Part two in the "Cemetary series"... Don't ask.
Betaed and edited by seras kelia - thank you !

Disclaimer: I own neither Hellsing nor the poem "Epitaph on an army of mercenaries" by A.E. Housman. But I own Jim Petrell - at least a little bit... ;-)

Yeah, of course I knew Pip Bernadotte. He was my Captain. If I wanted I could tell you what we went through together... But let's not talk about that. He's dead. It wouldn't bring him back. No, that smoking, drinking and cursing bastard is Hell-knows-where now. I guess, he's molesting the girls there.
O, sorry. I'm James Petrell, called "Holy Jim" - my nickname copyrighted by Pip... How did I come to know him ? Long story - let's say, I was fed up with my studies in theology and decided to find myself something more pretentious. The "Wild Geese" were an impious, lousy gang, and I tried again and again to beat some awe of the Almighty into them. Not easy with a guy like Pip in command.

These, in the days when heaven was falling,
The hour when earth's foundations fled,
Followed their mercenary calling
And took their wages and are dead.

They were a terrific crowd. We were friends, nearly brothers. And Pip ? He was a walking contradiction. Always said he didn't believe in God, only in money. On the other hand, he saved children's lives and shot a recruit who tried to rape a woman somewhere in Sudan.
Well, you can see that Sir Hellsing's order fitted perfectly. "Mission from God"...gosh, how Pip laughed ! Didn't it look like God had abandoned us? Suddenly, vampires and ghouls were everywhere. Our world was shaken in its foundations.
Damn it. I still can't avoid the academic slang. Pip always told me I never would talk like a real mercenary. Where did I stop ? I see. The "Mission from God" that brought them all to their graves. You see the tombstones? Every single one is the grave of a mercenary. And right over there lies Pip. If he just had the brains to leave that vampire girl behind ! Forgive me Lord, that thought was... Who cares? We all know it's true, don't we ? Where was God when the vampires were created ? Where was HE when those monsters attacked helpless people ? Where was HE when they slaughtered Pip and the "Wild Geese"?

Their shoulders held the sky suspended;
They stood, and the earth's foundations stay;
When God abandoned, these defended,
And saved the sum of things for pay.

They had to do the dirty work for HIM. And what did they get ? A narrow, cold grave. Thank you very much. Why do we always have to correct HIS mistakes ? Something's going wrong up there. What became of the loving father ?

What did you believe in, Pip ? It wasn't money. Surely, the job was paid well. But nobody expected you to throw away your life. Love ? To this unnatural creature ? Did you love her, Pip ? And did she love you ? Have you been - perhaps for the first time in your blasted, dirty life – loved and loved by yourself ? Was it that ? ...Or were you just a better man than I will ever be ? ... Who will remember your name ? The names of our comrades ? They were mercenaries. They've died for money. Full stop. Heroes are made of different material. Sir Hellsing will replace the fallen, and then... It will go on, as if nothing ever happened.

Can you see your girl, my friend ? She places flowers on your grave. For how long will she remember you ? For how long will she love you, you or the shadow of what you've been ? You saved her cute little ass. That should last for a while.

I envy you, my friend. There's someone who's missing you. You've only gone to the other side. But I...I've lost my belief. ...What, do you think, is easier to endure ?