Author's Note: Hey everybody! After years...and I mean years, I'm back! And I mean I'm back...lately, Jarred the Best and I haven't been hanging out all that much, and I haven't been to his house in a loooong time. Which is part of the reason Bob and Chippy's hasn't been updated in so long. However, I've decided to try and revive this awesome piece of fanfic-ness myself. So here it is, Mike the Great's attempt to solo write Bob and Chippy's Excellent Adventure.

Oh, and the disclaimer will still be at the end of the story.

Just as I was about to step into the portal into Act 4, the lawyers appeared in a poof of smoke.

"Sorry Bob, but since Act 4 takes place in the 'Bad Place Down Below' we can't let you go there," the main lawyer said.

"But, but, we need to go there and kill stuff and defeat evil and be AWESOME!" Chippy said.

Suddenly, Mike the Great descended down from the sky.

"Hey guys! I know you read the Author's Note, so you know why I'm here alone. I'm here to make these stupid lawyers move and let us go to Hell," Mike the Great said in a booming, godly voice.

"Hey, you can't say-," the lawyer began to say when suddenly a man in a blue suit with spiky brown hair appeared from behind Mike the Great.

"OBJECTION!" the blue suited man shouted while pointing his finger at the lawyers. As he said this, the word objection appeared in red, capital letters in the air and then disappeared.

"No! Not...Phoenix Wright! The greatest lawyer ever!" the lawyers all shouted in unison.

The man I assumed was Phoenix Wright looked very serious as he began to say, "Since Hell is a religious location, or at the very least a location within the context that this story is using, no one here is actually swearing. It's perfectly acceptable for them to say Hell!"

The lawyers all looked like what Phoenix Wright had said hurt them. The head lawyer began to smash his head on a wall that appeared out of nowhere. "You win this round, Mr. Wright," the lawyer said as they disappeared in a poof of smoke.

Mike the Great smiled and turned to Phoenix Wright. "Tanks a lot Mr. Wright. I knew I could count on you. Here's your money," he said as he pulled a large wad on money out of his pocket and handed it to Phoenix Wright. Then, with a snap of his fingers, Mike the Great and Phoenix Wright vanished into thin air.

"Man, am I glad they're gone! I was getting bored! I mean, we were like totally ignored! I don't like being ignored! My name's in the title of this fic, so all eyes should be on me, yes they should on me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me," Chippy said.

"Chippy, did you-," I began when suddenly I was cut off when out of nowhere Deckard Cain ran into us and knocked the three of us into the portal.

I looked around. Hell wasn't that bad of a place. We were in some kind of hotel. I looked up and saw Tyrael standing behind the reception desk.

"Ah, just in time. Deckard Cain called ahead with your reservations. Welcome to the Hotel Hell, the only place in Hell not controlled by Diablo. It's where all the good guys that are fighting Diablo stay. Your rooms will be 500 gold a night," the large angel said. His wings were still very fancy and bright, but seemed slightly dimmer.

"500 a night? That's a rip-off! We're humanity's last hope, and you're charging us money?" I said.

"Come on man, I need the money. Keeping these wings lit isn't cheap, you know?" Tyrael responded.

I grumbled and reluctantly handed over the money for two rooms.

"So which room is mine?" Chippy asked.

"You're sharing with me. Cain gets his own room. There is no way in here that I'm sharing a room with that senile old man," I said.

We slept for a night to get ready for our many battles the next day.

The next morning, Chippy and I awoke and went out of our room. We found Deckard Cain waiting for us.

"You're up awfully early," I said.

"I wet the bed," Deckard Cain said sadly. I stared at him, slightly freaked out, and ran off.

In the lobby of the hotel, I ran into an assassin. However, this assassin was different from most assassins. She was in a wheelchair.

"Oh, nice to see a fellow expansion pack character class, eh! My name is Spam Slayer, eh. I'm a Canadian Assassin, eh. Want to party with me, eh?" the assassin said.

"Sure," I replied. I headed to the reception deck, where Tyrael waited.

