Chapter Two

Lies

Shuttle Pod Two touched down in the midst of a grassy knoll surrounded on three sides by a thick stand of trees whose high branches rustled quietly in the steady breezes. The fourth 'side' was a stretch of level green ground that seemed to go on further than the naked eye could see. There was a pile of weathered rocks just right of center that was probably what was left of a once tremendous boulder, set roughly eight meters away from the Pod. Beyond a scattering of flowers in various hues, there was nothing remarkable about the landing site at all.

Tia stepped out of the Pod onto the grass, walking out a few steps, enjoying feeling the springy fresh grass at her feet, and stopped. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the scent of life. Trip got out as well, but instead of following he just sat down on the deck of the open Pod, watching her.

"It so beautiful is." She said, looking out over the vast expanse. "I understand why land here you did." She took another deep, lingering breath, savoring it. "The third planet this is that on I am, and the most beautiful it is."

"Yes, it is beautiful." He agreed, watching her closely as she stood, back to him, taking in everything. He was almost distracted by how good she also looked in her uniform; close as the material was to her lovely body, her long golden hair ruffling slightly down her back in the persistent breeze. She looked over her shoulder at him.

"But mad will the others be? Heard I did how far we from them are."

"We won't be here long." He promised her. She looked back out, wanting to take in everything about the scene if they only had a short time to enjoy it. "Only long enough for you to decide how much, and for how long, you intend to keep lying to me."

Tia froze, completely unable to move. He watched her for a long moment standing absolutely motionless, barely even breathing, until finally he could stand it no longer. He stood up and approached her, coming around her still body. She never turned her head, but from the moment she could see him her eyes tracked him, and when he finally stopped before her she looked up into his eyes.

Charles Tucker looked down into the golden eyes of his beloved, and saw the one thing he had never thought to see in them. He did not see joy, delight or her usual joie de vivre. He did not see pain or sadness. All these things he had seen in her eyes, all these things he could have born this time. What he saw now he could not bear to see when she looked at him.

He saw fear.

"Tia? Tia, talk to me."

She tried. Oh, how she tried, but her mouth was suddenly dry, and her heart low in her chest was pounding so hard she could barely hear him. His voice sounded like it was coming from a long way off, and she thought she was going to faint.

But she couldn't faint. She found she wanted to, but that escape eluded her. Trying to wet her lips with a suddenly dry tongue, she could barely whisper; "I you to do want to lie not, Shar-les!" Her voice trembled beyond her best efforts; this was her worst nightmare suddenly come true.

"But you do. You have." She pressed her eyes tightly together, bitterly resenting that, dry as she was, the only moisture she could feel were her restrained tears. "And for so long now I don't even know anymore what's the truth and what's the lie. And the things that don't jibe, they aren't even anything big. Like in that song you like so much, it's 'the little things that you say and do'."

She opened her eyes, but was so afraid she couldn't speak. Only a dry gasp got out. There was so much she wanted to say. So much she needed to say; to have him understand. He needed to understand. She needed to tell him, and her dry mouth betrayed her. She desperately wanted him to understand, and she could not tell him.

He turned, walking past her back to the Pod. She watched; frozen in place, terrified he was going to get in and leave her. She couldn't bear it, could not stand being left behind, to have him leave her; but she was unable to move to follow.

She was vastly relieved as he reached in, and came back a moment later with a canteen. He opened it and she took it in her trembling hand, drinking gratefully.

Finally she could speak. "Shar-les, qualsia – please. I to you to lie do want not."

"But you have, haven't you?" She couldn't answer. She couldn't say it. Finally, unable to endure it longer, she nodded.

"Nyas." She whispered surprisingly. She had to make him understand, but he broke in.

"Damn it, Tia, you have. You're doing it even now. Don't you think I can tell?" He looked into her fearful eyes for as long as he could stand; his anger growing as he looked into her innocent eyes; eyes he knew were no longer innocent, if indeed they ever had been. Finally, fearful of his own anger, he turned away sharply, stepping away, putting some distance between them before he whirled to face her. "Tia, why?" She tried to speak, several times, but could not. She could no longer face him, looking away. She wanted to answer, but her shame drove the words from her. For the first time since she had boarded Enterprise, she actually wished for a UT, but she did not have one, and her English words fled from her frightened mind.

