|The Ranma Omake Files: Innortal Style
Author: Innortal PM
The Ranmaverse enters into the Time Loops, Mark V.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 16 - Words: 65,091 - Reviews: 457 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 03-10-10 - Published: 01-08-05 - id: 2210522
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
New Pigtailed Loops 5
Disclaimer: I don't own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.
I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow me to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.
This group is based on a Groundhog's Day concept, if time was looping, and certain members were aware of this.
These are their insanities.
New Loop #1:
"Owie," muttered Akane, as she slowly came to, feeling the floor of the Dojo under her back. "What happened?"
"Ranma hit you pretty lightly," came a familiar voice.
Blinking, Akane slowly turned, spotting the smirking form of Nabiki sitting across the Dojo, leaning against the wall.
"So, how many fingers am I holding up?"
"… Very funny," spat Akane, as she slowly sat up. "Where is that baka?"
"He had some things he needed to do. Don't need the cash, but always best to top off our reserves and such," Nabiki replied.
"You mean the jerk didn't stay behind and help?"
Shaking her head, Nabiki stood up and made her way to her sister, helping her up. As Akane winced from her body's protests of moving, her eyes grew as she saw the splintered boards where she had been laying.
"He misjudged his force again," snorted Nabiki, as she reached into her sleeve and … produced a small straight stick. Kneeling down, she tapped the broken flooring with it, causing a sparkling glow to form where they made contact. The glow spread out, seemingly restoring the damaged boards to perfect shape, before spreading out.
Akane looked on in shock as within moments, the glow had passed through the entire Dojo, which looked to be in perfect and pristine shape. "Wha…?"
"Magic," smirked Nabiki as she slid the stick back up her sleeve. "Simple over-powered repair spell, it would normally just fix the boards, but I didn't want to take a chance something I couldn't sense or see was damaged as well."
Akane nodded slowly, rubbing her lower back.
"You didn't listen, did you?"
"I did too!" yelled Akane. "You used some magical hocus pocus to fix the Dojo!"
"Not about that, about Ranma," sighed Nabiki. She could almost swear this was the reason Ranma had left: to make her explain things to Akane. "You assumed he would act like the Ranma you remember."
"He couldn't have changed that much," snorted Akane.
"Akane, he's been in the Loops for probably a million years at least, and no, I don't know which side of that number is closer to the truth. Even he doesn't.
"But he isn't the same Ranma you remember. He has no problem with hitting girls. He does apparently have a problem with keeping his power down enough not to hurt someone at your level."
"Ow!" cried Akane, rubbing her forehead where her sister had flicked her.
"Listen carefully, Akane," growled out Nabiki. "I'm not the same, Ranma's not the same. Despite what you know for now, a lot of time, history, lessons, and battles have really passed. Don't keep expecting us to act like you think we should, we're not those people anymore.
"Hell, we had a Loop where we had to meet our original selves. I will never act like her again."
"And I suppose it was easy for you when you—what was it?—woke up?"
Nabiki sighed. "Actually, no. Saotome tried to help me a bit; but being a greedy little bitch, I tried to force things to my whim. Therefore, he let me have whatever I wanted but promised he would only save me ten times.
"I didn't make it past the weekend before some Triad cell kidnapped me to get what I knew. I was lucky they were making a power play and didn't have some trained interrogators with them. They gave me too much of a chemical to help loosen my tongue and killed me.
"When the Loop restarted, he explained each and every one of the ten attempts he blocked. He then pointed out because my desires far outstripped my ability to protect myself, it would happen over and over again, and at some point, someone would get me and I might not make it with my mind intact."
Akane could only gape at that. "He … he wouldn't?"
"Probably not," shrugged Nabiki. "But after a few hours of Triad torture and one encounter with a Yakuza cell that actually knew what they were doing, I got the point.
"Saotome Style: dodge or feel pain."
Akane sank to her knees. "But what about us?"
"No clue?" shrugged Nabiki once again. "You can try and start a relationship with him. Just don't go foaming at the mouth when someone else shows him some attention."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Akane, an irritated look on her face.
"Normal relationships don't work in the Loops."
"So I should give up?"
"On a monogamous relationship, yes," stated Nabiki. "He's being chased by lots of girls, mortal, Goddesses, and even a few Demons."
"So … he's a man-whore?"
