|I'll Be There For You
Author: The Fellow Marauder PM
Ran is avoiding Kei once again and his fanclub at the university is starting to annoy Kei. Upon being given something by one of Ran's old friends, Kei confronts Ran about what has happened to him. Dedicated to Obscured Illusions. R&R!Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Drama - Words: 2,877 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12-18-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2177695
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is something I wanted to write to my girlfriend, Kate. (To Kate: I just wanted to show you that I care about you and want you to know that I will be here for you whenever you need me. I'll do my best. Okay? ::kiss:: Aishiteru. I don't expect this to be something that will make you feel all better about what happened... but I want to be some sort of comfort for you. And Merry Christmas!!!)
I do not own the characters to Kizuna. In fact, In case no one has noticed, this is my first Kizuna fic. But I think this fits in with what I want to say... even though Kate has never read it.
I slammed my tray down on the table in the cafeteria. Snapping apart my chopsticks, I glared at nothing inparticular. Those damnded jerks. Why were they constantly harassing me about where Ran was? Just cuz I was dating, in love, and living with him did not mean I was his personal secretary, and checked in for him every hour, on the hour. How the hell should I know why Ran has not shown up for classes and lectures for two days? I am not his wet nurse. Suddenly having my thoughts focused on my boyfriend again, I sighed heavily. My anger and annoyance at all his fan club members deminished into sadness and worry. I had not spoken to Ran for two days as well. He had been avoiding me. Even though we shared the same apartment, he could not bring himself to look at me, much less say anything to me. Every time I had gone to work, he had not wished me good luck on the roads and to be careful like he always had. He had not kissed me goodnight. In fact, the night before I had attempted to talk to him when he came into the kitchen to get something to eat, he said not a word and simply turned his back on me, going back into his bedroom. I was really worried about him. My heart clenched just in thinking of him. Was something horribly wrong? Why wouldn't he talk to me? He was acting almost the same way he had when Kai had raped him, but I had a sense that this was something much worse.
"Kei!" The new voice startled me, pulling me abruptely from my clouded thoughts and back into the cafeteria. The voice sounded slightly impatient, but more so fueled with worry. I looked up and my eyes met those of a certain Watanabe Syusuke. He had been in the Kendo Club with Ran before Ran quit. Feeling my eyebrow twitch, I was about ready to tell him I did not know what was bothering Ranmaru and no, I could not get him to call him, when Syusuke did not give me the chance. "I have something for you." That 'something' turned out to be a white sheet of paper that was folded in half. I looked at it curiously.
"What is it?" I finally asked.
"This," Syusuke responded. "could give you some clue as to why Ran has not been here or has not spoken to anyone."
"He's spoken to me." I said, lying directly through my teeth. "I don't need to see that. I know what's wrong." I cringed after I said that-- inwardly, of course. Man, was I a shitty liar. I did not even buy that mangled b.s. And from the look on Syusuke's face, I knew he had not either. He rose his eyebrows and was about to say something when he decided against it. He knew it was futile to fight. Look at what we would be fighting over! Placing the folded paper down on the table, he then turned and started to head off. Before he did, he simply said rather gravely,
"Don't blame Ran for not telling you about it. You should understand why he could not." He then walked away and disappeared amongst the other people. I tried to stop him, but I realized it was no use since he did not respond. Sighing heavily and still confused, I opened the folded piece of paper and laid it flat on the table, smoothing out the crease. I read what was written there. My jaw dropped open. Panicking and consumed with worry, I left my tray and all its food on the table, got up and rushed out of the cafeteria. I ran off the campus and to my car to drive home. I had no intention of going back to class after lunch. Ran was much more important than a class lecture.
I unlocked the door to our apartment hurriedly and then slammed the door shut behind me. I quickly took off my shoes and rushed to Ran's door. "Ran!" I cried out, placing my hand on the doorknob. I knew it would be locked and, sure enough, it was. I banged on the door with my other fist while still trying to open it. "Ran! Ran, open the door!"
