The Owl Policy

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: they're not mine (fortunate or unfortunate, it's all up to you...)

I've just noticed that in the third instalment I made Lacus call Athrun 'Zala-san' when the others called him 'Mister' or 'Colonel'... Well, my apology for that, but since Lacus is pictured to be very polite in the anime, I hope this kind of slip will make her more endear to you instead. Anyway, while writing this, I'm listening to Hateshinaku Tooi Sora ni (Kyou Kara Maou), Nakushita Kotoba (Naruto), and Michiyuki (Loveless). Blame them all if this last instalment of TOP is too weird to your taste... sweat-drops

This is the first time I finish a fic without having anyone proof-reading it previously, so any grammar mistakes or errors are definitely mine. For those who've read and cared to give me constructive feedbacks in spite of my poor writing skill, my gratitude is all yours. I haven't thought an AU'd get attention this much (not that I thought it'll be interesting at all), and I really thank you for all the time you spare me.

I don't offer a conclusion in this fic. You could think it's disappointing or else, but how Athrun and Cagalli will deal with themselves is all up to your thinking. I don't take them persona non grata or take them for granted because I want them that way (at least in this fic).

So... we've reached this point now. TOP is finished. Sequel, anyone?

p.s.: watch Loveless! Repeat: watch Loveless! OMG, MinaJun's totally coooool! squeals and starts fangirling Ritsuka

You will walk safer, less dangerously

In your own path of darkness

Than in the path of the other's light

Anthony de Mello, Prayer of the Frog 2

-Fourth, and the Last, Part of Whole-

The principal put a closed folder of progress report on the desk in front of him with a small smile. In her seat, Cagalli fidgeted ever so slightly.

"I appreciate this very much, Miss Athha. You've done better than my expectation."

And what is your expectation, really, Cagalli wanted to ask that, but it came out this way: "Thank you, Sir."

"Miss Athha, with this ended, I hope you've understood what it is that I want you to learn," the Principal said. "I know you're always being honest with your emotions, but being honest doesn't mean you always have to follow your temper."

"I understand, Sir."

The Principal pushed a brown envelop into her direction. "The Veteran Service Bureau gives the best regard for you."

"Sir, what about Athr—Colonel Zala?"

The Principal raised an eyebrow at her slip of tongue, but did not take a heed to it further. "I believe, Miss Athha, the letter from the Veteran Service Bureau would explain it furthermore."

"I see. Thank you, Sir. Now, may I excuse myself?"

"Please do so."

Lacus was waiting outside the principal's room. Cagalli immediately noticed the worry etched on her friend's eyebrows. I shouldn't be surprised...

"How's it, Cagalli?"

"What do you think?" she waved the brown envelop in front of Lacus' face. "They even bother to send me a letter of gratitude."

Lacus heaved a relief sigh. "It all ends in a good way?"

"Yup." Cagalli nodded. Grinning, she reached out to slap her friend's arm playfully. "So worry no more, okay?"

"But it all happens because you wanted to save me from those boys. I mean, I di—"

"Lacus," she cut impatiently, "it's not your fault. Trust me. Even if it's not you, I'd still be more than happy to kick the ass of cowards like them."

"O-okay... if you said so..."

"Let's put it like this," Cagalli grinned even more, trying to sweep the guilty feelings off of her friend. "Kira got all the fun because of this, didn't he?"

"I admit that's just so painfully right." Lacus finally smiled. "Now that you talk about it, how is Athrun-san?"

"I'm not sure. I—" Cagalli frowned, definitely unhappy for not knowing what to say. "Don't look at me like that, Lacus."

"Cagalli, you haven't talked to him ever since, have you?"

Feeling that denial would only pick more overly concern from Lacus, she nodded.

"What's that? Yes or no? Have you or haven't you?"

"I haven't."

Lacus got a secure hold of her wrist, making her to face her friend seriously. "Why?"

Yeah, she wondered why she had not talked to him yet since the day she escorted him on the way to his eyes surgical operation—two weeks ago.

And she wondered why it irritated her so much.

"I don't know," she blurted out honestly. "Really, I don't know."

"So what are you waiting for now? Go and meet him."

