The Heart of Darkness, Part I

When she awoke, for one single, blessed moment she didn´t know who she was nor where she was. She only felt the warmth, the sweet herbal smell of her pillow. Nothing hurt, nothing was wrong. She could just lie there without a care in the world.

Then, she opened her eyes and remembered. She was Hermione Granger, Head Girl and star pupil, friend to the Boy Who Lived, unofficial member of the Order of the Phoenix. She was Hermione Granger, muggleborn Death Eater, lover to Lucius Malfoy, plaything to the Dark Lord, traitor and spy. Hermione Granger, Potion-addicted madwoman that headed towards certain doom.

Sometimes, she felt like breaking into pieces, as if all the different masks she wore and roles she played would split away from her and develop a life of their own, until nothing would be left of her but a little girl, hiding in a corner, sobbing and helpless.

But she would die before that happened.

She sat up and took in her surroundings. The house elves had lit the intricately carved fireplace, and her books and parchments were carefully arranged on the small desk that stood by the window on her right hand side.

It was a beautiful room, quite big for someone who was so unused to guests as Professor Snape, held in the same colours as the library downstairs and equipped with everything she could wish for. In fact, it looked very much like her Head Girl room, with the same large, canopied bed, a similar wardrobe and bookshelf, only that it hadn´t been used by hundreds of Head Girls before her and therefore lacked the slightly shabby quality of her home.

She left the bed and opened the door to her personal little bathroom. The similarities to the Head Girl´s room ended here, as the guest bathroom of Snape´s chambers contained every possible luxury and comfort any adult wizard could wish for. This certainly wasn´t considered necessary to an adolescent student, and she heartily agreed to this opinion. She didn´t even know what to use all these perfumes, salves, creams and lotions for!

Luckily, the house elves had also brought her cosmetics. She decided for a hot bath instead of a shower and took her time, something she had started consider as a luxury. Time… there was so little left of it, and it was when she considered all the years to come that she had already lost that she regretted her decisions of the last few months. But only for a moment.

It was already after 12 a.m., and she felt ravenous. She decided to leave her room in search of something to eat. To her surprise, a carefully set table was awaiting her in the library, along with a black clad, black mooded Potions Professor who was marking essays at his desk.

"I had the house elves bring something for us", he remarked, "I suppose you are hungry?"

"Yes, thank you."

She sat down and surveyed a meal that couldn´t be classified as something. It much more looked like everything to her. Some house elf had to love him very much indeed!

She had chosen eggs and toast when the chair opposite to her was drawn back and she suddenly faced a sitting Severus Snape who reached for the fruit bowl. Some of her astonishment must have shown on her face, for he cocked an eyebrow and nearly smiled at her.

Some months ago, that alone would have been enough to shock her till next Wednesday, but not now anymore, now that she knew…

"Even people like me eat from time to time, Miss Granger."

"I am not surprised by it, Professor." Rather by your politeness. Very untypical behaviour for you.

The first half of the meal was spent in silence, Hermione nurturing her new found appetite, and Snape carefully examining her out of the corner of his eye.

"I trust you have slept much better than during the last months, Miss Granger?"

"True", she answered, surprised again, "How do you know?"

"You haven´t taken the Potion last night. The results are clearly visible. You look rested and more relaxed, have a better appetite and are not as aggressive as yesterday."

"Well thank you very much", she answered sarcastically, angry that he had brought up the potion so soon. He could have let her enjoy her breakfast, at least.

Severus´ day had been terrible so far, and he knew it wouldn´t get any better. When he had awoken after what seemed like only minutes of sleep, he had been badly tempted to storm into her room, awaken her and give her a taste of the foul mood she had caused.

But as this was likely her last peaceful night of sleep for weeks, he withstood the temptation and settled for strong tea instead.

The classes of the morning had been hell, too. Idiotic first years who ruined the most basic potions, and even his seventh year class, normally a good example for what he really enjoyed about teaching, had been reduced to utter mediocrity by the physical absence of Miss Granger and the mental one of Draco, Potter and Weasley, who were all worrying about their friend, though in quite different ways.

And now, he had to breakfast with said friend, who glared at him defiantly from the other side of the table. A pleasure!

He knew that his remark hadn´t been exactly sensitive, but there were more important things that Hermione Granger´s feelings at the moment. The fate of his world, for example. And the outcome of this war.

"Are you feeling any symptoms of the withdrawal yet?"

She shook her head, and before he could explain said symptoms to her, she started to count them off on her fingers.

"No nervousness yet, Professor, no shivering, sweating or fever. I know exactly what awaits me, it is not necessary to explain it to me. I will start to feel bad very soon. I will develop strong physical reactions until I will be too ill to move, talk, or sustain myself. Then it will get worse. I will hallucinate, experience attacks of extreme aggressiveness and panic. I will do anything for a further dose of the potion. But the most dangerous thing to me will be magic, as the Thanalos Potion reacts to it and draws strength from it. Therefore, I must not use it, nor have it used on me, whatever be the reason. It would surely kill me, but I might die without it nevertheless. That should about cover it."