"Ah, just in time! I have a quest for you guys! Back in heaven, there was this angel named Izual. He got captured by the bad guys and turned evil. I need you to kill him and loot his corpse for money. He lost a bet to me in heaven, and he still owes me 1000 gold," Tyrael told us. We shrugged our shoulders, and after we found the ramp, head into Hell.

Immediately, several monsters attacked us, but we managed to fight them off. Spam Slayer was actually competent. She killed twice as many monsters as I did.

"This is too easy, eh?" she said. I nodded my head in agreement and killed a couple more monsters before we moved on. As we explored, we were suddenly surrounded by robots.

"Halt! We are leftover battle droids from Star Wars: Episode 1 that Diablo bought on Ebay! We are here to stop you!" one of the robots said. We were about to attack when suddenly I heard some theme music.

"Hey! That sounds like superhero music!" Chippy said.

Suddenly, Batman swung in from nowhere and began to beat up the battle droids. Every once and awhile when he punched a droid, the words POW or BAM would appear out of nowhere. Suddenly, two Super Battle Droids appeared out of nowhere.

"Ah, don't worry! I, Ad...err, Batman have just the solution to this!" he said as he pulled out a small device and pressed a button. A hologram of a woman shot out of his utility belt. She began to rub something on her head.

"HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead!" a voice said in a slightly annoying tone.

The robots looked at each other and actually shot each other. The hologram disappeared.

"Thanks a lot Batman! Want to join our party? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Chippy said.

"Yeah, we could use someone with your skills, eh," Spam Slayer added.

Batman looked like he was thinking before he said, "Alright, but on one condition. I get any taffy we find. I'm a man who loves his taffy."

With that settled, we continued our quest. We got into a few more fights here and there. After about 15 minutes of pointless wandering, we finally found Izual.

"I got him!" I said. My sword drawn, I charged at Izual.

Five minutes later, I was dead. It was kind of funny feeling. I felt all warm and fuzzy. I closed my eyes and felt my soul leave my body. It was so relaxing.

Moments later, I opened my eyes and saw Chippy leaning over my face.

"AH! Where am I?" I shouted, startled at the sight of Chippy.

"Bob, you're dead. You've gone to Hell!" Chippy said in an evil sounding voice.

"NOOOOOOOO! Wait a second, I was already in Hell!" I said, panicked at first but angry when I remembered where I had been.

Chippy began laughing. "Yeah, I know. You just respawned in town. Spam Slayer and Batman killed Izual and opened up a town portal right next to you body. Oh, and Batman found some taffy! He let me have some and it was good and it had sugar and I was hyper so they sent me back here to wait for you and tell you where your corpse is!" he explained.

I shook my head, and noticed all my armor and weapons were gone. Dying sucked. I got up and made my way to the portal and went through. Spam Slayer and Batman were waiting for me by my body. I stopped and tried to think how I could possibly be standing next to my own body, but then shrugged my shoulder and chalked it up to a plot hole. I poked my body and it disappeared, and all my armor appeared on me and my sword was in my hand.

"That was easy," I said. We then fought some more monsters until we realized we didn't have a quest, so we went back to Hotel Hell and found Deckard Cain, who was randomly break dancing for some odd reason.

"Let me guess, you need a quest. Well you've come to Cain, and I'm the best. Mephisto's Soulstone, ya need to smash it! This fic sucks, so now I'll bash it. Word!" Cain suddenly rapped. We all stared at him, dumbfounded. We slowly backed away and regrouped.

"Alright, who has Mephisto's Soulstone, eh?" Spam Slayer asked. We all shrugged.

"Looks like we'll have to go back to Act Three to find it," Batman said. So we headed to the waypoint and teleported back to Kurast.

As soon as we arrived, we saw a man with long blond hair standing next to a man with long dark hair, a beard, and a baseball cap turned backwards.

"Who the heck are you guys? You look like hippies. Are you hippies? Hippies scare the author. Maybe if you joined our party, the author would leave us alone! Then we would be free, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Chippy said.

The blond haired guy looked at Chippy and said, "Dude, check it out, a talking squirrel. Listen little squirrel dude, my name's Jay, and this here is my good friend Silent Bob. And we're not hippies." Silent Bob nodded his head and took a drag from a cigarette.

