Somewhere along the line, he'd become lost. He knew it clearly, although he had not known it at the time. But now, yes... it was as though he could look back over his shoulder and mark the place exactly. The moment when he had disappeared inside himself.

Why it had happened, he couldn't say. Unless... it was simply that others needed the person he had become more than he had needed himself. Yes, that seemed as reasonable an explanation as any. Logical and reasonable from a certain point of view.

Seishun Gakuen needed a leader, someone strong and serious. A patriarch, not a boy. So that was what he had become. A pillar for Seigaku to stand on, not only in tennis, but for the school at large. A leader that could bear them all upon his own, strong shoulders.

Ironic, that.

A good leader, leads by example. He does not boast, makes no excess. He quietly, efficiently fights the battle set before him, walks away the victor as though there had been no other possibility in his mind. There was none. He shows no weakness, gives no quarter, and none that follow him will ever see a twinge of pain, a sigh of weariness, not a single moment of fear. He does not allow it. Nor should he. Why should he? He is their captain, not a boy.

It was a glorious goal, really. Perfection inevitably is. Admirable, glorious, and hopelessly doomed to failure. Perfection is impossible, because nothing in the world is perfect. Even diamonds have their flaws, though some keep them hidden in their very heart. A diamond is always more valuable if you can't see the flaws.

Cold, sparkling diamonds. Everyone loves them, wants them. They are the ideal, unmatched in their value. We never touch diamonds. We put them away safely. Look but don't touch. Admire from afar, but never wear next to your heart. Diamonds are cold, diamonds are not meant for the likes of us, what interest is there in a diamond anyway... Just take it out when you want to show off, and put it away safely for next time. Sooner or later they become boring.

A diamond, after all, is just a diamond. The hardest mineral in existence.

Did you know that nothing can cut diamond... but diamond itself?

Therein lies the ultimate weakness, and the flaw is revealed. Turned inward, diamond destroys itself. The choice, he would say, was for Seigaku. He would play for them, fight for them, lead again by perfection's example. But the truth is, he made the choice for himself. For his own sake.

Because he needed to know why again. Why was he fighting so hard? Was it really worth giving up everything? The answer, between the pain, and the adrenaline, between one side of the court and the other as the ball whistled through heavy air, was yes.

He had lost himself. But it was a loss he accepted.

And maybe... someday he could be found again, if only in a pair of blue, blue eyes.