The Kid

(To avoid any negative feedback about "inappropriate" material or content, or whatever, in a PG-13 story, I'm giving all those who might be opposed a head-on warning regarding some scenes that could be and probably are considered sexual, but not to the extent of needing a R-rating.)

A sudden noise broke the silence of the night. Amber turned on the light behind her and saw Richie in bed shaking rapidly as he screamed in his sleep. She went over to the bed and got on top of Richie's body in hope of holding him down, but her bodyweight wasn't enough to keep a hold on him, his body shook harder as he arched his back and threw her off the bed and onto the floor. The door opened and Amanda and Duncan immediately came rushing in.

"What's going on?" Duncan asked.

"I don't know," she replied.

Duncan went over to the bed and grabbed Richie's wrists and shook him to wake him up. But the pulling force against his own shaking didn't wake Richie in the least. Methos came in looking like a tornado hit him.

"What the bloody hell's going on here? I finally manage to fall asleep and I hear someone screaming and a crash," he said.

"You can thank Richie for both," Amber said.

"Move over, MacLeod," Methos said as he shoved Duncan aside, "let someone with experience handle this."

Methos jerked Richie up by his collar and slapped him hard across the face.

"Methos, what the hell-"

"Stay out of this, MacLeod, I know what I'm doing," Methos said.

Richie stopped shaking and immediately opened his eyes and looked around in a panic.

"Richie, are you okay?" Amanda asked.

Richie turned his head and looked over at them, he was quiet for a minute, but finally said, "My face hurts."

"That's to be expected," Methos said.

"What happened?" Richie asked.

"I don't know, but you give Linda Blair competition in bed," Methos said.

"What?"

"The only time I ever saw someone act like that was when one of the guys in my foreign language class did acid, the first time he did it he was on the floor in convulsions, much like what just happened. For some reason the ass was dumb enough to do it again," Amber said.

"What?" Duncan asked.

"Well now don't go thinking that that's what's going on here. I mean, this guy also had red eyes and thought he was Satan, burst up from the mighty flames of hell to take one of us back down with him. And if you look at Richie, you'll see he no more looks like a high-risk, than Methos looks like a beauty queen," Amber said.

"Well that's not saying much," Amanda laughed as she glanced at Methos.

"Funny," Methos said in a bitter tone, "Allright, MacLeod, Amanda, go back to bed, I'll take care of the kid."

"Good idea, I'll show them out," Amber said as she pushed at them, "come on you two, let Richie rest peacefully without the intrusion of you."

They went out into the hall, "What's wrong with Richie?" Amanda asked.

"Wish I knew," Duncan said.

"Well, I think it might still be the shock of knowing that he's related to Methos," Amber said, "I mean…Mac, wouldn't you act weird if you were to find out that…oh…you were related to Kronos?"

"WHAT?"

"I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying if you were."

"If I were."

"You'd probably take your own head," Amber said.

"But what I don't understand why Methos had to hit Richie to wake him up," Amanda said.

"Well it's this psychological thing, I suppose. See Richie grew up in environments where his guardians beat the hell out of him over anything. First thing in the morning they probably came in the room and started the abuse then and there as a wakeup call. Now it's years since that's happened, but that type of memory never dies. He probably still wakes up at times thinking he's still 16 and just avoided the wakeup call. So when Methos hit him."

"He thought he was back with a foster parent and thought he had to get up instantly."

"Exactly, coddling someone will only go so far, but when that fails you have to bring in the strict, physical, but always negative reinforcement," Amber said.

"How do you know so much about this?" Duncan asked.

"One of Methos' many occupations believe it or not had been a psychiatrist, or psychologist, whatever, it's still a shrink. And I think I've slept with him enough times to hear his endless jabber about what all he knows. Besides, you know damn well as much as I do that when Richie was a teenager, he was a case any shrink would love to get their hands on."

"You know," Duncan said, "sometimes I think you're a lot older than you say."

"Well if I was one of those idiots who believed in reincarnation I'd probably say you have something there. But I don't and I'm not so I ain't, I'm just 17 like I said," Amber said.

"Do you think Richie will be okay tonight?" Amanda asked.

"Well let's see, Methos has practically been his nursemaid, caretaker and shrink for…little over a week now and Richie had made no attempts to kill him, yeah, I think he'll be fine. Now go onto bed, let the kid rest…my God…" Amber said as she closed their door behind them, "get less rest around here than at a coffee house."

Amber headed back to their room and closed the door and went back over to her bed and saw Methos holding Richie as if he was going to break.

"Well Doctor," Amber said as she went over to his bed, "How's the patient?"