"Listen, we're looking for Mephisto's Soulstone. Have you seen it?" Batman said.

Jay looked at him and said, "Oh, you mean that red shiny rock we found? Yeah, you can have it. We don't need it. Have fun smashing it!" He pulled Mephisto's Soulstone out of his pocket and handed it to Spam Slayer, who put it in a pouch on her wheelchair.

"Thanks, eh. But how do you know we have to smash it, eh?" Spam Slayer asked.

"Author told us," Silent Bob said. Then, the two of them suddenly vanished in a puff of smoke that smelled vaguely like drugs. We all shrugged our shoulders and returned to Hell.

Back in the Hotel, I decided we might need to hire a mercenary to help us. I walked up to Tyrael and asked him about mercenaries.

"Sorry, but Act 4 doesn't have any mercenaries. But if you're really desperate, you could hire a mercenary off of the Internet. The computer is in the back," he said.

I walked into the back room and sat down on the computer. I went over to and read the reviews for Bob and Chippy's Excellent Adventure.

"Wow, I didn't know we were so popular," Chippy said, reading over my shoulder.

"Yeah. This is pretty cool to know that so many people actually find us funny. Thanks for the compliments people!" I said.

"Now, enough with the meta-fiction and fourth wall breaking! WE NEED MERCS!" Chippy said. I clicked over to look at this one. Four ninjas for the price of one. Looks like they're some kind of team. Ooh, and one of them is a healer!" I said. I clicked on the hire button, which said we should expect our mercenaries in two to nine business weeks. However, Mike the Great is impatient, so he teleported the ninjas to us immediately.

"Hello, my name is Hatake Kakashi, and this is my team of ninjas, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai. We're here to help," the tallest ninja said. He had spiky gray hair, a green vest, and wore a headband with a metal plate on it over his left eye.

I looked at the other ninjas. One of them was a boy in a black and orange suit with blond spiky hair and a headband with a metal plate across his forehead. Another one was a girl with pink hair, a headband in her hair like a ribbon, and shorts and a shirt. The internet had said the healer was female, so I guess she could heal. The third one was a boy with dark hair, a belly exposing shirt, and a sword strapped to his back.

The boy with the belly exposing shirt walked up to me and said, "You must be weak if you need our help. Do you even have a penis?"

"WHAT!" I shouted.

Kakashi merely laughed and said, "Don't mind Sai. He isn't very sociable"

After introducing the ninjas to the rest of my party, we headed out to find the Hellforge so we could destroy Mephisto's Soulstone.

After an hour of wandering and fighting many enemies, we found the Hellforge. And there we saw an unexpected sight. The Smith was standing right in front of the Hellforge! He looked a bit weird, but it was unmistakable who it was.

"The Smith? I thought we killed you in the first chapter?" I said.

"Huh? I'm not the Smith! I'm his sister, Hephasto! Boy, am I glad you killed him. He was giving our family a bad name," was the response we got, Hephasto speaking in a very female voice.

"You're pretty ugly," Chippy said.

"What? NO ONE CALLS ME UGLY!" she roared as she pulled out a very large hammer.

"CHIPPY! See what you did!" I shouted as I dodged a hammer swing.

"Hell hath no fury like a women scorned...on in this case, it does," Batman said.

"Alright team, let's do this!" Kakashi shouted. After an epic battle that they probably should have lost but they won because the plot required it, the ninjas killed Hephasto and destroyed her hammer.

"Oh man, eh. I was reading Chippy's players guide, and it said that the hammer was one of the only things that could destroy the Soulstone, eh?" Spam Slayer said.

The girl ninja healed everyone and then said, "I bet I could do it!" We all laughed.

"No offense, Pink Hair, but I think I would have a better chance than you," Chippy said.

I smacked Chippy in the back of the head. "Chippy, I think by now you would have realized not to insult women! Look what happened last time!" I shouted.

The pink hair girled smiled and said, "I may not look like much, but I can break it."She placed the Soulstone on the Hellforge and shouted, "Smashy Smashy no Jutsu!" She then punched the Soulstone, shattering it as well as breaking the Hellforge in half.