"Indeed", he answered, shocked again by her perfect calm. But her eyes betrayed her this time. She was afraid, to the point of collapsing. Only her will kept her going, and suddenly he understood that she had to remain so cool, so absolutely controlled. One slip, one emotion too much, and she would break.

He could remember what it was like to live this way, could remember all the times he had refused friendliness and comfort out of the fear that he would crack up. Once lost, such a perfect control could never be established again, and it would not do to show people how much it cost you.

Yes, he understood her, and for a heartbeat, her braveness took his breath away. He reached out and touched her hand, just for a moment, but her eyes widened in shock.

"I assure you, Miss Granger", he replied as calmly as she, "That I will not let you die. I know enough about this potion and about the treatment of its symptoms, and I promise that no harm will come to you. You can believe me in this."

"Thank you, Professor", it was hard for her to say it, "I… I trust you."

Embarrassed silence. Severus didn´t know whether to take this as a compliment or as a threat. After all, the only people who had ever really trusted him were Voldemort and Dumbledore. And he didn´t know yet to which category he could sort Miss Granger.

After a moment, he cleared his throat and returned to the safer soil of technicalities.

"Very well. But before we can concentrate on the therapy, there are a few things important to consider. First of all: You should inform your parents that you can´t be reached via owl post over next weeks, and that they must not answer to Harry´s or Ron´s letters. We can´t risk them storming into Hogwarts and questioning the Headmaster."

"That won´t be necessary, Professor", clearly, Hermione felt better when on safe ground, too, "I have already found a safe place for my parents. In fact, they went into hiding six months ago. I haven´t tried to reach them since then, and they know better than to try reaching me."

"You sent them into hiding?", Snape asked himself when the series of shocks this girl had caused would finally end, "Six months ago?"

She simply nodded.

"I foresaw this development and considered it wise not to leave my parents out in the open as a means for putting pressure on me. The actions of the Death Eaters have confirmed my caution. Is there anything else we have to discuss?"

"But how could you know six months ago?"

"You didn´t think I made this decision out of the spur of one moment, did you? I planned carefully, and my parents were one insecure factor that had to be removed."

There it was again: the icy coldness, void of any human feeling. And he simply couldn´t make out whether it was just a brilliant act or real.

"There is just one more thing", he began slowly, "A question I need an answer to."

"Yes"

"Why did you do it?"

"What?", she asked back.

"Join the Death Eaters, betray me. Risk your life. Why?"

"To help the war effort", she replied smoothly.

He snorted, "You are much too intelligent for such an idealistic nonsense, Miss Granger.

She raised her left eyebrow and looked at him in mock surprise, "Why, was that a compliment, Professor? This does flatter me."

"Stop fooling around, girl", he growled, "I have to know the reason for this whole pitiful enterprise!"

"You will never know my reasons, Professor", she replied with finality, "For they are entirely my own. You will have to trust me, or rather Dumbledore, which will be easier for you I think."

She really thought she could treat him like that? Bloody hell, he wasn´t one of her idiotic Gryffindor friends!"

"Inacceptable", he answered, his voice as final as hers, "I give you one last chance to answer me. I you refuse, I will find other ways."

"Such like what? Perform the Cruciatus on me? Dumbledore wouldn´t be happy to have his former spy torturing his recent one. Besides, it wouldn´t work. I don´t crack that easily, Professor."

He knew that it was wrong. He had sworn himself never to do it again, never again to enter a person´s mind without their permission. She was a student, and he was responsible for her!

But this was more important than his own beliefs or his bad conscience. The future of his world, the outcome of this war rested on Hermione Grangers shoulders, and he had to know why she had taken on this burden. He had to be sure that she wouldn´t throw it away when it became to heavy for her.

That was why he had to do it. Her voice echoed in his mind, mocking him: For the war effort.

One step closed the distance between them. Severus didn´t give himself time to rethink his decision, he grabbed her face and forced it upwards, forced her eyes to meet with his, and delved into her mind.

There was virtually no barrier, no defence of any sort. With this kind of protection, she´s as good as dead, he thought grimly, but then the images stormed in on him, and he stopped thinking altogether.

A stunning looking Hermione in a black evening dress made only to present her breasts in a better light. Men turning to watch her go, women eyeing her jealously. Draco Malfoy at her side.

Hermione holding a glass of dark red wine, sipping from it, her eyes glowing under the black night of her lashes. Suddenly, Lucius Malfoy standing before her.

"Well well, what does a little mudblood on a ball like this?"

"Waiting for you, Mr. Malfoy", wetting her lips with the dark wine and leaning slightly towards him.

"What should I want with a girl like you?"

"There are many uses for a mudblood, Lucius, and many of them can be enjoyable for both sides."

Lucius smiling, and a feeling of… lust surging through her groins. He lead her to a chamber and she couldn´t await his hands on her body.

Her groaning, as he ripped open the top of her dress…

Hermione kneeling in front of Voldemort, her forehead touching the ground.

