|I'll Ask You Again
Author: EverNeverMore PM
Sasuke remembers something from his past, that he never understood until now...(ItaSasu)Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Words: 2,658 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 6 - Published: 02-04-05 - id: 2249385
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'll Ask You Again
Warnings: Itachi/Sasuke pairing. Incest and shonen-ai. Nothing graphic, but if you don't like it don't read it.
AN: I have several views of the Itachi and Sasuke relationship, so I decided to write a separate fic for each view... lol. So this is one of them. You could call it venting.
Niisan - older brother
Mou... - Geez...
'Sasuke's thoughts or flashback text'
Hopefully ffnet doesn't kill my formatting >
It was a simple task. Just another random process everyone who was anyone went through daily. The memory shouldn't have engraved itself any deeper into his mind than the rest of the many scattered moments he would look back on while staring at the ceiling late at night.
But he did remember the moment, each time he lost track of his thoughts.
And it did engrave itself, somehow, slightly deeper, for some unknown reason; into his mind.
It was the words exchanged, rather than the event itself, that made all the difference.
At first he looked back on it in confusion, when he was young.
Years after he looked back on it with violent anger, teeth clenched and grinding.
But now it just annoyed him. A nasty pestering ache that almost itched with the way it twisted his insides and taunted his mind.
Finally old enough to understand; he caught himself constantly wondering... reminding himself...
"Sasuke, let go."
"But, Niisan! You said..."
"You're filthy, you're getting me dirty. Get off of me and go clean yourself."
Sasuke reluctantly let the fabric of his older brother's clothing slip from his grasp, pouting. Itachi was always busy. He always promised him a tomorrow that never seemed to come, but today was different. Today, instead, Itachi had said... 'In awhile, I'm too busy right now.' Not tomorrow. Awhile. Which, of course, meant within the same day. He couldn't help but be excited... And it wasn't his fault that it had rained that morning, and the simple task of practicing his aim outside had somehow drenched and soiled his clothing completely. He couldn't wait for the moment when 'awhile' became 'now.'
"Niisan... you're dirty now too."
Itachi gave him a look that reminded him who was at fault for that fact.
"Why don't you take a bath with me?"
An eyebrow raised.
True, they used to bathe together when they were much younger, sometimes even with their father. But once Itachi had started rapidly excelling in skills and rank, the common event dissipated into a rarity, if that.
Sasuke flushed under the skeptical gaze, and looked down at his feet. His brother must think him stupid for asking such a thing at his age. But he was only seven, was that really too old to want to bathe together? All he was really concerned with was spending time with his brother, and he'd even settle for bathing to get that. As long as it meant Itachi was with him, and not brushing him away like usual. He'd do almost anything to get that time.
"Itachi! Sasuke! You're filthy! Go take a bath!"
The scold from their mother as she passed by startled them. Sasuke grinned widely. Now even mother was telling Itachi to take a bath!
Itachi stood impassively, though Sasuke could tell he was slightly irritated. He followed closely behind as Itachi led the way with silent footsteps, while his were loud and wet as his feet met the floor.
His brother effortlessly filled the tub and took out the necessary supplies, arranging them all in a neat little pile within easy reach, and then began to undress mechanically.
Once he was naked, Sasuke found himself staring in a detached sort of wonder at his elder sibling. Itachi's body had changed drastically from before, even though he hadn't ever paid much attention to it. But he was certain that the muscles he was gaping at now hadn't been there before.
Undressing quickly and then looking down at himself, Sasuke frowned.
'Niisan's body and mine... are completely different...'
The frown increased. Somewhere in between envy and annoyance, he found himself wondering if his body would ever be as lean and muscled as his brother's was. And if, and by, the time that happened, would Itachi's body have developed even further? Still outdoing his own in more ways than he could think of?
Was that another reason their Father favored Itachi so much, and merely pushed him along in the path behind? Because his brother's body was perfect and his was only...
His arms were short... His legs were thin... He was slim, but slightly scrawny... And upon further inspection, he found that although he had very little fat on him, there wasn't much muscle either...
'Mou... This isn't fair... I train hard every day!' Sasuke grumbled inwardly.
'If I could only be like...'
He blinked. "Eh...?"