"Not even a bit," spoke Nabiki. "As a Looper, sex is … well, it isn't everything," she tried to explain. "For a Looper, variety is the spice of life.
"Not to say some girls out there would pass over the chance to ride the Wild Horse. He's damned good, and this thing he does with his tongue—"
"NABIKI!" gasped the embarrassed youngest Tendo.
"What? All true. Did you think I wouldn't have tried once or twice?
"But it is more Friends with Benefits than anything else," she continued. "Like I said, we've all changed."
Akane just hugged herself. "This is all so confusing," she muttered.
"Don't I know it," stated Nabiki. "How about we go out for ice cream, my treat?"
Akane gave her a hooded glance. "Your treat?"
"Yes, we can even go shopping," she added, pulling out a wad of Yen from her sleeve, almost as large as her fist.
"Wow, you really have changed," Akane replied in a deadpan voice.
"Eh, it is a lot to take in. But at least you have people guiding you. Ranma didn't even have that."
As Akane took that statement in, Nabiki turned back towards the entrance. "You want to come too, Kasumi?"
The eldest—respectfully—Tendo entered. "Oh, I don't want to be a bother."
"Kasumi?" asked Akane.
"How come you just didn't tell us you were 'Awake' too?" asked Nabiki, tapping her foot.
"Oh, I didn't want to be a bother."
It was a good thing Nabiki had repaired the Dojo, as she and Akane both face-faulted.
"Go get changed, Akane," sighed Nabiki, standing back up. "I'll try and fill Kasumi in on some stuff." I wonder if this is what Saotome meant by 'beware the quiet ones'?
New Loop #2:
"Well, this is going well," snorted Nabiki with her hands in the air.
"Well, this is hardly my fault," Ranma replied.
"Who are you?" asked General Ashdown, several Resistance members pointing their weapons at the trio.
"I'm Ranma, this is Nabiki," Ranma started, before the General cut him off.
"Who or what is he?" Ashdown stated, pointing at the third member.
The man blinked before replying. "My name is Data … from South America."
"Do you think that's funny?" demanded Ashdown.
"I was not attempting to be humorous," replied Data. "I was merely attempting to 'break the ice' as it were."
"Is he always like this?" John Conner asking, leaning towards Ranma.
"Data is … different," Ranma replied. "But he's still better than a few others I know." He suppressed a shudder of remembering how the Sailor Senshi fared when facing the forces of Skynet.
"So, the Terminators can make a joke," sneered Ashdown.
"Incorrect," stated Data. "I am not a 'Terminator', I am an android created by Dr. Noonien Soong on Stardate—"
"Quiet, Data," sighed Ranma, rubbing his forehead. This is going to be one of those Loops, I just know it.
At least I don't have to worry about horny girls this Loop.
He chose to ignore the shiver going down his back, preferring to live with the dream for a bit longer.
New Loop #3:
"What are those?" asked Nabiki, looking over the pigtailed Anchor's shoulders.
Ranma smirked. "Things to give me a challenge again."
"Oh?" she asked. "Did Puff give those to you?"
He slowly turned towards her, eyes narrowing. "He doesn't like being called 'Puff'."
"Ranma, I am not going to call a wish-granting eternal dragon you created, 'Bob'," she replied. "Really, haven't you figured out a name for him yet? Even that Raiju inside you chose a name by now—which raises many, many questions about your mental stability."
"Oh really? Remind me again; whose Inner Hollow called itself—"
"DON'T SAY IT!" yelled Nabiki, embarrassed by that name more than anything else.
"Then don't knock the name, 'Bob," he replied. "And yes, he granted me these. If I can fully understand them, I can duplicate them for the other Anchors."
"And what do they do?" she asked.
"Limiters, sort of like what Paragus created to control Broly. I'm hoping these babies can be used as a way of limiting my power levels."
She could only shake her head. "You didn't ask Yggdrasil to do that because…?"
"That would only work here, not in other realities," he replied. "Granted, some seem to bottleneck my powers, but they always return in the end."
"This won't collapse your pocket universe, will it?" she asked in concern. "I really don't want to see that Garden Planet trashed."
"Nah, only what I can access on the outside; chi attacks, magic, and such. Internal energies will be fine; I'm just narrowing the pipeline to the outside."
