|Harry Potter and the Strength to Fight
Author: NightFlight PM
COMPLETE! Post OoTP. Harry went into hiding to train and Hogwarts receives a challenge from Durmstrang. Harry revolts against the Order of the Phoenix, the Ministry of Magic, and Voldemort. Chapter 23 is the turning point in the story.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Adventure - Harry P. & Ginny W. - Chapters: 40 - Words: 224,332 - Reviews: 1,107 - Favs: 1,167 - Follows: 302 - Updated: 06-14-05 - Published: 12-23-04 - Status: Complete - id: 2186839
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I hope that you all enjoy the story. I've already written a few chapters ahead and will be posting on a steady basis until I catch up to where I'm currently stuck at.
Disclaimer: I wish I could be as good as JK Rowling but I'm not. This is her stuff and not to mention the influence that this story took from various fanfics.
A fifteen year old raven haired boy named Harry Potter just arrived in his room at number 4 Privet Drive after his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The entire drive home from King's Cross Train Station was quiet and Harry didn't want it any other way because he was reflecting on what happened during his fifth year. Harry took his trunk and dragged it to the base of his bed and started to unpack.
He only pulled out a few pairs of clothes and some of his text books so he can do his homework. Harry decided to keep things packed as much as possible in his trunk just in case something happened and he had to leave in a hurry. When pulling out his books he saw a wrapped towel and took the towel out. The towel was wrapped around the mirror that Sirius, his godfather, gave him during Christmas last year.
When Harry pulled out the mirror his mind started to race. 'I can't believe that I killed Sirius. Why did I have to be so stupid? I should've just listened to Hermione, now look what happened. All my friends got hurt and almost killed. I need Sirius right now.'
He fell asleep on his bed thinking about Sirius. He woke up around dinner time to the sound of Aunt Petunia yelling for him, "Boy get down here now!" Harry got out of bed and dragged himself down the stairs to the kitchen where everybody was already eating. He noticed that Uncle Vernon was looking at him out of the corner of his eye. After Harry finished eating his dinner, Uncle Vernon told him, "Boy, go and wash the dishes. Just because those freaks at the train station tried to intimidate us, it will not work! Stay out of me and my family's sight or I will kick you out of this house!" Harry was thinking, 'I wish that you would kick me out. I don't care anymore. At least maybe if I die than I'll be with my parents and Sirius again.'
Harry responded, "Yes Uncle Vernon." He got up and took care of the dishes than went to his room and sat at his desk. 'I don't want to deal with this right now. I'm just going to do my homework for now. Maybe that'll take my mind off of everything.' Harry was working on his homework all night and managed to finish his Charms and Transfiguration homework before going to sleep.
Once his eyes closed he started to dream. He saw Cedric, Sirius, his dad, and his mom standing on a cloud calling out to him. Sirius was saying, "Come on Harry. Forget about all of those people. They don't care about you. But if you die you can join us. It's pretty easy to kill yourself. We're waiting for you."
Harry walked towards them and said, "I'm sorry Sirius. I'm sorry that it was my fault that killed you. I'm sorry for acting so stupid." Once he started to speak, everything just started spilling out of him and all he did was stand there and cry and continuously apologize for what happed.
"Don't worry about it. If you really are sorry, than come and join me. Join me your mom, and your dad. They've been waiting for you for a long time now."
Harry stood there for awhile not sure what to say but all he could think of was he wanted to be with them. Than all of a sudden, the images of everybody on the cloud disappeared and all he heard was his mother's scream and Sirius falling through the Veil at the Department of Mysteries. He woke up startled unsure of how long he slept. He looked at his clock and it was two o'clock in the morning. He was wide awake now and didn't want to try to go back to sleep. All he could think of now was that Sirius wanted him to die so he could join Sirius and his parents.
Harry walked over to the window and saw the quiet street faintly lit by street lights. He put on his shoes and decided to take a walk. While walking towards the park in the neighborhood, he started to think, 'Was that for real? Did Sirius really want me to die? Maybe it was a trick by Voldemort to get me to kill myself. I knew I forgot to practice my occlumency before I went to bed. I need to do something. I have to finish off this fight."
He heard a pop from behind him spun around quickly with his wand drawn. He looked around to see if he can find who it was. His mind started to race again, 'Where are you? I don't see anything; maybe I'm just paranoid now. Where are you hiding?' After fifteen minutes of looking around in the park, he gave up searching and sat back down on the swing.
