|The Energy of Hidden Emotions
Author: Dartxni PM
Matilda Femslash . Matilda's hidden feelings for Miss Honey are coming out in surprising and uncontrollable ways. Based on a combination of book and movie. Matilda is 15 in this fic, and Jenny is 30, so mind the age gap. RnR please, it makes me happy.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 36,558 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 01-09-13 - Published: 11-30-04 - id: 2153244
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: The last time I wrote in this fanfic was 4 years ago. I completely understand if my readers have lost all faith in me. But give it a chance. In that time my writing style has changed, for the better, I think, and I just revised everything I had done so far as well as writing an additional two chapters. Regardless, it is still unbetta'd so, go easy on me when it comes to punctuation and stuff. If your really lucky, I might just finish this thing. It looks more likely every day. I just decided that Matilda should not graduate quite yet. She's going to graduate next Christmas instead. I've edited this chapter to reflect that.
Title: The Energy Of Hidden Emotions
Fandom: Matilda (combination movie and bookvers)
Summery: 9 years after being adopted by Miss Honey, Matilda's power resurfaces, stronger and now uncontrollable. With it comes new uncomfortable feelings, centered on the woman who is her legal guardian.
Warning: [Age squick] [femslash] I cannot say this enough. In this fanfic, Matilda is 15 and Jenny is 30. If this squicks you, don't read the fic, and especially, don't flame me for something I warned you about to begin with.
Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. I make no money by using their names and history. Please don't sue, I have no money.
Matilda quickly did all the problems in her Calculus homework, not spending more than a few seconds on every problem. She didn't even double check her work. This wasn't lazines on her part, she simply had a mind that worked like a calculator and knew it. She went through her Quantum Mechanics classwork with similar speed. Despite the fact that she was a 15 year old taking advanced collage classes, she cut through her homework like a warm knife through butter.
More interesting to her by far were the Humanities and the Social Sciences. These could occupy her mind much more thoroughly. Math was instinctual for her; it barely strained her brain. After she understood a concept she had it, so she often found the repetitive homework that her teachers gave her to be a bore. After all is a calculator excited about number crunching?
She had an essay due for her Religions class. 'How Eastern Thought Changes, and Is Changed By The West.' The class was only a survey class, but Matilda had become interested enough in the class that she hoped to take a more in-depth one in the future.
"Matilda, dear, set the table please?"
"I'll be right there." Matilda said as she moved to get out of her chair. Wait. She suddenly had a thought and had better write it down before she lost it.
Five minutes later, Miss Honey, or Jenny as Matilda called her was standing at the doorway with an amused smile on her face. Matilda looked up at her guiltily.
"Dear, you know your Homework can wait, but dinner will get cold."
"Sorry, I was just so engaged I forgot about it. It's a thoroughly fascinating subject you know."
Jenny laughed. It was a beautiful sound, like charms in the wind. Matilda had long ago come to the conclusion that everything Jenny did was beautiful and perfect. This was understandable when you examined the horror of Matilda's former life with her family.
Jenny leaned over Matilda and scanned the title and the first paragraph of her essay. The floral scent she was wearing washed over Matilda, causing her to smile shyly, although Jenny could not see it.
"Looks like it" Jenny agreed.
Matilda followed Jenny to the dining room, where Jenny had already set the table. Potato soup was for dinner, with buttered bread rolls and Hawaiian punch. Looking at the table set for two, Matilda had another bout of guilt.
"I'm sorry, I really should have set the table." Ever since Jenny had adopted her, Matilda had been incredibly grateful. Wise beyond her years, Matilda knew that it could not be easy for the young single woman to raise a teenager, so she tried to do everything within her power to make it easier. Forgetting a simple chore was simply inexcusable. But then, when Matilda was engaged in educational pursuits she often forgot about the world entirely, and all responsibilities she might have. She sometimes felt like she was letting Miss Honey down horribly.
But Jenny never rebuked her. She was not that kind of person. Jenny had, in Matilda's prejudiced mind, the temperament of a saint, somewhere on pair with Gandhi. But of course Matilda was biased.
"You're being uncommonly quiet." Jenny remarked, over her soup.
"Oh, yeah...." was the very intelligent sentence that came out of Matilda's mouth. Lost in thoughts about her amazing friend and gardian, she had gone completely silent. She searched for something to say, and finally what came out was, " I can't decide what I want to be." That was not what Matilda had been thinking about, but sometimes its better not to say what's on your mind, such as when you thinking of recommending a friend up for canonization. Besides, it was something Matilda had been ruminating over.
Jenny brought her napkin up to her lips to hide a smile "Oh?"
"I wonder whether I should be a quantum physicist or a teacher. I can't tell which is more important. I want to do something important, you know. Then again, a job with the UN is quite intriguing to me as well."
"So you enjoyed being a Junior Ambassador then?"
At fifteen, Matilda had been the youngest of a group of college students chosen to intern at the United Nations in New York.
"Oh yes. I was really inspired to help disadvantaged nations and to protect peace and promote pluralism in world."
"I can see why you would be interested in those careers." Miss Honey acknowledged. She reached across the table and patted the girl on the arm. "But dear, I don't think you should bother yourself too much over the question. You have years yet before any sort of decision needs to be made."
"But I'm graduating next year, shouldn't I think about narrowing my spectrum of interests?" Matilda argued.
Matilda had entered college when she turned Twelve. Having already completed many general ed. courses through home studies before entering college, she was able to concentrate on her major's requirements. After completing this terms courses, she would have to complete just a few more units next fall term. She'd be ready for her diploma by Christmas.
"Not at all! You're the only person I have ever met who was attempting to graduate College with triple majors in Math, Physics and Political Science as well as a minor psychology." The respect Jenny had for Matilda's genius was quite evident in her voice.