He closed the distance between them, stepping around so he was in front of her again. "Tia…" he said, struggling to keep his voice level, "I am more angry with you right this moment than I could ever have imagined myself being. I don't want to be, but you're making it damn hard. Talk to me."

Several times she tried, but nothing came out. Finally, some words came to her, as well as they could, and she was able to say something "Last klansti … last week," she began in a trembling whisper, "said you that I 'wind up over your knee' would. Did understand not, but explain Liz did. If that would-."

"Don't!" He cut her off, raising a shaking finger to her. "Don't you dare…" He clenched his fist, trying to restrain himself from saying more, but when she closed her eyes fearfully, visibly readying herself for the blow she believed would come he turned, stalking away from her, putting over four meters between them before he turned back to her. She was looking at him, apprehension vying with fear. "I taught you I would never hurt you. No one would."

"You me that taught. I that believe." She answered in a trembling, barely audible voice.

"Tia, what you say, and what you do; they don't fit. Somewhere in all of this you have been lying to me, and I have to know why." She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. "Don't bother to deny it; you can't. Just tell me what, and why."

"I – I to you lie do want not." She whispered, barely able to raise her trembling voice.

"If you don't want to, why do you? Because I have to tell you that is no way to have a relationship; not the kind humans have. Now I care about you – a lot. I love you; but if you're going to be dishonest with me then I shouldn't see you anymore."

Her reaction was startling. She rushed to him, falling on her knees, hands pressed to her chest. Her eyes, as she looked up at him, were filled with abject terror. "Nyas. Shar-les, nyas. Please say that not. Qualsia curla kil nyasi! Nyas. Qualsia! Kaynas tuval muliente! Li baytri kalverse mi –!"

"English, Tia." He pressed his own eyes closed in pain. "Please, English. Just this once let there be understanding between us." When he could look down at her again, her pain was etched upon her face. "You once told me you wanted klista; your word for 'heart-to-heart'. Let there be heart-to-heart, let there be klista, between us, even if it has to be only this one last time."

"Last time?" She gasped in terror.

"I don't want it to be, but it's your choice, isn't it?" She grasped his leg desperately.

"Qualsia. Mis li ven – All I you ever have told is truth."

It was a long moment, looking down into her eyes, before he could speak.

"Even that you love me?" He asked carefully.

"Especially that I you love!"

"Why don't I believe you?" The pain in her face, in her entire being, was so intense he instantly regretted the killing words.

"Qualsia. I you told all could I. To tell more I could not. Qualsia!"

As he looked down at the girl, he thought he understood.

"Then there is a truth you've hidden from me." She stared up at him, trying to answer, trying not to answer; and finally nodded reluctantly. "You didn't want to lie, so you didn't tell the truth either. You just didn't say anything." She nodded, misery etched upon her face. She knew she could hold out no longer, not when it meant losing the only thing that really mattered to her.

"I you to –all of you to – did want to lie not." She whispered, her voice trembling as much as her body. "Truth I told – I only tell all of it did not."

"Well, I'll have it all now."

He extended his hand toward the rocks piled about three feet high, providing plenty of space to sit. He held the motion, making it plain he would not give up until she complied. She got up and he could see she was shaking so badly she could barely stand, and if truth be told his knees were not at their best either. She walked before him to those rocks as if to the gallows.

When they sat down, she was actually an inch higher than he was, and he looked up at her. "Let's start with your escape from Aura. I have to confess I didn't really want to look too closely at it either. Love blinds a man to a lot, but it wasn't exactly an escape of opportunity; a mad dash by two dozen people to a spaceship that just happened to be sitting around unguarded, was it?" She shook her head sadly.

"No, Shar-les, it was not." She whispered.

"What was it then?" She sighed.