'What am I going to do? First I lost my parents because of a stupid prophecy. Cedric dies during the fourth year because it was a trap to get my blood to resurrect Voldemort. Only a few days ago, I lose my godfather because of Voldemort again. Damn that bastard.' Harry started to get angrier with every passing thought. He was angry with himself and angry with Voldemort. 'I had to be the stupid one and play the hero. Always the hero maybe people were right; I'm a danger to everybody around me. Damn him. I'm going to kill that bastard.'
The air around him filled with energy and was starting to crack. It seemed like the air was slightly glittery. He was looking around himself with the anger building in him and he heard what sounded like three people apparating somewhere behind him. He turned around with his wand drawn again ready to fight with all the anger that was inside of him now. He saw three figures approaching him. Than he heard, "Calm down Harry. It's me, Remus. I'm here with Tonks, and Mr. Weasley."
Harry didn't lower his wand because he didn't want to believe that it was them so he was trying to think of something to make sure that it was them. He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind and asked, "Who lied to me when I was in the fireplace searching for Sirius?"
A voice from Harry's left replied, "Kreatcher."
Everybody turned to see who it was that responded. It turned out to be Professor Dumbledore approaching them as Harry lowered his wand. Professor Dumbledore looked tired and troubled. The two stared at each over for a few seconds before Dumbledore spoke with concern in his voice, "Harry, it's not safe for you to be out here by yourself like this. Please, don't leave your house like this again."
Harry replied scathingly, "I'll do what I want. It's not my house. It's the Dursley's house. If you have such a major problem with that than don't lock me up with those wretched muggles."
Professor Dumbledore sighed than continued on, "I know that they are not the best people to stay with but as long as you're with them than we know that you're safe."
"Is that all you wanted to say?"
Dumbledore placed a hand on Harry's shoulder trying to calm him and said, "No, there's more that I needed to talk to you about. It concerns your magic and your emotions."
Still angry, Harry shrugged his shoulders to knock off Dumbledore's hand and replied, "What about it? If the Ministry of Magic wants to say something than screw them, they can fight this war themselves than."
"The first is, since trouble has a way of finding you, the Ministry has agreed to allow you to use magic outside of school. I guess this is their way of making up to you about what happened last year."
"Well, they're not forgiven."
"You must not misuse this privilege, Harry. Remember they can take it away also. But on to the second matter, it concerns your emotions. Your powers are growing and you must learn to control them. Just like tonight, if you don't control your emotions than somebody might be hurt or you risk being exposed."
"You act like I go around and unleash my anger because I want to. Nobody here knows what I'm going through right now and I would really much appreciate it if you all stayed out of my way."
Remus stepped towards Harry and tried to calm Harry down. He said, "Harry, we know that you're angry, sad, and confused right now. Let us try to help you."
Harry looked at Remus in eye trying to see what's going on in his mind. At this moment Harry realized that he was not the only person that lost someone. Remus lost all of his close friends. At that moment, Harry lost all the anger that was inside of him and filled with sorrow and said, "I'm sorry Professor. I should have realized that you lost someone too. I lost my godfather and you lost your best friend. Actually, you've lost everybody that I considered my family. I'm really sorry. I hope you can forgive me." Tears were starting to build up in his eyes but he was fighting to hold them back.
Remus pulled Harry into a hug and said, "There's nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong."
"It was because of me that you lost my parents. It was also because of me that you lost Sirius."
"It wasn't your fault. Remember, everybody made their choice and Sirius wouldn't have wanted to stand by while you were in danger. He died doing what he wanted to do and loved most. He died protecting you Harry and never forget that."
"I shouldn't have fallen for that trap. It was my fault. I should have known better."
"Any of us would have gone to try to rescue Sirius if we thought that he was in trouble. Don't blame yourself for that. It was a mistake that any of us would have committed and now we have to learn to cope with it and move on. That's what Sirius would have wanted us to do. Not sit here and mope."
"Look, it's late now. Why don't we continue this conversation later on. Let's go and get some rest."
The five of them walked back to the Dursley's house. Before he went inside, he turned around and looked at Tonks, Mr. Weasley, Professor Lupin, and Professor Dumbledore and realized that all of them looked very tired. Looking down at his shoes feeling a little ashamed of himself and said, "I'm sorry for dragging everybody from whatever you were doing."
