Author: Blonde Shadowcat PM
How did Terra REALLY feel about the titans? These are her thoughts and feelings, and why. this isn't like the other Terra fics. Terra lovers don't read! Seriously. Oneshot...NO FLAMES EVER!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Terra & Beast Boy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,417 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 12-20-04 - Published: 11-30-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2153366
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This first chapter is just about how Terra felt during her time with the titans. The next chapter or so will be poems about how the other titans feel about her. Please review!
Secondly I would like to point out that I have nothing against any of the titans, I am just expressing how mean and criticizing Terra can be to them.
Another reminder to Terra-lovers, I don't think you would like this fic. It doesn't really go against her, but I'm just warning you, I don't think you'll like it.
PLEASE NO FLAMES!!!
Also, be sure to read my other story, Gypsy-Girl. Hope you like this one.
Hatred. Shame. Discontentment. Anguish. Spite. Disgrace. Deceit. Anger.
These are the things I feel when I think about them. The Teen Titans. My enemies. They used to be my friends. Remembering their stupidity I pain myself to even think about how I used to actually want to be one of them.
I was young and confused, and I still am. Except for the confused part. I fully acknowledged my decision to betray them. I was fully aware of what I was doing. The only confused part of me was of my uncontrollable power. The titans were just there when I was confused most.
"Poor Terra," they would say, "She's so distraught and distressed!" the mere thought in their heads makes me want to scream.
As if things couldn't get worse, they added to my confusion and uncertainty. Filling my head with things I hate. Why I hate these things, I am not sure. All I remembered was that the longer I stayed there, the more I began to hate everything about it. I also hated them, as well.
Robin, the leader. Ugh, his bossiness was enough to drive someone up the walls, with his "Titans, Go!" thing. I mean, if that isn't annoying, what is?
Starfire, the sweet little alien who never ever does anything wrong. Her naivete alone could bring the entire team to their knees. If I had to go through another one of her hugs I would literally suffocate. Besides, she always took the attention away from me, which always got on my nerves.
Raven, the "goth". Come on, can we say drama queen? She's like some freaking hermit with her meditating and her herbal tea. Give me a break. It's also very awkward to be around someone who you know doesn't trust you.
Cyborg, the half-robot. He is a total pig an overly abuses the word "Booyah". As if that one wasn't annoying.
And, finally, Beast Boy, the shape-shifter. Almost as naive as Starfire, he almost obsesses with telling jokes. The fact that nobody even cares is one of the very few things I like about the tower.
As you can see, I couldn't stand them. I hated everything about them. Their squabbling, their perfection, their normality.
They treated me like an outsider, an amateur, a newcomer. Even though I really was all of these things, I didn't feel like outwardly showing it. They didn't know anything about me, and yet they act all high-and-mighty, as if they are better than me. This I could not tolerate for long.
I also envied them. They all had perfect control over their powers, unlike me. I personally felt that they enjoyed rubbing that in my face. Besides the normal bickering over breakfast and video games, their lives were perfect. They were sheltered, taken care of, and lucky. They had all the luck in the world, and they just act all giddy as if it is just normal to be that way, proving how abnormal I must look compared to them. They all had something special about them; Starfire being an alien, Robin being the used-to-be-sidekick of one of the worlds greatest heroes, Raven being a half demon, Beast Boy being green, and Cyborg being half machine-half human.
Envy, jealousy, and hatred instilled me even more as I realized how much I didn't belong.
This hatred began to build up. I would have freak-outs that would let my powers run haywire. I would appear insecure, afraid, frail. Never again will I be assumed of such audacity. True, I barely had control of my ability of geographical manipulation at the time. I figured that I had to get out, and fast. The tower was no place for me, not because I wasn't "good" enough, no, because it drove me out of my mind. I needed somewhere else to go, without making it seem like I was leaving intentionally.
So I told my "secret" to Beast Boy. I knew he liked me, it was completely obvious. So I played along, laughing at his jokes, appearing to like him back. I was waiting for the perfect time to tell him, and then told him, with as much misery in my voice as I could possibly muster. He ate it up like a tofu waffle. Then and there I earned both his pity and his trust.
I made him promise not to tell, only to use it as an excuse for why I ran away. I was ready to pack my things and leave in secret. I was going to leave a note saying how heartbroken I was at his disloyalty to me.