"Go further back must I, or understand you will not."

"All right. Go back to the beginning."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to go back that far. Not wanting to go back there ever. But … if she did not, then he was lost to her and she would do anything in the galaxy to prevent that.

"Aura lost is." She told him, trying to stop her quiet voice from trembling. "Silurians everything taken have. For all of my life tried fight them to we have."

She took a deep breath, held it, trying to stop the trembling. "In your history read I of 'underground' in wars. On Aura different is. Place safe is no. Those who can resist must in secret so do. Who resist does one know not. In open, we others must as be. When together work; strike we can." She was silent for a long moment.

"I think I understand. You had to blend in when in public. You were trained to fight, but without being on a mission you just had to stand and take everything that was done to you, no matter what it was." She nodded miserably.

"Wanted that way I did it not. Do much could to help, but could not. In open, to stand and watch I had. Watched so much. So much."

She clenched her fists tightly, trying to shut out the images, or the pain; he did not know which. "You got tired of watching." He wouldn't make it a question.

"Before recruited I was, 'tired of watching' I was. But act could not! The klusert ku vorklis, we called them; the Demons of Hell; Silurians brutal are; demons worse than imagine you can. Cared nothing for us. How you found me treated, so all were. Only keep us alive had to; beyond that no."

She put her head down, as if recalling, or telling the story, took more strength than she had. "Alive keep us they did, for the gold they us took from." She sighed sadly. "Gold to us, like iron to you it is. In food, in water, in everything. Too little harvest to there. But from our blood they harvest. A bit at a time. Too much, and die we do, so a little they take each time, and we go on 'collecting' more. When we eat, when we drink, when…" She looked up, her eyes drowning in sadness deeper than resentment.

"How got it they did they cared not. Extract medically if comply we did. If not, they any way could they did. Those who resisted, punished they were." She hung her head, unable to look at him. "Liked it I did not, ever. Stupid I was, but give in I could not. So punished much was I."

He remembered how she had been when they had first found her aboard the Krontis; the scars of whips that had striped her body from head to toe; the evidence of broken bones and scores of beatings. Phlox had told him that he had found evidence that at one time or another each of her legs and arms had been broken; her left arm at least three times, and eleven of her twenty eight ribs had been fractured over her life. (Humans had 12 pair of ribs; Aurans had four more lower pair attached to a much longer breastbone to complete protection of their hearts, which were just above their diaphragms.) He remembered her belief that she would be beaten aboard Enterprise for infractions, and how long it had taken her to believe the truth.

"What happened that day?" He asked quietly long after the story faltered. She looked up.

"Ask rather what the week before happen did." She said bitterly, looking straight ahead, not at him.

"All right. What happened the week before?"

"I slow an order to obey was. Angry I was, did want to obey not. Punished I was."

"You'd been punished before." She shook her head.

"Like this not. Like it, but as much not." She looked at him, and the pain in her eyes was terrible. "Beaten was I until stand I could not. Beaten until move I could not. Death I wanted would have if to get them to stop it would. But then example they decided of me to make, to show resist the klusert ku vorklis could one not." She had to stop, unable to continue for many moments before she continued with a bitterness that would have choked her. "Used I was; by all in street. They the klusert ku vorklis forced to use me." The words just hung there, waiting. The silence went on, she seemed to want him to ask and he did not want to ask.

"How many?"

"Forty two." She whispered.

"My God!" He was absolutely horrified, even more so at the manner in which she had said it. To think that something so horrific would be considered usual was beyond his comprehension.

"One even in my … my…" She hunted for the word; but as usual, when upset, her English occasionally deserted her.

"Cell?"

She shrugged. "… cell was. Could stop it not. If even he to stop wanted I know not. Think I he it like did." She sighed miserably, seeming to collapse upon herself. "From that moment, knew stand it longer I could not. Others as I did felt. Many others I knew."

She stopped speaking, staring ahead, unwilling to continue, or unable. She was trying to regain a tenuous control. He knew how she felt about crying, and how close she was to it. He did not press her; just let her keep her silence.