Mr. Weasley said with concern in his voice, "It's alright Harry. We wanted to make sure that you're fine. Why don't you go in and get some rest?"
"Thank you and good night." Harry turned around and walked inside. He went straight to his room and fell into a dreamless sleep almost immediately.
The next morning, Harry grudgingly woke to the sound of a small owl impatiently pecking at his window. Harry turned around to look at the window and put on his glasses to see what all the noise was about. It was Pig, his best friend Ron's owl.
Harry opened the window and Pig flew around the room in a circle as if it were too hyper to stand still for a second to pull the letter from Pig's foot. After a moment of chasing Pig around the room, Harry managed to grab the owl with his right hand and pulled the letter off with his left hand. It turned out that there were two letters there. The first was from Ron and the second letter was surprisingly from Ginny, Ron's little sister. He released Pig and almost immediately the owl shot out from his window and from what Harry could determine flew home to Ron. He decided to read Ron's letter first.
How are you mate? I hope those muggles are treating you properly or else Fred and George said they would pay them a visit. I just wanted to see how you are doing. There's nothing interesting that happened at the Burrow but it's only been one day. We're going to be moving to the place we were last summer tomorrow to be safe but can't say too much about that. I hope you're fine. Write back and let me know how you're doing.
'I wonder why they're leaving so early. I bet it has to do with something with the Weasleys being in danger because of me. Hmmm, I'll write him later tonight. I wonder what Ginny wrote.' Harry unrolled Ginny's letter and started to read it.
I hope everything is going well with those muggles. We know that you don't want to be there and mum is trying to get you here as soon as possible. You should've seen what happened last night after some of the order went chasing after you. Mum started yelling at Dumbledore for not letting you be with us. Besides, what happened last night? Why were you out all by yourself? You better not be doing anything stupid Harry. Remember what happened to Sirius was not your fault. Don't blame yourself for anything that happened. I can relate to how you feel, remember my first year at Hogwarts. You better write me back soon or I'm going to give you a Bat Boogey Hex.
Harry gave a little laugh because of her threat and though, 'well, Ginny definitely gets to the point doesn't she. Thanks Gin, I needed that. I guess out of everybody, she knows best what's running through my mind right now. After all, she was taken over by Tom during my second year. I'll write her also later tonight. I should get some more homework done and write back tonight before I sleep.'
He spent all day working on his Potions and DADA homework and didn't even leave to go eat because his meals were slipped in a door flap on his bedroom door. During lunch though, he did get a letter from Hermione which was pretty much like Ron's. There wasn't much content other than she was getting ready to head to Grimmauld place soon also. He was pretty proud of himself and knew that Hermione would be surprised that he did his work already and shocked if he finished all his homework before she did. It was getting late so Harry decided to respond to his friends before going to sleep. His first letter was to Ron.
I'm fine. How are you though? I wasn't sure if you're over what happened at the Ministry of Magic but I hope you're fine. The Dursleys are fine. They're leaving me alone. I hope your family stays safe.
P.S. Thanks for helping me at the Ministry of Magic, it really meant a lot to me.
Hermione's letter was next. 'I know I better write a little more or that girl will constantly nag me. Good thing Ron is too thick to push me for anything. She's not going to understand either so I guess I better make the letter appease her.'
How are you? I wanted to thank you for helping me at the Ministry of Magic. I'm sorry for all the problems that I caused for you. I'm dealing with my problems so don't worry. I'll tell you more when I'm ready but until than just please let me try to figure out what's in my head. I don't know when I'll see you but stop worrying. I'm fine. I hope you stay safe.
'Now, I've got to write to Ginny. She's not going to take that stand by and wait with the excuse that I told Hermione but maybe she'll give me a little bit of time at least. I wonder how she handled it after discovering that she was the person that let the Basilisk loose on the school. I'm such a prat. She's been there to help me and I've ignored her all of these years. She really is a good person, it's time for me to get to know her for her and not as Ron's little sister.'