We all stared at her, mouths agape.

"Well, now that our missions to help you destroy the Soulstone is over, my team and I are going to leave," Kakashi said.

"Wait, we could really use your help, eh! Please stay, eh!" Spam Slayer shouted.

Kakashi thought for a moment and said, "Well, I won't endanger these kids lives, but I guess I can stay a bit longer." He opened a town portal and made the three youngest ninjas go through it, and it closed. Suddenly, a strange girl with brown hair placed up in a ponytail appeared out of nowhere.

"Alright guys, now it's time for you to face down Diablo. But in order for you to reach him, you must travel through the HALL OF FEAR! You know, because he's the Lord of Terror. In the HALL OF FEAR! all your greatest fears will come to life, and you must face them. Good luck!" she said.

"Who are you? Do you have more taffy?" Batman asked.

"I'm Viewtiful Aryll. I'm a friend of Mike the Great, and I'm an intern with him right now. I'm thinking about joining so he's letting me have some experience at being an omnipotent and all-powerful author. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go...Mike the Great has some more pointless intern tasks for me to do," she answered. Then she just suddenly disappeared. We all shrugged our shoulders and continued on. It seems like we're doing a lot of shoulder shrugging in this chapter.

After another hour or walking and monster killing, we reached the entrance to the HALL OF FEAR! which we knew was the HALL OF FEAR! because Chippy's player's guide told us.

"Welcome to the HALL OF FEAR! The HALL OF FEAR! is not responsible for any heart attacks or other causes of death caused by encounters with your greatest fears while in the hall. And please remember, no taffy is allowed in the HALL OF FEAR!" a voice said over a loudspeaker.

"Curse you, loudspeaker, curse you. One day I shall have my vengeance! One day," Batman said.

We walked through until we saw a door with my name on it. I opened it, and we walked through.

Suddenly we found ourselves on a plane.

"Well, where's Bob's greatest fear?" Chippy asked. Suddenly, I heard a hissing noise.

"Oh, please tell me this isn't a parody of what I think it is," Kakashi said, reading some book.

Suddenly, a bunch of snakes began crawling everywhere, hissing at us. I began to shake with fear.

"Oh, come on Bob! You're afraid of snakes? I've seen you with snakes before! You're not scared of them when we're in the forest!" Chippy said.

"That's because...I'm only afraid of snakes...when they're...on...a plane!" I said nervously.

"Well, you need to fight them, eh! It's the only way we can move on, eh!" Spam Slayer said.

I closed my eyes, trying to remember the summoning spell I had learned in Druid's Collage to counteract this fear. I held up my hand, which was shaking in fear. "Su..su...summon!" I stuttered.

Suddenly, Samuel L. Jackson appeared out of nowhere. "I have had enough of these motherf-EXPLETIVE DELETED snakes, on this motherf-EXPLETIVE DELETED plane!" he shouted as he took out his gun and shot a window. Suddenly, all the snakes were pulled out of the hole in the window, and the planes, the snakes, and Samuel L. Jackson disappeared.

"Oh, that was easy," I said. We continued on, eventually reaching a door with Chippy's name on it.

"I'm not going in there!" Chippy said. I sighed, picked Chippy up, opened the door and we went inside. We found ourselves in the middle of a battle arena. In the middle of the battle arena was a naked mole rat.

"What the?" Batman said.

"Chippy has zemmiphobia, fear of the Great Mole Rat, which for some reason he always insists in a naked mole rat," I explained.

"He exists! I KNEW IT! I KNEW! But would you believe me? No! You called me crazy! You called me unhinged. Oh Chippy, there isn't a Great Mole Rat! He's just in your mind! WELL THEN, WHO IS THAT!" Chippy ranted.

Spam Slayer wheeled over to Chippy and gave him a kiss. "You can do it, eh. I know you can, eh!" she said.

Chippy looked dazed for a moment, then suddenly he became determined.

"I will swiftly and easily defeat my opponent," he said, his mouth movement not matching his words. Leaping through the air, he kicked the Great Naked Mole Rat in the face. The two began kung-fu fighting! Their fists were fast as lightning! In fact, it was a little bit frightening! But they fought with expert timing!