"Well, are you sure you should be working on that now?" she queried. "You are supposed to be training Akane and Kasumi." She still found it funny what it had taken to convince Kasumi to leave her usual routine and restart her training.
However, with a dozen Ranko Kage Bunshin running around, the place never looked cleaner and better maintained.
"They're working on their meditations."
She blinked at that. "And it is taking this long for Kasumi?"
"Nah, she's got a pretty good grip, she's just having trouble grasping it for something other than maintaining the balance of the house," he stated, grabbing another tool off the table and returning to the limiters he had wished into this universe. Paragus was good on ideas, bad on implementation, and the limiters would need massive amounts of work to hold a Legendary Super Saiyajin, let alone someone like an Anchor. "And Akane … well, I've had to replace the Kage Bunshin helping her twice already. She's having trouble trying to not charge right through it."
"No shit," muttered Nabiki. She loved her little sister, but patience was not a virtue Akane had in spades.
"You know, you could be out there, giving them tips?" he offered.
"I'd rather take Akane as a Gray Jedi Padawan than work with her now," snorted the middle Tendo. "Besides, she's still iffy on the fact we've changed so much from what she's expected."
Ranma just nodded, changing tools again. "She'll learn … or pull a Sakura."
"Let's hope not with the latter," Nabiki shuddered, hoping to never see a case of Sakura Syndrome, let alone from her little sister.
Moreover, if it happened to Kasumi… No, the streets would run freely with the nasal blood of all humankind.
Ranma paused in his work, letting out a hefty sigh. "Damn tomboy," he muttered, as another Ranma formed behind him.
"How can she complain about being patient and then clock me?" muttered the Bunshin as he exited towards the Dojo.
"Three," muttered the original, as he continued to work on the Limiters.
Shaking her head, Nabiki followed. At least that show would be better than what she was seeing in the dining area.
Pausing, she turned her head down the hallway, spotting her father trying to wave her over, likely to give yet another speech to quickly get married to Ranma. It had been their standard plan during the Nerima Loops, since neither one would be pressured—and she did enjoy messing with them and setting the date to be one day after the Loops reset. It almost made her feel bad for tricking them.
Looking around to ensure no one was listening, he pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to her.
Knowing what was coming, she quickly counted it, determining the right amount was there, and followed him. It looked like it was time for another 'family chat' about why she shouldn't wait to marry Ranma.
At least she was being paid for the pain.
New Loop #4:
"Oh, would you quit pouting," snorted Lilith, smoothing out her dress uniform.
"I'm not pouting," replied Ranma. "I'm brooding, and before you ask, I am brooding about how often I end up in Loops where I have to attend some school."
"Be that as it may, Ranma-dono," spook a slightly taller version of Ranma, hair blood red with slitted yellow eyes, "it will at least be an interesting experience for all of us. It is rare that we interact with the worlds at large."
"Mainly because I'm scared of losing you guys to the resets."
"Not going to happen," waved off the fuchsia-haired succubus. "Our tethers to your soul or too strong. Only a Big Crunch could do any damage to them.
"By the way, kitty-cat; what's your name now?"
"Please, do not call me that, Lilith-san," he replied. "But to answer your question, I think I will go with … Ranneko."
"… Wild Cat?" asked Ranma.
"I see nothing wrong with the human form of a Raiju taking such a name," replied the nine-tailed spirit of Ranma's Nekoken. "Aside from that, are you not worried that Ranma-dono will take offense to what you did to their outfits?"
"Their?" Ranma asked, before turning, and spotting the trio of Angels … with school skirts as short as Lilith had made hers.
"Damn it, Lilith!"
"Will you all shut up?" yelled the bus driver as he made his last stop before going to Youkai Academy. "I have one last … victim to pick up."
"… I swear that's the same guy who runs that Cave of Cursed Love," Ranma muttered, as a small-built boy got on.
"Does anyone else find it weird that three Angels, a succubus, a Raiju, and the ultimate X-factor have been invited to attend a school with someone like him?" Lilith asked, pointing to the boy. "He smells like someone the Lord of Nightmares would find interesting."
Ranma sunk into his seat. Lilith's statement was as good as saying that powerful females would pursue the boy.
"Um, excuse me?"
Looking up, he spotted the boy now standing before him nervously. "Yes?"