Finally, after a long time, she turned away from him, unable to face him directly, her bitter voice laden with a guilt he could not understand. "In the night, all the rules did we break. Openly attack a ship we did, the entire crew kill we did. Stole the Krontis we did and left Aura behind we did."

"Tia…" He found he too had to hunt for words. "I can understand; you had to –." She turned back to him violently, her long golden hair flying in her vehemence.

"Nyas!" She cried; her voice breaking. "You understand nyasi. Workers there as well there were!" She stood abruptly, looking down at him, the words seemingly torn violently from the depth of her soul as she held her clenched fists before her, almost screaming in her pain. "Aurans they were. Aurans! Three with my bare hands did I kill so escape I could!"

She could stay no longer, but hurried away, clenched hands pressed to her temples, but a moment later she turned, thrust out her golden hands and almost screamed at him: "With these hands did I kill Aurans who tried to stop me from leaving." In her hands, clenched so tightly as they had been, drops of golden blood welled up from where her nails had been driven into her palms, but so overwhelmed was she that she could not feel the pain or yet see the blood.

In soul-wrenching agony she cried to him: "In all my life I the Silurians resisted. But to save myself I my own people killed." In her eyes, even so many steps away, he could see the agonizing horror she had hidden for so long, which came pouring out of her in a scalding torrent. She was trembling so much she could not stand, and fell to her knees in the grass.

"Wanted I to learn how to kill never." She whispered; her head down, her golden hair hiding her face; her voice breaking. "Wanted I to trained be never. Wanted I to kill never!"

She looked up at him, fired by a grim resolve, and in her voice he could hear the hate she felt for the monsters that had made her a murderess. "But learn how to hurt Silurians I did, and did gladly. Hurt them and kill them I did for what they to my people did. And then because stand it any longer I could not I my own people killed!"

She could no longer look at him, but when her eyes fell upon her bleeding hands she gasped. "Nyas. Again on my hands blood is. Again and again and again! Will I free of the blood be never?" She looked up at him, her heart breaking as she implored him to understand.

"Want to learn to kill I did not. To be free I wanted. To live I wanted. But kill my people I did!" She held her bleeding hands out to him, begging for his understanding of her horror. "Tried off the Krontis they to keep me and killed I them. They were from me different no. They families had, they them loved. And killed I them!" Her voice broke as she looked into his eyes, tears streaming from her own. "How could I you tell that?" She begged, her voice driven down to a whisper. "How could I you tell that?"

He stood up, coming to her and dropping down to one knee before her as she knelt trembling on the grass, not knowing what to say. Her body was trembling from her pain.

"When found me you did; freedom I found. When met your people … never imagined I ever would meet one like you. When you … when you … when love you I did, and love me you did; to tell you harder became it. To tell you I wanted; to say I it could not.

"When accepted by you, by everyone, put that life behind me I thought I could. I it wanted never. I it wanted gone."

"But there were accidents." He said gently. "Malcolm."

"Upset I was. Scared. Thought going back into slavery I was. When he – I think did not." She looked down, unable to keep his eyes. "Terrified I was that find out you would. Wanted to tell, but wanted to not."

"Then this assassin came." She nodded miserably.

"Killed so many he did. Phlox, Dina, Ann, Jennifer, T'Pol, Liz! Came to Hoshi and I he did, but a time before Phlox to. Thought could I cover, but beat Hoshi he did. Rape he intended us both to. Made Hoshi sleep I did." She tried to let it hang.

"And then?" She sighed deeply, looking up to meet his eyes with her haunted golden ones. She would have given anything not to say it, but it was far too late.

"And then stop him I did." She admitted. "But to learn what needed I to save the others did, my training I used. I breaking his bones started until told me what I had to know he did."

Trip was very careful not to draw away, horrified as he was by all these admissions. "And your wounds. You did all that to yourself." It was not a question. She nodded miserably. "It must have really hurt; to mutilate yourself like that." She nodded again, one hand dropping to her lap.