Suddenly, the two faced each other, their attacks withheld for now.

"One hit is all I need," Chippy said with uncanny speed, he appeared in front of the Great Naked Mole Rat and kicked him straight into the air. As the Mole Rat approached the ground again, Chippy delivered and uppercut to his stomach. The Great Naked Mole Rat landed on his feet, dizzy.

"FINISH HIM!" a voice boomed.

Chippy grabbed the Great Naked Mole Rat's front teeth. Then, in a Red vs Blue reference, he pulled out the Great Naked Mole Rat's skull and proceeded to beat him to death with it. How that was possible, I don't know. The Author just thought it would be funny, and it's not really my place to question the author.

With the Great Naked Mole Rat defeated, we moved on. After another minute of walking, we reached a door with Kakashi's name on it.

"Well, looks like it's my turn," he said. He opened the door and stepped into the room, which looked like a pretty ordinary room. An old man with grey hair, a red outfit, and weird red lines on his face was waiting inside.

The man stepped up to Kakashi and said, "Sorry Kakashi. Someone became offended by one of my Icha Icha books, and now I have to burn them all," the man said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY BOOKS!" Kakashi said as he fiercely hugged three small books.

"What's so good about these books anyways?" Chippy said as he grabbed one of them and browsed over a page, his eyes becoming wide as he read on.

"Huh, what is it about?" I asked. I took the book from Chippy, who was now drooling. I browsed the page as well, my eyes widening in shock. "This is what you're reading? This...perverted stuff! I...woah, this is kind of hot," I said.

Spam Slayer ran over my foot with her chair and snatched the book from my hands. "You perverted men, eh. What's so good about...oh my, eh! This book is...incredible, eh!" she said.

Kakashi hastily snatched his book back. "NO! There is no way I'm letting you burn my preciouses...yes, my preciouses, gollum! They're mine, yes...they wants to be with me...my preciouses," he said, stroking the books.

Batman smacked Kakashi. "Listen, you need to get over this fear of losing your pr0n! If the books get burned, I'm sure you can always find the actual text on the Internet!"he shouted.

Kakashi's exposed eye glinted. "You're right! You can't scare me like that Jiraiya! You can burn my books, but the Icha Icha series will always live on!" he said, standing up. Suddenly, the man vanished, the illusion conquered. Kakashi sighed and hid the books again. We moved on, walking until we found a door with Spam Slayer's name on it.

"Seems like it's time for me to face my fear, eh?" Spam Slayer said as I opened the door for her. She wheeled in ahead of us and we followed. Inside we saw Jon Moctezuma waiting for us.

"Hey, it's that Mexican kid from the last chapter!" Chippy said.

"A Mexican, eh! Those are the polar opposite of Canadians, eh! Don't let it near me, eh!" Spam Slayer said.

I patted her on the shoulder. "It's ok, I'm sure you can face your fear," I said.

Suddenly, the probably fake Jon Moctezuma suddenly turned into a giant robot Mexican with a sombrero and a guitar.

"No...f-EXPLETIVE DELETED way," Chippy said.

Robin suddenly popped in from nowhere and said, "Holy Morphing Mexicans Batman!"

"Stop following me you strange kid! And give me back my taffy!" Batman said as he punched Robin and threw him out of the room.

Spam Slayer gritted her teeth. "There's only one way for me to take this guy out, eh. I'll have o use my chair, eh!" she said as she pressed a button on her wheelchair. Suddenly, in a complex transformation scene, her chair turned into a giant robot version of an assassin.

"How do you like my mecha, the Deus ex Machina, eh?" Spam Slayer's voice boomed forth from a loud speaker. It got in a combat ready pose and charged the Mecha-Jon. Giant Wolverine style claws popped out of the mecha's hands and stabbed into the Mecha-Jon, who proceeded to smash the Deus ex Machina with his giant guitar. The giant robot assassin stumbled back, but regained its balance and got in another combat pose.