"Um … hi, I'm Tsukune Aono. I was wondering if you know anything about this Youkai Academy?" he asked, hoping to make some friends.
Ranma chuckled lightly, feeling pity for the boy. "Trust me, kid, you will probably have to see it to believe it."
New Loop #5:
So far, it had been a normal Loop for the pigtailed Anchor. Arrive at Tendo's, attempt by father to be engaged to said Tendo sisters—who were all Awake—and spend the night there.
After the last Loop—involving a Fused Loop, donuts, Charlton Heston, a horny Goddess named Skuld, talking vegetables, and a talking mouse with a hoop earring—he needed to turn in early and hope for a pleasant dream.
Fate had other ideas.
"I am the Metatron! I am the herald of the Almighty and the voice of God!"
"… Damn it," muttered Ranma, as he gazed upon the fire floating before him. Not odd, his father continued to sleep.
"I am the Metatron! I am the herald of—HEY!" yelled the voice, the fire dimming slightly as Ranma tossed the bucket of water on it, reserved for fire.
"Hmm, need more buckets."
"I swear," muttered the Goddess before the Tendo and Saotome family at the meal table, ringing out her top and proving she had less feminine modesty than Ranma, "no respect."
"To be fair, you appeared in my room as talking fire, hinting you were a phoenix, and between Saffron and Fawkes, I know they are only vengeful perverts."
Nabiki blinked at that. "Dumbledore's phoenix? A pervert?"
"Who would complain if he flashed into the women's showers?" Ranma asked.
"… Point," Nabiki conceded.
"You were saying?" she asked the Goddess.
"Anyway, I am Bastet, Class 2, Category 2, Limited License, Goddess of Cats, Men, Children, Pregnant women, and Pleasure," she stated.
"… From the local Yggdrasil?" asked Kasumi.
"Yes," sighed Bastet. "I am here to grant my chosen, Ranma Saotome, kindred spirit of the cat, master of the Nekoken…"
"Oh, I thought he was friends with Ranneko now?" asked Kasumi.
"… The creator of the first Raiju in 500 years," growled Bastet. "I have come to him with a one-year plan?"
"… Who are you, Obama?" asked Akane.
"And is that one year relative time or one year, static time?" asked Nabiki.
"… Anyway," started Bastet, "I have come to Ranma with a very important mission, one only he can do, one he can practice and master so that when the Loops end, he can continue it."
"… We're going to end up in Eiken again, aren't we?" pouted Nabiki.
"Loops?" asked Soun.
"No missions from the Gods, boy!' yelled Genma. "You must marry … um … who did you pick?" he asked.
Bastet proved that even topless, soaked from just about every fire bucket in the house Ranma had speedily got and doused the talking flame with, could deliver a furious mule-kick and sent the older men out of the house.
"My, she's flexible," offered Kasumi.
"And no sagging."
"Bad, Mr. Kyuu-chan!" Kasumi reprimanded her pet Kyuubi no Yoko.
"Oh please, I was only saying what we were all thinking," scoffed the miniature demon fox.
"As I was saying, I am here to grant Ranma a holy mission and a holy talisman to boot." Bastet smirked as she reapplied her top. Mortals ate that stuff up.
"Did you clear this with Skuld?" asked Ranma.
Well, any mortal who didn't bone some Goddess on a regular basis. "I cleared this with the legal system, yes," stated Bastet.
Nabiki looked down. "See you in two Loops, belly button. I'll miss you."
"Oh for the love of Father," sighed Bastet. "Can I get on with this?"
"Sure," smirked Ranma. After all, it wasn't his ass on the preverbal line.
"I need you to start a church for my people here in the current world," stated Bastet.
Ranma just shrugged. Creating a church? Easy.
Keeping people from thinking he was another 'pass the kool-aid so we can ride a spaceship hiding in a comet' cult; that was a bit harder.
"Your people?" asked Akane.
Smirking, the Goddess held up a box. "This contains a device to create my people on this world. It contains the genetic templates of every species of werecat I could come up with."
"… You got some of them from the Digger's universe, didn't you?" asked Ranma. He had been lucky, no need to turn into a were-cheetah for a while, and no Digger sisters in a Fused Loop to need to use such.
Of course, as with now, it looked like his luck had run out.
"Not … really," Bastet stated. "People have enjoyed catgirls for a long time. Why shouldn't we go to the next step?"
