|A New Years of Embarassment
Author: MisstressFanGirl PM
To usher in the new-year, this author risks her hide to show some of the embarassing moments of the D2 characters at a party!Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Words: 2,116 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12-31-04 - id: 2197397
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimers: Happy New Years! This is a special fic that I thought would be intresting, so I'm taking a break from Tactics of Evil to write this, now read! /
In a semi-dark theater, a long table, stuffed with snacks and drinks and such, is where everyone is gathered for a party. Across the top of the stage there is a long sighn.
'Happy New Years!'
The sighn says, in bright blue glittery letters.
The occupants of the party aren't who you'd think you'd find at a new years party. The seven character classes of Diablo 2 expansion: an assasin, an amazon, a necromancer, a paladin, a druid, a sorcceress, and a barbarian. Also, the Prime and Lesser evils, not to mention the Arch angel, Tyreal, and the fallen angel, Izual, all clustered together, greeting each other. There was a bit of tension in the air, since the worriors of light, and evils were in the same room, after all, but it was quickly lifted with the pressence of alcohol.
With everyone quickly becoming just a tid bit tipsy, the weapons they all brought were all quickly forgotten in a large pile near the door.
"So," The sorcceress begane, breaking away from the conversation, "Does anyone know why we're here in the first place?"
"I suppose it is to celebrate the coming year of 2005." Mephisto said, gestering with his free hand to the sighn over the stage.
"Yeah, but why are we all here?" The paladin question.
"Who cares?! They made sure there was plenty of alcohol here, so I don't care." The assasin said, supporting a bottle of wine, drinking deeply out of it.
And she was right, half of the table was taken up by buckets of ice, filled to the brim with a great mixture of alcoholic bevereges.
"Good to see you could all make it!" Said a young-sounding female voice, and all the partyers looked up to the stage, to see what looked like a person dressed in a mascot-style blue bunny outfit.
"And you would be...?" Baal was the firt one to speak.
"You guys can call me MisstressFanGirl, I'm a fanfiction author who just wanted to invite you all too a new years party! So yeah, drink, eat, and watch the movies that I brought!" Everyone mutterd agreeably at the sound of entertainment.
"Okay, sit down, any, uh, yeah, watch!"
As everyone sat down, the lights went dark, and a light appeared on a huge screen behind the author, who quickly moved out of the way, into the shadows.
The first movie began playing:
The first image was of a door, it was closed, and the person behind the camera sounded borde, mumbling to them self's before the door suddenly open to revile a small red demon-child like thing. It look like Diablo, only young, parhaps one or two years old. His big, child like eyes were filled with joy as he jumped up and down with utter glee as he stated,
"I made poopy! I made poopy!"
The screen goes dark for a moment before the image of a very young, child version of Baal appeared. His back is to the camera, and the view looks like it is peeking through a large key-hole.
"I'm a pretty princess!" The young Baal stated, a bright pink feather boa wraped around his neck, and wearing an over-sized, sparkley blue dress.
Again the screen goes to black, but when it comes back, a young, toddler version of Mephisto is sitting in a high chair, a bowl of maggots is in his bowl.
"I dun wanna eat icky icky boogs! I wanna boob an I wan it nooow!!" Mephisto screamed, banging his hands down against the high chair as he whailed, squirming and banging some more.
"Oh god, not another tantrum." The camera man is heared saying.
"Alright, just concentrate!" A voice says as the screen suddenly cuts to a darkish room, a cadaver is layed on a table, the feet facing the camera. By the table stands a teenage boy, looking alike to a nerd, kahkii pants highcked up to their highest point, a starched black shirt, we reconize him as the teenage version of the necromancer.
"I don't know, it kinda smells..." The young necromancer says, twisting the yew wand he has in his hand, sounding unsure.
"Nonsense, son! Just do like we did in practice!"
The young necromancer turned to the corpse, waving his wand and muttering something...NOthing happens.
"See, I told you!" The young necromancer yells at the camera as he bows his head and sobs.
The scene changes to watch as a young, probobly about 10 years old, sorceress is jumping on her bed, listening and singing along to a song. She is wearing pastel pink shirt and capris. The walls of her room are decorated with posters depicting a certin pop-diva.
"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!!" The young sorceress screams more than sings in a terrible voice.
Again the scene changes to peek in a bed room. Sitting on a rugged floor, a teenage version of the paladin is holding two small figures around the waist. Upon closer inspection, we see that one is a Tareasa doll, the other a barbie. The young paladin is pantamiming their voices.
"Oh Barbie! Your hair is beautiful!"
"Yours is to person I can't remember the name of!"
"Oh no you di-in't!"
"Oh yes I did, bitch!"
"Ow! My hair!"
"Ow! Don't touch me there! Oh, OOOOooooooohh yes!"
The paladin then talks in his own voice,
"Thats right ladies, just like the priest taught us!"