Itachi was staring at him, and he could swear there was a bit of amusement in his voice and expression. Blinking in further confusion, he then realized that he'd been staring at his brother's body for quite some time without looking away. He blushed deeply, immediately changing the direction of his gaze. 'Oh no...', hopefully he didn't offend him... He hadn't meant to!
"N-No... Just thinking."
Sasuke blinked again. Itachi... wanted to know? It wasn't that his brother was mean to him, but... He didn't really seem to care much for him specifically unless it was important. But maybe...
Eyebrows raised again.
'AH!' The color on his face darkened.
"...A-And mine! ...Are... completely different..." He finished finally, mumbling the last part. Why couldn't he even speak gracefully like his brother?
Sasuke's mood darkened even more.
"But I'm also five years older than you. It's to be expected. Yours will change eventually as well. Just like mine."
His mood perked up, and he raised his eyes, looking hopeful"...Just like yours?"
Sasuke's face broke out into a grin at that statement. He couldn't wait until he had the body of a true ninja!
"Neh, Niisan! Want me to wash your back?"
There was a moment of silence.
Sasuke smiled victoriously. There was seldom any time his brother needed help or assistance during anything. So being able to 'help' now, was a small secret victory of his own.
Wetting the cloth and soaping it up, Sasuke hummed contently to himself. This was just as good as training with Itachi! He wanted to get stronger, but helping and spending time with his brother was just as good.
Finally placing the cloth to his brother's back, Sasuke's lips thinned into a determined line; making sure he did even such a simple task as washing professionally as possible. Especially in front of Itachi.
Within a couple of seemingly long minutes he finished and pulled his hands away proudly, feeling somewhat stupid for being so happy over something so simple. But instead of finishing and getting up to wash off as he expected, Itachi turned to him. Face blank, he stared almost expectantly.
"Aren't you going to finish?"
Sasuke blanched. "Eh?"
Itachi was kneeling, facing him, stare unwavering. Surely he didn't mean...? Didn't you usually only wash each other's backs because it was easier than doing it yourself? He knew without a doubt that Itachi wasn't lazy. And he certainly wasn't incapable of washing himself on his own. Did that mean that he... wanted him to do it?
A light blush unconsciously spread across Sasuke's face at the thought. What could Itachi be thinking? It was one of the things that frustrated him most about his brother. When his face was blank it was near impossible to figure out what he was thinking. And he REALLY wished he knew what his brother was thinking at the moment. Maybe then the 'request' wouldn't seem as... odd. But he wasn't going to disappoint his Niisan.
Adding a bit more soap to the cloth, Sasuke cautiously crept closer and continued washing. For some reason this seemed a lot more... challenging... than washing Itachi's back. Maybe it was just because his brother's face was so much closer...
Sasuke bit his lip. His hands were shaking while he tried to calmly wash his brother's chest the same way he had his back. Why was he so nervous? It could be because he could feel Itachi's piercing gaze watching his every move. Though he wasn't sure why it made so much of a difference that Itachi could see what he was doing. Or... it could be because he had never really... touched his brother so much, he supposed. Itachi didn't, well usually, welcome much physical contact that he had ever noticed.
'I'll just try to ignore him... I don't know why he has to stare any way... he's being weird...'
Just as he finished that thought, and silently marveling at how hard his brother's stomach was, his breathe suddenly caught in his throat as he glanced down at the next area. No way he could go further! Glancing up at his brother's face quickly, he was mortified to find Itachi still watching him.
"There!" Sasuke shouted out suddenly, quickly retreating to a few feet away, leaving the cloth and hoping his brother would just finish cleaning himself without asking. Thankfully, Itachi didn't ask, and silently finished.
Sasuke let out a relieved sigh and sank to his knees, shivering a little. The tiled room wasn't cold, but he still felt chilled without his clothes. Earlier thoughts returning, he silently covered himself as casually as possible. He didn't want his brother noticing how much weaker looking his body was, if he hadn't already.
Looking up distractedly, Sasuke saw Itachi holding out the cloth towards him. Reaching out for it without a second thought, he blinked at his brother when it was pulled away from his hand. What..?
