|Legend of the Artificer
Author: Lappy Love PM
The Artificer opens up different worlds in the land of Fa'Diel. Tris is the new Artificer who must put a stop the evils threatening the land and who will brave the odds, talk to her cactus, and gush over Elazul.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,587 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 03-27-05 - Published: 12-11-04 - id: 2168830
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
(03/27/05) Aw, I got some reviews!
Sorry about the long-time-no-update time. This chapter kind of sucks too. Sorry. L
Anyway … um … yeah, more insanity now.
It took me a day to walk to Domina … and I realized … I'm fat.
I mean seriously, I wear this skimpy outfit all the time but I'm soooo out of shape! It's awful!
I bet my butt's the size of … big … things.
But anyway, it took me a day and I was exhausted afterwards. I was so exhausted that I almost missed a very crucial detail.
Yeah … that guy over there … in the mantle … talking to some ugly, short, two foot high, onion guy … ohmygawd. Can we say hot?
Yes. We can.
I swear, I have never seen a man so beautiful. Dark blue, piercing eyes; dark hair in all the right places and sways at all the right times; tan skin; an awesome wardrobe … part of his chest showing …
Okay, so he has this weird "jewel-arm" thing but that's … kind of neat … I'll just … overlook that.
Yeah, the face. That's what I like.
Anyway, I saw him talking to some onion-head-person when I entered Domina. Domina is a small village, a few houses and a small market place. It's pretty vast and has a couple of fields. Overall, it's just a nice place to be bored at.
But not with this guy here.
No. Not at all.
Dum-dum-da-dum, da-dum-da-dum … I can hear the bells now … and me … in a white dress …
And he's silent.
He finished talking to the onion dude and walked away to go into the tavern but the onion-dude stopped him and asked for a name.
"… Elazul." He said.
'Elazul? Last name please? I want to think of good names for our children!' I thought excitedly.
I then realized that he was looking at me. But this really wasn't the look I wanted to see from him. He looked somewhat irked by my behavior as I had started leaning against the little gate that was at the entrance to Domina and I had this strange … almost psychotic smile on my face. I might have been drooling or even swooning but I don't want to go there.
He turned away from me and finally entered the tavern, his mantle flapping as he moved.
I'm in love.
HE MUST BE MINE!
I ran after him as soon as possible and I think I may have stepped on the onion guy but I didn't care. I was running to meet my love, to embrace him in some flowery field and he's running towards me … his arms outstretched … we meet and he scooped me up and our faces moved closer to each other … so close … so close …
An obese rabbit just ran into me and the vibrations off of his belly made sent me back into the onion guy who was just getting up from when I had stepped on him.
"Watch where you're going missy!" The fat rabbit said. I looked up at him, it looked like a rabbit that had magically learned to walk on two feet and knew how to put on a tunic; he probably also knew how to drink as his belly was about as big as three watermelons. He was also carrying a heavy sac on his belt which I guessed contained gold … a lot of gold …
But anyway …
WHAT A JERK! HE RAN INTO ME, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
"Excuse me!" I yelled as I got up to my feet. "But I believe that you ran into me." I crossed my arms. "You should know better than to run into a lady and not apologize."
He looked at me for a time … it was awkward to say in the least … especially since I saw this imaginary eye-line-arrow that was going from his pupils to my chest.
Some fat bunny's going to pay.
But before I could pull out my spear and whack him over the head a few couple million times, he spoke. "You have spunk! I like that."
'Whenever someone uses the word 'spunk' … I should probably worry.' I thought.
"Spunk?" I spat.
"Spunk." He wiggled his … eyebrows? Yes, something that resembled eyebrows.
Was he coming on to me!
"Could you possibly go with me to a trip to the Lyon Highway?" He asked, trying to act all smooth and gentlemen-like. "The highway is full of bandits though … do you think it's safe to go outside?"
"Pffft. Of course it is." I said with my arms still crossed.
"So you'll do it?" He asked expectantly.
"Er …" I thought of Elazul, my love, waiting for me in the tavern to sweep me off my feet. "You don't really need my help … do you?" Why was I even asking him this? I don't want to help him! But there was some sort of … urge to … help people … WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"Why … I think your company would be quite helpful."