Cutting to a scene of a quiet room, with chairs set up in a circle, where a bunch of bum-like people are sitting. Duriel stuck out, rubbing his claws together in a nervous manner, sniffing every now and then,
"So as I looked at the pond, I relized that I couldn't do this any more, I was living a lie! I wasn't really a pizza delivery boy who was married to a russian chick, two kids, a gold fish, I was a monster!" After a short bout of sobbing, and reasuring pats on his hide, Duriel continued, "So then I went back to the tomb, where it all happened. I couldn't take it! I tried to go back to my family, but they had left me for a hot hollywood producer!"
The screen again went black before a young assasin appeared in a grassy back yard. She was holding a small trap, and threw it on the ground.
After a small moment, and nothing happening, she goes out to check it, and as soon as she gets within a foot of it, it begins shooting fire, it catches her cloths, and she runs screaming.
Once again the screen goes black, and the next scene is a hotel room. Gathered around are about ten, normal looking men. From the camera man we hear,
"Alright, this is Bob's bachlelor party! Bob! Say hi!"
A balding man sitting on the bed waves at the camera.
"The stripper should be coming out soon!"
Just as the cameraman says that, out form an ajoining room Andariel walks. She is dressed in a lepord print bakini, walking out sexily.
"Hey boys, you want a party?!" The Maiden of Anguist purred, and the men go wild with cheers.
A moment later one of them screams,
"Take it off!!"
In stark contrast to the loud party, a court room is now in view. In the witness stand is a young version of the druid,dressed like a hippy, and sitting in the audience, is the barbari, who is dressed in a football jacket, looking like a jock..
"Uh, yeah dude," The druid begins, "He was all trying to get me to let him borrow my raven, so my wolf kinda... I dunno... Ate him or something."
"That is a lie!" The barbarian suddenly yells, standing up and pointing an accusing finger at the druid. "That fucking tree-hugger sent his dog to kill my friend!!!"
The court goes wild as the judge pounds his gavel, trying to return his room to order. Just before the scene cuts to black, we see the barbarian jumping the railing and raising his fistin a hostile manner.
When the scene returns, we see a hellish landscape, and in truth, it is Hell.Out of the right side of the screen, Izual's demon form comes in, dancing to disco music. In a terrable voice he sings a version of one of Elvis Preslely's songs.
Izual dances all the way across the screen, exiting on the other side of the screen, is terrible rendition as the screen again fades to black.
As the light comes in, we see a stage, filled with aline of dancing little girls. All of them are following the rhythem of the music, with the acception of one. She is blond, and is rushing, trying to keep up with the rest of the dancers. She is, you guessed it, the amazon.
Fumbling with her steps, the young amazon, nearly trips several times before, as all the dancers rush in dance to the front of the stage, she slips, and falls of the stage.
Suddenly the lights come back on as the screen goes black. The audience is distraught.
Duriel and the necromancer are sobbing while everyone else looks as if they will pounce on the maker of the 'entertainment'. The only one in the audience that wasn't ready to kill was Tyreal. He sat in the third row, his feet proped up on the back of the empty chair infront of him, A wine bottle hung from his hand, half empty. As the lights came back on, he bust out in drunken laughter.
"Wow!" The angle began, sounding intoxicated, "You guysh are a bunch o' losersh!!!"
Tyreal's following laughter was cut off as the author, still dressed in her bunny outfit, said,
"Oh don't worry Tyreal, we still haven't shown your moment because we had to switch rolls!"
The lights went off again as the screen was once again lit.
Tyreal sat, rocking back and forth in a bed, strapped down and saying,
"C'mon guys! Just a little crack? Please? PLEASE?!"
"Now Tyreal, this is the fifth time you've had to go to come in for rehab." Said a voice, off screen,"Didn't you say last time that you didn't want to come back?"
"I tried!" Tyreal sobbed, "But Tasha said that is wasn't doing crack if you ate it!"
"Stop making excutes Tyreal, you knew what you were doing. Now, just admitt that you have a problem!"
"I don't! I really don't!!!!"
Once again the lights came back as the screen went black.
The author stood infront of the screen, still in the bunny outfilt.
"Soo?" She said, tilting hr head, causing the over-sized rabbit's head to tilt.
A wave of curse words, was the answer the author was met with. The only ones who weren't focoused on the author were the soceress and the assasin, who were to busy making out and the barbarian and druid, who were busy trying to kill each other.
Before to many seconds, the author found herself dodging out of the way of many an attack, quickly, and with a small swear word muttered, the author dashed through a portal.
After a few minutes of recooperating, and promising never to talk of what they saw of, the characters resumed in the celebrating. With enough drinks, they eventually drank away thier problems, singing in a horrably drunken manner.
Author's Note: Well, I've pissed of most of the characters of D2, maybe caused them to require months of therapy, and are now being hunted after.... I'd say I've done enoug for this year! Pluse, I'll just win back thier favor at Valentine's. Happy New Years all!!