Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or it's characters. A fact for which Kiba thanks all the gods he knows of every day. I also make no money off of this. My sole reward is the potential to scar some pure mind forever!

Warning: My humor. Should be warning enough as is. Yaoi. Also, stop bitching to me when you ignore the nice little warning and find something you don't like in the fic. I really don't care if you got sick or not. It's your own damn fault. Oh, yeah. There's also some coarse language in this fic.

Notes: I'm sorry about the obvious cliché I used here, but I couldn't help it. It just screamed to be used. Then begged to be abused. Hope this isn't too serious, Sasuke refused to allow me to make fun of him too much.

The Temari Show
by fairady

---

The camera opens on a well lit stage with a large audience. Temari smiles politely at their applause.

Temari: Welcome to the Temari Show. Today we'll be dealing with a family that's so messed up it'll make yours seem perfect.

The audience laughs. One Rock nin shouts to Temari that her family would make anyone feel normal. The man yelps as he suddenly looses his footing and cracks his head on the back of a seat. Kankurou 'helpfully' escorts the injured man out of the studio, and right back onto his head.

Temari: forces a grin Everyone welcome our first guest for today. Uchiha Sasuke!

Sasuke walks onto the stage ignoring the clapping and squeals from the audience.

Temari: Welcome to the show, Sasuke.

Sasuke: glares up at the ceiling Whatever.

Temari: I can tell you're not one for idle chit chat. So, let's cut to the chase here. Tell us about your family.

Sasuke: glares icily at Temari It's quite simple, I don't have one. When I was six years old my elder brother slaughtered my entire clan. From our own parents down to the people that could be barely called Uchihas. I'm the only one left.

The audience gasps and murmurs their support. A few cry as the camera slowly pans across the audience before turning back to the stage. The screen prompting the audience is turned off.

Temari: That's quite the heart wrenching story. Why would your brother do something like that?

Sasuke: Who knows and who cares? I'm an avenger. I've dedicated my entire life to killing him for what he's done. I will not rest until he's dead!

Temari: Well, let's see what he has to say about this. Everyone please welcome Uchiha Itachi!

Sasuke: What? glares at Temari That bastard is here!

Temari: rolls her eyes Didn't you read the script?

Itachi walks onto the stage among boos and more than a few shouted propositions. Sasuke immediately launches an attack at the empty spot his brother used to be in. Itachi appears behind Sasuke and easily knocks him out. Itachi takes his seat as the security team tries to revive Sasuke. Or poke him with a stick, it's hard to tell from the camera angle.

Temari: forces a smile Well, I have a feeling this is going to be a short show.

Itachi: smiles pleasantly back at her Most likely. I'm sorry but Sasuke-kun can get terribly overexcited about some things.

Temari: Well, you did kill everyone in your family except him. Isn't that a good enough reason to get 'overexcited?'

Itachi: Not until he has the strength to actually do something about it.

Temari: I'm sure what everyone watching wants to know is why you did all of this, but you've signed a strict agreement and we can't ask you that. ignores the disappointed moans from the audience So while Sasuke recovers why don't you tell us a little about what you're doing now?

Itachi: leans back in the chair Not too much really. I mostly travel around with my partner and we occasionally kill any idiot that gets in our way.

Temari: Doesn't that get boring?

Itachi: Not really. There are a lot of idiots in this world. smiles

Temari: nods thoughtfully While we're on the subject, I heard you tried to kidnap the Leaf's village idiot.

Itachi: Yes, it didn't exactly go as planned though. shrugs slightly We'll be better prepared next time we try to take Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke: Naruto! now conscious, jumps up and confronts Itachi It's always Naruto! Why are you so interested in that idiot? I'm your brother and I've sworn to kill you! Doesn't that count for something?

Itachi: sighs wearily and stares disinterestedly at the boy You're not really anything, Sasuke-kun. You have a long way to go to even come close to killing me. Until then you're completely irrelevant.

Sasuke: shakes with anger and growls Naruto. Why him! At least tell me that!

Itachi: shrugs Nothing personal really. If you'd ever stop angsting long enough you would have already heard about the group I'm in, Akatsuki. And, well to oversimplify it they believe that demon plus bacon bits equals power. looks off to the side I personally don't give a damn one way or another.

Sasuke: You never gave a damn about anything!

Itachi: theatrically considers for a bit before smiling widely Nope.

Sasuke looses what little composure, and common sense, he had left and launches himself at Itachi with a scream. Itachi blinks before easily flinging him across the stage. The audience is caught in the tricky dilemma of booing Itachi or cheering wildly. Sasuke stands back up ready to charge in with a Chidori.

Temari: Hey! looks, well glares, at security Idiot guest about to be killed here! Do something.

Kankurou rolls his eyes and he and Gaara rush onto the stage. Karasu jumps Sasuke from behind effectively entangling him with it's arms and chakra strings. Itachi steps back and thoughtfully examines the tendrils of sand weaving ominously before him. The audience decides to boo.

Itachi: What...interesting chakra. looks over at Gaara I want you to come with-sand wraps around his throat and squeezes lightly Suppose I should bring some back up before finishing that sentence.

Temari: stands threateningly behind Itachi, fan open You think?

The audience is instantly on it's feet. Fists and kunai in the air as they all chant, 'Temari! Temari! Temari!

Kankurou: stands to the left, Sasuke forgotten and both puppets ready You'll be needing more than just 'some back up,' pretty boy.

Itachi: blinks You think I'm pretty? stares at Kankurou blankly No one's ever said that to me before.

Silence fills the studio and everyone gapes at Itachi. Itachi who is blushing and self-consciously smoothing non-existent wrinkles on his cloak. Kankurou chokes on air and makes some very interesting sputtering sounds.

Sasuke: stares at his brother ...the hell?

Itachi: Ah, screw the demons! suddenly appears beside Kankurou Are you free after the show?

Kankurou: panics Gah!

The audience once again takes up it's chant as Temari and Gaara launch themselves at Itachi in a rage. The chants quickly turn to screams as the fight spirals out of control and begins to tear up the stage. A mass evacuation begins before the camera cuts out.

---

Kankurou: I thought you liked me.

Fairady: Of course I like you...cutie.

Kankurou: growls You're going down bitch.