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Author: Baculities PM
Ranma is removed Nerima by friends to save him from himself. Since the alternate to going willingly was being kidnapped from the dojo to keep him from doing anything stupid...Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,618 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 03-29-05 - Published: 12-08-04 - id: 2164357
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You've got mai
This fic is Alternate Universe running from partway through the first war and continues until after the end of Endless Waltz in the GW universe, and begins before and ends several months after Saffron is defeated in the R1/2 universe. (Duo 15, Ranma 17 at beginning), Warnings: AU, OOCness, Yaoi, & Het.
Flames will be used to light the burn barrel.
Re:Re: Top ten ways to get rid of unwanted women.
Monday, April 3rd
Ranma Saotome, you damn idiot. What the fucking hell are you thinking! When I suggested you get rid of your fiancées by getting pregnant I was JOKING! Your mother would kill both of us if I did what you want me to do. More to the point, she'd make you kill you, after cutting off my head! Or don't you remember that little contract you and your pops signed when you were six? Just in case, let me remind you, if you come back to her as anything less that what she calls a man among men, you are Dead Meat! Being a pregnant girl would definitely get you killed!
Alright, I'll admit that you really are desperate to get rid of the fiancée brigade. Why the hell didn't you just ask us to get you out of there? And don't you fucking dare try to follow through with that damned crack brained plan you mentioned. And just to remind you... seducing boys as Ranko, since there's no way in hell I'll get you pregnant for this, is NOT a good idea. If you do try it, I will personally kick your miserable ass up between your ears!
You damn well better meet me at the preventers branch office in downtown Tokyo as soon as you get out of school (4 pm right?) on Thursday. Go to the front desk and ask for Agent Maxwell, I'll be waiting for you. If you don't, I'll kidnap you straight out of the dojo, swear to God. And I'm damn sure 'Fei'll help me if the look on his face is anything to go by. Man, I've never seen him turn that color before, maybe I should call Sally… ;)
See you soon, and DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!
Don't do anything with out thinking it through. Meet us Thursday, or we WILL extract you from the dojo with out permission.
Ok, I gotta admit this email doesn't make a lotta sense if you don't know some things. Like meeting Duo, Wufei, and the rest when they hid out in Nerima during the first war, and me being so damn sick of the fiancées Pops saddled me with and the shit from the rest of the Nerima Wrecking Crew that Mom's seppku contract was startin' to look pretty good in comparison.
Yup, sad to say, I Ranma Saotome was so sick of it all that I was ready to court the brother of sleep, death. The brother of sleep, heh, looking back it was rather funny, but at the time it was fuckin' miserable.
Just ta make my life more complicated, meeting Duo and the guys made me realize that I like both boys and girls. Talk about freakin' out. I just about crushed my balls and drowned the first time I realized I wasn't just thinkin' 'bout the private bits you find on girls while I was… relieving stress so to say. Course, I avoided Duo and the guys like the plague for a few days while going through all Pops girly mags till Duo knocked me out and tied me up away from the dojo so that I had to sit still to talk to him, but I did get used to it, eventually. Still, I made damn sure no one else found out. Especially Nabiki, since not only did I not want to give her anything ta blackmail me with, but I wanted ta keep my head right where it was.
But that was just the beginning.
To really understand where the email in question came from, you have ta realize that Duo and I kept in contact even after he and his buddies left Nerima once they'd blown up Oz's Tokyo base an' made sure nothin' could be sent to space from there. It'd been more'n a year an' a half since the guys left, there'd been another war, and the guys all worked for or with the Preventers, the only thing that I'd ever wanted to do besides run my own dojo. Akane had gotten even worse since I killed Saffron, hittin' me all the time, jealous and thinkin' every time I left the dojo, even to go ta school, I was meetin' up with Shampoo or Ukyo. I tell ya, I had the worst time not smackin' her back. Shampoo wouldn't leave me the hell alone, Kodachi came by tryin' ta poison or drug me at least two or three times a week, Ryouga and Mousse were both getting meaner, and Pops and Tendo-san were continually coming up with crack-brained schemes to get Akane and me hitched, and blaming me when Akane was a bitch.
As I'm sure you can guess, I was getting desperate. I even tried to tell mom that I liked guys so she would disown me after I refused to kill my self. I've never told Duo I went that far. He'd a had me locked up so fast… Anyway, she only heard what she wanted to, and decided that I was such a manly man because I was so interested in girls. I just about screamed.
In any case, that was about the time Duo sent me an email as a joke, Top Ten Ways To Get Rid of Unwanted Women. There were only three things I hadn't already tried, killing them, killing me, and one that I'm sure he made up especially for me, getting pregnant. Since two of the three were out of the question, I decided to try the third, getting pregnant. If I did that, no one could ignore me when I said I wasn't going to marry any of the girls because I preferred men.
Once I'd decided this was a good idea, I started thinking about who's kid I wanted to have. No, I wasn't totally rational at this point.
I decided that while Mousse was cute without the glasses, and Ryouga was sexy and had one of the best butts I'd ever seen, the only guys I trusted enough to let close enough ta get me pregnant were Duo, Heero, and Wufei. Quatre and Trowa were a couple so I took them out of consideration.
Of course with if Wufei agreed, I figured we'ed have to get Sally Po's permission and help to do it artificially if what Duo told me was true, but as far as I knew, Heero wasn't seeing anyone, and I knew Duo was currently single and bi. So I sent off this little plan to Duo in response to the email that sparked the idea.
He was not happy.
As it turned out, neither were Wufei or Heero. And so that's how I ended up here in Sank at the Preventer's main facility, applying to train as an agent.
I can see by the look on your face that you think I'm nuts. Yeah, well that's your problem. Though I gotta admit, I probably wouldn't believe me either if I hadn't lived through this crap. So I guess I'd better start at the beginning huh?
Where to start...
Hah! This whole mess started the day two new students joined my class at Furinken High School in Nerima. At first glance they both looked kinda young to be juniors, that is until I got a closer look at them. If you payed attention, their eyes looked much older than their faces, though the one with the braid hid it better than the Chinese boy…
AN: I'm still working on my other fic, but I came across this idea while checking files and decided to play with it a bit. It is meant to be a bit more humorous that Burning Bridges.