Flash
lyrics by Michal Towber

"Let go of my arm," Alexis demanded, much more confidently than she felt, which was helplessly imprisoned by this man's deadly glare. She had seen that stormy cloud possess his eyes before, and the subsequent repercussions had always been nothing short of terrifying. To be caught in that hollow gaze was unbearably more than she could handle.

She desperately needed to free herself so that she could get to Ric before he was out of her reach both physically and spiritually. Having lived with Ric for the last few months, Alexis was well aware of her husband's impeccable physical health; she awoke every morning habitually to the sound of the shower running, directly following his morning jog. If Alexis had chased after Ric immediately, she would have had a hard enough time keeping up. But now, as Sonny held her back from her dire quest, Ric was quickly slipping through her hands.

Flash; you're a picture in my heart
And I won't let you fade or die
So I guess it goes

"I need to get to Ric," Alexis said hoarsely, struggling once more to release herself from his strong grip. As expected, he only held on tighter, causing her to wince.

"Ric's long gone by now."

"Why are you doing this?" she whispered, willing herself to hide her terror.

Her heart stopped as Sonny very suddenly drew her closer, his unwelcome hand creeping up her arm. She felt her whole body go rigid as he dragged his finger lazily across the back of her neck. She was terrified to see his eyes adapt a different quality in their demeanor. Instead of anger and hate, she saw lust and power. Before she could process what was happening, Sonny had stripped her of her jacket and shoved his hands under her shirt. Alexis froze at his ice-cold touch, and Sonny took her seeming lack of objection as cooperation. He clutched her hips with his palms and sharply thrust them towards the couch.

As he intended, Alexis lost her balance and tumbled backwards into the uncomfortable furniture. He grinned heartlessly at her as he descended upon her like a storm descends upon the sea. His mouth was a tidal wave that washed over hers, snatching the breath right out of her. She struggled for the surface, but it was just beyond her reach. She tried to choke out a protest, but she was drowning.

Sonny anxiously fingered the buttons on her shirt, but he was too eager. Frustrated with the less than satisfactory results, he grabbed a fistful of her shirt and yanked it impatiently until the bottom few came free. Alexis shuddered as Sonny's hands slithered around her newly exposed skin. She closed her eyes in a hopeless attempt to spare herself the agony of watching him molest her.

The queasy feeling in her stomach quickly became a blinding pain as he moved his mouth down to her neck, pulling at her delicate skin with his harsh teeth. He groaned in delight as she whimpered in pain.

Alexis' mind quickly took a surprising turn towards her husband. She could see Ric running, but the faster he ran, the more he began to fade. She could see herself chasing after him; she knew she had to catch up to him before he disappeared, but she was too late. Without warning, he vanished.

Alexis' eyes snapped open as her need to be with Ric overwhelmed her. With surprising and tremendous strength, she shoved Sonny upward just enough to dive out from under him onto the floor. She scrambled frantically for the door, chased out by Sonny's malicious, resounding laughter.

Sigh; I imagine how you sigh
As you lie beside your love
Safe supine, not mine

Ric was so startled that he nearly slipped from the railing. There was something about the way she held out her hand that forced him into realizing that he was dangerously suspended over the churning waters. He carefully considered his options to either relieve himself of the ache and rest his mind and body or step back into the world he had been so ready to leave only moments ago.

"Come on," she coaxed gently. "It's OK, just take my hand." Ric looked back down at the water one last time briefly considering his original intentions for a fleeting moment. Reluctantly, Ric put his hand into hers and turned enough to delicately slip down from the rail to his feet, stumbling a bit as he landed.

"You're drunk," she said carefully, as she put a hand to his upper arm to steady him.

"Something like that," he muttered, wincing at the sudden dizziness that washed over him. She could feel him tremble at her fingertips, no doubt chills left over from his invigorating run.

"Come on, sweetie," she called, tugging on his arm. "Let me take you some place warm."

Ric shook his head stubbornly. He didn't feel like he could ever be warm again; he didn't feel like he deserved it anyway.

"I insist," she persisted just as stubbornly. "You can't stay out here all night, especially when you're three sheets to the wind."

