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Ethan?
Days Without You
This chapter: Charlie deals with life on the island without Claire there.
Next chapter: Shows what happened to Claire based on Season 2's Maternity Leave.
Next chapter: Deals with what happens in season 1's Homecoming, and ends there until more material comes up. Savvy?
-Day One-
Charlie often sat on the beach alone. Watching the surf brush in and out onto the beach had become one of his favorite past times. The problem was, as the days kept coming, the water was coming in further and further.
He pretended not to remember what had happened to he and Claire, but the truth was he did. He honestly did. It was just the thought of talking about it scared him. He was far from fine now, and if he had to discus what had happened…he wasn't sure what would happen to him.
He didn't have the motivation to do anything. People tried to keep him company. People tried to look after him and talk to him. He didn't mean to be rude, but most of the time he wasn't responsive.
Today was simply another day. He didn't want to admit it, but he was getting worried about the state of the beach. People all around him were moving their things up the beach to the edge of the jungle.
"Hello, Charlie."
Charlie looked up carelessly. Rose, the older black woman, was dragging a piece of wreckage across the beach toward the tree line. He wondered why the hell she was doing that by herself. But he didn't respond. She was just another person he would disappoint. Another person he would let down.
"Everyone else is helping us move the camp up the beach except you," Rose said breathlessly, stopping a moment to look at him.
"Are you serious?" Charlie responded sarcastically, looking back up at her and narrowing his eyes against the sun. Rose frowned slightly.
"Do you think you're the only person on this island that's got something to be sad about?" Rose said a little harshly. It actually wasn't too harsh, but for someone like her it was. "Baby, I've got sob stories for you, so why don't you grab the other end of this thing and help me."
Charlie was trying not to break eye contact with her, but found it hard.
"Well?" Rose said, raising an eyebrow.
He got up out of the sand hesitantly. Rose smiled. He wished he would've back, but he didn't have the strength or willpower to be happy at all right now. He grabbed the end of the wreckage and helped her.
He looked over at Rose. She was still smiling.
"…Why are you smiling?" Charlie questioned. He realized his throat was a little dry and his voice a little raspy from the lack of speaking…and also maybe because he had been hung by a tree the night before.
"Am I?"
Charlie nodded slightly and looked down at his shoes. "You look…happy."
"Well, I guess I must be then," Rose said simply. Charlie looked over at her, puzzled.
"There's no reason to be happy," Charlie said bitterly. "Things are awful."
Rose shook her head in disagreement. "They're not that awful."
Charlie was shocked at how optimistic this lady was. How could she say something like that in a time like this?
"We're stranded on an island," Charlie pointed out. "No one's coming for us." He bit his lip and looked back down at the ground.
"You don't know that," Rose responded quietly, looking over at him and smiling again. Charlie only frowned.
"Well, what I do know is that there's something in that jungle that EATS people. Just because we haven't heard from it in a couple of weeks doesn't mean it won't get hungry again. And I know that there's a person…or…people…that are trying to hurt us-"
"Charlie," Rose said, stopping him. "Nobody blames you."
"…What?" he asked softly. But he knew what she meant.
"For what happened to Claire. It's not your fault. You did everything that you could do, and you came very close to dying yourself."
Charlie finally put down the piece of wreckage. He looked at his hands – they were sore and red.
"Maybe I should have died," he said quietly.
Rose frowned. "You know what I think, Charlie? I think you need to ask for help."
Charlie shook his head and crossed his arms. He felt his eyes well up slightly. "Who's going to help me?"
He had managed to move his shelter from the caves to the tree line. In a way, it made him feel better, because he had actually accomplished something. But once he was done, he had looked around and he saw how happy people were compared to him.
And considering these were people who had survived a plane crash, lost their loved ones, had lost hope of rescue and had just found out two of their people had been kidnapped and one hung by his neck from a tree the night before, they were pretty damn happy from his point of view.
And after that realization, he went back to sitting in the sand and staring out into the ocean.
It was hard for him to think about her, but he wondered what was happening to her right now. Was he hurting her? Was she scared? What about the baby? Was the baby ok? Was she ok?