"Hurts still it does." She whispered. "Did intend it this bad to be not."

"You know Phlox can heal all that." He reminded her.

"Is now there a need for secrets not." She agreed sadly. He came down on both knees to more comfortably face her, because what more had to be said was uncomfortable indeed.

"But why, Tia? Why did you do all that? You had saved the lives of several of your crewmates; no one would think less of you for how you did it. You would have been perceived as acting honorably, doing what you had to for the sake of a greater good. Yes, your 'secret' would have been out, but no one would think less of you for what you had to do; those you saved would have been grateful. I would have been grateful. Why didn't you tell us?

"Val nyas." She shook her head sharply, whispering over and over again, "Could not. Could not. Could not!"

"But why? What was it that made it preferable for you to lie?"

"Lied not." He sighed, frustrated.

"You told us you were raped." She shook her head.

"Did not. Hoshi told you that raped I was. I did not."

"You just made it look like you were." She nodded. "You pretended it happened."

"From finding out tried everyone to keep."

He sighed in exasperation. "All right. I can see why you'd want to keep that part of yourself quiet. I can barely imagine the horror of having all that inside you, and the guilt, and not quite knowing how to tell anyone, or even if you should. I don't agree. And I think you made a mistake, trying to cover it up, but I'll see your reason."

He touched her chin, made her look at him. "But when I came in, you lied to me." She shook her head.

"Spoke I only in Auran; knew understand you did not. Knew turn on the UT you would not. Said I nothing about rape. After that, could see you not because lie to you I did want not, but to tell the truth I did know how not, if to keep all this from you I would."

"But Tia, you did lie. You lied to me. Whatever you said, or didn't say, when I walked in there and saw you; torn, bruised and bleeding, I really believed you had been raped. And you knew that and you let me believe it. And for a full day you let me go on believing it. I don't know what it means in your culture, you never told me but I have a pretty good idea now, if rape was 'punishment' to the Silurians, but you didn't have to let it go on. You didn't have to deceive me. Tia, a lie of omission is still a lie."

She couldn't look at him, her head falling. "Tia, I love you with all my heart, but if you can lie to me in something as large as this, and go on lying, how can I ever believe you again? How can I know what to believe?" Her shoulders were shaking as she sobbed silently, unable to make a sound. An Auran in public does not cry! She'd always been taught this; never to give in to this open sign of weakness among a subjugated people; but how could she endure this?

"Tia, how could you do that? There was no need, ever. You could have told me the truth. You told me now, and I'm still with you. Yes, I'm surprised, but I can understand what you went through. Didn't you trust me enough to tell me the truth? Even this morning, you came to me, you could have told me the truth about yesterday. I'd have been upset, I admit, but not like now. Not when you held out the lie for so long."

She was crying aloud now, unable to keep silent even over a lifetime of enforced control, and when she looked up at him tears were streaming down her golden cheeks.

"Why, after five months that we've known each other, would you not come to me and tell me the truth about how you found out what he was going to do? Why would you do this, create a lie and let me believe it when you're smart enough to know a lie this big cannot endure? Why did you even try?"

As he stared at the weeping girl, crying so hard she could not even answer, he wished he could take away her pain, but could not. He didn't know why her heart was breaking so, but he knelt with her, trying to show that he was not apart from her – yet.

"Tia, talk to me. Tell me what could be worth keeping your secret so tightly; for carrying it this far. Why? What you did to escape, even what you had been trained in, it's not shameful. You tried to defend your people, and then … well, I know what it's like to have to take more than you can stand; to need to get out. I would have understood.

"But I can't understand what it is that would make you do all this, make you lie, make you mutilate yourself rather than tell what you are, what you did, at least to me. What possible motive could you have to make it worth that?"

"I could nyasi." She cried. "I needed … I wanted …I needed …"

"What?" He tried to make it soft.

"Curmis tulinti iau –."

"Tia, English, please."

"Trying." She wept. "Trying!" But she couldn't say anything more. She was crying too hard to answer, let alone find the English words to do so.

