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A/N: Thanks to azure-gloom, poison blossom, Mistle, fire-sprite-14,Q-BriarXJade-Q, Tinkbelle, Lady Moofin and chineseblossom for reviewing!
Disclaimer: I hacked into Hermione's inbox and there it was, a large neon sign saying "Harry Potter Belongs To J. ." So now I don't own anything except the information I got from Hermione's or anyone else's inbox.
BTW: I got a beta reader! Thanks a million to Q-BriarXJade-Q for agreeing to help me!
To: no1quidditchking
From: thedarklordrewards
Subject: Potter
I was thinking about alliance. I mean, we are similiar in a lot of ways. We are half-bloods, we are (in this case, I was) devastatingly handsome, we are undeniably powerful and we both hate the hell out of the bumblebee snogging Dumbledore. There is no good or evil, Potter. Only power and those who wish to seek it. Choose the winning side. How about it?
-The Dark Lord Rewards
Are you kidding? Of course you reject the offer! Although you hate Dumbledore, you can find other ways for revenge! I mean, our lives are at stake here! If you take it I will die!
-Hermione
PS: If I die, I will personally make sure to haunt the exact bathroom you would be using and watch you. I will also continously flood the toilet so amusing brown little things will float into your bedroom. Good luck getting it all clean!
Hmm... Did he offer you anything worth while?
Of course I know You-Know-Who will kill my whole family and I. You don't get the point, do you? Let me phrase it again, did he offer you anything?
I am in perfectly fine condition, thank you. I have no idea why are you sending me such horrible insults.
Careful, Harry. Fred and George hacked into Ginny's account recently. It could be you next! By the way, Ginny is in a bad mood, did you do anything regrettable?
-Ron
Too bad, mate. I hope you survive this one.
I love you, oh you little piece of delicious hunky man, you! I think of you day and night! When will you announce our engagement to the world? You will always be my piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle! My piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle, remember, our love!
-Mrs. Potter
You mean you won't join me because the Mudblood will haunt you? It's perfectly easy to handle that! I have a few Ghosts banishing spells I can do! Just a little swish and flick! By the way, you simply must check out "The Ultimate Love Website". I highly recommend the user Dark and Sexy.
-The Dark Lord Rewards
What do you mean you're gay and madly in love with Snape? It can't be! I've watched you in Hogwarts! Nor do I believe your relationship with Trevor the toad. It used to belong to one of my students. So drop it.
-Mrs. Potter
Looks like we both have stalkers. Send me the email and I'll check it out with you. I'll try to check mrsronweasley or something as well. Good luck cleaning up your keyboard! (BTW, I heard that vomit stains are really hard to clean... Tell me when you're done cleaning everything up)
-Hermione
My identity will be known when we wed! Just call me 'darling', 'love', 'honey' or whatever nick names you can invent!
-Mrs. Potter
You mean this fangirl, ( or fanwoman) is asking you to call her soppingly sweet nicknames that even ants avoid? Neat! Anyway, I heard she is calling you her piece of sweet white chocolate with sticky fudge in the middle. That's completely priceless!
Um... no. Death threats will do nothing to faze me anymore.
Erm... Harry, we were wondering if you had any relationship with Ron? We bet against Ginny with 5 galleons. If you're not having a relationship with him... Who is? We mean, er, you're his best friend, you should know, right? Thanks for reading this e-mail. I hope it's not taking much of your fangirl-mail time!
-Colin and Dennis Creevy
Oh, you heard about the bet? Ron wants to do what to us? Is that even physically possible?
-Colin and Dennis Creevy
Oh well, I should have known! I'll kill them! I'll force George to eat up his own teeth after I finish him! I will make Fre eat his Weasley Wheezes tricks up after I destroy it, and maybe cause some physically permanent damage to him as well. Woah. Deja vu.
The search for Mrsharrypotter was delayed. Sorry, Harry. I was kind of curious to find out who she was, myself. Maybe I'll go to the unofficial Harry Potter fan club to see if her name was listed there. I bet you didn't even know there was an unofficial Harry Potter fan club. You can check it out at "We Love Harry Potter" -link-. It is completely pink. A painful shade of pink. I suggest wearing sunshades to protect your eyes. Good luck!
-Hermione
Oh.. I recommended that user for no reason in particular!
-The Dark Lord Rewards
Don't worry, Potter. You will live to regret your decision!
-The Dark Lord Rewards
PS: Have you tasted mudblood blood before? It's perfectly delicious! You should try some sometime! I highly recommend mudbloods with know-it-all attitudes and bushy brown hair! Mundungus said they taste more delicious!
Do you mean you want porn sites?
See? Even Hermione knew you were suggesting porn sites!
I found out who IT was yesterday but I wanted to make sure. I received the search result e-mail recently. And here it is. Let me warn you first, you won't be very pleased. Anyhow, just wanna tell you that blood stains are even more difficult to remove than vomit stains, so get a bucket ready first.
Congratulations!
Your application to find the identity of the holder of the email 'mrsharrypotter' has been found! She is also known as Dolores Umbridge!
You can also contact him at "The Unofficial Harry Potter Website" link with the nick name of Potter'sluver. Apparently, she has a fetish for Harry James Potter's blood.
Thank you for subscribing at EmailSearch!
Sheesh! Sor - ry! You did want to know! I told you and you can't blame me for transforming your white keyboard into red! That's entirely your fault! I mean, it was your blood!
I hope Miss Granger will not be doing further research about my life. I know it is quite interesting and slightly exciting but I promised Minerva not to let anyone know about to Pumpkin and The Spade accident. Have a good time during your holidays and please pass my message to Miss Granger.
-Albus Dumbledore
Oh, that pumpkin and spade accident. Don't tell Dumbledore I already know about it. And I won't tell you. I think Dumbledore probably already knows I found out about everything but he trusts me not to tell you. No amount of begging, bribing, threatening or forcing will force me to tell you about this particular incident.
-Hermione
Oh, Harry... My beloved. Why haven't you contacted me in so long?
Oh, damn.
No, I won't tell you. Whatever you do, a quick Reparo would do the job, remember. And if it doesn't, Dumbledore's Reparo will.
Give me a reason Potter. Just give me a reason and I'll make your life more hell than Voldermort could ever manage.
Congratulations!
Your application to find the identity of the holder of the email 'iluvronweasley' has been found! She is also known as Luna Lovegood! Apparently, he has a fetish for Crumple Horned Snorkacks.
Thank you for subscribing at EmailSearch!