Warm tears dripped down his cheeks and he brushed them away with the back of his hand quickly. There was no way he couldn't let this get to him. He had been thinking about it ever since he had been taken back to the camp. He hadn't slept, he hadn't eaten…the only thing he could do was think about her. The only thing he could do was think about how he should've died and how he WISHED that he would've just so he could be spared the pain. And he did blame himself. And he reminded himself as often as he could how he screwed up and she was gone because of him.
Rose looked up from where she was sitting by the fire. Charlie was approaching her. "Yes, he was. But he'll be back."
Charlie sat down next to her. He bit his lip, trying to figure out to word what he was going to say next. "…You think he's still alive."
Rose didn't look angered at all. "I know he is."
"…How?"
"I just do. It's a fine line between denial and faith…it's much better on my side."
Charlie looked down at the sand. Oh my God. He began to cry quietly. This was an amazing woman. She was right. Although he highly doubted her husband would ever be back, he admired how she handled it. His crying got a little harder.
He turned to look at her; eyes wet and face red and blotchy. "Help me…"
Rose smiled slightly. "Baby, I'm not the one that can help you."
He was about to protest, but stopped.
She was praying.
-Day Four-
Charlie woke up in his tent. He had actually slept for the first time in about three days, not counting the nights he had stayed up to watch over Claire when Ethan was attacking her. But when he woke up, he didn't feel as relieved as he hoped he would. Instead, he woke up to a huge migraine and slight sweating.
Why did he have to feel like this now?
He crawled out of his tent miserably, groaning when the sunlight hit his face. He closed his eyes and rubbed them, but when he opened his eyes again it was only worse.
He went right back into his tent, letting his head fall on his pillow and trying to drift back to sleep.
-A Few Hours Later-
"Charlie?"
There was a tapping on his shoulder and he sat up quickly, immediately feeling the pain in his head and joints. He groaned and lowered himself back down on the pillow. Jack was standing over him.
"Hey, it's evening and you're not even awake yet…you doing ok, man?"
Charlie nodded slightly, rubbing his forehead. "Yeah…I just…my head."
Jack nodded. "I think you're due in for another aspirin."
Jack watched him for a moment. "You need a hand?" he asked, stepping forward.
"Yeah," Charlie answered, relieved. Though he didn't like to admit he needed help. "Yeah, I'd love one."
Jack began to help him out with the firewood. He watched Charlie carefully, concerned. Jack wished he could do something to help him, but he knew he couldn't. Charlie wouldn't be the same until Claire was back again.
"I haven't seen you around the caves lately," Jack pointed out instead of mentioning Claire.
"I needed a change of scenery," Charlie said, setting down the firewood and wiping sweat off his forehead. He paused for a breath, but couldn't seem to catch it. He bent over slightly, resting his hands on his knees.
"How are you doing, Charlie?" Jack asked, resting a hand on Charlie's shoulder gently.
"How am I doing?" Charlie laughed slightly and regained his balance. "With week three of heroin withdraw? Or how am I doing with Claire being abducted by the freak who tried to kill me?" His voice broke slightly and he looked away from Jack.
"I gave you aspirin for the heroin withdrawal," Jack said, trying not to mention Claire. He changed the subject quickly. "What do you think his story is?" Jack nodded toward Locke who was sitting out by the beach.
Charlie gave Jack a strange look, confused by the sudden change of subject. "Who…Locke?" Charlie shrugged. "The guy's a freak of nature. Highly disturbed. Chances are he probably killed all his mates at the post office the day his mum forgot to put a cookie in his lunch tin." Charlie paused and grinned slightly at Jack. "That was my first impression anyway. Then he saved my life."
Charlie knew he couldn't have gotten through giving up heroin without him. And it was true. If it wasn't for Locke, he'd definitely be dead now. If he had kept depending on that drug instead of giving it up right when he got there, things would've been bad.
"So you trust him?" Jack asked.
"Trust him?" Charlie asked, surprised. "No offense, mate, but if there's one person on this island I would put my absolute faith in to save us all, it would be John Locke."
Charlie paused. "Why the sudden change of subject?"
Jack shrugged. "Just trying to help you out."
"…What?"
"You know…take your mind off things."
Charlie scowled slightly. "Thanks, Jack, but I think I can take care of myself."
-Day Eight-
Charlie woke up feeling a lot better than he had been.
There was no headache. Nothing. The aspirin really did help. However, he was still having problems over what happened with Claire, as usual. It had been eight days since she went missing. One day over a week.
