Remember
By Misha

Disclaimer- I do not own the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to 20th Century Fox, Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy. I am using them without permission, however I am not making any money off them so please do not sue me.

Author's Notes- I was watching my tape of "Heroes" when I got the idea for this. It's a short reflection piece from Cordelia's POV as she thinks about Doyle a year after he dies. This is kind of angsty, but then given the episode that was my inspiration, can you blame me? Enjoy.

Feedback- Please! Send feedback but no flames.

Distribution- Buffy's Passion, Daydreams of BtVS, and Slay This! have permission, everyone else just ask me first. I'll almost always say yes.

Rating- PG.

Classification- Cordelia, Cordelia/Doyle, reflection, angst.

Spoilers- Heroes.

I did love him, you know? I didn't realise it until the second he jumped, but then I knew. As I watched him in shock and horror, I knew.

I've spent the last year going over what ifs, wondering what might have been. But we'll never know.

At first I hated him for what he did, for giving up when there was so much that hadn't been said or done yet. But over the last year I realised that if he hadn't done it, if he had let Angel do it, he would hate himself more than he already did.

It was his destiny to be a hero. And he was. At the end of his life Alan Francis Doyle was a hero.

And that's what counts. Not how you start out, or what happens in the middle, but what happens in the end that really matters.

So, for his sake I'm glad he ended it all a hero, but for mine...

I loved him, but we never got a chance. We only had those few moments at the end and nothing else, but their more precious to me than anything else I've ever experienced.

He loved me. I know that. I saw it in his eyes and felt it in his kiss.

But we never got a chance. How unfair is that? I finally find someone who I could truly love and he's taken away from me before anything can happen.

I dream of him sometimes, even now, even after a year. I dream of what might have been, if only we were given a chance. Sometimes, I even dream of cute little kids who are part demon.

To think he was afraid of telling me that he was half-demon, 'cause it didn't. It never mattered. I still think about his last words, "we'll know if this is a face you could learn to love."

We didn't need time for that. I already knew that answer, it came to me as he made that jump. I already loved that face, because it was his.

It's hard to believe it's been a year.

I love him still and I miss him everyday, but the fact that he's not completely gone makes it easier. As long as I have my visions, a part of him will always be with me.

That was his last gift to me, the chance to help the world and a chance to keep a piece of him with me.

I'll never forget him, no matter how many years pass, he'll always be in my heart. I'll always remember the man who captured my heart and then left my life before we had our chance.

After all, some things you just can't forget.

The End