She tugged her head in the direction of her car. Ric's feet carried him without his consent as she guided him along the bridge with her arm draped over his shoulders.

Please believe me, it's true
I'd waste my life on you
Please believe me, it's true
I'd waste my life on...

Alexis breathed in deeply for the first time in minutes as her head dropped sharply into the headrest of her car seat. She wanted to refuse to allow herself even one tear, but Sonny had shaken all the control from her. She pulled her torn shirt close around her, clutching it with her trembling fingers, hoping to retain what little remained of her dignity before it drained from her entirely. With her one free hand, she started the car and turned on the heat, though she suspected she was not shivering from the chill of the night.

She knew she was driving too fast. She knew that she was driving far beyond the speed limit, but she didn't care. Although she dreaded rushing to a home she no longer shared with her husband, she needed to get as far from the Penthouse as quickly as possible.

Alexis' mind was on auto-pilot as she raced through the streets in the dead of night, blinking back as many tears as she could fight on her own. Ric was usually around to stand by her in battle; he would capture most of her tears before they had a chance to tread down her face, but he wasn't around to fight by her side this time. She'd have to face this one alone.

Suddenly, Alexis was unexpectedly aware of her surroundings. She realized she was driving over a bridge that she had always crossed over but had never really thought about until now. The waters below it were what caught her eye; they seemed to be much more rampant than usual. For some reason, looking down at the water gave her an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach; she suddenly felt like she was falling. Shuddering slightly, she turned her attention back to the road, thankful to be leaving a bridge that left her with an unexplainable empty feeling.

You are the only one I want
The only thing I'll die without
You are why I try

Ric stepped lightly through the doorway and into the apartment, looking around impressively when she flicked on the lights.

"Wow. Who would have known that Jen McNeil, quiet yet brilliant defense attorney, would own such a luxurious place?"

She laughed as she hung her coat on the back of the door. "'Own' is kind of a stretch. I think 'rent' is more the word you're looking for."

"Go easy on me, Counselor. I'm a little too plastered for coherent thoughts at the moment," he sighed as he crashed on to the couch, leaning his head back into the back of the couch. He noticed right away that it wasn't nearly as comfortable as the couch he had shared with Alexis in their home, but it was certainly much softer than the railing of the bridge.

"Well, don't judge the place by a cursory glance at the living room," she said as she sat down next to him. "This room takes up about 85 of the whole apartment."

"Well, I'm sure the other 15 is just as nice," he said as he closed his eyes.

"Wow, you did a simple math problem; I'm impressed!" she joked. Ric opened one eye briefly and shot her a glance that made her giggle. She watched him curiously as he put two fingers to his temple and massaged them gingerly.

"Would you like some coffee or something?" she asked, a bit unsure. Ric opened both of his eyes, his hands falling into his lap.

"Nah, I think I'm ready for a nice long rest and most likely an even longer hangover. Well, that is, if I actually had a place to sleep."

Jen frowned. "Do you want to talk first?"

"What's there to talk about?"

"Well, why don't we start with why you don't have a place to sleep tonight," she suggested. Ric groaned; she had no idea what she was asking for. He was sure she did not want to hear about his issues with his wife, and he certainly did not want to talk about them.

"Is coffee my only other option?"

She laughed. "Well, you certainly don't have to talk if you don't want to, but you're more than welcome to anything that I might have in my fridge."

"Water?"

"You got it," she said as she stood up and headed off to the kitchen.

Ric took advantage of her absence to take a closer look at her living room. He had always believed that one could discern a lot about a person by carefully surveying his or her domestic environment. He noticed that the only pictures she had were of family members; she obviously had no one special in her life. The fabric in the couch matched the wallpaper and the rug perfectly; she was a perfectionist just like Alexis. Everything was spotless; she must feel alone.

"Here you go."

Ric started at her voice. She did not seem to notice that he was analyzing her through her living room; that would explain the mundane patterns on her lampshade.

She handed him the water and sat down beside him again, sipping her own water.

"Thanks," he said accepting the glass from her.

