|Harry Potter & the Azkaban Parody
Author: Fangalla Marie and Eppy the House Elf PM
Azkaban Story! After reading so many Azkaban stories, I have decided to write a parody of my own. This is about how everyone is demanding that Harry forgive them for betraying him without actually asking. I am going for humor more than anythingRated: Fiction M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 63,649 - Reviews: 2,238 - Favs: 1,408 - Follows: 1,099 - Updated: 04-22-06 - Published: 01-04-05 - id: 2205019
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I know it's been a LONG time since I last updated this story and I am sorry, but in reality it's been killing me also, but you know how these stories go. Write about Harry in Azkaban, get close to the end and not post the last few chapters for weeks, if not months to make the readers about die from the wait. It's all apart of my master evil plan for Eppy to take over the universe one chapter at a time.
Also I am posting because Coventina was bitching at me to do it soon.
The group rode down to the train station in the Thestral drawn couches in a tense silence. Harry was still stunned by his teachers parting goodbye and Seamus looked murderous. Very, very murderous, indeed.
At the station Seamus bolted from the carriage and stormed into the train compartment that they were going to be riding in on their journey back to King's Cross Station in London and threw him self into the seat on one side of the compartment in a huff. There ain't nothing better than a horny Irishman getting all pissy about someone else working his territory.
"Seamus," Harry said with a smile as he came in right behind the Irishman, "Please try and calm down, I didn't do anything wrong. There's no need to be jealous."
"I'm not jealous," pouted the Irishman, "I'm just being indignant on your behalf."
Dean snorted as he pushed his trunk up onto the baggage rack above them.
"Well, she did attack Harry."
"She did?" asked Neville in mock confusion. "Did she put a memory charm us, because I don't remember her attacking you Harry."
Harry continued to smile as Seamus pouted.
"She attacked him with her tongue," spat Seamus in disgust, which caused Dean and Neville to snicker at the humor of it, while Harry lowered his head and just shook it trying not to burst into laughter.
"Attacked me with her tongue?" asked Harry as soon as he could without laughing. "Is that even an offense on record at the Ministry of Magic?"
"Actually," Seamus huffed, "yes, it is."
Sometime later, as Dean, Harry and Seamus were playing Exploding Snap while Neville read a book about Herbology; they were joined by another pair of students entering their compartment. Looking up Harry sees Luna and Ginny standing at the door.
"I hope you don't mind us joining you," Luna said dreamily as she plucked the book from Neville's hands and settled herself into his lap causing the young man to blush.
Arching an eyebrow the horny Irishman asks, "Is there something you might like to tell us Neville?" Apparently in a much better mood considering the hissy fit he was throwing when the train left Hogsmeade station. Yeah, this is a much better attitude for him to have.
"Um …" Neville started to say, but then Luna squirmed in his lap trying to get more comfortable and completely oblivious to the fact that his eyes rolled up into the back of his head. "No," he choked out.
The other three boys snickered at Neville's predicament, especially Seamus.
Noticing this and remembering what had happened in the castle, Ginny moves over to Harry and settles herself into his lap as well and purrs, "Hello Harry."
"Hi," Harry replies as he looks over to Seamus to see if he would explode again. However, Seamus just nods to the red haired girl and picked up the cards knowing that their game was over for now. Confused, Harry turns back to Ginny.
"I think I'm scared."
Giggling, Ginny asks, "Why is that Harry?"
"Seamus doesn't seem to be plotting revenge on you like he was with Professor Langtree."
"Bitch," Seamus said as he put the cards back into the pack.
"She does seem very friendly," Luna said dreamily as she stuck her finger in Neville's … ear. Yeah that's where she put it, in his ear. I mean we're not rating for her to put it anywhere else.
"Why are you plotting revenge of Professor Langtree?" asked Ginny knowing full well what had happened in the castle as Harry was leaving.
Seamus shot Ginny a dark look.
Harry answered for the Irishman, "It seems that she assaulted me with her tongue."
Ginny giggled at them.
With a grin on his face Dean said to Seamus, "Mate, you didn't seem to mind it when it was you assaulting Harry with your tongue."
"Excuse me?" Ginny asked not looking too happy about learning this new piece of information. "Exactly when did this happen?"
"Last night when you were hugging your mum before she was taken away to the Ministry," Harry explained, wondering what was going to happen next.
"And then we took shower together this morning … again," Seamus added with a smirk.
"Two naked wet boys in the shower together is so hot," Luna said absently as she kissed to tip of Neville's … nose. Yeah that's what she kissed the tip of, his nose. I mean we're not rating for her to kiss anywhere else. "Would you shower with another boy so I could watch Neville?"
"Um … well … I don't think I would enjoy that very much," he gulped with only the white of his eyes showing. Clearly the majority of the blood in his body was not in his skull.
"But you'd think about it, wouldn't you Neville?" Luna asked absently as she repositioned herself in the larger boy's lap. Still clearly unaware of what was happening … you know … down there.
Ignoring what was happening between Neville and Luna; Ginny looks Harry right in the eye and asks, "You take showers with Finnigan?"
"Only since he got out of Azkaban," Seamus answered, trying to help Harry out. Yeah help him, that's the motivation in that statement. To help him.
"Well," Harry sputtered. "It's not like it happens all the time. Besides I took a bath with you."
"Uh huh," Ginny said unconvinced. "Since when did you start kissing him?"
The beast in Harry's stomach was roaring with approval to her apparent jealousy. "He kissed me actually and it was only the one time. Last night. When I was distracted by your family."
"Uh huh," Ginny said still unconvinced.
"He took advantage of me."
"Just like Professor Langtree," Dean added in, which, of course, caused Seamus to scowl at the dark skinned Londoner. He apparently did not want to be compared to that American hussy.
"So let me get this straight," Ginny began. "You allow yourself to be kissed by all of these people?"
"Ginny you know these things always seem to just happen to me," Harry said defensively. "Just read most fanfiction stories and you'll see. I have absolutely no control over my own life."
"What kind of stories?"
"Stories written by my fans that put me in these situations that couldn't possibly happen in a million years that are then published in places where my fans go to read them," explained Harry. "Then of course there are the reviewers who respond to these stories written by my fans who constantly complain about my repeating that I was in Azkaban for one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds."
Ginny looked bewildered at this apparently new information. She couldn't wrap her mind around all these fans and reviewers.
"Never mind," Harry sighed.
"So if you have no control over your own life then I can do this…" Ginny said and then grabbing Harry face, she plants a large wet kiss right on his mouth. The beast in Harry's stomach was dancing for joy, which caused Harry to open his mouth and deepen the kiss. This is truly what it felt like to be a man!
Breaking apart Harry sputtered, "Wow."
"I have to go … to the loo," Seamus said abruptly sounding hurt and shot out of the compartment.
"I didn't mean to hurt him," Ginny said. "I was just …" However, it seems she didn't quite know what she was just doing.
"I know Ginny," Harry said as he sat the girl on the seat and got up himself. "I think I'll go after him and make sure he's alright."
To Be Continued … Please Read and Review
Alright, I know that this was way too short of a chapter, but my muse ran away and I've been strung out without her. I think Eppy whipped her or something.