"Honestly…" Methos said, "I think the kid is going to need a sedative before the night's over."

"Got one handy?" Amber asked.

"No."

Richie murmured something in gibberish and was shaking against Methos' grasp on him.

"Calm down, brat, calm down," Methos said soothingly with cynicism in his tone.

Amber slipped onto the bed on the other side and slowly rubbed Richie on the back, "Personally I think he's doing a lot better this time."

"Of course," Methos added.

"Richie you're getting better at this all the time. Before you know it, this will all be a thing of the past," Amber said.

Amber glanced down at Richie's body and saw that his boxers had hiked up on one side, revealing a bit more off his butt cheek than he would probably find comfortable.

"You know Richie," Amber changed the subject as she semi-reluctantly lowered her hand towards his butt, "you really oughtta consider sleeping with your jeans on."

Amber grabbed his boxers were they were hiked up, at the same time grabbing the bare part of his cheek. Richie reacted instantly and rolled over onto his back and threw her on the floor, glaring at her with evil eyes.

"Sorry Richie, but I think you really should start sleeping in your jeans. That way people won't know when your boxers are rolled up to your ass," Amber said.

Richie sighed in relief and at the same time turned pink from embarrassment. "Sorry."

"What've you to be sorry for?" Amber asked, "Look, just try and get back to sleep, by morning I'm sure this whole thing, whatever the hell it is, will have blown over."

"Yeah…good idea," Richie said.

He turned back over and fell asleep almost immediately, while still in Methos' hold.

"Well, looks like you didn't need that sedative after all," Amber said.

"Apparently not," Methos said as he slipped out from under him, "goodnight kid."

"Yeah."

Amber turned on her side and hiked the sheets up to her ear and closed her eyes as Methos made his way out of the room. When the door closed, Amber got up and scrambled over to Richie's bed and woke him up.

"What the hell was that all about?" Amber asked.

"I…I…I don't know," Richie admitted, "I think a lot of it's still shock from this whole thing."

"You mean finding out that you're a cousin to the most annoying man in the world," Amber said.

"Yeah. I mean, fuck, how would you feel if it were you in my position?" Richie asked.

"Hell," Amber said, "I'd be damn glad for it, at least I'd have a living relative."

Richie rolled over in bed and stared at the door.

"Just go to sleep, Richie, if you keep this up, you'll go crazy. Insomnia does that to people."

"You talking from experience?"

"Yeah…once I didn't sleep for three weeks, by the 22nd night, I was seeing red."

"You mean you were pissed at someone?" Richie asked.

"No, I really was seeing red. I couldn't think straight, and everything I saw looked like I was watching a 3D movie."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, and I was fuming, boy was I fuming, I thought I was that fruitcake Alex Hammond from "Prom Night", everyone I saw I thought I was going to kill."

"Did you?"

"No, fortunately I had a friend there who stuck me with a sedative. Slept like a baby for three days straight, nothing woke me. They had tornado sirens tested on Monday, Tuesday there was a demolition derby, Wednesday was a parade…also the day that my roommate liked to watch all of those bike races and football games on TV. I didn't move once. For a while they thought I was dead. Then come Thursday morning, I woke up. Fresh, relaxed, and I could see straight. Now, get to bed before you drive both of us crazy," Amber said.

"Fine."

Class had ended for the university, a few students had already left early, Amber was out in the parking lot waiting for Richie. She passed her time by seeing how much smoke she could inhale off of one cigarette before having to exhale it. It took a few tries before she got through a whole cigarette in one breath. Then she felt the buzz, and she felt someone slap her on the back, causing her to swallow the smoke, and cough and gag up a storm.

"Are you okay?" Richie asked.

After whooping and coughing and retching a few times, Amber turned around and said, "never do that to me again."

Richie was confused by what had happened with her, "Are you allright?"

"Yeah," she sneered, "but I think I got a damn good motivation to stop smoking."

She bent over and started retching again, Richie patted her back, and she took offense. She jumped back up and turned around and said, "Don't touch me! Richard Ryan don't you ever do that again, that's exactly what got me into this mess!"

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said, "is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, why don't you get a bottle of vodka and container of turpentine so I can mix a drink to wash it down?" she cynically asked.

Richie rolled his eyes, "Now you're starting to sound like Methos. Come on, let's head for home."

Amber nodded and jumped into the passenger seat of Richie's car, he slipped in the other way, started the car and they headed back to the house. Amber pulled out a book from her jacket and opened it to the middle.

"So are we still on for tonight?" Richie asked.