"But—"

"No but."

If it was not for Lacus'—and Kira's—forceful insist, she would hardly go to the hospital on her own will.

'Go there and see if he's alright. Don't forget to ask for his signature!'

She had scowled at her brother's persistent push, but when it came to Lacus' smile, she could not help but agreeing on what they wanted her to do.

The truth was she did not know what to talk to him when they met. Such words like 'Hi, how's your eyes?' would totally become an utter mess even before she realized it. Athrun hate such words, and she never hoped to be one of the things that could aggravate his moody temper.

Well, those, and the fact that she had hugged him that night.

It was just a friendly hug, offering comfort and accompany, but she realized that for Athrun, who had just deliberately poured what on his mind was, it might worth more than she intended it to be.

Like Athrun who could not deal with embarrassment too well, she indeed could hardly do it better than him.

'What's to be ashamed of?'

Cagalli almost wanted to give in to the temptation of believing in Kira's carefree words, but she just could not. There was a bunch of reason why. Athrun was much older than her, was her employer, was a war veteran—an ace pilot nonetheless, was a man who had already tasted the bitter side of life, and...

...was in a desperate need for a company.

"Mr. Zala has been out and we don't know when he will come back, Miss. Do you want to leave a message for him?"

Half-disappointed and half-relieved for some reasons, she smiled back at the nurse. "No, it's alright. Thank you."

She left right afterward. The flowers in her hand looked as if they were mocking her. White lilies. Stupid Cagalli. They're flowers for burial (1), though. Shouldn't you buy something nicer than that, eh?

'What do you want for a present?'

'Eh?'

She shrugged. 'The day I'm working for you is running out.'

Athrun looked contemplative for a while. 'Oh.'

'So?'

'Why all so sudden?'

'Well,' she shrugged again, trying to cover her uneasiness, 'just in case...'

'I see.'

There was something in his eyes that she did not recognize. A little annoyed, or perhaps... hurt? All she knew it was directed to her.

'How about a dog collar?' he finally said. 'Sergeant needs a new one.'

'A dog collar it is then.'

She cursed once again at her own stupidity. Of course. Why did not it cross her mind previously to get a new dog collar instead of white lilies?

Woof.

"Yeah, Sergeant. I know. Sorry."

Woof.

Wait. Sergeant was not with her. Sergeant was in the Zala House.

That dog could not be here, except—

—she was already at its owner's residence.

Cagalli slapped her own forehead, hard. First, her mind mercilessly let her bring white lilies. Now, her own legs betrayed her by bringing her to the house she had tried to avoid these past two weeks.

"Hey." Opening the wooden gate, she waved at Sergeant. "Your master is home?"

Woof.

No, he was not, but Cagalli could assume he would be there in short.

"Thought you've forgotten the way to come here, Miss."

She jumped. Oh yes she did jump in shock at the deep voice came from behind her.

"Well, at least that's what I think—considering the fact that you haven't passed by to even just say hi lately."

Cagalli watched how Athrun, wearing black glasses (2), moved his wheelchair on his own and closed the gate after him. She did not realize she missed the quiet sound of iron wheels until now.

"Hi."

"Hi yourself," Athrun said, opening his front door. "Want to come in?"

"N-no, I think. I must go home earlier. I-I've lot homeworks to do."

"An excuse, Cagalli?" Athrun took off his black glasses and slipped it into his breast pocket before raising his head to look at her. "A bad one at that."

Her mouth hung open, but not even a single syllable escaped out. His eyes...

"Athrun Zala." Athrun stretched his hand out to her.

"E-eh?"

"This is the first time I see you in person."

Hurriedly, and a little bit nervous, Cagalli took his hand timidly. "Cagalli Yula Athha."

"I know. Jones showed me your picture." Athrun did not let her hand off yet. "Really, you're woman."

Blushing furiously, she pulled her hand back as quick as her limb could afford. "I believe there are better ways to greet a person."

"And I do believe there are better ways to look in on a person you have an acquaintance with."

Damn, it was nothing but a cruel counter attack.

Still, she was not going to let herself be cornered easily—especially by him. Getting a chair from his veranda to rest her already half-numb legs, she positioned herself in front of him. "You didn't call me."

