Shounen-ai: Yuki x Shuichi
Created 22nd May 2005
Contains mild coarse language.

Damn him! Damn his striking face with that oh-so-lovely smile, that haunts me even now! And Shuichi, my beautiful, shockingly pink-haired, koi who sleeps beside me, has of course no idea.
He's pressed up close to me, even now while I stare at the ceiling and try to slow my racing heartbeat, so loud I think it might wake even Shuichi.

It was only a dream, I tell myself soothingly. Nothing to be either ashamed or afraid of.

Yeah, right.

Who the hell am I trying to bullshit?

I must be truly pathetic.

But at least it's over now... right?

---

Nope. Not right, I remind myself, after yet another one of those dreams.

I think I woke up and screamed out loud – I think I can still hear the echo of that cry. But if I did cry out, Shuichi did not hear.

Not so surprising, really; he's one hell of a deep sleeper. Give the brat five minutes and he's out like a log until the morning. Or even the next evening if its after a concert. Which I occasionally attend, just to keep him shut up.

So let's see... deep breathing. Think calm thoughts... and think positive. Isn't that what they always tell people? Think positive, because negativity won't cure anything? What a load of bullshit. But none the less... I will not have another of those dreams.

Ever.

---

I open my eyes to see the deep blue of my lover's about an inch in front of me.

Crap.

I had another dream, didn't I? He's looking at me square on, with those impossibly blue eyes of his, because I have no doubt woken him up this time.

"Yuki? Yuki, are you alright?" he says.

Of course I'm not alright. I've just had another one of those god-awful dreams about him – how can I possibly be alright? But Shuichi's not to know that, and I won't tell him... why should I? He can't do anything about it, and its my own problem. I'll deal with it... don't I have some sleeping pills left over from last time this happened?

"Fine", I grunt.

But he doesn't pull back, he just keeps right on staring.

I should tell him it's rude to stare.

"No, you're not fine, Yuki! You keep on having these dreams – I've heard you, even if you pretend to be asleep afterwards."

Shit. So the brat knows more than he lets on, after all. I don't answer, merely give another grunt. Well, what am I supposed to say? I obviously can't deny it.

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

I think about this for all of two split-seconds.

"No."

He opens his mouth to argue with me, but thinks better of it at the last second – good, he's finally learning it's pointless to argue with me. About time.

He kisses me instead.

Ok, that felt good. But I don't let on – he might as well be kissing a block of ice for all the response he gets. Despite just how comforting that was, I am just not in the mood for this right now.

He removes his mouth and sighs, disappointed. Yes, I expect a lot of people are now disappointed with me. He's just another one for the list.

Now he's reaching over, to turn on the lamp beside the bed. I remember when he insisted on buying it. 'Come on, Yuki, the bedroom's so dull! This will brighten things up a bit!' Well, it certainly does that. I wince as it is switched on, and golden light hits me right in the face. By the time I'm fifty or so, I figure I'll become blind from all this. Damn lamp.

"Please, Yuki! You have to tell me! Otherwise you're just gonna keep having these dreams – and I know they're bad – you keep waking up and yelling from them. Tell meeeeeeee!"

An assault on the ears is not helping my mood right now.

My only response, if it could be called such, is to roll over so that I'm no longer facing him. The wall is not quite so good-looking, but at least it doesn't cross-examine me. Now that I'm facing the wall, even he should get the idea.

I wait for him to whine. Cry. Stomp off to the couch to sleep there. Possibly all three. The surprise comes when he doesn't. He just sits there for a long moment. I would have thought he had already gone, but I can hear his breathing right next to me. So what happens now?

He answers the question for me when his hands slide softly down my back, to rub gentle circles there. Is this supposed to make me feel any better? I give a derisive snort, but Shuichi ignores me and keeps going, moving his hands up slightly.

If this is another attempt to get me to fuck him, it is most definitely not going to work. I would voice this opinion out loud, but his hands are actually rather relaxing at this point...

his gliding hands move up still further. I should get him to give me a back massage every night.

When his hands start to rotate just beyond my shoulder blades, I can't help but give a soft moan of contentment – this does actually feel very good right now. Not that I'd ever say it, of course. Shuichi giggles a bit at my escaped moan and keeps going. I can imagine him now, smirking away to himself for being the one person, probably in the whole world since I was a child, who got Yuki Eiri to actually relax.

Yes, well, I certainly can't stand for that. Yuki Eiri simply does not relax just from a mere back massage – that would ruin my whole hostile image. So I move to get up... ok, maybe I don't. Its so nice right now, and I'm just too comfortable to move. I'll let Shuichi finish what he started, and then I'll move.

I'm still facing the wall, but even so I have to hold back a smile. Not a smirk, or a leer - a real, honest to god smile. Can't let the brat see that – he'll start getting ideas.

Oh, a little lower... no, a bit to the left... ahhh, that's good. What, the brat can read minds now? Or did I say that out loud? I don't think I did...

Oh well. Not like it matters now, anyway. His hands are right up on my shoulders now, and massaging all the tension away... just where the hell did he learn to give a good massage?

His hands on my shoulders... my neck... shit. Is this all just another dream? If it is, I'm not complaining. I close my eyes, relax completely. Surrender myself to his touch... but only this one time. Got that, Shuichi, only this once...

I hear him giggle again, softly, as my eyes drift shut and I let out a contented sigh. And the last thing I hear is his voice, whispering so softly into my ear...

"Sweet dreams, Yuki."