"Looks like I'll have to use my ultimate attack, eh! Take this, eh! DOUBLE DEUS, EH!" Spam Slayer shouted, her voice carried forth by her mecha's loudspeaker. Suddenly, a second Deus ex Machina appeared behind the Mecha-Jon. The two Deus ex Machina's both extended their claws super long and proceeded to skewer the gigantic robotic Mexican, who exploded in a large, elaborate explosion that somehow didn't harm anyone. The one Deus ex Machina disappeared as the other one transformed back into Spam Slayer's wheelchair. The Canadian assassin looked at us and smiled.

"Good work! And that mecha should help us a lot against Diablo!" I said.

Spam Slayer frowned and replied, "My Deus ex Machina only has enough fuel to preform the Double Deus once before it has to recharge for a whole week, eh. It takes a lot of fuel to make a solid holographic copy, eh."

"Awww...of course. Mike the Great would never make things to easy for us," Chippy said.

Mike the Great's laughter boomed out of nowhere. We all sighed and continued forward, reaching Batman's door. We walked in.

"I hope I don't have to face zombies. I really don't like zombies," Batman said, his eyes darting around.

What we found was not zombies, but rather several men who looked like writers of somekind.

"Who the here is that? And why is Batman afraid of them?" Chippy said.

Batman glared at them, and pointed his finger accusingly. "YOU! You're the writers from that Family Guy show! You can't make me go back to that third rate cartoon! I'm in a serious piece of literature now!" Batman said.

"No you're not, Mr. West. You're in a lame fanfic being written by a geek with an obsession with pop culture references and a love of self-depreciating humor," one of the writers said.

"! You'll never catch me!" Batman shouted as he ran off. The writers chased after him.

"Looks like we'll have to face Diablo one party member short," I said as we moved on without the caped crusader.

We reached Diablo's inner sanctuary, so Chippy pulled out his player's guide.

"According to this, there are five seals in this area that Diablo is using to hide himself from heroes. There are two sets of two seals, and a single seal all alone. Kakashi and Spam Slayer. You guys are probably more competent than Bob and I, so you can take the double seals. Bob and I will take the single seal. Also, be careful. Each set of seals, when fully unsealed, will unleash a unique monster," Chippy explained, trying his best to sound smart. So, we split up and each headed in a different direction.

After several minutes, or maybe they were hours of walking. I can't remember, and the Author is just kind of randomly adding these times. They don't really matter. Anyways, after we walked for some unimportant period of time, we eventually reached the seal. After staring at it for a couple minutes, we finally decided to unseal it. So I walked up to the seal and poked it. I drew my sword, looked around wildly for the monster it unleashed and saw nothing. Maybe the monster had fallen into a plot hole. I sheathed my sword and turned around, only to find myself face to face with Hitler.

"I am Hitler! I am the unique monster unleashed by this seal! And, err...I guess I'm going to fight you!" Hitler said in a surprisingly American accent. I drew my sword and got ready to fight, when suddenly a bunch of zombie Nazis appeared around me.

"I think we're screwed, Bob," Chippy said as I felt a warm liquid run down my arm.

"Not so fast, Hitler!" a voice boomed. We turned around and saw Abraham Lincoln standing behind us in a heroic pose.

"Ack! Abraham Lincoln! You can not stop me! I will, um...kill these people I guess. I mean, it's not like I have anything better to do. And I am evil and stuff," Hitler said.

Abraham Lincoln shook his head and said, "Oh, I think I can stop you!" He pulled an AK-47 out from under his hat, and blew Hitler away with a rat-a-tat-tat.

"Good thing Batman isn't here right now, because I think that Lincoln would have shot him instead," Chippy said.

With their leader gone, the zombie Nazis just kind of disappeared into a plot hole. Wow, this chapter sure has a lot of those.

"STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!" Mike the Great's voice boomed out.

"Anyways, I have to go. There is this crazy sorceress chasing after me who says she's me," Lincoln said as he threw down a smoke bomb and vanished. We shrugged our shoulders and headed to the center, where Spam Slayer was waiting for us.