"… FINE!" I felt hurt … to know that Elazul would be waiting for me … and I wouldn't be able to help him … find happiness through love.
"First we need to stop by Teapo's place." The rabbit nodded and began to walk but he stopped. "My name's Niccolo by the way."
"Tris." I replied as I looked wistfully to the tavern.
"Do you …" Niccolo looked from the tavern to me a couple of times. "Want … a beer?"
"I don't drink." I replied.
"Then why …?"
"There's something in there that I want." I suddenly got my psychotic smile again and Niccolo simply shrugged and walked on.
Teapo's place was only a few feet off. We had trouble finding the house though; apparently Niccolo had a bad sense of direction.
Well, the random people's houses that we walked into were nice … one of them threw a shoe at Niccolo's head. Aw, sweet.
Teapo turned out to be an enchanted dove that resembled a tea pot. I will never understand how a moving, talking, walking teapot could be a dove but that's what she was.
Niccolo simply barged into the house and walked up to the teapot-dove. She was shaped like an egg and her mouth was simply an opening in the middle of her body that opened and closed like a hinge. She had a blue outfit and a little blue hat.
"Teapo, I have something that might be of interest to you." Said Niccolo.
"Eh guv'? Wha's that?" Asked Teapo.
"I have an extraordinary item here with me …" Niccolo began searching through his tunic and from somewhere (I have no idea where but it was kind of scary) and pulled out …
"A wheel?" Asked Teapo as she looked at an old wheel that had some moss growing on it.
"That's worth nothing." I whispered quietly.
"Sssssssssh." Hushed Niccolo and he turned back to Teapo with this merchant-like smile. "It can be yours for … 10,000 lucre."
"… No item worth 'hat much! T'is the truth!" Exclaimed Teapo.
"Well … fine … I see … I'll just let Tris have it." And with that, Niccolo handed me the wheel that I had to stretch out my arms to hold it.
"To the highway!" Exclaimed Niccolo as he ran out the house and into the main street of Domina. Gosh, the freak.
"I WILL NOT DO AS YOU SAY. I SHALL NOT. NOTNOTNOTNOT," I began yelling. I was so mad. Why do I have to go along with this bunny-wanna-be to some weird highway where we'll probably hitchhike to our doom?
Niccolo simply stared at me and said quite calmly, "What are you blathering about? Come hither at this very moment lest I be forced to take back that yonder wheel."
"WHAT'S WITH THE OLD ENGLISH? GOSH. I AM SO SICK OF THIS," But I followed anyway. I kicked the wheel to keep it going in front of me. I think I ran over some kind of bug or something but who cares? I certainly don't. It's a bug … yes.
"So, what are we going with this wheel? Going to chuck it at some pedestrians, eh?" I asked.
Niccolo stopped suddenly and the wheel kept moving and hit him. However, he didn't flinch or anything. He did, finally, turn around and pick up the wheel with some care and then "looked" at it … I mean, his are all squinted and stuff, how am I supposed to tell if he even has eyes or not?
Then, almost wistfully, Niccolo asked, "Well … you are the artificer … aren't you?"
I stared at him for a moment; I was actually bewildered. What did he just call me?
He continued to "stare" at me. I hate it that I can't see where he's looking exactly. I mean, the guy seems like a pervert …
"I don't know what you're talking about," I replied in a flat tone. Niccolo's "eyebrows" raised and he "looked" at the wheel for a few more moments until handing it back to me and saying, "Just take it … put it somewhere."
I sighed like a teenager and took the wheel. Obeying Niccolo's suggestion, I walked out of Domina through the small, wooden gates near the front of the town. A few feet away I stopped and I laid the wheel down on the ground. When nothing happened, I kicked it, being the intelligent being I am. Finally, after almost breaking my foot and making mothers cover their children's hears from my language, I stood it upright and then rolled it away. It only rolled for about ten feet and then it plopped back down and then it sank into the ground. The sky went dark and after a bright light (I didn't exactly see what it looked like because I was on the ground covering my head) I looked up to find …
The Lyon Highway.
Sorry if it was confusing too. D: