Happy Blatantly Obvious You're Single Day

By The Emperor's Sister

Liny had just finished blowing her slightly red nose, when she heard the banging on her front door. Grumbling to herself she put down her stew, which had been sent over from the 'Chubby Hubby' her main place of employment, and went to see who had decided to bother her on her sick day.

"Xellos? Huh?"

"Hello Liny-chan. Mind if we come in? Goody."

She stepped aside as Xellos Metallium, Beastmaster General/Priest, and on again off again bedroom boyfriend entered without his usual grace.

Not that he could be very graceful, she noted, when he was dragging one Lina Inverse, sorceress supreme, who was glommed onto his left leg, and she a chimera by the name of Zelgadis Greywierds on hers. Once he had managed to pass her by he was quickly enough followed by a weeping Sylphiel, who Liny recognized, and a blond haired priestess, who she did not. She was stopped from closing the door, by a rather handsome green haired youth who seemed to be dragging a chair from the inn, upon which a couple was fervently making out.

"I'll get more bowls." She announced, her voice laden with illness, as everyone seemed to make themselves comfortable around her kitchen table, minus of course the randy couple, whom she recognized as Mr. Gourry and the Princess. They had somehow managed to slither underneath.

'It turned out to be a mostly entertaining evening.' Liny thought, as she finally got herself tucked into bed. She rather thought that cute Val fellow was nice. "Especially how he offered to massage my feet. Teeheehee. Cough Achoo " Rubbing her poor nose, she quickly downed the over-night-cold-cure-all and dosed off into a fitful sleep. Never noticing her bedmate's presence.

Morning though was another matter all together.

Liny poured her un-invited guests coffee, marveling on how the blond woman, who she now knew as Filia, was able to switch from highly embarrassed, contrite and confused, and horribly scandalized that her young charge Val had spent the night in the Shadow Reflection's bed. Everyone else was pointedly not looking at anyone else. Except Val, who was gazing rather love-sickly in Liny's direction.

Naturally all good things come to an end. And with the slayers crew, all silences.

"So tell me Liny." Lina Inverse began. "Explain to me, Exactly Why the Hell am I NOT sore."

Liny was thankful that the giggles residing inside of her did not escape. 'It must've been so very hard for her to phrase that one question.'

"Well you see… Happy Belated Blatantly Obvious You're Single Day." Liny said, smiling cheerfully.

"Come again?"

"I suppose I should begin at the beginning." And so Liny did.

"A Long time ago there was this priest who would perform secret marriages to couples in love. He did this for at the time there was a war going on, and there was a desperate need of soldiers, so marriage among the younger sets was forbidden. Due to his gracious deeds a wonderfully romantic holiday was born. Valentine's Day, named after the High Priest Valentine."

"Yes yes, everyone knows that story." Lina grouched.

"What you don't know though is how it continues in the town of Shvell." Liny began again. "See long ago there was this young woman by the name of Justine. Now she was stick and tired of being single on the day of love. She never got any cards, any chocolates, or anything remotely romantic. Many other singles suffered the same dismal fate, but she was the first to finally do something about it. First she started calling 'Valentine's day', 'Blatantly Obvious You're Single day'. Because face it, it does do exactly that when you are."

"Soon her catch phrase caught on among the other singles and lonely widows, until it was declared the new name of the holiday. Seemed the non-coupled out numbered the coupled population here in Shvell. But it wasn't enough. She craved the romantic attentions only those with significant others received. So she caused the 'Blatantly Obvious You're Single day' fiasco. She hunted down the 'Heart Stone'."

"Heart Stone?" Zelgadis queried. "I've heard of many things in my travels but never that."

"Oh I think I can cover this one!" Sylphiel took up the torch. "The 'Heart Stone' is a Giant rock formation in the shape of a Valentine Heart. It also happens to take on a rose-like hue, when people in love are near! It supposedly acts like a love amplifier."

"Close." Liny nodded. "See the stone in question actually stores the romantic feelings of love, longing, and lust. When one gets close they not only add but feed off of the stone. Think of it as a stone reverse Mazoku. So Justine, when she found it, broke off a piece of it and ground it into a fine powder. She used that powder in her famous stew, which she served on Valentine/Single day. Anyone who consumed it became overpowered by the emotions of love, longing, and lust. Usually with the first person they spied after eating. It was so popular, that the same recipe is used every year, to this day. It's as traditional as Pecan Boar and Green Ale."