"You're talking about creating werecats in a new reality," stated Nabiki.
"Not really," snorted Bastet. "Mine won't have that silver weakness or any of the bad thrall effects like that idiot Iceron created. Mine … will be PERFECT!" she exclaimed.
"And how do I do that?" asked Ranma. "I have were-cheetah abilities locked away, but that's it."
"Through … this!" Bastet bellowed, opening the box.
"… An Omnitrix?" asked Akane.
"No, even better," cackled the Goddess. "This … is the Nyaomatrix!"
"… Oh, someone's going to get sued," muttered Nabiki.
"But what does the Nyaomatrix do?" asked Kasumi.
"I'm glad you asked. It contains the DNA profiles of every werecat out there in the multiverse. I have those Iceron made, and a few that they never knew about. This one contains a were-saber tooth tiger, a cave were-lion, and more!"
"… And I am supposed to use this to form a church of cat-people?" asked Ranma.
"And how will he do that?" asked Akane.
"Well it won't be the first church Ranma-kun made," smirked the Goddess.
The youngest and eldest Tendo sisters looked at him.
"What? I was bored, released a few things I discovered; next thing I know, people are worshipping me."
Blinking, Ranma looked down at his left arm, where the Nyaomatrix was bonding to it, and the hands attached to it.
"What?" asked Kasumi. "I want to be a catgirl."
"… That explains so many Halloween costumes," sighed Nabiki.
Bastet just smiled. She loved it when a girl with dreams of being a catgirl did her work. She'd have to make sure that when the Loops ended, Kasumi had lots of kittens. "Now, we simply need to build a church, get some catgirl otaku—preferably the female ones—to sign up, and son, we will learn the perfect way to spread my message of werecat-ideals across this world!
"Oh, that inspires so much confidence," sighed Akane.
Nabiki wanted to cry. She didn't want her breasts composing half her mass!
"I'm not sure about this one," stated Kasumi, as she activated Ranma's new device.
Blinking, Ranma rubbed his face, his hands pausing as he felt his large canines … that went over his lower lip. "Oh hell no."
Bastet just smiled. Oh, it was going to plan. Soon, her new avatar would help perfect her plan to make catgirls a reality in this world!
She paused in her mad laughter, slowly turning her head, and spotting the Norn Goddess of the Future, in adult form, and tapping her debugging mallet in her palm.
"Bastet, I think we need to talk," stated Skuld, smile on her face, eyes flaming like the pits of hell.
"Aw crap," muttered Bastet.
"Oh my, a cat fight," spoke Kasumi, causing a face-fault of the other three people in the room.
"She does that on purpose, I swear she does," muttered Nabiki.
"This can't be all bad," offered Akane. "I mean, we can become perfect were-creatures. What could be wrong with that?"
Thunder rang out.
"… Akane, when it thunders on a clear day, you know you just dared Fate and she took the challenge," sighed Nabiki, resigning herself to an Eiken Loop.
"Oh, I'm not sure a were-snow leopard will be the best for me," muttered Kasumi, as she messed with the Nyaomatrix again.
"Don't I get a say in this?" Ranma asked.
"My arm doesn't bend that way, you crazy, small-chested—YEOW!"
"Now it does, skank!"
"No, Saotome, you never do," sighed Nabiki. "That's a law of the universe."
New Loop #6:
Akane blinked as she looked around, reality losing its blur and solidifying before her. Could this be…? she wondered, looking down, and spotting the clothes that confirmed her hopes.
It was a Naruto-Loop, and she was an Uchiha! She now had the Sharingan!
It was only the influx of new memories of her life as Akane Uchiha that stopped her from jumping up into the air and shouting in joy.
She decided to ignore the fact about her elder sibling and focus on the source of her suffering this Loop. Said source was the blond Jinchuuriki that had spread rumors that she was really born a male, hiding her gender to avoid fangirls, her real name was Kaneda Uchiha.
In addition, the pinkette had yet to accept it.
Cracking her knuckles, she smirked. If the Dobe wasn't awake, payback was hers.
Besides, it wasn't as if her elder sibling was a threat.
"These are great!" cheered Kisame, as he ate the plate of cookies before him.
"Oh, I'm glad you like it," said his Akatsuki partner and clan-killer, Kasumi Uchiha.