"I see you guys got your seal unsealed already, eh. Man, you won't believe who I had to fight, eh. It was some ninja guy named Itachi who kept on talking about kicking puppies and killing his entire family, eh. Oh, and he told me I lacked hatred, and then he also said I lacked leg function, eh! That was just plain offensive, eh! I think he was really evil, eh. I only won because I looked on the Internet, and it told me that in order to beat Itachi, I had to tell him that his emo little brother was somewhere else, eh. As soon as I said that, he ran of screaming about Sausage or something like that, eh." Spam Slayer said.

"Cool, but where is the amazing one-eyed ninja guy?" Chippy said. Suddenly, the ground began to shake, and Diablo appeared out of a door that said "Diablo's Secret Hiding Place."

"Fear me mere mortals, for I am something you have never faced before!" Diablo said.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"I am...a competent villain!" he said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The only reason we've won up to now was because of a combination of the villains' incompetence and our positions as the main characters!" Chippy said. We all gasped.

Diablo laughed and began to shoot fireballs and blasts of lightning at us. We hid behind some conveniently placed rocks.

"You're welcome!" Mike the Great's voice boomed.

Suddenly, Kakashi showed up. "Sorry I'm late, but my seal got stuck and I had to jiggle it a bit to unseal it," he said, obviously making up a lame excuse. I noticed that his left eye was uncovered and was completely red.

"Woah! Do you like have pink eye or something? If you do, then get away. I don't have pink eye and pink eye is bad and I don't want it cause then I would be sick and that would make me sad and I don't like being sad because being sad means I'm not happy and I like being happy because being happy is fun!" Chippy said.

"Chippy, did you take your medication this morning?" I asked.

"Er...it's both possible that I did, and it's possible I didn't" Chippy said.

Kakashi shrugged his shoulders and said, "No, it's not pink eye. It's my Sharingan, and it allows me to read my opponents movements and predict what they're going to do, as well as copy the abilities of other ninjas. It's why I'm known as Copy Ninja-Kakashi. It also gives me the ability to read my favorite books with one eye while my Sharingan focuses on the battle," he said as he pulled out one of his dirty books and began reading it. I sighed.

"That's all nice, but how are we going to beat Diablo, eh? He's kind of attacking so fiercely that we can't get an attack in edgewise, eh. Although if he's as competent as he says he is, why isn't he moving around these rocks to attack, eh?" Spam Slayer said.

"Oh, good idea! I really need to work on that. It's one of the things mentioned in the book I'm reading, 'How to be a Competent Villain for Dummies,'" Diablo said as he walked around the rocks and faced us.

"Awww, s-EXPLETIVE DELETED," Chippy said.

Diablo began to laugh evilly when suddenly, more theme music began to play.

"Dude, why the heck does the Author put so much theme music into a story where people can't even hear it? I mean, what's the point of pointing it out when the readers can't even hear it. We all know we can't explain it without giving away whose theme music it is, but we still feel like pointing out the music. It's just weird," Chippy said. I smacked him in the back of the head.

A black van with a red stripe on it and a red spoiler drove between Diablo and us. Batman jumped out of it and said, "Don't worry guys, I brought back up and taffy."

Out of the van poured the entire A-Team! Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and Mr. T all pulled out guns and began to shoot, missing Diablo completely but looking very cool.

"Crap! It's the A-Team! But not even they can save you now, foolish heroes!" Diablo said.

Mr. T just shook his head and said, "You know what Diablo, you're the fool. And you know what else? I PITY THE FOOL!" Mr. T then picked up Diablo and threw him into the lava that surrounded everything. I mean, we are in Hell.

"I love it when a plan comes together," Hannibal said as he stuck a cigar into his mouth and lit it. The A-Team then climbed into their van and drove away.

"Thanks for the save, Batman, eh. I knew we could count on you, eh!" Spam Slayer said.

"Oh, don't worry citizen. As long as I have my taffy, I can fight any villain!" Batman said.

"So, if we just beat Diablo, how come the Author isn't sending all our teammates away and ending the chapter?" Chippy said.

Suddenly, laughter began to come out of the lava. "That's because you haven't defeated me!" Diablo's voice boomed as he rose out of the lava. "Now, I will take my ultimate form and defeat you all!" he said. Then, in a complex transformation sequence, Diablo turned into a giant bat with Diablo's head.