But before I had a chance to run off, the alarm rang, and so did something in my mind. Slade. I had heard of him, but had pretended to look dumbfounded at who this mystery villain could possibly be. As we made off to the place Slade had attacked, I fought his robots as if I had no intention in running away. I saw a glimpse of the man they called Slade, and I followed him. Turned out to be a trap, so I showed him what little I could do without having control. He dodged me easily, caught me, and steadily told me of his plan to help me. I struggled, but listened. Instead of running away, like always, I could join the dark side. I could join up with Slade. I could get my "revenge" on the titans, and learn how to control my powers in the balance.
So I went with my old excuse for leaving, I was supposedly going "wherever the wind took me". Little did those fools know that I was training for their downfall.
A few months later I returned to the tower, in control of my powers and ready to be a teen titan. They were a bit wary at this idea, at first. I suspected that from them. They still considered me some small innocent girl. The thought fueled my anger more. I was NOT small, innocent, frail, or defenseless. I expected them to be surprised to see poor little Terra come back to them with full confidence and control. It was pretty suspicious, and I feared that Raven could sense my deception. But, after some persuasion, they fell for it. They considered me a part of the team. I gag at the memories.
Then the time came for my official betrayal of the titans. I was anxious and anticipated the fateful night of when my enemies would be done with once and for all. I had already disabled their defense system. But it was after that when I made the biggest mistake of my life.
Beast Boy had just asked me out. He gave me that little heart-shaped jewelry box and it was then that I made that crucial error.
My heart softened when he gave me that little silver box. I looked at my reflection in the mirror of the box and I saw love in the changeling's eyes. I pitied him. I couldn't just leave him heartbroken like this and then just turn around and kill him. I obviously wasn't feeling myself when I ran away, and took Beast Boy with me. Slade was right all along, I had wanted to keep him as some sort of a pet, well, not really a pet, but anything to prevent me from killing him, at the time. Something in me just didn't have the courage to kill someone who was so infatuated with me.
Like I said, it was a mistake.
When Beast Boy took me into the hall of mirrors, I noticed what I had become. I saw my face, everywhere, overwhelming me. I was split in two directions, and, to my horror, confused once again. All because of Beast Boy. I tried to talk to him, but ended up feeling guilty, a feeling I never want to feel again. He gave my cold hatred warmth, and I didn't like it. I didn't want the evil inside me to be corrupted, I was proud of what I had become. And that was evil. I couldn't deny it, and I didn't need to. Beast Boy was merely confusing me more. He had to go. They all had to go. Then and there I realized what my final decision would be.
I walked over to Slade, with Beast Boy's back to me. He commanded me to follow him, and I did. My feeling of anger with the titans, and Beast Boy, had surpassed its limit, I was ready to kill. Not just leave them to their doom, no. I wanted to kill them all with my own hands. But it would have to wait.
Finally my waiting had paid off. Slade was ready to strike the titans with everything he had, including me. I swore my loyalty to Slade, meaning every word, spite spurting from my mouth when he asked if I would destroy the teen titans.
It was then time to attack. I found them in their petty T-Car, and blasted them with everything I could. Shock overcame a few of them, but it took them awhile before they understood the fact that I had been their enemy all along. As I beat them all down one by one, seeing their crestfallen faces as I fought them to my full extent, I felt a sense of pleasure that I can't describe. It was a mix of envy, revenge, jealousy, and hatred that fueled this feeling that gave me a sense of satisfaction that I will never feel again.
I thought I had killed them. I let my guard down. Another stupid decision.
As a lime-green starbolt struck my body out of nowhere, shock and panic swept over me. They couldn't possibly have overcome my murderous attempts on their lives. But when a sonic cannon blasted me in my back I knew it was true. They had survived, and they were angrier than I had ever thought they could be. The normally happy and easy-going metamorph growled at me viciously through the mist. A pang of uncontrollable fear surged through my body as I fruitlessly tried to defend myself. It was no use. They were stronger, angrier, and they were winning.
So I ran. I ran as fast as I could, away from the titans, the fighting, the city, Slade, everything. It was when I heard Slade's threatening words in my ear that I realized what I was doing, and how difficult it would be to just run away like usual. I obeyed my master, and continued to fight, but to no avail. I then ran back to Slade's lair, seeking forgiveness.
Forgiveness was the last thing I got. I was beaten to a bloody pulp before I realized my horrible situation. I was trapped. The stupid suit would never allow me to leave Slade's side. Even if I had managed to escape this predicament I wouldn't be able to run somewhere else and start a new life. The titans hated me as much as I did them, the city was under siege, obviously people knew of my awful deeds. As much as it pained me to admit it, Slade was right. No one would accept me after the things I had done. I had nothing more to live for.
