Shounen-ai: Subaru x Seishiro
Created 11th Dec. 2004

By the way, I just wanted you to know that I love you.

An odd place to begin, I know – but I know of no other way. Because its true.

Truth hurts, sometimes.

Did you know that whenever I look into the mirror, I see you? That's right – every time I see my reflection, I somehow see you staring back at me. That's because mirrors are reflections, and therefore always show Truth. A mirror shows what is really there, and so it never fails to show you, since you are always there. I can't erase your face from my mind.

I don't like mirrors.

By the way, you are the only person who can make me cry.

I thought I was empty. I thought that I had no more tears to shed, because I had cried them all. I say to myself every morning: today could be it. Today may be the day that I will not cry, because I will no longer be able to. Today may be the day I will die. And then, at night, I cry. Do you know why? Because today was not the day you killed me, or I you. So today was not the day I could finally be free – escape this sick cycle of death and blood and tears. Especially not tears.

By the way, I thought you should know that I think of you as beautiful.

That sounds so strange, that the word should be associated with you. Most people don't understand that. How, they would ask, can a person who kills for a living possibly be called beautiful? Yet, this is what you are. Everything about you is perfect – your immaculate dark clothing, your flawless skin, your smile. You always smile. That smile is friendly, affectionate, intimate. That smile is completely unchanging.

By the way, I think I hate you.

I hate your voice; the way whenever I hear it I freeze, utterly mesmerized by its tone. You're always so apathetic, but your voice doesn't match. I hate your smell; the very distant smell of cherry blossoms, faint but always there. Always. I hate they way you look at me; as if you know me. As if you can walk right up to me and start a conversation. As if we were friends. As if we... as if you... as if you actually felt something, even just the tiniest feeling, towards me at all. Love, hate, anything. But you don't, do you? You don't feel a thing.

By the way, even though I hate you, even though you make me cry, even though I hate myself for it, I still wanted you to know that I love you.

Seishirou.