"Oh no! A bat! I'm afraid of them! But not as much as I'm afraid of those stupid writers. I showed them that Batman will not be reduced to playing a mayor in a crappy cartoon whose jokes don't have anything to do with the plot!" Batman said.

"What the? YOU'RE FRIGGIN' BATMAN! How the here are you afraid of a bat?" I screamed.

"What? I'm Batman? I always thought I was Adam West. I guess I was wrong," Batman said.

Suddenly, a van with the words deus ex machina on the side of it pulled up. You know, I think the author really likes the word suddenly. Anyways, suddenly Ozzy Osborne suddenly climbed out of the van and suddenly began to suddenly speak.

"F-EXPLETIVE DELETED. I don't know where the f-EXPLETIVE DELETED I f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing am. Who the f-EXPLETIVE DELETED are all of you f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ers. And what the f-EXPLETIVE DELETED is f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing up with that f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing giant f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing bat. F-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ers," Ozzy said.

"Woah, and I thought I was vulgar," Chippy said.

Bat-Diablo then swooped at Ozzy, screaming, "How dare you swear so much! There could be children reading this fanfic!"

Ozzy merely grabbed Bat-Diablo and bit his head off. "F-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing bat, don't f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing f-EXPLETIVE DELETED with f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing Ozzy f-EXPLETIVE DELETED-ing Osborne," Ozzy said.

Then, Mike the Great and his intern, Viewtiful Aryll appeared.

"Congrats guys! You beat Diablo! Now, since this fic is based on the expansion pack, you get to go to Act Five! Which is on some mountain I forget the name of because it's been a really long time since I last played Diablo 2!" Mike the Great said.

"A mountain, eh? Those places aren't really handicap accessible, eh. Looks like I'm out, eh," Spam Slayer said. She waved goodbye and wheeled away.

Kakashi had his head in his book as he said, "Sorry, I have to go. I already bought tickets for the Icha Icha Paradise movie. Oh, it's going to be soooooo good!" He then vanished, ninja style.

Batman looked around and said, "You guys kind of freak me out. I'm out of here." He then climbed into the Batmobile that had appeared out of nowhere and drove off.

Chippy and I just looked at each other and I asked, "Alright, but how are we getting to this mountain?"

"Easy. Ozzy conveniently has a concert at this mountain, so he can take you," Viewtiful Aryll said. Then, the Author and his intern vanished in a very dramatic pillar of smoke. I heard someone coughing.

"Did you have to make it so smoky?" Viewtiful Aryll's voice boomed out of nowhere, in between coughing.

"Sorry," Mike the Great's voice boomed sheepishly. How a voice can boom sheepishly, I don't know. But somehow, his did.

Shrugging our shoulders, we climbed into Ozzy's bus, which then took off towards Act 5 and some mountain.

Disclaimer: I don't own Diablo II, Phoenix Wright, the word OBJECTION!, Star Wars, Ebay, Adam West, Batman, HeadOn, any taffy, Jay and/or Silent Bob, the Internet (Al Gore invented it, but Bill Gates owns it), Naruto, Viewtiful Aryll (she's an Internet friend of mine I'm helping out), the word Viewtiful (I think Capcom owns that word), Snakes on a Plane, any motherf-EXPLETIVE DELETED snakes, Samuel L. Jackson, the song Kung-Fu Fighting, The phrase FINISH HIM!, Red vs Blue, any pr0n, the Icha Icha series (Jiraiya owns that! Wait, he's fictional), a mecha (I wish I did), Wolverine, Family Guy (which I actually like, despite my comments), Hitler (he's evil!), any Nazis (they're evil too!), Abraham Lincoln, the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, the fourth wall, the "For Dummies" series, the A-Team, Mr. T, a van, Ozzy Osborne, or discalimers.

I do own myself, and I guess I own Chippy. And I sort of own Bob...I mean, I own his personality at least.

"YOU CAN'T OWN ME!" Chippy shouted,

BOB! The fic is over! Stop narrating!

"Sorry," I said.