I Can Still Feel You're Here, a Bill fanfic

I Can Still Feel You’re Here.

“I’m so sorry….” The doctor stood in front of Smiffy and wrung his hands, finding the other mans stance and pacing intimidating. “We did everything we could….but we couldn’t save her.”

The doctor watched Smiffy’s reaction carefully, watching his face crumble, a complete contrast to a few seconds ago. “Mr Smith…” he said quietly, walking closer. “I’m so sorry….”

Smiffy sunk into the chair, tears streaming freely from his eyes, not caring who saw them. “W-w-when?” he stammered, swallowing hard to hide his sobs. “W-when?”

The doctor looked from his watch back to Smiffy. “Five minutes ago.”

“I…I wasn’t there.” He swallowed and rubbed his eyes with his tightly balled fists. “I couldn’t-“

“There wasn’t anything anyone could do.” The doctor said in his most reassuring tone. “The knife penetrated her heart….we couldn’t-“

The doctor droaned on as Smiffy sank back in his seat, staring out the window hugging himself tightly as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

It had started like any normal day, Charlie had woken him up with breakfast, trying to balance the tray whilst also carrying their six month old baby upstairs with her. He remembered how she’d snuggled up to him on the bed as he ate with Rebecca on her lap, stroking her hair and giggled along as Rebecca babbled at them. She looked up at him and kissed his cheek, looking back to Rebecca.

Rebecca pointed at her and cooed as Charlie held her hand and kissed it gently.

“Ma!” Rebecca had gurgled as Charlie grinned broadly.

“What was that baby?”

“Ma, Ma, Ma!” Rebecca repeated, giggling as Smiffy choked on his breakfast and Charlie clapped.

“Who’s that?” Charlie whispered to Rebecca, pointing at Smiffy.

“Ma!”

“Nearly sweetie.” Charlie giggled and tickled her. “Clever ‘Becca!”

“’Ca!” Rebecca shrieked, kicking her arms and legs out.

Smiffy beamed proudly at her and pushed his plate onto the bedside table and leaned over, lifting Rebecca up and curled an arm around Charlie. “My girls.” He smiled goofily, kissing both their foreheads.

Things had taken a turn for the worse as they’d dropped Rebecca off at Charlie’s mums, on their way to the station. Rebecca had cried and clung to both of them as they’d tried to leave, making them late. Gina had expressed her obvious annoyance, only softening slightly as Rebecca’s name was mentioned. Rebecca had been used as an excuse every time they were late since Charlie had returned from maternity leave and Gina was growing tired of it. She gave them both a dressing down and sent them off to start their shift.

“Sorry darlin’” Charlie had smiled up at him. “I’ll make it up to you later when madam’s in bed….” She held him gently by his collar and leant up, brushing her lips against his.

Smiffy arched an eyebrow and smirked. “I’ll look-“

“PC Smith.” Gina called from her office doorway, looking down at them. “This is a police station, not a school playground!”

Charlie had sighed and nodded at Gina, “Yes Ma’am, sorry ma’am…” She looked up at Smiffy and flashed him a smile. “Three bag’s full ma’am.” She winked, walking away and heading out to the yard.

Smiffy blushed slightly as he passed Gina, ignoring her knowing smirk. “You want to be careful Smithy,” she’d told him. “Anyone would think you were going soft.”

And now, a few hours later, he was sat in a cold, grey, miserable hospital visitors room, alone. He glanced up at the door every time he heard someone passing, expecting to see Charlie stood in the doorway, smiling at him, or bitching at him for ‘sitting on his arse all day in a warm office when she had to pound the beat day in, day out and still come home to them and play housewife.’ Smiffy looked up as a kindly looking nurse opened the door and smiled sympathetically at him. “Would you like to see her?” she asked quietly, moving aside as Smiffy nodded slowly and stood up.

The nurse led him into a small room, lit with a couple of candles and a lamp in the corner. In the middle of the room was Charlie, laying prone on a bed, covered up to the shoulders, looking for all the world as though she was asleep. He glanced at the nurse who took the hint and nodded slowly. “I’ll be outside if you need anything…” she said, stepping away and closing the door after her.

Smiffy swallowed heavily, looking back at Charlie’s body and took a couple of faltering steps towards her, tears streaming from his eyes. He reached her and looked her over, his eyes settling on his chest, hoping to see it rise and fall as she breathed, releasing a choked sob as it never moved. He reached out slowly, stroking the top of her head gently before slumping against her and holding her as tightly as he dare, his tears falling from his eyes onto the covers draped over her body.

“I’m so sorry…” he sobbed, burying his head in her neck. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there…” he slowly brought his head up and looked down at her. “I love you…” he whispered, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. He grasped her hand and brought it to his lips, running a finger over her wedding ring before swallowing and flicking his eyes over her face. “My girls…” he whispered. “My girl.”

“Ma’am!” Gary looked up as Gina gathered them into the office. “What’s going on?” he asked, staring round at some of the stricken faces of some of the other officers. “How is she?”

Gina ignored him and stood at the front of the room. “When you’re ready…” she said quietly, the room falling silent almost immediately. “I’m sure you all know why you’ve been asked to come here…” she said, looking around at the Uniform and CID officers all squashed into the small briefing room. “And I’m sure you all have your own variants on what actually happened….” She trailed off, looking round at them. “PC Charlotte Smith was seriously injured this afternoon and taken to hospital.” She said, holding her hand up as the officers started chattering amongst themselves again. “She…” Gina swallowed and took a breath. “She died, from her injuries at 15:13 this afternoon..”

“Ma’am!” Gary said, his tone slightly higher pitched than usual. “What…”

Tony nudged him and shook his head, as Gina left the room, heading straight back to her office.

“Gina.” Jonathon Fox drawled, walking through to her office. “I just heard. I’m so sorry…”

Gina stayed with her back to him, pouring herself a drink of scotch as she lit a cigarette gulping from the glass without turning round. “She’d asked me to be godmother…” she said quietly. “To Rebecca…”

“And you said?” Jonathon walked to behind her and rested his hands on the top of her arms.

“I told her to not to be so bloody stupid.” Gina said, her voice loaded with emotion as she drew furiously on her cigarette.

“What happened?” Gary whispered as Gina left the room.

Honey walked over and sighed, sitting on the side of the desk rubbing at the tear trickling from her eye. “She was on a call with me, Gabriel and Amber,” she said, nodding over to where Amber was sat staring ahead, still in her blood covered uniform. “Some bloke was going mental in a pub, smashing stuff with a baseball bat, Charlie tried to stop him, he got a hold of her….Gabriel went charging in, there was a scuffle…and the next thing, Charlie cried out, clutching her chest and fell to the floor with a knife sticking out of her...” Honey shuddered, rubbing at her eyes as more tears fell as she remembered.

Gary’s eyes widened and he stared at Honey. “So he stabbed her?”

Honey looked at Gary and nodded slowly, as Tony wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to his chest.

Return to Top