And he knew that these feelings wouldn't be going away anytime soon.
He realized he hadn't seen Claire's bags around lately. He didn't like the idea of someone snooping through her things, especially her diary. He would feel better if he had her things with him. Besides, he wouldn't go through her things.
He got up and went to her tent. Memories flooded back to him and he tried not to think about them, but it was almost impossible.
None of her bags were there.
He combed his fingers through his hair, distressed. Surely someone knew…
Charlie walked toward the sound of Michael's voice. Michael was standing only a few yards away, looking around urgently.
"Hey, Michael, you seen Claire's bags?" he questioned as he ran up.
"You seen my son?" Michael asked right back.
"You seen her bags?" Charlie insisted.
Michael sighed. "Claire's?"
"Her luggage…it's not been brought back here. No one seems to know what's happened to it." Charlie looked at Michael hopefully.
"…Uh, sorry man. I don't know. I'm just looking for Walt…"
"Oh…got it. Sorry…I've not seen him."
Charlie sighed and walked back down to the beach. No one knew about Claire's things at all. He wasn't exactly sure what he would do with her things once he got them, but he knew he'd feel a little bit better with a piece of her near him.
When he made it back to the beach, he saw the familiar bags in the sand near her tent. Someone must have found them and knew he had been looking. He ran up and immediately started going through them. He knew he had said he wouldn't, but he wanted to make sure no one had taken her diary.
He opened up the side pocket. He vividly remembered she had put it there.
"Charlie?"
Charlie jumped slightly and turned around. Kate was standing behind him, watching him. He blushed slightly.
"Hey…these are Claire's things. Who brought them here?"
"I did," Kate answered. "Why? What are you doing?"
Charlie's blush deepened. "I don't know where it is…"
Kate shook her head slightly. "What?"
"Claire's diary…she kept her diary in this side pocket. I know because I saw her put it in there."
Kate raised her eyebrows and gave him a 'nice-to-know-you-watch-her-like-that' look.
"…Someone's taken it," Charlie said quickly, trying not to sound like he was crazy.
"Oh," Kate said, understanding. "I didn't take it…I didn't even go through her things, I just brought them here." She shrugged. "I honestly don't know."
Charlie sighed and bit his lip. Realization hit him. "I bet it was Sawyer." He cringed at the though of him reading it. "Will you come with me? To get it from him? I bet he'd listen to you…"
Kate nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I'll help."
"Thanks," Charlie smiled.
They both walked over to Sawyer's tent. He didn't seem to be there, which would actually make things easier. They could probably take the diary unnoticed and without Sawyer missing it.
"Sawyer? Hey, Sawyer?" Kate called out, looking around the tent. But there was no answer.
"You know, I could just go inside and…" Charlie moved to go inside Sawyer's tent.
"Trick or treat. What're you two selling today?" Sawyer came up behind them, smirking. Charlie immediately backed away from the tent.
"Where's Claire's diary?" he asked. "Someone took it from her bag."
"Oh, I get it. Something goes missing and right away you figure it's got to be me that took it," Sawyer said, rolling his eyes.
"Do you have the diary or not?" Kate asked impatiently.
Sawyer walked over to his tent, went inside, and came out with a little book in his hand. "You mean this one?"
Charlie started toward him, but Kate grabbed his shoulder. "Give it to me," he demanded.
"Now," Sawyer said easily. "I'm not sure that's the best idea. Maybe missy Claire don't want you reading it."
"I wasn't going to read it!" Charlie insisted.
Sawyer smirked. "You're not curious what she wrote about you?"
Charlie bit his lip and pulled away from Kate. He moved to grab it from Sawyer, but Sawyer pulled it away.
"You bastard!" Charlie yelled. "Did you read it?"
"Good literature's kinda scare around here…" Sawyer said with a provoking wink.
Charlie turned to Kate. "He read it!"
Kate stepped forward, glaring at Sawyer. "Just give it to us."
Sawyer flipped it open, examining the pages. He smiled to himself and Charlie shifted nervously.
"Dear Diary, I'm getting really freaked out by that has-been pop star." Sawyer looked up at Charlie. "I think he's stalking me."
"Sawyer!" Kate warned.
"Diary, the little limey runt just won't let up!"