"So, what were you doing on the bridge tonight?" Jen asked casually.

Ric laughed with a slight roll of his eyes. "Boy, is that a story to tell."

"Are you going to share it with me?" she prodded. Ric concentrated on the dirt underneath his fingernails. "Did something happen with Alexis?" she guessed astutely. Ric looked up, questioning her with his silence. "I assumed. I figured that would be the only explanation for why she isn't the one rescuing you from bridges and taking care of your..." she trailed off, lost for the right word.

"Inebriation?" he helped her out.

"Wow, you can even spit that word out when you're hammered?"

"Yeah, well, living with the brightest attorney in the country has really kept my vocabulary sharp," he said distantly. Jen sipped at her water, listening intently. "You know, I never knew that things could go so wrong so quickly," he mused. "I guess when you're in love, there's always a risk. And the degree of that risk is dependent on just how strong that love is. I took a pretty hefty chance being with Alexis, and she with me. I'm not really sure if I would have done things differently if I knew from the start what I know now. I mean, maybe I'm just one of those people who is attracted to pain. Maybe I have some sort of aversion to happiness and comfortable relationships. I certainly went out of my way to make sure that I destroyed any chance of a relationship with my brother. I can't even begin to tell you all the ways I messed up my marriage with Elizabeth. And I just can't shake the feeling that somehow I caused this riff between Alexis and me."

"What happened?" Jen asked cautiously.

"She lied to me about Kristina," Ric said staring down into his water glass. "Sonny is her biological father."

Jen flinched. "Ouch." She couldn't think of anything better to say. But after a moment's pause, a question rose to the surface. "Why would you blame yourself for that?"

Ric sighed heavily, asking himself the same question. "I don't know," he said emptily. They sat wordlessly for a moment before Ric finally spoke up again.

"You probably think I'm an alcoholic," he said, laughing a bit at himself.

She shook her head. "Not at all."

"Well, I just want you to know that I don't binge on a regular basis," he assured her. "I think the only other time I ever drank myself blind was one time several months ago. Back when I had just been appointed District Attorney, I was so excited to be getting my first major case. This woman was being abused by the father of her unborn child. One time, he went too far, and she fought back. Of course, like all creeps do, he pressed charges against her. Well, you know me. I was so ambitious and so determined to win that case at any cost. I fought my damned hardest to send that poor woman to prison, and I won.

"Well, several months later," Ric continued with a heavy sigh, "after I'd long forgotten about that case, I got word that this girl had been severely abused in prison. She was too young, and the meal service in prison isn't exactly optimal for a woman carrying a child." Ric's head dropped, laden with shame. "She was so unhealthy when she gave birth that her little baby boy almost didn't survive." His guilt made his voice hoarse as he confessed, "He lived, but his mother didn't make it through the labor."

Jen's heart was breaking. She was so caught up in his story that she hadn't even realized she was crying until he looked up at her, and she found herself drying her eyes quickly, slightly embarrassed. She could see how he struggled with his confession, and she wondered if he ever told Alexis all this.

"When I found out that night what had happened... I don't know, the whole world just froze. It was too late for me to help her once I learned the graphic details of what happened to her during her prison term. I just felt so guilty for putting her in that environment. I went to drink myself numb, and I ran into Alexis there. We weren't together then, but she sat silently next to me just the same as I drank myself further into oblivion. She said she would drive me home, but I really didn't want her to feel obligated. She was speaking to the bartender about my tab, and I tried to sneak out without her seeing me. I wandered right into traffic and... well, I guess the rest is history."

She didn't know what to say. She knew she should have said something comforting or reassuring, but nothing came to mind. She just watched him sadly as he relived the remorse all over again.

"So, what were you doing on that bridge tonight?" he asked suddenly, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible.

She laughed nervously, thinking over how to begin. "Well, let's just say I go there a lot. Whenever I've got something on my mind, I go up there to look at the water. It may seem very clichéd – you know, those people who like to look out at the ocean and feel small – but I really do feel like whatever's weighing on my mind isn't as important as I build it up to be."