I began to cry in true despair, looking over my screwed up life. I heard footsteps coming toward me, but I didn't care. I was going to be Slade's slave for eternity. I looked up, expecting to see the man I hated most, but I saw Beast Boy. It was better to see him rather than Slade, but I was still angry with him. I didn't want to talk to him; I was depressed, upset, and angry. I knew he was angry with me as well, I had broken his heart. For a moment I actually wanted him to kill me, but as I told him this, it came out sounding pitiful. But, then again, that's how I was feeling. Pitiful. Also embarrassed, that I would stoop as low as to allow my enemy to kill me at his will. But as I was about to regain my composure, an electric shock overtook me, and I was unwillingly standing up to see Slade smirking at me.
As his cold voice explained how I was at his very mercy, something inside me snapped. A devious part of me took over, and I began to think up a plan. I would let my anger out on Beast Boy and kill him slowly, but then turn around and kill the one man that made my life a living hell: Slade.
As I was about to finish Beast Boy, still leading him on that "there was always some good in me", the titans broke in. Half of me was surprised and half of me wasn't. I knew they were smart enough to find us, and I also knew that they would never let me kill him.
They tried to persuade me not to kill him. At this point in time I honestly wanted him dead. He was the main cause of my confusion, he caused me to feel guilt. Guilt. The useless emotion that causes you to back out on things you know you want to do.
Beast Boy was my conscience. He needed to die.
But, as I was about to strike the green shape-shifter, a thought occurred to me. Even though I hated the titans with such a passion that it strove me to kill, it was nothing compared to the hatred I had toward Slade. He took my already hopeless life and twisted it into something that could tear someone up inside. I screamed, raw fury burning into my very soul, and I shot the fatally carved rock towards the masked madman. He narrowly dodged it, to my frustration.
I continued to fight him. The titans watched me, but I didn't care. They didn't matter to me at the moment. At the time, they were useless. So I threw another stone at my captor. I hit him with everything I had, but it didn't seem to be enough. Finally I threw him down. Where he went, or whether he's still alive, I may never know.
Relief swept over me when I realized that he hadn't reappeared after my last blow. As soon as I thought he was dead an explosion of magma gushed at my right. I looked on in horror as I realized, yet another mistake I had made.
I had triggered a volcano.
A mixture of adrenaline and panic surged through me. But this time, I wasn't going to run. I wasn't going to save my skin. I wasn't going to cower in fear when my doom was hanging slightly over my head.
My life was miserable. It always was. I was an outcast, a criminal, an outsider, a freak. I had been through too much. Imprisonment, fear, hate, mistrust, everything was just too much. Nobody would ever accept me. Especially not the titans. They still that unmistakable look of vengeance in their eyes that turned my blood cold. They could see right through me, and I hated it. I betrayed them, and I was proud of it. Even though I was an expert at manipulation, I could never make the whole world believe that I had just, all of a sudden, turned good. Especially when it wasn't true. I would never be accepted by anyone, not the titans, nobody. I hated everything. I hated everybody. I wanted my life to end.
I glanced back at the spurting lava, and turned to Beast Boy. Suddenly, one last idea of deceit flashed through my mind. I would end my life, finally, but I would make it seem like I was doing it for them.
The naive changeling yelled at me to follow him. He wanted to save me. As if. I would personally die here rather than go with those idiots. I made my voice seem all sad again, he was always a sucker for that pitiful tone. I held up my 'sadness' as I told him that it was "the only way to save the city", and that "I'm the only one who can stop it".
Inside I was laughing. I knew all too well that that measly volcano wasn't going to take out the whole city. Sure it looked huge on the inside, but I knew enough about the earth to know that it wouldn't cause half as much chaos as they led it on to be.
They fell for it and ran on. Beast Boy however, stayed behind because he had to hug me one last time. I whipped up some tears as I said in the same pitiful voice,
"You were the best friend I ever had". Looking back on that moment I chide myself for ever being so cheesy. He walked uneasily away from me. Finally. I didn't want to live anymore, and I took all the power I had. I took the volcanic magma and stopped the volcano, but then wrapped the lava around myself until it burned my skin. I winced in pain, but not for long. I suffocated by the fumes before I was turned to stone.
Even in death, my hatred for the titans still lives on. And someday, somehow, I will get my revenge.