How are you Gin? I hope you're doing fine. I'm sorry to get you all worried about what happened yesterday. I couldn't sleep and didn't know what to do so I went for a walk. There wasn't any danger so don't worry. I also wanted to thank you for all the help you gave me at the Ministry of Magic. Honestly, I was surprised that you wrote me. Although, you have always surprised me. You might be surprised at this but you are probably the person that I can relate to the most right now. Don't let anybody know about what I'm telling you though. Hopefully, it could be our little secret, not even Ron or Hermione knows. I'll try to write you soon and hopefully we can get to know each other better.
Harry finished the letter and sent it off with Hedwig in the middle of the night. Harry watched Hedwig fly into the night and turned to look at his bed and desk. His attention was immediately drawn to the broken mirror that Sirius gave him. Harry started to think, 'maybe I could use that to talk to Ginny. I know I can trust her not to tell anybody about it because I really don't want to talk to anybody right now. I'll have to remember to tell her about it the next time I see her.' With that last thought, Harry got into his bed and cleared his mind to go to sleep.
The third day of summer break started and he didn't have anything to do. Harry decided to spend the day reading one of the many Defense Against the Dark Arts books that everybody seem to give him all the time. He continued to spend the day locked up in his room only leaving to use the loo. His meals were still being slipped through the slit in his door.
While lying in bed at night, he was getting bored and didn't think he could read anymore for the day. There was a pecking at his window and Harry went to let the owl in his room. He didn't recognize the owl but didn't think much of it. He noticed the letter was from Professor Dumbledore.
I hope all is well with you. I wanted to inform you that there will be a memorial and a reading of Sirius' will this Friday. Be ready to go at 8 o'clock in the morning.
Headmaster, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Harry walked over to his window after reading the letter and sat by it staring out into the night. 'It just seems so peaceful out there. I hope there is some chance for Sirius to be alive. How do we know that he is really dead? Yes, Professor Lupin did say that he died but maybe there's something on the other side of the Veil. How does anybody know what's on the other side anyway? Where are you Sirius? I need you here with me. I've got to do something. What to do? I need some help.' He got up and headed over to his desk and pulled out some parchment and ink with his quill and started to write a letter.
As soon as you get this letter don't let anybody know that you have it. Go hide and read the letter. I'm sorry for the secretive nature of this letter but there's really nobody else that I can talk about what's going through my mind right now. Hopefully, you are safe back in hiding. I need you to do me a favor. Go to Sirius' old room and look for a hand held mirror. I'm guessing it's somewhere visible like on his desk or dresser but it might be hidden. When you get it, go some place where you're alone and nobody will overhear you and say "Harry Potter". I'll tell you more later.
After finishing the letter, he attached the letter to Hedwig and told her, "Here girl, give this to Ginny but don't let anybody know that you're delivering this letter. Thank you Hedwig and off you go." Hedwig took off into the night and Harry went to sleep.
Harry awoke the next morning still plagued by the nightmare he had his first night back on Privet Drive where Sirius was telling him tell kill himself. He was having a hard time sleeping all night and wanted to go take a walk but didn't want the Order chasing after him again and treating him like a little kid that's not supposed to cross the street without an adult. He spent part of the night practicing some of the spells that he had read the previous day. He went to get ready for the day and saw that he looked like hell. When he came back to his room, he saw the mirror that he repaired from last night sitting on his desk. He grabbed the mirror and sat by the window again looking at the start of a new day.
He heard a voice that said, "Harry Potter."
Harry looked around for awhile than he heard it again. He finally realized that it was a girl's voice coming from the mirror. He grabbed it and looked into it and said, "Ginny Weasley."
Her face appeared in the mirror and Harry said with a hopeful tone, "Ginny?"
She replied, "Yeah Harry, it's me. Are you ok?"
Harry started to think, 'There's really no point to me lying to her. I need help and she's probably the only person that can help me right now.' He ended up saying, "Gin, I'll be honest. I've been better but how have you been?"
Ginny was a bit surprised that Harry was so forward in telling her exactly what he was thinking, she replied, "I've been fine. We're all just worried about you. You know Harry; you shouldn't go walking around town all by yourself especially since You-Know-Who is looking for you."
"Ginny, there wasn't any problem. I just went walking because I needed to get some things through my head. There's so much that I just feel like exploding. Oh are you by yourself?"
"I'm in Sirius' room. Nobody goes in here unless they have to. What is it that you didn't want anybody to know?"