"Justifiable Stew. Gawds we all ate that glop didn't we." Lina noted. "Wait not everyone!"

"I recall eating some and seeing Xellos… and I know Zel had a bite and saw me. Amelia and Gourry also had some and saw each other.. But Sylph, Filia, Val, and Xellos were soup free."

"Well I had some stew sent over from work. I was sick after all."

"So they ate afterwards." Zel sighed.

Liny grinned. "Yup, and despondent Miss Sylphiel saw Ms Filia and vice versa, and moved to the library. Mr. Xellos saw Mr. Zelgadis and You ended up agreeing to an adventurous threesome in my bathroom. Young Val only had a little and spent the night in my room." Liny looked at an enraged Filia and quickly added, "but nothing happened. I'm not one for 'educating' young men when there's company over."

'Not that I wasn't tempted once I discovered he was there.' She thought naughtily.

"So… the food doesn't work on pre-existing emotions?" Sylphiel asked, a desperate note ringing clear in her voice.

"Nope. Has nothing what so ever to do with anything. You may love one person, but find yourself doing the nasty with another." Liny replied.

"I KNEW I wasn't a lesbian." Filia declared proudly, before blushing a furious shade of red.

"Yeay! Gourry-dear doesn't love Miss Amelia!" Sylphiel cried and promptly burst into tears, this time of joy.

"Now like I asked before." Lina butt in, gaining Liny's attention. "Why am I… not … Sore."

"Hmm... OH! Right! You see that is because of the High Priest Valentine. See he was visiting Shvell at the time this all started. He's a strict vegan so he never ate the stew but he clearly saw what was going on, and being a stickler for marriage he cast a powerful spell over the village. Every year on this particular day, Shvell is encased within a barrier. This barrier makes all events seem like a bad dream. So If you say, engaged in a very explicit orgy that night, the next day you would have an un-tarnished memory of the event, but you'd be completely un-harmed."

"You mean…" the very quiet Princess of Seyrunn spoke up at long last. "I…. I'm… I, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyrunn…. AM STILL A VIRGIN?"

"Uhmmm…. Yes." Liny answered, a little afraid of the glowing light in the princess's eyes.

"THERE IS JUSTICE! THANK YOU CEIFEED-SAMA! THANK YOU ST. VALENTINE-SAMA! I DON'T HAVE TO MARRY GOURRY-SAN! WAAA AHAHAHAHAHAA HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"Uhmm... ok."

"So, Liny-chan. Why didn't you fall head over feet for anyone?" Xellos asked, shifting himself closer to the Shadow Inverse. "Like moi?" he added more quietly, but loud enough for the ancient dragon to hear and get a clue. He wasn't fond of puppy love.

"Teeheehee, Oh You!" Liny giggled. "No love spell or potion ever works on someone when they're sick."

Val smirked and moved a little closer to Liny's other side. Filia tried not to notice.

"I'd offer you some lunch, but all I have is 'Justifiable Stew'." Liny announced when she heard the rumble of some empty tummies.

Mostly everyone paled.

"I've got that cure to find…"

"Treasure… gold's not gonna find me…"

"Kingdom's don't run themselves…"

"I don't wanna have sex with Amelia again."

"I don't want Gourry-dear to copulate with royalty…"

"I've got pottery to sell sell sell…"

"I've got no plans… gergh."

"Come ON Val."

So one by one the slayers left to get themselves back on their adventuring track, and far far way from the Chubby Hubby's Stew of Luv. Except for one pair of tricksters, that is.

"I'm always up for a little home cooking, Liny-chan."

"Silly Xellos. Blatantly Obvious You're Single Day was yesterday. It's just plain horse and chili pepper stew now."

Xellos just smiled as he handed the quirky red head a valentine shaped box.

"Happy What-Ever-Will-Get-Me-Some Day! Liny-chan!"

"Hmm... You know Xelly. I'm feeling much better today." She said, tossing him her trademark Rina Introverse grin. "And I'm not due at the studio for an hour…"

Oh Happy Day indeed.