Disclaimer: I don’t own PMK or Rurouni Kenshin.

Part 1: Akairi and the Wolf of Mibu

Chapter 4: A Mother’s Last Smile

Seta-san,

Here is the money to cover Soujiro’s medicines and doctor’s fee. This is all I have right now, I will send last month’s due when I can borrow some more. Please write back to me about his health as soon as possible. I heard that pneumonia is a horrible sickness, and am desperate to know about Soujiro’s conditions.

Okita Ame

PS: Please reply as soon as possible.

Pneumonia. Last time it was small pox. What’d it be next?

Shinpachi put down the brush and looked at Ame with pity. He has been keeping his doubts to himself all the while he was writing the note for her, but finally Shinpachi couldn’t stand it anymore and blurted out:

“Ame, this whole thing could just be a scam for all we know!”

“But what if it’s true? What if Soujiro really is sick? It’s winter already, and I’m not there to make sure he’s dressed up for the cold...” She was unable to go on; her head was aching so badly. Felt like somebody was hammering on it from the inside. Everything was blurry and swirling around; they made her almost nauseous.

Shinpachi shook his head exasperatedly:

“I’d jump off a bridge if those bloodsuckers were telling the truth! You and I both know it’s the money they’re after! They’ll take every sen you have into their bellies, and they’d only be satisfied when they’re dancing on your grave!”

Ame bit her lips and said nothing in response.

Cursed his thoughtless mouth. Shinpachi could never word his thoughts right even if his life depended on it. And he could never play a dummy and stand by to watch Ame get robbed to the death either.

As Ame put a hand over her forehead for support, she could feel it burning up, “You’ll understand…when you’re a parent, Shinpachi.”

Shinpachi sighed. His parents died when he was too young to remember their faces. How was he to know what’s it like being a parent?

“You’ll be there…to help me, right?” He leaned closer to Ame, tried to land a kiss on her lips. She weakly averted her face, but it was more than enough to make him draw back. Hurt was in his eyes, she knew.

“I’m sorry…Shinpachi. We can’t do this…I can’t…” Ame lowered her eyes sadly.

“Is it possible…to let me love you? I mean, you don’t have to love me back…’cause that seemed like asking too much.” He smiled, whether sheepishly or bitterly she couldn’t quite tell. “I never thought I’d be so sentimental about a woman before. It’s funny, you know, when you’re happy, my heart’s feathery light; but when you’re sad, it’s heavy as lead…”

Oh, the lovesick fool…what he’d do to make her smile…what he’d do to make her happy…

“What is there to love, Shinpachi? All I’ve given you is burden and nothing more.”

Yes. Burden and nothing more.

---

“It can’t be true…Tell me it’s not true!” exclaimed an aghast Shinpachi as he shook the doctor by the shoulders. “She can’t! She couldn’t have…”

“I regret to tell you this, but it’s the truth. She’s in the final stage of syphilis. A normal person’d probably hold out for a month, but considering her emaciated conditions, she won’t last long…”

“But why…”

Then it hit him. The realization so poignant it almost made him cried. She must’ve caught the dreadful disease from some bastard at the brothel…and she didn’t want him near her…fearing he’d catch it…because…because…she was trying to protect him all this time…

“I’m sorry, Shinpachi.” wheezed Ame. Her face was ghastly pale as a sheet of paper, her eyes were swollen, and her mouth was barely making any audible sounds.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Ame? Why did you have to keep every damn thing to yourself?” He couldn’t keep his tears contained anymore. He cried.

“I don’t…want you to be sad. Our last days…were happy. I don’t want to ruin them.” whispered Ame nostalgically. Tears rained down her cheeks as she mustered her strength to speak, “I only regret…I can’t…see Sou…before I…die.”

“I’ll find Soujiro. I’ll take care of him like he was my kid, I promise.”

“Thank…you.”

“I love you.” If he could do things over again, he’d say it to her a thousand times a day… Only if he could do it over…

“Don’t…!” sobbed Ame as Shinpachi held her hand, “if you say it…I can’t go…in peace…knowing…I’ve hurt you. Say you hate me…”

“I love you.” He stubbornly repeated those three words.

“Let me…go in peace, Shinpachi…say…you…hate me.”

He shut his eyes. Were there needles pricking at his heart? “I hate you…as much as I hate myself.”

Ame smiled. She saw peace already. For once in her miserable life, she could smile again, even when death was coming to take her.

---

He put flowers on Ame’s grave, and Okita’s too. At least he didn’t have to worry about Ame being harrassed in hell, knowing that her brother’d be there to protect her. It’s already been two years. Shinpachi had recovered somewhat, but never did he feel like laughing or being his carefree self again. Back then; people who knew him had thought he’d never grown up. He did after her death. He missed his youth, always goofing around without a care in the world.

Being an adult paid in heavy price.

It was raining. Shinpachi wondered if Ame was crying. Seemed as if she’d never ran out of tears. He wished he could’ve been there to dry her tears. Maybe in the after life…maybe…

“I have to go now. They told me some bum in bandages killed the Seta family just last week. But they didn’t find Soujiro’s body. So I know he’s out there somewhere. You two keep an eye on Soujiro until I find him, ne?”

---

Character notes:

Shinpachi: Poor Shinpat-tsuan got his heart all broken! It seemed really mean of me to have his first love died, but it wouldn’t be fair to Kaede and Akairi if he’d gone off and started a happy family, would it? So hard to picture a depressed Shinpachi, and I hate it too, considering how lively, adorable, mirthful and childish his character is… So now we know how Soujiro comes to be involved in this…though I can’t have Shinpachi to be Sou’s biological dad, he’d probably be some kind of father figure for Sou to look up to in the future.

Okita Ame: A tragic story of a fallen woman. If you took notice, you might have seen that I have the brothel and prostitutes as a repeating motif in this story. It’s a place that borne many miseries, so sad…other than exploiting this setting and its related ideas, there is no sick twisted purpose otherwise.

I couldn’t have Okita Souji as Sou’s real dad, it’d be very corny and wouldn’t explain the fact of his dad as a rice merchant. So I have his sister as Sou's mom and Okita as Sou's uncle instead—they’re siblings, they HAVE to look alike, don’t they? We’d assumed that Sou gets his physical traits from his mom’s side for the time being. This fits in very well, actually.

To Senbi: Thanks for your review! Shinpachi did survive the war, only Kaede doesn’t know it. There is a father-daughter reunion in store, Shinpachi and Akai-chan. I love writing about these kinds of family relationships, ‘cause it seemed like our characters rarely have parents…sad isn’t it? Everyone deserves a family, or at least a loving parent.

About the use of the hairpin-needle, it was meant for Kaede to be a shinobi, (she did have a samurai background afterall) and also it ties in with the analogy of her being a “bristling hedgehog” quite well. -

To Frankie the Spunky One Thanks for reviewing! The new chap’s up, go read it!