He was driving at near 70 mph, so the wind really seemed to pick up and distract their hearing, Amber lowered her book and bellowed, "What?"

"ARE WE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT?" Richie repeated, not taking his eyes of the road.

"OF COURSE!" she replied, "WHAT IS THERE TO STOP US?"

Richie watched as Duncan's T-bird rolled out of the driveway and headed down the street, he went upstairs to his room and saw Amber sitting at her desk.

"They just left, so now we can leave," Richie said as he threw on his jacket.

"I don't think so," Amber said.

"Why not?" Richie asked.

"I've just come down with a splitting headache. And trust me, booze, bright lights, loud music and a bar-room blitz is not going to help."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Richie said as he peeled his jacket back off.

"Well now don't go throwing your plans away on account of me, you go out, have a good time, meet a lady, just don't sleep with her, and if you do, don't use a condom. After seeing that movie, I'm not too trustworthy of them myself."

"If you're sure you don't mind being by yourself."

"Please, for the most of it I'll probably be asleep, in any case I won't be alone, I have your annoying cousin with me. Doctor, lawyer, merchant, servant, psychiatrist, Indian Chief, foreign dictator, undertaker, coroner, Death on a horse, foreign diplomat, you name it, he's got the paperwork to cover it."

"If you're sure about this."

"I am, now go," she said as she tossed Richie his helmet.

Here it was 11:54 at night, Amber had been in bed for a few hours and seemed to be resting peacefully. So peacefully she didn't even notice the Immortal presence, or the moaning and groaning coming from the siding of the house. Finally, Richie's exhausted grunt woke her up, she turned on the light to see Richie standing right by the window with a bunched up bed sheet in his arms.

"Richie," Amber yawned as she swung her feet around to the floor, "What's that?"

"Uh…uh…laundry" Richie replied.

Amber, not fully buying his story, went over to him to help him with the sheets, and as they started getting into a tug-of-war match, a high pitched scream came from the sheets.

"Richie, what is that?" Amber asked.

Richie looked the other way and said nothing in response.

"Did you bring home another alley cat again? I swear…"

Amber set the sheets on the floor and knelt down to unravel them, only to find, a small kid with reddish blonde hair, looking like a younger Richie.

"Well excuse me," Amber said to the child, "you make for a very cute kid, but you make a very ugly alley cat."

Amber looked up at Richie and stood up one knee at a time, "Richie, this better be your kid or you're in a hell of a lot of trouble."

"Amber, it's a long story and I think you better sit down before I tell you," Richie said.

Amber rested her bottom on the trunk in front of her bed, "I'm listening."

"I was on my way back here when I passed by 98th street, and…there was this raid, the cops had busted into this house, they were taking dealers in for questioning, confiscating everything, and in the middle of all this…was this kid, his parents were being taken in for drug trafficking, along with about a dozen other people, and odds were they'd take him away and put him in a foster home. And I was going to be damned if I was going to let what happened to me when I was his age, happen to him. So, when no one was looking, he'd gotten down to the curb of the street, and I just snatched him up and put him in the car, and brought him back here," Richie explained.

"For this you had me sit down?" Amber asked, "Richie, you expect me to believe they got all these cops down there, and nobody is keeping an eye on this kid?"

"I know it sounds weird, but you gotta believe me, Amber," Richie said, "otherwise I wouldn't have even brought him here. I mean I would've, but if they saw me, I couldn't have made it back here without getting arrested."

"Oh boy, Richie, if his parents get out and find out you have him, they're going to hold you for kidnapping," Amber said.

"I know, but that's a chance I have to take, Amber, in any case, what credibility could two junkies have?"

"Regardless, it is a possibility."

"Amber, I've been in orphanages and foster homes, I know what kind of shit..."

"Watch the way you talk around the kid," Amber smirked as she pointed to the kid.

"I know what goes on in those places, and I don't want him to go through that," Richie said.

"So we've determined you did this out of feeling sorry for this kid, and a determination not to have him repeat your patterns, and in doing so, you plan to be his caretaker until he can take care of himself or we find someone else?" Amber asked.

"Amber, I swear, I assume full responsibility of him, you won't have to worry about anything, you won't even know he's here," Richie said.

"Richie, that is not the point, I don't care if he's here, he can chew on my poker cards, sleep in my bed, hell, he can wear my cologne, that's not the point, the point is how are we going to keep him a secret from Mac? He is NOT going to want this kid in his house," Amber said.

"Damn it, Mac, I haven't thought of that," Richie said.

