Jamie grinned as he saw Shotgun and Constrictor saunter up to a pair of hookers. 'Let's go say hi.'

'Why do we gotta stop here anyway?' Shotgun muttered. 'Let's just get on with the hit already. I'm getting' antsy.'

'Chill out, man.' Constrictor replied as he winked at one of the hookers. 'There's no rules against havin' a little fun before we get to work.'

'The sooner we get this hit over, the sooner we get paid.' Shotgun muttered.

'I'll say…'

'What the fu…?' Shotgun muttered as he turned around, only to get a punch on the face for his troubles.

Constrictor pushed his hooker out of the way and unsheathed the adamantium coils that gave him his nickname.

'You're gonna pay for that, Madrox.' Constrictor hissed as his adamantium coils whipped around anxiously. 'Sure, I didn't exactly like the guy, but we had a cool partnership goin'.'

'Ya got a lucky shot, punk.' Shotgun hissed as he wiped the blood from his lip and reached for his shotgun. 'You ain't gonna get another.'

'Go ahead…' Sarah said as she held a bone dagger against Shotgun's throat. 'Make my day…'

'We don't much appreciate mercenaries targeting our friends.' Madrox smirked as he snapped his fingers, conjuring up a few Multiples.

'Phil was our friend?' Guido blinked in confusion. 'Why wasn't I informed?'

'Guido, if we can keep our minds on the task at hand?' Jamie reminded his friend.

'Oh, right…' Guido nodded. 'Bad guys, gotcha.'

'Hey, can you guys hear that?' Sarah asked. 'It sounds like something… rumbling?'

'Don't even try to distract us, babe.' Constrictor sneered. 'We're not your regular dumbass hired muscle.'

As if in reply, something smashed through the wall of the club, knocking Constrictor to the ground.

'Aww, now look what you've done.' A voice taunted. 'You've gone and made a big wall in the nice wall. Bad Rhino, it's back to the safari park for you.'

'Spider-Man?' Sarah asked as she tried to make out the identity of the mystery guest.

'Marrow?' Spidey blinked as he tightened his grip on his prey, a highly irate Rhino. 'Man, long time no see. (1) What have you been up to?'

'Nothing much.' Sarah shrugged. 'Pawn of Weapon-X, seducing Multiples. Same old. You?'

'Can't complain.' Spidey shrugged. 'Just followed tall, damn, and horny here. I think he's here for a hit on your two playmates. Hammerhead's making a play for Mutant Town.'

'That Capone wannabe?' Guido snorted. 'Geez, the world must be in a state if we're forced to face guys like him.'

'Just think yourself lucky that you're not part of the Marvel Knights.' Spider-Man laughed. 'I heard they fought winged monkeys a fortnight ago.' (2)

'Pff, talk about lame.' Sarah snorted.

'Well, it looks like we've got our first team-up, guys.' Jamie said, as he looked at all the combatants. 'Let's get this party started…'

TBC…

Madrox, Marrow, Strong Guy, Constrictor, Shotgun, Spider-Man, Hammerhead, Oh the humanity!

(1)- Marrow and Spider-Man first met in the Spider-Man/Marrow one-shot.

(2)- Dr Doom sent a hoard of winged monkeys after Typhoid and Pyro's Marvel Knights in 'The Uncanny Knights.'