GuruGuruWanNyanNinjutsu!

The Second Jutsu of Love

SasuNaru-Only Novel

I wasn’t feeling well.

I frowned as I leaned against a wall and squinted my eyes. Everything was starting to look blurry. Ah… this is bad. If I collapse on the street, no one in this village would bring me home. In the worst case… I might be left out on the street to die… Damn it. That would be such an uncool way to die. Even though I was famous (?) for my healthy body, towards the afternoon I started to feel cold and I kept feeling like I had to throw up. Because I didn’t want to burden my teammates I had laughed and acted like nothing was wrong, but I was at my limits.

I think the reason for my illness was the ramen I ate. Sasuke warned me that since we were in the enemy territory we shouldn’t eat anything, but I was so hungry that I ignored his naggings and ate two bowls of ramen. A bit after that I started to feel dizzy and sick, but admitting that I was wrong would be like praising Sasuke. I’d rather die of poisoning than to let Sasuke laugh at me and act all superior again. …that bastard. Ah, thinking about him make my blood pressure hike up again…

I must’ve fainted on the street. When I woke up the sun was shining on my face in the most irritating way, so I rubbed my hands across my face, then licked my hands and started to clean myself up…

…Eh?

…EH!

I stared down on my hands. Or rather, my paws. There were cute pink, squishy pads on my furry paws. Something kept swishing at the corner of my vision, and when I finally managed to focus on the rapidly moving furry object, I suddenly realized that it was my tail that I was shaking in irritation.

“What the hell!” I yelped. Except my voice didn’t come out. Instead, the most cute sounds along the lines of ‘nyaaa—miyaaaa—’ escaped from my throat. It was so cute that I wanted to barf. I trotted over to a nearby puddle—there was a rain yesterday afternoon that stopped towards the night, so there were many water puddles on the street—and stared at my reflection. A tiny kitten stared back at me, its big eyes wide open and its little tail swishing back and forth behind its chubby, tiny body. It resembled a golden ball of fur.

I sat on my hunches and started to howl. It was the only logical thing I could think of doing. How was I going to eat? Damn it, it sucked! After I spent few minutes spending my time in this most wise and efficient manner, bright female voices approached me. I perked up my ears and hurriedly dashed to a garbage bag, hiding behind it. If people threw stones at me as a little boy, I doubt people will find a dirty stray cat any more attractive. The garbage bag smelled incredibly foul and I felt despair again—do I have to search through this thing to eat from now on!

“And then—”

“Oh, that’s horrible!”

Eh? That voice sounded familiar… I cautiously poked my head out from the crook behind the garbage bag, prepared to hide again should the necessity arise. My eyes directly made contact with bright green eyes of a girl that I knew very well.

“Kyaaa!”

Damn it, damn it! If I could have cried I would’ve cried enough to form an ocean. I pulled back and started to get ready to run for my life, but what Sakura said next made me pause.

“Look at that adorable kitten! Do you think it’s lost?”

“Does he have a collar? He looks like a purebred, so I don’t think he’s a stray…” Ino said, carefully approaching me so that I wouldn’t get scared away. When she got near she slowly reached out towards me, then pulled me into her arms and started to pat my head.

“It’s tame! Look how sweet he is; he’s soooo cute!”

“Do you think my mom will let me keep him if we can’t find his owner? Oh look, he’s purring! Isn’t that just precious?”

While the girls were gushing over me and were fighting to pat me, I felt weird. I got better treatment as an animal than as a human. …Perhaps it’ll be the best for me to stay like this for the rest of my life? That thought made me sad. I had dreams that I wanted to fulfill no matter what—I wanted to be a hokage and I wanted to be acknowledged—and the main reason why I wanted those dreams was because I wanted other’s attention and love. To think that I’d be able to get those things so easily…

“Ino, let me hug him too! Don’t hog him!” Sakura said, reaching her hands out towards me. If I was a boy I’m sure I would’ve burst into nose blood. Sa, Sakura-chan hugging me? That meant that my face will be against her… chest, right! I felt my body being lifted up.

‘This is paradise!’ I thought as warm body heat made contact with my fur. I purred and rubbed my cheek against the soft, warm… muscular… chest…?

“Nyaaaaaa!” I think you can translate that as ‘What the hell!.’ Of all people in the world, Sasuke—the legendary Uchiha Sasuke!—was holding me in his arms with the most satisfied smirk on his face, roughly rubbing my head with his hand.