"Don't worry, I'll go talk to Methos, he's a part of the family now…we'll figure out a way to keep Mac from finding out about him, but don't worry Richie, I got your back on this, everything's A-okay," Amber said as she headed out of their bedroom.

The second she shut the door and headed over to Methos' room, her enthusiasm wore off and she went into a tone of panic, "First we find out these dumb clucks are related, now Richie's bringing home strange kids, maybe next we'll go to Central Europe and eat rats and drink people's blood, and take refuge in a theatre of vampires posing as humans posing as vampires…great, just great."

Amber pounded on Methos' door a few times before he finally opened it.

"What is it, kid?" he asked.

"Methos, can you keep a secret?"

"Kid, keeping secrets is my life," Methos said.

"Well now I need you to keep your life from Duncan," Amber said.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Come on," Amber jerked on Methos' arm until he followed her into the bedroom.

They both stopped at the sight of Richie on the bed, cradling the child in his arms.

"Well Richie, do you know who the mother is?" Methos laughed.

"It's not funny, Methos, this is serious," Richie said.

"You're telling me, I thought only Caspian smelt of rotting flesh and stole babies, but then you come along, and prove me wrong after all these centuries," Methos said, "Richie, what is that kid doing here?"

"Long story short, he's got nowhere to go, and Richie doesn't want it to become another case of his life story," Amber said.

"Oh wonderful…" Methos sighed, "Do tell Richie, how old is he? Two? Three?"

"Five."

"Five?" Amber spat, "You gotta be kidding me, that kid? Five years old? No way, not possible, I've seen small kids, but this…this is impossible, he can't be five."

"He can't even talk yet, Amber," Richie told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, for the most of it anyway, he knows a few words, and he can scream, but for the most of it he doesn't talk…at least not yet," Richie said.

"Richie, I just don't know what we're going to do. How are we going to keep this kid a secret from Duncan, AND Amanda, AND Joe? We can't take him to the college with us, and we can't stay home every day," Amber said.

"Why not?" Methos asked.

"What?"

"Why can't you take turns staying home from the university? Or better, call in sick…a few students have come down with some bloody illness, some haven't been able to return in three weeks," Methos explained.

"What do you think?" Richie asked Amber.

"I think this is some big sign, like a way of saying, "Welcome to Parenthood", we're getting the responsibilities right up front…not like a bunch of dumb people our ages do…them, they think they got 9 months to figure it out. Us, we have to decide here and now, do we keep the kid, or not?"

"I say we keep Jeremy as long as we can, he needs someone to look after him," Richie said.

"Yeah, and we…Jeremy? The kid's name is Jeremy?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say so? Here you've had me going around all this time calling him 'the kid'," Amber said, "well anyway, I guess this is God's way of placing Jeremy in the right hands…we gotta take him in, there's no other choice."

"But what about Mac? The University of Tampa may understand us being sick for three weeks, but Mac won't," Richie said.

"Don't worry about that, you just leave everything to me," Amber said, "I'll fix his covered wagon…one way or another…"

"Well, you two just getting in?" Joe asked the next morning.

"Oh shut up Joe, we've had an unpleasant night and we don't need any enthusiasm from you," Amanda said.

"What happened?" Joe asked.

"Well, first we went to dinner and that was awful, snails stuck on a Jell-o mold, live oysters in the soup, and fish eggs in the water and trust me, they weren't caviar," Amanda said.

"After that we thought we'd go down to the theatre."

"And that wasn't enjoyable?" Joe asked.

"Not a chance in hell," Amanda said, "they brought out mimes, and they…" she laughed, "they're just like the mimes from theatre a long time ago…they went around the stage doing these crazy acts involving real sex and violence among other things."

"No kidding…that wasn't enjoyable to you?" Joe asked.

"After that, we got a flat tire and had to walk three miles to a gas station," Amanda said.

"So?"

"Have you ever tried walking three miles in a tight dress and four-inch heels?" Amanda asked.

"After that, it started to rain so we were glad when we could get out of there," Duncan said, "But was that the end to a miserable evening? Nooooooooo, over on 98th street the entire street was blocked off with police cars. I don't know what the hell they were doing but it was impossible to get back here…they had squad cars and ambulances and reporters everywhere for the next five blocks."

"So we ended up staying in a cheap motel until morning when all the commotion had died down," Amanda said.

"And that's when we came back here," Duncan said, "did anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Nothing, I've seen cemeteries that are livelier than this house," Joe said.

After a night of keeping Jeremy quiet, Richie, Methos and Amber had worn themselves out, now it was morning, Richie and Amber was passed out on the bed, and Methos on the floor with Jeremy in his arms. Richie grabbed Amber's wrist and jerked it in his sleep.