"I know that I am but a low muggleborn, Mylord, but even someone like me can be of service to a great one. I know things valuable for you, I am the best friend of Potter and gaining Dumbledore´s trust. I only wish to serve."

Rising to the dark Lord´s beckoning and feeling power, triumph and gratitude. She had joined his rank. She was a Death Eater. She was serving the mightiest on earth.

Hermione standing before Voldemort. "He is a dirty traitor, Mylord, nothing more. He has betrayed you to the old fool ever since you returned!" Gleeful pride inside her. She had shown the old bat his place. She was a pet to the master, queen of the world that was to come.

"I can give you Potter, Master. It needs only a little time and a plan, and I will hand the little brat over to you", and the mighty claws of the Dark Lord would smash him, and she would watch.

Hermione kneeling once more. "Undress", the Dark Lord ordered her, and she obeyed, shrugging of her robes and standing in white nakedness before the inner circle of the Death Eaters.

"Everything for you, Master". She believed it. She would serve until her death.

The dark shapes of Death Eaters closing in on her, hitting and kicking her. Whipping her.

"This is what a mudblood gets if she wants to enter our circle."

Hermione screaming in pleasure, shivering with lust and begging for more.

"I thank you for the pain, Mylord! Everything for you, Master!"

Hermione, writhing and moaning under the naked body of Lucius Malfoy, bitting and scratching him, drawing blood.

Hermione crying out as Lucius drove into her, slamming her head against a cold stone wall.

Her eyes wide open below the pumping body, her pupils nearly black, filled with lust, triumph, pain, the need for blood…

And then the images crowded in on him. Uncountable times he saw her kneeling near the Dark Lord, laughing with him, slicing, hurting and hexing those brought before him.

He saw her tortured by the Death Eaters of the Inner Circle, and he felt what she felt, felt that she was drawing it all in, bursting and wanting more, saw her taken by all of them and begging for more, and like the mad whirling of a hurricane it consumed him, until he couldn´t distinguish what was his and hers any longer, until he felt the orgiastic pleasures, the exquisite pain and the will to dominate, to prove herself, to show it to them all…And the lust exploded behind his eyes.

He let her go. His own ragged breaths sounded loud in his ears. He heard his heart beating unnaturally fast and loud in his chest. His face was wet with sweat.

Hermione hadn´t moved. When he had broken the connection, her head had slumped down, like a puppet whose strings were torn. Now she lifted it again and met his eyes, calm and unmoving.

He couldn´t bear her eyes locking with his. He had seen what lay behind these eyes. He had entered the darkness.

He didn´t know whether he feared or loathed her, but he backed away from her until he felt the wall behind him.

"So that´s how no harm will come to me, Professor"?, she asked bitterly, "Well, now I know at least what to make of your promises."

"You´re a monster", he whispered.

She didn´t even flinch.

"No fighting for the good side, no war effort, no caring for your friends. Not even ambition. You did it for pure, perverted pleasure, didn´t you? And you got Dumbledore to even cover for your little erotic adventures."

"If you say so."

Hermione turned her back to him and moved over to the winding staircase, slowly, as if there wasn´t a furious Snape towering behind her.

"What did it feel like to be fucked by Malfoy, when people were dying around you, people were tortured, people giving their life up to save their world, what did it feel like? Were you enjoying it?", he shouted, striding over to her and gripping her wrists with all his strength.

"You should know yourself", she could have talked about a Potion in class, so little emotion held her voice, "You felt what I felt, didn´t you?"

"Filthy little whore!", his words whipped the air like a slap in her face.

She cocked her head to that, as if she pondered her expression. For one moment, her eyes clouded, and if Severus had watched closely, he would have seen her hand gripping the rail of the staircase so strongly that the iron drove into her hand. But then, her expression cleared again, and she nodded, as if she had come to a conclusion.

"Yes, Professor. You´re right about that. But it doesn´t change the fact that my work for the order is valuable. Mudblood or whore, I offer a service you can´t do without."

He loosened his grip and drew back his hand. His eyes searched hers and she met his look levelly. There was nothing to say.

"I assume you want me to leave now. I will just get my things, and then…"

"No", he interrupted her, "You are not going to leave. I would rather not set eyes on you ever again, but that´s war for you. And my task doesn´t change. You will stay here until your withdrawal phase is over. But you should know", he advanced on her again, his dark form rising over her like a shadow from a nightmare, "that to me you are more disgusting than any Death Eater could ever be, and that I will watch your every step as long as your spying will continue. If I even suspect something foul, I will kill you with my bare hands."

A/N:

Mwaaahaaahaa! Promises fun for the next chapters, doesn´t it? Chapter 7 will have withdrawal, hallucinations and nightmares in it, and some things Severus didn´t expect...

I forgot to give you the name of the poem Severus´s password is from: It´s "The Wasteland", by T.S. Eliot, one of the best poems of the last century (at least that´s what I think...). Thanks to vodka-tears for pointing it out!

I´d also like to thank all my reviewers for their great support! You are spoiling me, and that´s why I´m always needing more of it! Review, review, review! If I get ten or more reviews, I will update in the next three days! Otherwise, it will take a bit longer...