"So, what had you up there tonight?" Ric asked, draining his glass and setting it down on the coaster that lay next to the lamp. She certainly was prepared for anything.

Jen shook her head, seemingly shaking the color from her cheeks. "It's not – um – I don't really want to talk about it. You don't want to hear about it."

"Oh, come on," Ric complained. "How is that fair? I just spilled my guts to you; now it's your turn." Ric did not realize he was pushing just a little too hard.

She swallowed hard. "My mother died eight years ago tonight," she began difficultly. Ric's face fell as he quickly realized that he had pushed the wrong subject. "She was diagnosed with lung cancer in the fall of '92 and died four and half years later. She didn't have too many relatives who lived in the area, but my sister and I were by her side day in and day out. I think the three of us became closer in those four and a half years than we ever had growing up. But after my mother passed in '97, my sister moved back to Wisconsin to live with her husband and three children." Jen shook her head and touched the corner of her eye lightly at the site of her first teardrops. "And we just found out a few weeks ago that my sister has lung cancer."

Ric felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to reach out to her, but he thought it would be inappropriate. He also thought she needed to finish her story.

"My sister and I haven't kept in touch very much over the last eight years. I've called her a lot more over the last couple of weeks, but it's not the same. And I can't afford to go see her, financially or otherwise. I can't fly down there for an extended stay because my job simply won't allow for it, and it would be too expensive to fly down for only a weekend visit. I guess tonight I just realized that it's probably not likely that I'll see her before..."

Against his better judgment, Ric took her hand in his delicately. She should not have to say the words when he understood.

"I'm sorry," he said, at a loss for anything more comforting to say.

"You know, I've considered tossing myself off that bridge before, too," she confessed, smiling briefly when he squeezed her hand affectionately. "But really, what would be the point?"

"It would make the ache go away."

"But then you just leave pain for everyone who knows and loves you."

"What if you don't have anyone left?"

"Then why bother making a grand statement if no one's around to care?"

Ric shrugged. "You're really smart, did you know that?"

Jen rolled her eyes. "You're sense of perception is just warped from all that alcohol," she argued modestly. "Give yourself some time to sober up, and you'll think differently in the morning –"

"No, don't do that," Ric interrupted. "Don't sell yourself short." Alexis used to do that all the time. "You're one of the most successful and brilliant attorneys of our time." He used to tell Alexis that all the time. "So don't ever doubt yourself."

Instinctively, Ric's free hand drifted up to her face. She recoiled at first, but he relaxed her with the simple movement of his fingers over her cheek. It was then that she realized that they were sitting way too close, but before she could remedy that uncomfortable situation Ric moved even closer and drew her mouth towards his.

Please believe me, it's true
I'd waste my life on you
Please believe me, it's true
I'd waste my life on...

Alexis walked briskly down the trail that surrounded the local park, keeping her head down. She decided that she was not ready to return to a home without Ric just yet. She couldn't go into their bedroom and sleep alone in their queen-sized bed. She couldn't go into the kitchen and find his perfect leftover lasagna in the refrigerator. She couldn't sit on the couch where they had shared their first kiss and, as she'd found out earlier, she couldn't even go into the bathroom without thinking about Ric.

She crossed her arms over her chest to hold together the bottom of her shirt that Sonny had so hastily torn. She felt a little uneasy about walking through the park with her clothing in the state it was in, but she was decently covered, and she wasn't expecting anyone to be in the park so late at night anyway.

Her instincts were proven wrong when she crashed quite literally into Steven Webber.

"Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, I should have been watching where I was going, I'm sorry," she rambled apologetically as he quickly regained his balance.

"It's OK, there's no need to apologize."

Alexis nodded and looked at him curiously, trying to place his identity. "You're Steven Webber, right?" she asked, remembering vaguely when Ric introduced her to him in the Cellar. "Elizabeth's brother?"

"That's me," he said with a nod of his head. "Though I've always preferred not to be known as 'Elizabeth's brother.'"

"I'm sorry," Alexis apologized again. "I know what you mean. I always hated when people only acknowledge me as Stefan's sister. It made me feel second-rate. I always wanted people to know me as my own person."