"Hey!" she said as she came to.

"Wha…what is it?" Richie asked.

Richie looked over and saw Methos on the floor with the kid and got out of bed. Amber turned around and reality set in.

"Oh! I forgot I'm one third a parent now," she said, "Methos!"

Methos groaned in his sleep as Richie went over to him and slapped him, "What is it, brat?"

Richie unfolded Methos' arms and picked up Jeremy, "Give me the kid."

"Do you even remember what time we went to sleep?" Amber asked.

"We never really went to sleep, we just passed out," Methos replied.

"Well, I'm going to get breakfast, any idea what we feed the kid?" Amber asked.

"Yeah, soft stuff, no bones, no potato chips…what'd you eat when you were his age?" Richie asked.

"Paper."

"Here," Richie said as he passed Jeremy to Amber, "You take the kid, I'll get the eats."

"Fine."

Richie headed out the door and down the stairs to find Duncan, Amanda and Joe already up and around.

"Morning Mac…" Richie noticed Duncan's white silk shirt and formal pants, "new pajamas?"

"Very funny Richie…what went on while we were out?"

Richie felt his heart skip a beat, "What?"

"From what Joe tells us, it was boring as hell last night, what happened?" Amanda asked.

"Nothing really," Richie said, "Amber had a headache so she went right to bed, and me…it was so-so."

"What about Methos?"

"Methos is a lush, what else do you want to know about him?" Richie asked.

"So nothing happened last night?" Duncan asked.

"Nope, it was all pretty much just one boring evening."

"So this is what it's like to be a parent," Amber said.

"Yes, it's something you start to miss," Methos said.

"You were a parent?"

"In a way."

"How?"

"Well I used to be a doctor, part of the job included deliveries…also cervical breaches…so…"

"They asked you to take care of the kid."

"Some…just the ones who didn't know anyone else…normally a sister of the mother would step in…"

"How long did the ones you took care of live?" Amber asked.

"Most were lucky to see 20…30 at best…a couple died before adolescence…it was a different time, a different plague, all the same with no cure…No matter, their suffering is over."

"It would seem that way."

Richie came back through the bedroom door carrying a bunch of bananas, a loaf of bread, three apples, a jar of peanut butter, a thermos of coffee, a box of cereal, and a large bottle of orange juice.

"You on a health kick or something, Richie?" Amber asked.

"Very funny," he said as he laid it all down on the bed, "give me the kid."

"You know Richie," Amber said as she handed Jeremy to him, "I'm proud of you, not a lot of guys do what you did."

"Well that's cuz not a lot of guys went through the same stuff that I did."

"I'll say…most guys in your position would be dead by now," Amber said.

"Of course, part of his position involved being shot," Methos said.

"Would you mind?" Richie asked.

"What?"

"I don't like the idea of Jeremy hearing about all this stuff, if you know what I mean."

"Oh please, he's quiet as they come, who's he going to tell?" Amber asked.

"He could remember what we say," Richie said.

"What could? He will remember what we say," Amber said.

"Then why even say anything about it?" Richie asked.

"Please, unless he one day runs into the Watchers, he's never going to know what's going on. And providing he doesn't see any of us get injured, we've got nothing to worry about," Amber said.

"As far as we know," Methos said.

"Besides, if anything of the sort does happen, it probably won't happen for a good many years, so just give it a rest," Amber said.

Two hours later, Joe saw Methos come down the stairs in his bathrobe with his hair messed up like he'd been tossing and turning all night.

"Well, look who just got up," he laughed, "Have a nice sleep?"

"Hardly," Methos groaned, "what a night, I'm never mixing radish juice with beer again."

"Methos, you look like a train wreck," Amanda said.

"I feel like it."

"What happened?" Duncan asked.

"A few baaaaaaadly mixed drinks," he replied.

"Sorry to hear that," Amanda said, "but it still sounds like you had a better night than we did."

"Pray tell, what happened?" Methos asked.

As Duncan and Amanda went into the horror story of their date, Richie and Amber slipped down the front stairs and out the door with Jeremy. They'd be gone and back without any trouble. It was Saturday so they didn't really have any mandatory place to go.

"You know something, Richie," Amber said as they slipped into his car.

"What?"

"I think we're cut out for this parent stuff."

"Really?"

"Well what's it matter? Come ten years the kid will either be living with someone else, or still be living with us and hate our guts. For the time being I think we're doing a great job."

"We'll see about that," Richie said as he slipped into the driver's seat and stuck the key in the ignition.

The car started and they drove out of there to pick up some things for the kid.