Charlie punched Sawyer's knife wound on his arm as hard as he could. Sawyer screamed and hunched over, grabbing his sore arm and letting the diary fall. Charlie picked it up and moved to get away, but Sawyer punched him in the face with his good arm. It was much harder than Charlie's hit.
Charlie stumbled back slightly. He hadn't fallen, but he had felt like he was going to. "You hit like a ponce," he muttered as he held his bleeding nose.
"Oh, yeah?" Sawyer threatened, walking toward him.
"Enough!" Kate yelled at them both, staring Sawyer down until he backed off. Charlie stumbled away. "You didn't really read it, did you?" Kate asked him quietly.
"I just hadn't gotten around to it yet…" Sawyer admitted.
Kate nodded slightly, thankful. She took one last look at Sawyer and ran after Charlie who was heading for Claire's bags.
"He didn't read it," she announced as she moved to help him with the bags. Charlie nodded slightly and slipped the diary into the side pocket, just like Claire would've done.
"Let me help you move it back to the caves," Kate offered when he didn't respond.
"All right," he said quietly.
"Thanks. You really didn't have to help, you know…" Charlie said, meaning the dealing with Sawyer and the diary. "I could've managed. I've had my share of many encounters."
Kate smiled. "I just thought you could use the company…you ok?" She leaned in front of him slightly to examine his nose.
"Yeah," he answered. He paused briefly. "It's weird…I barely knew her…or…know her…Claire," he corrected hastily. "She's been missing over a week, and everyday she's gone it feels like bits of me are crumbling…or something."
Kate wasn't sure how to respond to that. "I think it's right that you should keep her stuff safe…until she gets back," she added carefully.
"Yeah."
Kate squeezed his leg comfortingly before getting up and leaving.
Charlie watched her go. He waited until she was out of sight before quickly pulling out Claire's diary. He looked at the cover, his fingers curling under it and pulling it up slightly. He quickly closed it, but immediately pulled it open again. He caught site of her handwriting, felt guilty, and closed it quickly. He shoved it back into the side pocket, jumped up, and left.
He stopped half way toward the path to the beach. He sighed and turned back around, heading for her bags. "Bloody hell!" he said aloud to himself. "This certainly isn't your finest moment, Charlie."
He picked up the diary again and sat down with it. He flipped it open.
Dear Diary,
This I miss:
Make-up,
Bathroom stuff,
Brush,
Water,
Books,
Camera,
Gum,
Hat,
Jerky,
CDs,
Candy.
I HATE HIM.
Charlie's eyes widened slightly when he read this. He hesitantly started reading again.
Realized I really like Charlie, something about him that's just so adorable and sweet. Even in a scary place like this Charlie makes me feel safe. Oh, and in the last entry, I meant this person that keeps attacking me. I don't know who he is, but he's trying to hurt my baby. I hate him, and I hope he stops. I hope someone kills him…I know that's harsh. I know Charlie will keep me safe and not let him get to me, though.
Charlie's hands shook slightly and he wiped tears off his cheek. He continued reading.
I had that weird dream again, the one with the black rock I can't get away from. I try to leave it but it won't let me.
Charlie stood up, still staring at the open diary. Maybe this meant something.
"What is that?" Jack asked, gesturing at the diary.
"It's Claire's…her diary," Charlie said, face red.
"You're reading her diary?" Sayid asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yeah, I know, I'm a bloody scum. Just listen to this…" he read her entry about the black rock aloud to them.
"Black rock?" Sayid asked, suddenly more alert than he had been.
Jack didn't look moved. "Its just dreams, Charlie."
"No!" he protested. "Sayid mentioned 'Black Rock' before!"
"The French woman mentioned something about her team returning from the Black Rock…the triangle on the map…maybe it's the triangle on the map," Sayid said, moving to go get his maps.
"Maybe it's where Claire was taken!" Charlie said, excited. "Maybe she's there?"
Jack frowned. "Maybe. Charlie, we all want to find Claire. But there's no sense going out into the jungle in the middle of the night."
Charlie frowned slightly. Sayid looked a little disturbed, but he didn't argue with Jack.
"Go to sleep, Charlie," Jack said. "You look like you need it."
"Yeah. Sure." He got up from the fireside. He lied down near Claire's bags. He had thought he wouldn't fall asleep, but he eventually did.
-LOST-
Please review! Next chapter, we get to see what happens with Claire when she's with Ethan.