"It's just I don't feel like I can talk to anybody except for you. I just feel that I can talk to you better than anybody else. Hermione is going to keep on pushing me until I break and it's just going to shoot all out and she's going to get mad because I'm not controlling myself. Ron is just too thick to help me very much. Both of them are great friends and all but I really feel like they won't understand."
"Why me though?"
"I know that I haven't paid much attention to you for the last few years. I saw more of you and learned more about you over the last few weeks. To tell you the truth, you amaze me. You're incredibly smart and funny. You're also very quick on your feet when it comes to getting something done, great at quidditch and grow even more beautiful with every passing day." Harry stopped abruptly and started thinking, 'Wow where did that come from? I start telling all her good quality and that came out. But I guess that it was true though.'
Ginny was surprised when he said that she started to think, 'Where did that come from? I never thought that he noticed me but now he says all of those things. I wonder if he really means it though. I can't be thinking like this. I'm supposed to be over him.' She ended up saying after that train of thought, "Harry, I'm really glad that you feel that you can come to speak to me. Believe it or not, I'm really happy at the fact that you're actually able to talk to me and excited that I actually know something about you that Ron and Hermione don't know. Don't worry. I'm not going to say anything."
"Thanks, Gin. I know that I can trust you."
"So Harry, what is it that you wanted to talk about?"
"Honestly, I want to learn how to handle everything that is going on right now. I know it's stupid but I don't even know if I'll be able to talk about it. At least, I don't know if I can talk about it yet. I hope you understand."
"I do. Don't worry Harry. Just take your time. I'm just really glad that you're trying to recover. If this was last year, I think you would have closed yourself up in a shell and never let anybody in or at least, not let anybody in until you've blown up on them."
"I'm sorry about that to. You all didn't deserve that and me blowing up on everybody did not help the situation. If anything all it did was make it worse."
"It's alright Harry. Speaking of you recovering or trying to heal right now, did you get any sleep? You look really worn like you haven't been able to rest lately."
"I've had my good nights and my bad nights. It just happened that my bad night was last night. I keep on having this dream where, my mum, dad, Cedric, and Sirius are all standing on this cloud with me and Sirius is telling me that everybody is waiting for him and that I should speed up the process and just kill myself to make things easier."
Sounding very nervous and shocked, "Harry, you know the Sirius loves you right? He wouldn't want you to kill yourself."
With a hint of doubt Harry said, "I know. It just seems so real. With every passing night, I don't know how long I will be able to stop believing it until it takes me over. You know, you can only hear something so many times before it slowly gets into your mind and you can't shake it at all."
Picking up on the doubt in Harry's voice, Ginny confidently said, "Harry, I know all too well what it's like to fall to persuasion. Remember my first year at Hogwarts?" With a little shudder, "Tom slowly managed to convince me that what I was doing wasn't anything wrong before I didn't know what I was doing anymore."
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you after it all happened. I really should have paid more attention to what you were going through."
"It's alright Harry. That was a long time ago. I have my lapses once in a while. You know, I never told anybody about that either. It was hard to live with myself during the summer after my first year and the start of my second year but I managed to cope with it and you will learn to handle it also. I'll be here to help you so you have nothing to worry about."
Snorting slightly, Harry said with a smile, "You know Miss Weasley, it would appear that you are very confident with yourself."
Sounding very confident, Ginny replied, "Well, I have lots of experience with dealing with stuff I don't want to. You forget that I have five older brothers."
Hesitantly, Harry replied, "You have six older brothers."
"No I didn't. I don't consider Percy to be a brother until he apologizes to everybody for being a prat. You know, you have more reason to be mad than most of us."
"I know, it's just I'll deal with him when he comes around. I'm not going to go searching for him. We'll just see how that goes when we see each other."
"Fair enough, but, mum is calling for me. I've got to go. Harry, whenever you need me just call me. I'll have the mirror with me at all times."
"Alright Ginny, the same goes for you also. If you ever need to talk, I'll be here for you also. You better hurry though before your mum figures out what is going on between you and me."
"I'll talk to you later."
Harry spent the rest of his time practicing more spells that he had learned and went to sleep feeling slightly better about how everything was going.
The two of them spent the rest of the week talking to each other about any subject that they can think of that they felt they could talk about. Harry was slowly able to open up with every passing conversation that they had. There are still a few major things that he still couldn't talk about like the prophecy and Sirius' death.