“Nyanko-chan, where did you go? Oniichan was worried about you all night! Bad, bad Nyanko-chan,” Sasuke said, the smirk growing wider and wider. His voice sounded so sugary that I felt like gagging. More than that… Nyanko-chan? (What an awesome naming sense…;;;;;;) Crazy bastard! What was he thinking! Either he’s sick, he’s been brainwashed by aliens, or this is not Sasuke! Who are you, you fake!

“Sasuke-kun, you kept a cat?” Sakura asked, surprised. Of course he’s lying, Sakura-chan! Can’t you see it in that evil smirk of his! Does he look like the type of guy who’ll raise fluffy, cute little kitten like me! (I’m not a narcissist damn it; don’t give me that weird look! Honestly I’m currently so cute that I make myself barf!) Don’t let him take me awayyyy—

Sasuke wiped the smirk off of his face and returned to his usual expressionless self. “Of course. Is there a problem?”

When the girls shook their heads, Sasuke turned around and started to leave. I didn’t want to go with him! I tried squirming out of his arms, but Sasuke had this death grip on me and refused to let me go. Why, oh why did Sasuke insist on making my life miserable even when I turned into a cat…

Sasuke brought me to his home and unceremoniously dumped me into the sink and turned the water on. That’s cold, you bastard! I loudly shrieked and yowled in protest, but Sasuke ignored me and started to roughly scrub my fur in much the same fashion that one washes his underwear. Jerk! I hope my fur clogs up your pipes!

“Miiii—Miiiii—”

“Ah. You were a male,” Sasuke said, touching me in areas I’d rather not be touched. The water was getting warmer and Sasuke was using some kind of really nice smelling liquid soap—was that the shampoo he was using?—while his long, slender fingers massaged through my fur and wrapped themselves around my body, so it started to feel really good. Forgetting that Sasuke was my mortal enemy(?), I started to purr and rub against his hand, curling and uncurling my tail happily. Sasuke smiled back.

“What, you’re in heat?”

…DOKAN!

Tha, that idiot… Is that the only thing he thinks about? You know, there are things in this world called platonic love! Just because you always act like a male dog in heat does not mean that everyone else feels the same way you do!

I gave him the dirtiest look that a wet kitten can give the guy who’s washing him. Sasuke ignored me as usual (even when I gave him dirty looks as a boy he rarely would care) and finished rinsing me with clean water, then lifted me up and wrapped me up in a towel. After giving me a good rub, he left me on his bed. I struggled out of the towel and lost my balance, rolling several times in the bed before I was able to sit up. My ears perked up, I looked around Sasuke’s room. Lucky bastard. He had such a nice room! The greatest thing about his room was his bed, which was huge and had three big, fluffy pillows. I dived into the pillows and rolled around, then batted the squishy feather pillows until few strands of feather started to spill out of the pillow. …Why is a guy living by himself sleeping in such a huge bed anyway? Geez, the bed was big enough for three grown men to sleep comfortably!

“Naruto, cut that out,” Sasuke impatiently said, pulling the pillow away from my paws. Hey, I was playing with that! …More than that, don’t name stray cats after me! What happened to your ‘Nyanko-chan’!

“You’ll have to survive on this until I get some cat food,” Sasuke said, setting down a small dish in front of me. It was chicken soup with lots of big chunks of chicken meat, so I sat on my hunches and happily dug in. It tasted really good! After I was full, Sasuke covered corner of his room with newspapers and told me to do my business there. …Nyahahaha. It’s finally time for revenge! Revenge! I shall poop all over your nice room, Sasuke! That’ll show you that not everyone and everything obeys you!

While I was thinking of pleasant thoughts of Sasuke cleaning up cat crap and crying(…), Sasuke pulled out an album and a paper-wrapped package, which turned out to contain freshly developed photographs. I got curious, so I tried to jump back on the bed, but I failed and rolled across the floor instead. I started to cry.

“Nyaaaa-- Nyaaaan—”

Sasuke didn’t look annoyed. He got off the bed, picked me up, and settled me on his lap while he went back to organizing his photographs. The photographs were of me eating, of me sleeping, of me…

…

Why the hell does Sasuke have my photographs?