"Tia, please. Just tell me why keeping that secret was worth all of this."

She looked up at him, and he could see her heart was crushed. "Because – because –" she could barely get the whispers out. Her breath was coming in broken gasps. "Be – cause you all – accepted me! You – me took as I – I was. Because – I thought – I thought I could – put it all be – behind me." She held up her hands, still bleeding drops of golden blood, looking imploringly into his eyes, tears streaming down her golden cheeks.

"I thought – thought I could – could be what I was. What I – was – before I was – recruited. I wanted – wanted that life back. I it wanted back! I wanted – innocent – to be again." She cried, the cry torn from the depths of her soul. "I wanted innocent to be!

"And I – I thought – that if I could be – to you all – an innocent girl – with blood on my hands not – then be I could an innocent girl with blood on my hands not." She flung her arms about him, clinging desperately, sobbing into his chest as her heart shattered.

Trip put his arms about her, holding her close to him as she wept.

It was a very, very long time before, completely exhausted; she lay against his body, drained of everything. "Tia?"

"Daai?" She whispered weakly against his chest.

"I have to know. Is there anything more?" She shook her head against him.

"Sul nyas. More no. You it all have." He had never heard her voice so resigned, so empty. "Anston li – Sorry I am." She whispered. "Know amend how to not."

"Tia?" He waited until she looked up at him, a very long time. She had to push herself off him, with his gentle help. He had to hold her balanced on her knees; her strength was almost completely gone. Her eyes were even more gold rimmed than usual from her tears which still trailed down her wet face. "I forgive you." Her breath caught in her throat. He thought she would cry again, but there were no more tears left in her.

"How? Said you leave me would, that lied I did and…" He cut her off firmly.

"Among humans, we're sorry; we forgive. You know that."

"Is among Aurans same. But lived I under Silurian –."

"I think I can pretty much guess how the Silurians behave. But it's past. Forgive and forget, and that's that." She tried to smile gratefully, but it was a sad one instead; the best she could do. "Just please…"

"Daai?"

"Never again." She smiled gratefully, her vulnerable expression a blend of grief and hope.

"Cuura li kir, - um, 'promise I do'."

"Keelyas vintlinti?" She smiled sadly, but he suspected it was more at his accent, rather than the irony of his attempt at Auran when he insisted she keep to English.

"Daai. Feel better I do."

"Then we should go. Cap'n Archer will be waiting." She couldn't get up; he had to help her to her feet and even so she could barely stand, weakened as she was. But she couldn't take a step to the Pod yet.

"Treep?" She shook her head, unable to call him that. "Shar-les?"

"Yes?" She was completely cried out, but still the emotions fragmented her breath. She tried twice to speak, but could not. Finally, unable to endure it, she looked down, her voice soft and longing.

"Do you … do still you …?" She couldn't say it. Drawing her close, holding her in his arms, he hugged her, then raised her face to his with a gentle hand and kissed her very softly on her trembling lips. It wasn't an Auran gesture, he knew, but it would be understood.

"Daai." He told her. "Li vantis cuvilir." He thought she would collapse from the relief.

"Oh, I too love you!"

He was about to answer when the communicator in the pocket of his uniform's left sleeve beeped. Opening the zipper, he pulled the small device out and flipped it open. "Tucker here."

"Trip, you about finished with your business?"

"Finished, Cap'n. We're just getting under way."

"Good, because I can use you here." There was nothing in the Captain's voice of urgency, nothing that would make him dash to the Pod's controls. In fact, he sounded rather … awed. "We've got some company."

"On our way, Cap'n." He closed the communicator. "We have to go."

They walked to the Pod together, mostly because Tia was still too weakened from her emotional catharsis. But she could not get into the Pod, even as he held her close for support. "Shar-les; your friends. What you them tell shall?"

"The Cap'n, because he needs to know; the whole truth." She sighed, dropping her head, submitting to the inevitable. "Everyone else…" She looked up again, not daring to hope. "You're an innocent girl, with no blood on your hands."

Continues in 'Starlight Maiden'.