No one really knew why she did it. Some say it was to test her skills. Others say it was because they had turned against her. Still others say it was because they never ate their vegetables or cleaned up after themselves.
"Come on! We gotta hunt!"
"Oh, be quiet Kyuuchan and eat your fresh rabbit with mint jelly."
"…" Sighing, the miniature fox—that Kisame as well as all of Akatsuki pretended not to exist after an altercation with a junior member named Tobi was witnessed by all, some say it was why Orochimaru fled from them—ate his meal.
"So, what were the Leader's orders?" asked Kisame.
"Oh, we're to wait for now and gather more intelligence on possible Jinchuuriki or loose Bijuu," replied Kasumi.
"… And is that why we've started this small restaurant?" he asked, hoping she wasn't upset.
She was scary when upset.
"Oh, you remembered!" cooed Kasumi. "Here, try my pocky!"
He dared not refused, especially when her pet fox would always look at her and loudly mumble about 'fried fish'.
"And not one damned joke about anything related to Papercut-no-Jutsu," stated Nabiki.
Ranma nodded, his emaciated body slowly filling back out, skin tone and definition. The former chakra rods that had once impaled him, now seeming to flow around his body, forming itself into some sort of armor.
"And do we really need six others of you running around?" Nabiki asked.
"I'm still wondering why if Nagato could revive the whole village of Konoha, he never used it to revive Yahiko," he answered, looking at the Deva Path. "Not like a shortage of energy will be a problem here."
"Great, all the world needs: seven Ranma Saotome running about," grumbled Nabiki, as she left the room to experiment with her own abilities.
"AND KEEP THOSE DAMN LIMITERS ON!" she yelled back. Seven Ranma was one thing, seven super-Ranma were an entirely different WMD.
Stepping out of what was Nagato's mood of transportation, the Six Paths all stared at him.
"Well," muttered Ranma, "this will be interesting."
The Preta Path nodded. "And no other Anchors or other Loopers aside from those from are universe are here."
The Asura Path nodded in agreement. "Especially the female ones. I'd hate to see what they would do if we can maintain this ability."
All seven shuddered at that as Ranma pulled a silk shirt out of his clothing pocket and put it on over his armor—which seemed to settle on acting like a second skin, as all seven ditched their Akatsuki cloaks. "Okay, so what now?
"And why am I talking to myself?" he pondered allowed.
The Outer Path snorted. "Aside from the fact that we seem to mimic the interconnected mentality associated with the Doppelgänger technique, it is likely because we are the most likely conversation you can have that won't end in sex."
Blinking, Ranma nodded. "Makes sense to me."
"We should at least try not to destroy this village with our actions," suggested the Human Path.
"Agreed," Ranma spoke. "Now, let's at least find out why this village is over ninety-percent pipe."
New Loop #7:
Ranma sighed, trying to hold back the android catgirl with a weapon of Mass Destruction. "Nuku-Nuku, no!"
"But they are the enemy of fishies!"
"I don't care!" growled Ranma. "You cannot just blow it up!"
"But if Nuku-Nuku does not destroy evil black block, then evil black block will destroy all of the sky fishies!"
"These Americans, very confusing," sighed Dr. Vasili Orlov.
Dr. Heywood R. Floyd just shrugged. "I just want to know how she plans to take on TMA-2 with just that oversized rifle."
"This isn't an oversized rifle," offered the fuchsia-haired catgirl. "It BFG 7500: Mark VII, capable of firing a concussive tri-oscillating subspace tachyon pulse, capable of leveling Mt. Everest."
The American and Soviet crewmembers just stared in shock at the girl and her weapon, not even half-understanding what she had said.
"Nuku-Nuku, you cannot blow the Monolith out of Jupiter's sky!"
"Then friend-Ranma will save the sky fishies?"
Sighing, he lowered his head. "Fine, I will save all the sky fishies—I mean, sky fishes."
"What sky fish?" asked Dr. R. Chandra.
"Native life form to Jupiter," stated Ranma, carefully powering down Nuku-Nuku's weapon. He did not want to be blown into a vacuum, thank you. "High-atmosphere, low chance for evolution, and resembling a cross between a flying fish and an albatross."
"And why does she think TMA-2 is going to kill them?" asked Floyd.
