edit: Saturday, July 8, 2006. my god, i tried to reread this, and spent the entire time cringing with shame. thus, i am going to revamp it up to where i think my standards are better met and suited. probably ten chapters or so. seriously, i couldn't read this without blushing from mortification. how could ya'll do it? and like it? i swear, ya'll had to have been lying to me...anyways, on with the show.

disclaimer: don't own the characters...obviously. and i know that you've already seen these a million times before, and therefore have ceased to read them. well, i don't believe i'll write another one, so now we're all happy.

that out of the way...

POV: Neville Longbottem

SLASH. and majorly OOC...yeah

and just as a side note: i hate how Neville is always portrayed as an innocent or sniveling boy. so in this story, my neville is...normalish.

“Oi, Neville, where you off to? Not going to another potions lesson at this time of day, are you?” Ron's voice stopped me in midstride as I was leaving the sixth year boy's dormatory. He was kneeling next to his trunk by his bunk, riffling through some stuff in search of whatever was so important at the moment, I suppose.

“No, I've promised to meet with Derrick.” My ears turned a faint pink at the admission, not sure where his interest in my comings and goings initiated from.

But his cheeks went pink as well, shaking his head a bit as he replied, “Oh, I see. Well, have…fun.”

I nodded that I both appreciated the sentiment as well as planning on having a relatively good time before I was quickly descending the stone stairway to the Grffyndor common room, where a fair amount of students were lazing about. Including Harry, who was in a deep discussion over quidditch with Dean, but he still managed to catch my eye and give me a sly and knowing grin as he gave a small nod farewell. I'd told him about my date earlier this morning, as soon as Derrick had asked me, actually; his grin made me flush even more, but I couldn't help the flush of pleasure I felt as I slipped from the portrait-covered entrance and made my way out of the school and to the lake.

Even by the time I got out to the meeting spot, the sun hadn't quite set beyond the horizon, and it filled me with a sense of calm to sit down and lean my chin upon my knees and watch it, waiting for my boyfriend to show up. It wasn't long before a calloused palm slipped over my eyes, only to be accompanied by a gentle kiss to my cheek in greeting.

“Guess who.” Ah, there's that throaty voice that I've been looking forward to hearing.

I grinned as I turned my face to look at him, saying, “It's about bloody time you decided to keep me company after all, Der.”

He didn't reply to that other than moving so that he could gracefully fall into place beside of me, his arm going around my back as he took the time to lean over for a more welcoming kiss than the one before. A gentle warmth spread through me as I returned it with a bit more cheer than I normally do, but when his tongue began to play at the crease between my lips, I grew uncomfortable and unsure. Even despite my slight unease, I didn't protest, having grown more used to kissing him this way than I had used to be. Taking my compliancy as a good sign, his hand found my knee and thigh, running spider-like upwards, until it was close to brushing my groin. Freezing completely, I struggled to breath past my obscure panic, which only resulted in me flinching and pulling away from him completely, battling how all the blood was draining from my face.

“Jesus Nev, why can’t you ever trust me?” His words and tone were harsh with desperation and an edgy longing to make me better, to get past my fears.

“Der, I'm so sorry, but I...” My voice was shaky and thin, and he was able to easily overcome them with his snapping words, “I really like you, Nev, because you’ve always been so sweet with your fucking cute-ass British accent and mannerisms; I've even adored the fact that you’re just a little shy…but damn it, I can't stand it that you're this shy! Why is it that everytime I try to get a little bit more intimate, you freak out on me? It's been six bloody months!”

“Please…I’m trying…” My words came out of a thickly knotted up throat, tears threatening to take hold and make themselves known. I really have been trying to get past it, but I just can't loosen myself up when it comes to doing more than kissing him.

Even still, his words were a heavy sensation within my chest when he sighed, “No, Neville, I'm tired of waiting around as you try…this just isn’t going to work for me anymore. ...You know what…just forget about trying to write to me over the summer.”

And having stated his piece, he withdrew from my side and walked back to the castle, his shoulders slumped as his fists found their way into his jean pockets. Derrick...I'm sorry...

Still in a mild state of shock, I sat there for a good twenty or thirty minutes more, until the chillier night air finally convinced me to head inside as well. Where I didn't stop to see or talk to anyone, just went up to the dormatories and straight to bed.

I can't believe he broke up with me.

please review, and i'll update sooner. muchas gracias.