Missing Her

Author: Donna Lynn

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Status: Complete

Category: Angst/General

Spoilers: Season Finale "Die Me Dichotomy"

Season: Season II

Rating: PG

Content Warning: None

Summary: Zhaan and John have a talk about Aeryn's death.

Author's Note: This story takes place after the season finale "Die Me Dichotomy" in which Aeryn died in. I wanted to play with how John handled her death in my eyes.

Pairing: John/Aeryn

Disclaimer: The characters of Farscape do not belong to me. So DO NOT sue me!

"Do you think he'll be alright?" Chianna asked Zhaan as they watched John sit in silence.

Zhaan watched him for a moment with sad eyes and said, "He feels responsible for Aeryn's death Chianna. If there is one thing that is remarkable about John is his compassion, and the quickness he has to take responsibility for something he didn't do. It will take time for him to heal. He will never forget…but he will heal in time."

Chianna looked toward John and then to Zhaan and walked away. Zhaan turned to watch her leave and looked back towards John. He hadn't moved the whole time they had stood there. She debated whether or not to speak with him. He had a tendency to do irrational and impulsive things when under duress.

She had decided to speak with him. She walked toward him and stopped at his right a little behind him and said, "John?"

"Yea?" he whispered. "How are you feeling John?" she asked caringly. He fiddled with his hands then said, "I feel like my heart has been ripped out and crushed Zhaan. Aeryn was…" he had to stop or his tears would have come at any second. He covered his face with his hands to try and hide his tears.

Zhaan moved closer to him and sat next to him, but didn't touch him. "We all miss her, " she said gently.

"When I got control back after she had ejected. I was scared out of my mind. I knew she had to get out of that chair and she couldn't. I…all I could do was watch and listen. When she told me she loved me it was the best and worst moment of my life, " he confessed.

"John I realize you blame yourself, but you had no control over what was happening. You must no do this to yourself. Aeryn would not permit it, " Zhaan said.

He looked at her at that moment. He stared as she also stared back.

"She was my world Zhaan. When I had a free moment where it was me. All I thought about was her. If I dreamed it was about Aeryn. If I daydreamed it was about Aeryn. My every waking thought was about her. She was the surviving part of my soul I had left. She was the one thing keeping me sane after Scorpius came along, " he said almost breaking into tears.

Zhaan was crying for him. She reached out and touched his face, "I'm sorry." She said it so softly he barely heard her as she stood and walked away.

He watched her leave. After she was out of sight he stood calmly. Standing for a moment suddenly he screamed Aeryn's name at the top of his lungs, "AERYN!" Then he fell to his knees crying. He looked up as if he seen her. "I miss you so much, " he whispered.

THE END