"No!" I was caught off-guard, both by his refusal but more so the fact that his voice had an affect on me. It did not matter that he refused to see or talk to me, but I had no idea how much I missed the sound of his sweetened voice until I heard it again. Nevertheless, I brushed aside my affectionate state and I pounded on the door again. "RAN! Open this door right now! We have to talk!"
"I have nothing to say to you, Kei! Go away!" I twitched angrily. I loved him, but dammit, sometimes he made me so mad.
"I'm coming in anyway, Ran!" I yelled. Kicking the door open, I broke the lock and came in the room. Ran cowered under the covers and refused to speak to me, covering his head and rolling up into a ball. "Ran."
"Get away!" Ran said. I made my way to the side of the bed and I placed my hand on his side but he flinched. I once again found my anger subside. Why was he acting like this? Ignoring his want for me to leave him alone, I sat down on the corner of the bed beside him.
"Ran, I really think you should talk to me."
"What for?" He demanded. "I got nothing to say!"
"Of course you do." I tried to touch him again but he sat up abruptely and shoved me away. Caught off-guard, I fell to the floor and looked at him, shocked.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed. "I don't want to see you, Kei! I don't want to see anyone! Leave me alone so I can die in misery!" Getting a little aggrivated, I then got up and shoved him on the bed, pinning him down. He looked up at me, frozen in shock.
"You don't talk to me, you avoid me for days and you pretend like I don't exist and you expect me to take it lightly?" I demanded. "Goddammit, Ran, you can not expect me to just leave because you told me to! I won't!" I only stopped yelling at him when I saw tears in his eyes. Unsure what to do, I backed off-- but only a little. I still refused to leave his side. He remained laying on the bed, sobbing helplessly. I could feel his body's shaking vibrating through the bed. I wanted nothing more than to hug him and hold him tight... so why couldn't I? I realized I was too scared. Ran was very miserable. There was nothing I could do to solve what had happened. But I wanted to make him talk to me about it. I knew that would help. I reached out my palm and placed it gently on his knee. Looking down at him, I waited a few moments before I said quietly, "I know what happened, Ran. I'm really sorry. Syusuke told me your friend from high school commited suicide. I had no idea." This change of topic brought a new wave of tears over Ran. As I watched him, with all the knowledge that I could not save him or protect him, I felt my insides go numb. "I'm so sorry, Ran."
"There's nothing you can do." Ran said a bit harshly, wiping away the tears on his face. "No one can change what happened."
"I know." I spoke solemnly. I gently rubbed his knee. "I know. But why didn't you tell me?"
"What's to tell?" Ranmaru nearly spat. "He's dead. He killed himself. Why bring it up?" I got annoyed at that statement.
"Because he meant something to you!" I said, astonished at his behavior. "He was your friend!"
"Then why do you need to know?"
"Because I was worried sick about you!" I exclaimed. I could barely fathom what I was hearing from him. "I am your boyfriend, you know! You mean more to me than my own useless existance! I am only here to protect you, Ran. I don't like not being able to be apart of your life whenever something goes wrong!" Ranmaru remained in silence, but I could tell he was listening to every word I said. I knew he was aware I meant what I was telling him. I leaned closer to him and his face. "I love you." I said quietly, moving even closer and licking away his tears. "I hate seeing you in pain, Ran. I know there is nothing I can do, but I want to at least be here to help you through it. You don't need to suffer alone. Okay?" I whispered. Ran nodded his head, trying to keep the tears from flowing once again.
"Yes." He said, his voice soft and hoarse from all his crying. He then lifted up his arms and wrapped them around me, pulling me close to him. He kissed my lips, softly brushing his tongue across them. I felt my whole body leap and come to attention; especially my heart, with pounded away freely within my chest cavity. The kiss was intense, passionate and exiliherating, all wrapped into one. I found my hands and fingertips roaming across Ran's chest and to his arms, where they traced up until they reached his own hands. When I broke the kiss, I looked down at him and he looked frazzeled and dazed, completely under my spell. Although I knew there was a fragment of his own spell there too. He did not give himself a lot of credit, but he had one powerful kiss.
