The Long Goodbye

Chapter 1

Spoilers – Beginning of the series to season 8.

Rating – PG

Season – 8

Pairings – If I’m nice and this ends happily, Sam and Jack. If I’m not nice, well we’ll have to see.

Disclaimer – I do not own Stargate SG-1 or any songs by Ronan Keating.

Author’s Notes – Sam and Jack should be together. Pete should be out of the picture. Some people are being nice and calm and saying that if Sam ends up with Pete then so be it. I don’t do calm. David DeLuise is a great actor, he really is, but Pete deserves a swift kick up the arse! Who here would not like to push that character off a very high, steep cliff with some sharp and pointy rocks at the bottom. Honestly. Anyway. Enjoy and review. Osiris.

Jack sat in his office. Staring at the wall. Come to think of it, it wasn’t even a very nice wall. Grey. Why did it have to be grey anyway? But that wasn’t why he was staring at the wall. She’d said yes. In normal circumstances that would have made him very happy. But she hadn’t said yes to him. She’d said yes to Pete. Okay, so he wasn’t technically allowed to be with her, and she had a right to move on with her life. But what about him?

Selfishly, Jack thought of himself, and what the rest of his life would be now that he could never be with her.

“I know I know they say if you love somebody
you should set them free.

But it sure is hard to do.
Yeah, it sure is hard to do.”

Set her free? How could he? He knew…he knew he had to. But why? What right did Pete have to have her? None. He didn’t deserve someone so perfect. But then again, who said Jack did? He knew he had to let her go. It was too hard. He wanted with all his might to keep her. To hold her.

“And I know they say if they don't come back again
then it's meant to be.
But those words ain't pulling me through,
cos I'm still in love with you.”

He was still in love with her. He couldn’t stop loving her. Nothing could stop that feeling. He knew, deep inside that Carter would never break up with Pete now. But he wished, he hoped that she would. That she’d come back to him. Meant to be. Ha! He knew it wasn’t. And even if it was how, did that possibly help him. Selfish again. So Carter’s happy. But what about him? He wasn’t happy. He wasn’t content. He was distraught. Torn apart by the love he felt for her.

“I spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill.
Climbin' up a hill.”

Sitting each day in his office. Hoping, wishing, desperately praying that something would turn back time and allow him to tell Carter how he felt. He’d had so many chances. He’d let her leave it in the room (like that was what he wanted). He hadn’t told her when they’d had their memories stamped. He hadn’t told her when they’d been cured after they’d been touched. He’d gone as far as hugging her when they thought they’d lost Daniel that first time, but he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t told her when the other Carter came through the Quantum Mirror. And those were only a few examples.

“This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart”

Why does the Air Force do this to them? After all they’ve done for them. Don’t they owe them one? They should be allowed to tell each other how they feel. If she even feels the same way. Surely this isn’t love. Love is supposed to be happy. Why isn’t it? This type of love hurts. It’s painful.

“No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye”

He could put the strong man act on all he wanted. But he hurt deep down. Like Someone had stabbed him in the heart whilst he was in a sarcophagus. Like that goa’uld. He knew he could never be with her.

“Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance
and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside out”

He knew he never gave it a chance. He never could. Rules stopped him. Damn himself! Why did he follow rules? He didn’t even follow all of them. But that one. Why did he have to follow that one? He could have broken it. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Because he wouldn’t be the only one at risk. He’d risk he losing her job and he wouldn’t do that to her. He could have quit though. But he loved his job. More than Carter? He didn’t know.

“And if we walked away
would make more sense
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
going round and round and never getting anywhere”

He should have walked away before he got in so deep. The moment he saw her he knew she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He should have walked away then and their. But he stayed there. And now he couldn’t rip himself away from her. He hated that she went on missions without him. He could lose her so easily. But isn’t that what was happening now she had accepted Pete’s proposal?

“This is the long goodbye
Somebody tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, Let's face it
All that's happening here is the long goodbye”

He’d lost her forever. No turning back. No hope that he could be with her. Nothing. Only a bitter empty hole in his heart. A permanent hole. No chance that she could ever fill it any more. He rested his head on his arms. She didn’t love him. A tear trickled down his cheek. She didn’t love him. He sobbed. She wasn’t his. She didn’t love him. But he loved her. With all his broken, torn heart, he loved her. More than anything. More than his job. He saw that now. He should have quit. God, he loved her.

“The long goodbye
The long goodbye”

She sat in her lab. Head on her arms. Tears trickling down her cheeks. She sobbed. What had she done? What had he done? Why hadn’t he tried to stop her? Why had she said yes? Why did Jack not tell her he loved her? Tell he didn’t want her to marry Pete? Didn’t he love her? She loved him.