Ranma chuckled. "Because the Monoliths are a type of stewards for advancing life forms. They'll take a look at the sky fishes and the things on Europa, decide the latter has greater evolutionary potential, and need to thaw out the moon."
"And how do you know this?" asked the Russian captain.
Smirking, Ranma lightly tossed something towards her. "Like any sane person; I read the book."
Floyd looked over her shoulder, spotting the title of the book.
"2010: Odyssey Two"
New Loop #8:
Ranma sat on a couch in the ship's lounge area, a large dog beside him, looking strangely at the woman who was playing basketball.
Slowly, he could feel his pet's stare at him.
"I know," Ranma replied, watching the woman continue to shoot by herself.
The dog turned its head slightly.
"It'll happen when it happens," he replied. Rubbing the dog's head, he sent it a telepathic message. Besides, both of us know we're all being watched.
The peace of the room was ruined as a loud group entered, mercenaries by how they acted. Ranma hid a little smile as he put down the computer tablet he had been reading, wondering how the new Ripley would deal with them.
"I know you," stated Ripley, looking at the strange man who had snuck into her room, a large dog beside him.
"You should," smirked Ranma. "We had some good times over two hundred years ago."
"Really?" she asked, tilting her head a bit. "You look good for someone that old."
"Good genes," Ranma replied, looking about. "Oh, they won't see anything for a while except you roaming about, maybe working out." Anything further was cut off as Ripley charged him, the two falling into a physical confrontation, her attempting to kill him.
"Now, that wasn't nice," Ranma replied, tossing Ripley to the other side of the cell. Hearing a hissing sound, he looked at his right sleeve, seeing it being eaten away by some of her blood. "Well, leave it to the military to fuck up a simple thing like cloning."
Ripley gave him a confused stare. "You should be in pain."
Ranma smirked. "Yeah, but I adapt, like the little drippy buggers we killed. But unlike you; when they shoved an egg into my stomach to make a Queen, I consumed it." Akane's early attempts at Tuna Rice Casserole gave more of a kick than the little chestburster.
"Really?" she asked.
"Yep, also why you want to kill me," Ranma replied, walking about the room. "Queens don't share spaces, share hives. Say what you will about them, Xenomorphs don't like sharing.
"Kind of human when you think about it," he finished.
"And that?" she asked, pointing at the dog, the dog that was glaring at her.
"Special collar with holographic and space-altering features," Ranma replied, touching the collar.
The form of the dog shimmered, before disappearing, being replaced with a much larger and imposing Xenomorph that openly hissed at Ripley.
"Found him between when the original died and when you woke up. He was being chased by the Yautja."
"They're something like hunters, but like intelligent prey. Believe it or not, they've been to Earth, no doubt the military knows of them as well. Long story short, more of them want my head as a trophy and Spot here has followed me ever since. Does what I tell him too."
"God, Saotome, can't you go a single day without someone wanting to kill you," Ripley said with a smile, before confusing fell over her. "What the…?"
"Xenomorph DNA, genetic memory, you know everything she did up till the blood was drawn," he replied, turning back on Spot's collar.
"I'm not her."
"We are a combination of many things," he offered. "Besides, I simply came here to chat with a friend."
"Friend?" she asked, as if the concept was alien to her.
Smirking, Ranma started towards the door, Spot following along. "Ellen Ripley was a great friend in either form. I came here to pay honor to that friend in any way possible.
"You are her legacy in a way, her but not her, so to be honest, I'll call you a friend until you try and kill me."
"I thought I did," she said with a sadistic smirk.
"Nah," Ranma laughed as the door opened. "That was foreplay."
The cloned woman felt a small smile form on her face as the door closed. Yes, things were getting interesting.
Very interesting, she thought, her head looking up towards another large presence she felt, as a small woman snuck into her cell a few minutes later.
Ranma paused, looking down at Spot. "I told you, call me King, not Queen."
"She's not the enemy."
"Because … it will be interesting."
"…" The pseudo dog paused as well, looking up and back behind them. "…"
"Yeah, I feel them too," Ranma muttered. "Don't think they're half as bright as you though."
"That's why most people laugh when they hear the words 'military intelligence'," Ranma said with a smirk. "Come on, we need to get back to the lounge before those guys realize we snuck off.
