Shounen-ai: Subaru x Kamui
Created 8th Dec. 2004

The moon, thought Kamui, was so incredibly beautiful. Well, what little could be seen of it anyway. It was cloudy, so no stars could be seen, but there was a gap in the clouds where a sliver of the moon peeked out, and which lit up a small patch on the roof in which he lay.

Yes, the roof.

The roof may have been cold, but at least it was quiet; right now Kamui did not desire anyone's company. No concerned glances, or sympathetic speeches. Or, worst of all, pity. And, after another day of fighting, after yet another long day of pointless bloodshed, Kamui was likely to receive all three.

So here he was. Alone. On the roof. With only the moon for company. The way he liked it. The way – and he gave a bitter smile at the irony of the thought – he wished it.

Would many people have been hurt by this latest battle – the work of another 'earthquake'? Possibly. Would people have died? Yeah, probably. Ah. The other reason he desired nobody's company but the moon's tonight.

No pointing fingers... no... wagging tongues... no accusing... glares... no... no...

Yes. The final, and truest reason why Kamui, member of the Dragons of Heaven and savior of the earth itself was lying on a rooftop in the middle of the night, staring at the moon.

Nobody but the moon to witness the tears.

They began so slowly, but soon enough they came thick and fast, coursing bitterly down his cheeks. Shamefully. Like a child's. But still they continued to flow, without making a sound. Such bitter tears, like diamond and ice together. Only salty. He could taste them as they travelled down the sharp plane of his face and onto his lips.

He knew he should stop. Stop behaving like an infant. Stop being so infuriatingly weak.

But he was so tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of shedding blood. Tired of being strong.

Then a low voice said, "Kamui."

Perhaps Kamui knew, all along, that he would come. Subaru.

"You're crying."

"No."

But he knew it was a lie. Subaru always did.

He walked over now, quite silent on the rooftop. Kamui couldn't look at him; kept looking straight up.

"It is good that you cry."

"What?"

He had made Kamui look at him, at least.

"The tears are good. They show you are able to cry. It means you can still feel. That you still care."

"Then", said Kamui, his voice shaking, "I don't want to care."

"If you do not care, then you do not truly live. You will become totally empty, devoid of all emotion. And you risk never feeling anything, good or bad, ever again. You will become just like..."

"...Just like Fuuma", finished Kamui for him.

"Yes. And just like I was."

Then who is left that you still care about, Subaru...?

"Subaru... I don't want to be weak. But I'm so tired, just so tired, of being strong."

"In that case, you must let someone else, just for a little, be strong for you."

Kamui closed his eyes, frustrated. Wasn't relying on someone else being weak?

And just like that, Subaru kissed him, lightly and delicately, on the mouth.

It was neither deep nor intense; nothing more than a gentle brush of the lips. But it was enough.

Subaru began to walk away, but stopped a moment, and answered the question as though Kamui had spoken aloud.

"Kamui. To allow someone to be strong for you is not to be weak. Because having someone be strong for you and relying on someone is not the same thing. Think about it."

And it wasn't until long after Subaru had gone that Kamui, still lying in exactly the same position on the roof, realised that he had stopped crying.