"I don't have your number."

"Right. And the Veteran Service exists for nothing."

The man before her sighed softly. "I wasn't so sure."

Cagalli decided that it was the time for listening.

"It's not like everything's going so smooth. I only happened to open my eyes two days after the surgical operation. You know... fear, reluctance, and things like those." A smile that did not reached his eyes dawned on Athrun's face. "All I thought was what if I'd still—" he fought to find appropriate words which would not hurt himself, "—be trapped in the darkness."

"And?"

"I remembered you—your owl story to be more exactly."

Cagalli forced a smile; her breath caught in her chests. "You didn't let the policy of the owl befall upon you."

"No, I didn't."

"Your... legs?"

"They stay this way."

Truth, she remembered one of those old sayings her father sometimes recited for her, could hurt.

"Sorry."

"For what?"

For everything. For neglecting you these past weeks, she thought. If 'neglecting' is the right word, though.

"Now... it's my turn to listen to whatever you want to say."

Cagalli took a deep breath, readying herself. "I'm thinking."

"About?"

"This," she breathed out heavily. "What's happened in this last month is really a big turn for me. I'm living my life as usual until I found myself talking big things to you. It feels like I don't walk upon the earth anymore."

Athrun gave a simple sign, asking her to go on.

"I can't bring myself to look at you in the eyes."

Gently, he reached out for her hands. "And why is that?"

"Because I'm not ready!" she almost cried in desperation. "I'm not a person who can stand to say big things and doing nothing in the end. That's bullshitting."

"You have a doubt whether you could afford to do what you've said you're going to do," Athrun simplified in a glum conclusion.

"Exactly that is!"

"If it so," Athrun tightened his hold of her hands and smiled tiredly, "you're letting the owl's policy to reign."

"It's not that simple, Athrun. What if—" she swallowed, "—what if I can't prove my own words?"

I said I'm willing to learn more about you. But... what if one day I suddenly find out that it's because of a mere pity? What if one day I realize I can't keep my words anymore? You don't want it and neither do I.

"We'll just have to find out what those what ifs of yours will be like in the future."

She raised her head. "Wha—"

"You heard me. On my part, I myself am willing to find out."

She blinked, trying to reabsorb the meaning of his words.

Athrun coughed once. "Though it may be difficult for you since I'm not the best companion ever."

Silence reigned for a short moment. Yet, slowly, the corners of her mouth quirked up in a near smile. "Ah, here. I bring flowers." She handed him the white lilies, not caring that they carried a derived meaning.

The ex-ace pilot tilted his head to examine the flowers. "Tell me in case I've mistaken, but according to my memory, you've promised to get Sergeant a new dog collar."

"I know. Kind of forget it. My apologize." She stood up from her sitting. "I'll put them in a vase. Just wa—"

It was uncomfortable, being hugged by him in an awkward angle, but Cagalli could care less.

Truth could also heal. By telling him the truth, she was already being with him in the process of his healing. By being with him, she was giving a good practical form to her words. What she had planned, what he had thought, it would only matter once it was done. More or so, it was all to that.

"I'm glad I meet you," Athrun mumbled a quiet acknowledgement.

"Me too."

It was when Sergeant woofed again that Athrun, though half-heartily, let her go.

"Looks like I really should get a dog collar for him, don't you think so?" Cagalli enunciated indulgently.

Smiling with his mouth and eyes, Athrun simply asked, "Together?" He did not talk about the dog collar.

"Together." She did not talk about the dog collar either (3).

It was still a beginning.

But at least it began with a good preparation.

make me a witness

take me out

out of darkness

out of doubt

—Witness, Sarah McLachlan (4)

(1) In Japan, they are. I don't know if white lilies have different meaning in another country.

(2) Yeah... Alex Dino...

(3) I read this part of 'did not talk about' from a Tezuka x Fuji fic out there, but I can't remember its author. If you happen to ever read it, please let me know. Or maybe if you're the author yourself, please do let me know whether I should remove this part off TOP. Thanks.

(4) Bravo Sarah McLachlan! My fics have lots influence of her lyrics.