More then that where did these photographs come from! I don’t remember letting anyone take my picture while I was showering(!)! When Sasuke opened his album to put the pictures away I got even more freaked out. The album was full of my pictures! While my brain frantically tried to find a good reason as to why in the world Sasuke would have so many pictures of me (and where these suspicious pictures came from), Sasuke picked up one of the few pictures where he was actually posing for the picture with me and showed me the picture.

“See this boy here?” Sasuke said, pointing to me in the picture. “This is Uzumaki Naruto, who will be my wife when he grows up. Isn’t he the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? We’re going to have five children—three girls and two boys—and after all of our children grow up and leave I’ll have Naruto all to myself until we die on the same day.”

Sasuke said all this with this incredibly happy, sparkly smile that Sakura would sometimes have when she talks about how she wants to marry Sasuke. For few seconds I couldn’t even think, but then my brain finally started to function again, and thoughts like ‘Poor bastard, he finally went over the edge’ and ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find a nice, quiet hospital for you’ ran through my mind.

“Since Naruto is still too little I’m going to let him grow up a little more before eating him up. Do you know how difficult it is to raise him, though? That dunce doesn’t know anything, so I have to protect him from other perverts twenty-four seven! But I don’t mind, since I get to take plenty of pictures of my lovely cutey sweet-honey Naruto-chan ”

I, I think I heard a heart being attached at the end of the sentence just now… ;;;;;;; While I was seriously debating whether I should barf up the soup I just ate or not, Sasuke picked me up and kissed my nose. Ewwww! Don’t do that! Don’t get near me! From now on don’t get closer than one kilometer radius from my location you stalker pervert psychotic gay bastard! Don’t you know that stalking and photo-taking without permission is a crime!

“But I have trouble controlling myself nowadays since my Naruto-chan is getting cuter and prettier every single day! Just yesterday Naruto-chan was looking at me with this incredibly wet, erotic eyes, you know, with his cheeks all pink and his little lips all trembling, and I just wanted to jump him right then and there and make babies with him ”

I thought that if I heard any more of Sasuke’s gushing(…) I was going to be permanently traumatized. All these hearts floating around and Sasuke’s sparkly eyes were more than I can bear. So I scratched him, wiggled out of his arms, and yelled at him.

“You nutcase! Pervert! That was because I was sick yesterday! I don’t know what you’re doing here when you should be in a nice quiet place where nice people will take care of you, but from now on don’t get near me!”

I huffed with exhaustion after my wonderful(?) speech. Sasuke looked at me without saying anything. Was he thinking I caught rabies or something? …Why was he nose bleeding?

An ominous feeling rapidly dispersed through me, and I slowly lowered my eyes until I was able to look down on myself. …Damn it. I turned back into a boy. When did that happen? Even more seriously, where did all my clothes go?

“Naruto ”

“Get away from me!” I screamed, backing away and covering my body up as well as I could. Laughing like a pervert, Sasuke slowly approached me. His eyes were brightly shining.

“Hn-- So the medication wears off after twelve hours.”

“…! Sasuke, don’t tell me you…!”

“I told you not to eat, didn’t I? It’s your fault for disobeying me. Bad boys should be punished, don’t you think?”

“Ah, er, I don’t think a punishment is necessary,” I said, backing away as Sasuke got closer and closer.

“You were adorable as a cat, too, Naruto Did it feel good when I touched you? Now that you’re a boy again, I can do things that’ll feel even better.”

Sasuke leaned over and placed his arms on either side of my head, trapping me into the corner of his room. What do I do, what do I do… I’m too young to be raped, damn it!

“Sa, Sasuke, let’s talk about this, okay? Wait, wait, get your hand out of there…”

“I bought a big bed just for you, too. See the three pillows there? One is for your head, the other is for your waist, and the last is to support your legs so that it won’t be painful for you ”

“Sa, Sasu… Ahn… Wa, wait, stop… Yaaa…”

“Naruto, please be my babies’ mother ”

“No! Sasuke, stop it! A..uuuu…”

“Thank you for the food ”

This was not the kind of love and attention I wanted! Turn me back into a cat! Nuooooo—

…And that day Sasuke impregnated his Nyanko-chan. ;;;;;;;;

-The End-

Fellow Sasuke fans... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-- But it was so much fun to write. Wahahaha. (runs away)

Let's not question how Sasuke made a male cat pregnant (If you know too much, you'll get traumatized like Naruto-chan. Ufufufu.)