"See, that's what I always said, but Elizabeth just thought it meant I was ashamed of her," Steven said with a laugh. "Of course we were just kidding around, but Elizabeth can be difficult that way."

"Yeah." For some reason, talking about Elizabeth made Alexis instantly think of Ric. Steven seemed to notice a change in her demeanor.

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just... tired," she finished weakly.

"Come on," Steven said. "You don't think I've used that line myself? People are tired by nature. You can't use that as your excuse."

Alexis sighed. She considered telling him about Ric, but she thought it would be awkward; after all, he and Steven were co-workers at the PCPD. Thinking about her fight with Ric made her think about her subsequent encounter with Sonny. That dark memory made her involuntarily shiver, and she held her arms closer to herself.

"Alexis, are you sure you're OK? You look a little shook-up."

"I'm just trying to make it through the night."

Happiness is the memories I can't have...

Ric's mind went numb as his fingers impulsively slid into her hair. It didn't have the same silky element that he'd always felt when Alexis' hair fell over his face, but it had a certain familiarity. Flashes of Alexis's face as Ric put his wedding band on the table and walked out blinded him, and his hands moved hastily to Jen's thighs.

She responded immediately by latching on to his waist with the palms of her hands. He was moving so fast that her thoughts could barely keep up. Ric tried to lay her flat on her back, but she put a hand to his chest to stop him. He looked crestfallen, feeling rejected. Jen shook her head, standing up from the couch slowly. She held both of her hands out to him, and he understood. He took them in his and stood immediately, seizing her mouth with his again. He backed her up, following her lead, right up to her bedroom door.

Love is the people I have lost...

"Sounds cryptic," Steven said worriedly.

"It's not anything that you need to concern yourself with," she said with a fragile smile.

"Do you want to talk it out?" he asked sympathetically.

"You could be in for a very long night," she warned.

"I'm a doctor. I'm used to long nights," he said gently. Alexis nodded and took a deep breath, walking to the nearest bench. Steven followed her, and together they sat. Alexis still wanted to avoid confiding in Steven about Ric for fear that uncomfortable awkwardness would arise, but she needed to talk to someone badly.

"Ric and I got into a fight."

"I hope it wasn't serious."

"Oh, it was," she said sadly. "I lied to him for months and he's taking it pretty hard. As expected."

"How'd he find out?"

"Oh, I confessed. He needed to know, and I didn't want him to find out anywhere else. I tried to talk to him about it, but he was too angry. Anyway, he stormed out and I – uh – haven't seen him since," she lied quickly, deciding that Steven didn't need to know about her earlier experience with her brother-in-law, and she certainly wasn't ready to talk about it.

"Do you mind if I ask what this lie is that he can't seem to get past?"

Alexis shook her head. "It doesn't honestly matter. I really hope that he can forgive me in time. But until then, I don't want to go to our home without him there."

"Well, you're more than welcome to come stay with me," he offered. "I happen to love sleeping on my couch."

"Oh, no, I wouldn't ask you to do that," she said shaking her head again. "As much as I don't want to go home, I know that I have to. I'll be fine."

"Can I at least drive you there?"

"No, thanks. My car's in the parking lot."

"Ok. Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to look me up."

Alexis smiled warmly. "Thanks. But I'm not really so worried about myself; I'm worried about Ric. I don't know what happened to him after he left our apartment."

Life is running from the ends...

The door flew open as Ric and Jen stumbled into the bedroom, pawing anxiously at each other's clothes. He lifted her shirt over her head, just before she collapsed onto the bed with Ric following immediately on top of her. She quickly divested him of his jacket and fidgeted with the buttons on his dress shirt, finally pushing it off his shoulders to the floor. She broke contact at the lips just long enough to run her palms in circles over his bare chest.

He looked down at her hungrily, panting just as feverishly as she. He could feel her fingers move up his chest to the back of his neck, and suddenly he was falling as she pulled him back down on top of her. His mouth missed hers and landed on the skin between her shoulder and neck, and his lips began to roam. She responded by weaving her fingers into his hair.

Just like Alexis used to do.

Music is the space between the silences...