"Thus far you've proved to have no need to specialize. I don't see why you should now. And I want you to know that you should feel no pressure to get a job. I made a promise to myself years ago when I saw that you would fly through college that I would not even allow you to get a job until you turned twenty. Especially, I don't want you to think about money. The money I inherited can continue to sustain us, as well as my teachers salary."
Matilda looked down into her soup bowl. Whatever Jenny said, she still wondered about the future. Mostly she wondered how long it would be until Jenny did not want her to live with her anymore. She was sure that she was the reason that Miss Honey had never married.
Before bed that night Jenny went through her usual routine. She went to Matilda's room to tell her good night. It wasn't a tucking in thing as much as a social thing. Sometimes they sat up and talked for a few minutes.
"Hey." Jenny said softly, Matilda was already in bed.
"Hi." Matilda responded, pulling her blankets around her.
"Don't stay up too late thinking about the future, Ok? Your 15 years old, no matter what your IQ is."
"But I'm mature, right?"
"Your very mature, dear. Sometimes."
Matilda mock growled.
"Good night," said Jenny.
"Good night," echoed Matilda.
Miss Jenny leaned over and placed a kiss on Matilda's head as if she was her mother. But not really like her mother. Matilda's real mother had never cared to do such a thing.
"Sweet dreams." Jenny whispered.
Jenny was leaving the room. Matilda sat up and Jenny turned to look at her.
"Jenny, I love you."
"I love you too dear."
When Jenny was gone, Matilda felt tears appear on her face. This had begun to happen often after Jenny left at night. For all her smarts Matilda did not know the reason for the tears. She reached up and touched them, wondering why they had come.
That night Matilda had the first of a series of dreams that would change her life. It began innocently enough:
Matilda was painting, a common hobby of hers. The subject of the painting was Jenny, also not unusual. Jenny was sitting on the porch pouring a cup of tea. She brought it to her mouth and took a sip, smiling as she did.
"Please do not move, Jennifer." That was odd, Matilda never called Miss Honey Jennifer, Jenny, but not Jennifer.
Jenny smiled and poured another cup of tea, beckoning Matilda toward her. Matilda reluctantly abandoned her easel and took the cup, bringing the raspberry tea to her lips. This was where the dream diverged entirely from any reality that Matilda knew. Instead of the sweet sour taste of raspberry tea, Matilda felt lips cover her own with the exact amount of pressure as the lips that had sent her to bed.
Matilda kissed back, wanting to feel more but the lips drew away. She made a sound, strange to her ears, an involuntary whine. She was pulled against a warm body, softness enveloping her everywhere. It felt amazing, like being home, and being loved totally. She did not want the sensation to ever end.
The unrelenting bleat of her alarm pulled her unhappily from the dream. She reached up to shut it off, and then her arm fell down beside her. She felt warm all over, as if the thermostat in her room was on high. At first she didn't think of the dream accept to wish it had continued, but gradually her mind began to awaken.
Looking into the bathroom mirror, Matilda thought about the dream she had just had. She had been dreaming of kissing Jenny. Rationally, Matilda knew that she should not be embarrassed at the dream. Sexual dreams were a common occurrence for everyone, and not something to be taken seriously. If they needed to be analyzed at all, most professionals would agree that such dreams meant that a person only wanted to become closer to another in a friendship sort of way.
Just the same, Matilda had never had a sexual dream before. It wasn't something she could just dismiss without examining.
She grabbed for her toothbrush, but it fell off the counter before she'd picked it up. She picked it up, washed it off, put on some paste and shoved it into her mouth, thinking hard.
At first Matilda skirted away from the identity of the person she had been dreaming about. She thought about the fact that it had been a woman in her dream. Was she a lesbian? She had never thought about it before. Most of the people her own age, in fact everyone her own age, were really too immature for her to crush on. She imagined in her mind two people, the headline characters of a recent movie she had seen. Who was cuter, Leonardo Di Caprio or Kate Winslet of the Titanic? Well, she thought both were cute. That didn't really help at all. Maybe she should ask Jenny how to know for sure. She blushed, Jenny might ask why she was asking and even if her dream had a totally unromantic cause attached to it, telling Jenny the identity of her dream lover was not an option. Besides, she knew what Jenny would say, "You have years to decide things yet." Most likely in those exact words.
"Good morning Matilda."
Matilda could not help smile and blush at Jenny as she came into the bathroom and grabbed her own toothbrush.
"G'morn." Matilda mumbled past her toothbrush.
After she had rinsed and spat Matilda could not help but ask. "Jenny, why have you never married?"
Jenny chocked on the toothpaste in her mouth and spat quickly. " Huh? Why do you ask?"
"If you have to know, I haven't found my special someone yet."
"Its not because of me at all?"
"No! Why would you think that?" Jenny rinsed her mouth and dried her face, then turned to face Matilda.
Matilda looked at the ground, shrugging again. "I don't know. You never date."
Jenny put her hand on Matilda's cheek, causing Matilda's face to flare red again.
"Matilda. Having you at the house doesn't limit me at all. You've been perfectly capable of taking care of yourself for years. Do you think I wouldn't date if I wanted to?
Matilda stopped evading Jenny's eyes. "Alright. I guess your right."
Jenny dropped her hand from Matilda's cheek and began brushing her own hair. "Of course I am."
Suddenly, Matilda had a thought. "If I'm not the reason you don't date, what is?"
But Jenny just turned the question agianst her. "The real question is why don't you date? Your fifteen after all."
Matilda blushed yet again. "I…I…well I'm not interested in anybody, really."
Jenny looked pointedly at her through the mirror. "Well, there you go. That's why I don't date either."