Doing so, he situated himself comfortably and waited. Even though it was merely polite to return the... favor, he felt strangely surprised. 'Niisan is... washing my back.' Sasuke blinked. That was something he hadn't imagined himself being able to say anytime this lifetime. It was... nice.
With a silly smile on his face, Sasuke closed his eyes and enjoyed the soothing feeling of a gentle cloth slowly moving on his back, and knowing that it was his brother doing it of his own will. His paranoia from earlier dissipated almost immediately. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a relaxing bath, and he hadn't even gotten into the tub yet.
The soothing warmth continued until the direction of the cloth suddenly changed. 'Huh..?' Blinking tiredly, Sasuke looked down to find the cloth now gliding along his chest. Holding back a protest, he bit his tongue, suddenly extremely nervous again. Rather than relax him like it had on his back, now the cloth seemed to leave an uncomfortable tingle that he wanted to itch at.
His brother was just returning the favor... That was all. At least he hadn't made him turn around to face him... He just had to wait it out and then his brother would let him finish in the same way. He just had to wait...
The sudden breathe of hot air in his ear made Sasuke's entire body freeze. He hadn't realized his brother was so close! Trying to calm himself down with his brother's lips almost touching his ear, it took him a severely delayed amount of time to notice exactly where the cloth was.
Hot red coloring flared across Sasuke's face. The cloth was just below his belly button, Itachi's fingers splayed across his lower stomach, keeping it pressed there. Letting his tongue go, he bit his lip instead. Hard.
'Niisan... what are you doing?'
Itachi wasn't doing anything. Just... breathing... and holding the cloth ...there.
'Is this ...really alright?'
He trusted his brother. He truly did. They were only bathing. But something... Something... Something felt different about this. He'd never felt this way when he took bathes before with anyone. Not his Mother or Father... or even with Itachi... And if it wasn't the bathing that felt different, then he hadn't felt this way when his Mother or girls at school hugged him either. He wasn't even really being hugged. Just... held close. And... the touch, there, on his lower stomach. What was different? What felt so out of place! Why did it make him nervous?
"How do you feel, Sasuke?"
Chewing nervously on his lip, Sasuke entertained the thought of his brother being able to read his mind, but then dropped the possibility.
"I don't know..."
It was the truth.
"How do you feel about me?"
A different question entirely.
But how to answer? He loved him just like Mother and Father, right? But was that what Itachi was asking him? If he loved him? Hated him? Thought he was cool? Thought he was acting really weird? Thought he should smile more...?
There was something different than how he felt for their Mother and Father though. Sometimes he felt angry... like when father would tell him to be like his brother. When Father only saw Itachi...
Then, often, he wanted his brother to pay attention to him. To acknowledge him. To tell him he was strong. To teach him how to be like him... Even more so than Father...
And then on days like these... he just wanted to spend time with him. To be with him alone, and have his brother's full attention to himself. To reassure himself his brother really cared. Because he was so distant...
Opening his eyes, which he wasn't aware he had closed, Sasuke was shocked to find himself staring directly into familiar black eyes. Itachi must've turned him around while he was thinking...
'I love you, because you're my Niisan...' The answer was on the tip of his tongue. But for some reason he had the disturbing concern that his answer would be unacceptable. He couldn't put his recent thoughts into words though. Not that would make sense. So...
He said it.
Itachi was silent for a long time. Sasuke was almost stunned speechless when a mysterious smile broke out across his brother's normally impassive face. Then, before he could think to move, a warm forehead was leaning against his own, his brother's nose brushing his.
"I'll ask you the same thing... when you're older." Itachi whispered, still smiling.
Sasuke blushed, and then frowned.
"Why when I'm older...? Isn't now enough?"
"No... You'll see."
With that, the conversation ended, and Itachi stood and proceeded to rinse them both off before finishing with the bath.
The words bothered him for weeks to come, before he finally managed to successfully distract himself with training and push it to the back of his mind.
'When you're older...'
"You haven't asked yet... Niisan... "
Oneshot. ...I think XD; Well, tell me what you thought. Haha, it was very random. But the stupid idea had been bothering me to write it down, so I went and did it for peace of mind. Hope you enjoyed it at least a little. And no, its not weird to bathe together in Japan. The settling was purposely left nondescript, if anyone was bothered by it. As it said in the beginning, the words and interactions were the most important.