"Personally, I just hope this shit finishes hitting the fan before a Yautja hunting party shows up looking for me." He cursed his luck at somehow being seen as the Ultimate Prey.
Well, at least in a manner not involving sex.
New Loop #9:
"You know," said the British-accented blond before him, "I thought school was bad the first time around."
Ranma chuckled lightly as he stood with her, looking over the mall filled with mostly teens, going about their business. "Yeah, starts sucking after a while. But gives you plenty of chances to be Class President."
"Oh yes, I can see the resume now," snorted the blond. "Undead vampire girl, military and civilian police training, high school class president, twentieth century to present. I'll get into Harvard for certain."
"Oh calm down," replied Ranma. "You act like your Master or Integra will pop out from some pillar any second now, Seras."
She just glared at him with red eyes, her color contacts removed for a simple trip to the mall.
"Don't give me that look," he responded. "I don't like it here anymore than you. Nevertheless, it could be worse, we could have ended up in Eiken or some vampire book I came across a few centuries ago.
"Ever heard of a book called Twilight?"
"Um, no," she thought. "What's wrong with it?"
"Sparkly emo vampires living in cloudy Washington State," he deadpanned.
"… Okay, wow," she muttered. "I vote that would be worse than Eiken."
Ranma gave the No-Life Queen a snort. Truly, she was still young, to not understand the true horrors of Eiken.
Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could still see them, chasing him, demanding of him… The pudding… The noodles… The fan-service that wouldn't end or deliver…
"You okay?" she asked.
"For a moment, you were paler than me," she said with a smirk.
"Bad thoughts," he murmured, looking about. "Come on, we got some stuff to get and head home before we start a little hunting of our own."
Seras smirked at that, flexing her hands. Oh, how she missed the weight of her modified Hellsing ARMS Anti-Midian Cannon 'Harkonnen'. True, Saotome could probably create one just like it, but it wouldn't be the same. Therefore, until then, she'd just have to deal with the local variant of vampires the old-fashioned way: ripping their heads off and spitting down their necks.
Smiling, she followed behind him, wondering how he knew to get illegal weapons so easily in this town. Perhaps he had been here before, she wondered, as she sucked on the straw or her drink, a fast-food cup with a fresh bit of Ranma's blood in it.
He was right, the stuff packed a stronger kick that a tank. However, it gave her the power to walk in sunlight. Hell, she remembered when Master tried a full pint bag of the stuff. Even Lady Integra's orders for him to stop talking about the colors he could see and taste didn't stop him. Actually, it reminded her of a hippie she once knew when she was growing-up.
Explained a lot about why he always seemed so mellow and out of touch. And here she thought he was just being funny.
Well, overall, at least Sunnydale wasn't all bad. At least she didn't have a mother like that teen girl across from her, dragging her about for school shopping.
She giggled a bit after hearing the girl's mother state the girl's name. Who in their right minds named a kid 'Buffy'?
New Loop #10:
"I can't believe it," sighed Nabiki, watching the scene before her, as Akane continued to spar with her latest training partner.
"What's not to believe?" asked Ranma.
"That you would use … them to train Akane to be a fighter," Nabiki responded, motioning to the group, waiting their chance to fight the youngest Tendo.
"Low power level, easy to train, and great to use against the non-Looping morons that occasionally show up. They're easy to replace too, so I don't have to worry if she crushes one like an overripe fruit. Hell, I got a few assisting Kasumi with chores."
"I don't—wait! You use them on others around here!" Nabiki asked in shock.
As if the universe heard her, her request for an answer was granted.
"Be gone from the doors, foul demons! I come to confront the foul sorcerer who summoned thee from the Abyss!"
"Skree?" came from the other side of the main gate, letting her know Saotome had left a few there, which were now confronting the Blue Thunder.
"Fine then, I shall dispel you back to the unholy pits before I deal with your master!"
As all gathered in the backyard paused, watching the smoking form of Kuno blast off like Team Rocket, Ranma just sighed. "You know, I'm always amazed at what that kid survives, considering I haven't upped the power of the Saibamen."
"I'm surprised they blow him into the air," muttered Akane. She turned back around—it wasn't the first time Tatewaki Kuno had been dealt with by the Saibaman Bomb technique—only to see the ones who had been waiting to fight her holding up score cards.
Apparently, it wasn't one of Kuno's better take-offs.