My hands made their way off his hands and down to the waistline of his jeans. Seeing right through my plan, he right away objected. "No, Kei. Not tonight."
"But--" I tried to object. I had a good excuse too.
"No." Ran said firmly. "I'm not in the mood. I don't want to." I could see immediately that it was a lie, and I knew what he really meant. He did not want to put himself in a state of pleasure and excitement when he was still moarning the loss of his best friend from high school. It would be disrespectful. I, on the other hand, had another reason up my sleeve.
"It'll be okay." I promised. "It'll be alright, Ran." I kissed his forehead.
"No, it won't." He hissed, trying to push me away. "I don't want to. Can't you not be horny for an afternoon?"
I laughed lightly. "No, I can't actually. And you, my friend, have been avoiding me for two days. I need a release." I moved closer to kiss him and he tried pushing me away again. I know I was getting to him because of how weak his defense was-- and he was strong, not a weak man. That push was even weaker than his first. As I unbuckled and unzipped his jeans to remove them, I smiled down at him. "I won't be bad tonight. I swear. I'm just trying to make you feel better."
"Better by making love to me?" Ran asked slightly sarcastic.
"Of course." I chuckled. "What better way is there?" I kissed him again and I was successful in getting his pants off and this time, he had no objections. He simply wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Whispering in my ear, he said,
"Don't let me go, Kei. This feels so nice."
"It'll feel better in a moment." I smiled. After removing my fingers from his ass, I then pushed myself into him. He let out a gasp and light moan as I entered. Unlike all the other times, when I was merely pleasuring him (and, I admit, myself) I did not make him scream or cry out for more or anything else like that. That night was purely for Ran, to make him feel better. The whole objective was to let him know how much he meant to me and that it was more than just sex between us. I had to admit that going slow and just enjoying the feeling of Ran's body intertwined in mine was a great experience.
"I love you..." Ran gasped before pulling me closer and breaking all seperation between the two of us as he kissed me. "I love you..." I could see tears begin to form at the base of his eyes and I could tell they were tears of love as much as they were of sadness. But perhaps the two were intertwined in more ways than one.
"I love you too." I said, surprised to hear that my voice was just as quiet as his. My body was consumed in the moment and could not give me a louder voice than a low whisper. But since it as only me and Ran, he was the only one who needed to hear those words from me.
"Promise me you won't ever leave me." Ran stated.
"I won't." I swore. I knew that I never could. Leaving him would be like murdering apart of myself. I could never abandon him like that. Leaning closer, I gently licked his ear as I ran my fingers through his hair. I could feel him twitch slightly from my touch and I knew that I was doing something right. I might never be there when he was hurt like in times before, but I wanted him to know that I would never abandon him and I would stay with him through all the days we were together. I only wished that he would talk to me more about what was hurting him. My mind was so clouded with all my emotions in loving him, being caught up in the moment between us (physically) and worrying about him that I did not realize a tear had escaped my eye until it landed on Ran's chest.
"Kei..." Ran sounded worried. "You're crying."
"I'm sorry." I immediately apologized. I did not like to let Ran see me upset. It only made him upset and that was the last thing I wanted to accomplish.
"Don't be sorry." Ran stated firmly, but in a gentle manner. He raised his hand to my face and gently brushed the tears away. "You have made me feel better, Kei. Don't be sorry for that."
Still unable to hold back my tears, I laid my head down on Ran's chest and wept while we still made slow and passionate love; the kind that one remembered and wanted to keep secret from the rest of the world; not because it was embarrassing, but because it was a cherished memory no one wanted to share.
"Aishiteru." I whispered quietly. "Aishiteru."
"Aishiteru." Ran returned. "Forever."
To Kate: ::wrings fingers together:: Do you like it? I hope I got my point across. I hope you don't hate me for it, either. ::shuuichi puppy eyes:: Aishiteru, my love! ::kiss::
To Everyone Else: My first Kizuna fic. Please be nice. I wanted to make it good... hopefully I did at least an adequate job. Thank you for reading!! Review, onegai!!!